It was 1:30 when she pulled into the driveway. It had been 6 hours since she had been sent by her mom to return the pan to her Dad's house. 6 hours that felt so overwhelming, so impossible, that she wished they weren't real. As the reality of what had happened took over her thoughts, she choked on a sob in her throat. Quickly shaking her head, in an effort to get the thoughts to disappear, she opened the car door to the Volvo and headed to the trunk. She opened up her tennis bag and grabbed her hat and an extra hoodie she had. She put on the hat and then the hoodie, pulling at the sleeves and the hood in an effort to try to hide herself. She just wanted the sweatshirt to swallow her whole.

She had been so goal-oriented throughout the night, that she hadn't thought ahead to what would happen when she got home. Did she think her Moms' wouldn't stay up worrying about her? Yeah, right. Stef and Lena Adams Foster, no way. She knew it would be worse because she hadn't called or texted them, and god knows how many texts and calls she ignored. But the phone had been broken, it wasn't her fault. Or was it? Surely something she did must have made her deserving of the horror of the night. She took her phone out of her pocket and tried to turn it on once again. Useless. The thing was beyond repair. She ran her fingers over the shattered screen and quickly pulled away when the shards from the smashed screen inched their way into her finger tips. She watched as a tear landed on the screen and then quickly shoved her phone back in her pocket. She took a deep breath, wiped her tears, locked the car, and walked towards the house. She couldn't think ahead, she just had to act in the moment, praying no one was awake. Praying she could go to sleep and wake up in the morning and that everything had been a bad dream.

She went to open the door, sighing in defeat when the door wasn't locked. Her parents were waiting for her. Damnit. It's not that she didn't want them to know. Her Mom was her best friend after all. She stayed up late snuggling with her, talking about her day, sharing her fears and her hopes. She texted her constantly throughout the day, far more then any of her friends, but she just felt the need to tell her mom everything. Even the jokes and weird facts from the top of her Snapple caps. Her Mom had never missed a tennis match, never gone to bed before her when she stayed up late over studying for a test or over-editing a paper. Her Mom was her entire world. Her Mama too, but it was just different. Those first five years, after her Mom had left her Dad, she was a single parent, and the two were always together. To Callie, Stef was a superhero. She remembered the night at bedtime when she was four, the only time she remembered Stef being nervous. Not wanting to risk losing her daughter by revealing she was in fact a lesbian. Callie would never forget that night, it solidified that being asleep in the crook of her Mothers arm was her favorite place to be and that her mom would always be there.

Callie had just gotten back from Mike's an hour ago. She had eaten pizza and cotton candy at Chuck E Cheese, but was a mess from running and climbing in all of the play structures. Callie was beaming - it was a special ' Bonus Callie Daddy Day' in celebration of her 4th birthday. She had been talking about it for weeks, and Stef was glad Mike had shelved the booze for the weekend. Callie spent every other weekend with Mike, and loved her time with her Dad, but nothing could beat her excitement when she ran into her Mom's arms after being away for two nights. She loved her Mommy. Stef and Mike's relationship was friendly and definitely cordial. They worked in the same precinct and never let their personal issues cloud their workplace. They'd have disagreements, sure, but Mike was a great Dad and knew enough to always be sober around Callie, and if he wasn't, he knew enough to let Stef know he couldn't take her. To which, Stef always asked if he needed help and if he was ok. In a weird way, they were still friends.

Stef got her daughter in a bath and kneeled next to the tub for twenty minutes, while Callie played with her My Little Ponies, gave herself a beard with the bubbles, and talked about Chuck E Cheese without ever taking a breath. Stef laughing and smiling at the innocence of her daughter in front of her. She adored her child more then she had known it possible to love anyone or anything in her entire life. When the water turned cold and it seemed Callie was done sharing the details of her day for the fifth time, Stef was able to coax her out of the tub. She put her hooded Zebra towel on her head and watched as Callie pretended to gallop down the hallway towards her bedroom. Stef helped Callie get dressed in her footie pajamas, brushed her hair, and went to get her sippy cup of milk while Callie picked out her bedtime books. Stef sat in the rocking chair in the corner of her room with Callie sitting on her lap drinking her milk while Stef read her three books, just as they did every night. After reading the books Callie jumped off of Stef and scurried to the bathroom, trying to beat her Mom who was wiggling her fingers and threatening to tickle her.

After brushing her teeth, Stef picked Callie up and planted a kiss to her forehead as Callie rested her head on her mom's shoulder and was carried back to her room and placed on her bed. Callie shuffled to the side of the bed closest to the wall, leaving enough room for Stef to slide in next to her. Callie snuggled up to her Mom, her head on her chest and nestled inside of Stef's right arm. Stef's left hand found her daughter's tiny little right hand and she held it, gently stroking Callie's hand with her thumb as her right hand rubbed up and down Callie's back. This was their routine. This was what Stef lived for. Stef had just bent her neck to lay a kiss on the top of her daughters head when Callie piped up.

Callie: Mommy, I was watching the TV at Daddy's and there was a commercial for the new littlest pony. Daddy said he would take me and get it right then, but I said 'no'.

Stef: Why'd you say no buggy boo?

Callie: Because last time we were at the toy store you told me that was my last toy for a while because I had been getting so many. And I didn't want to get it because I didn't want to make you sad.

Stef: You could never make me sad Callie! You're the happiest thing in my life. You know that? And cuddling here with you right now, it's Mommy's most favorite thing in the whole world.

Callie: That's cause I'm your cuddle bug Mommy!

Stef: You are my cuddle bug Callie. And you're the most important person in my life, I never want to do anything that would make you sad or upset or make you not love me.

Callie: I could never not love you Mommy, thats silly! Remember what you told me 'I can be disappointed in things you do, but I can never not love you. My love is forever and it can't be taken away'. I have your forever love Mommy.

Stef: You're right Cal and you'll always have my forever love. But you know, I have a lot of love to give, and you always get my first love, but there's someone who I love a lot and I want to give them my forever love too.

Callie: Like Daddy? He had his forever love from you, but you took it back.

Stef: Daddy still has my forever love and he will always have it, because together we had you. And that's the best present in the whole wide world. But my love for Daddy changed. I love Daddy now because together we're your parents and we share you.

Callie: Love is confusing Mommy.

Stef: You're right bug. I was definitely confused.

Callie: Why were you confused? You're a grown up, you're not supposed to be confused Mommy. You know everything.

Stef: Grownups don't know everything baby. And I was confused because I thought that when I became a grown up I loved boys. But I was wrong.

Callie: Why were you wrong?

Stef: Well because I love girls.

Callie: You already knew that Mommy, you love me! And I'm a girl. I thought you loved girls and boys. Like you love me and I'm a girl, and you love Grampa and he's a boy.

Stef: You're right Buggy. But that's a different kind of love. When you are a grown up there's a part of your heart that starts to love differently. That's the love you have for one very special person who you want to be with and have a family with and share everything with.

Callie: Like Daddy.

Stef: For some people, it's a person like Daddy. Because some grownups hearts love boys. And some grownups hearts love girls. And Mommy's grownup heart loves girls. And I met someone who I want to give my forever love to, and be a family with her. But I don't want that to make you sad.

Callie: I'm confused Mommy. Why would that make me sad?

Stef: Because I'm in love with a girl, and not a boy. Which is different.

Callie: That doesn't make me sad Mommy. That's cool. Because it's different. And I think different is cool. Cause remember in school where we all had to paint pigs and everyone painted theirs pink, but I painted mine green. And everyone said it was weird because it was different and they made me feel sad. But you said it wasn't weird, you said being different is cool. And being different isn't something to be sad about, being different is something to celebrate.

Stef: I love you so much Callie.

Callie: I love you too Mommy. Does this mean in since you're different we get to have a special dessert tomorrow. Because when I painted my pig green we had a special dessert to celebrate being cool and different. So can we celebrate you being cool and different?

Stef: I think we can definitely do that Bug. Now close your eyes and go to sleep monkey, you have school tomorrow.

Callie: Pinky promise not to leave until I fall asleep. I don't like to be alone, I always want to be with you.

Stef: Pinky Promise. You'll never be alone bug, mommy will always be there.

Stef listened to her daughters breathing even out, and then looked down to see her daughter sound asleep, curled into her side with her head on her chest. Their pinkies linked together resting on Stef's stomach. So in awe of the words spoken from her daughter and too in love with her to imagine moving, Stef closed her eyes, and drifted off.

Callie craved the comfort and touch of her Mom. She wanted to be held and just melt into her mother's arms. But she just wanted to ignore it, to pretend it didn't happen. It was bad enough it happened to her. But she knew her Mom would take it even worse, she would blame herself, she would never forgive herself. And it wasn't her Mom's fault, it had nothing to do with her.

She could already see it happening; her Mama gasping in air, shocked at her daughters face, her Mom's eyes glazing over with tears. And she knew just that one look from her Mom or just the way she would say 'bug' or feeling her Mama's hand on her back, that's it, it would be over, and she would just spiral out of control. And her Mom and Mama would make her talk, make her go to the hospital, make a report. She didn't want to do any of that, because then it was real. She just wanted to go to sleep, wake up, go play some tennis, and move on. Taking a deep breath she planned out her next few moves. She was going to walk in, go straight up the stairs, close her door. That's all she needed to do right now, the rest she would figure out after. 'Just get up the stairs and close your door. That's it. That's simple. I can do that', Callie thought to herself.

She wrapped all five fingers tightly around the door knob and turned it open. She opened the door just enough to squeeze her body through, and then quietly turned around. She turned the knob and as quietly as possible shut the door closed. With her right hand still squeezing the knob, she rested her left hand on the door, and moved her head to lean against the door. Taking a deep breath she turned around, she pulled the sleeves of her sweatshirt down, adjusted her hat, and made sure the hood was pulled over it. She started to tiptoe towards the stairs, harder then she anticipated, because of the limp now taking over her right leg and the unimaginable pain shooting through her body. Grasping the banister with her right hand she looked down at her feet and with all of her strength lifted herself up the first step and then the second. She was just about to turn on the landing of the stairs to head up to the second floor when she heard a voice from the kitchen. Not just any voice, the voice, the one she didn't want to hear. The one she knew would make her crumble. Callie was frozen and just stared at her feet. Maybe she hadn't heard anything, maybe it was just her fears playing games with her. But then she heard it again, "In here. Now". It was the don't mess with Mom voice, the cop one, but at the same time laced with so much love and concern. She turned her body around and was facing the kitchen but refused to look up. She couldn't look at them. She couldn't. She just stared at her feet and bit her lip, doing everything to not cry.

Stef and Lena had been concerned all night. When you don't know where your child is, it's the most terrifying thing in the world. When they're late to curfew, its the most terrifying thing in the world. When you send them out to do an errand that should take 15 minutes, and they're gone for 6 hours, their phone goes straight to voicemail, and no one has seen them, well that's as bad as it gets. What was worse was that it was so not like Callie. Callie wasn't a drinker, she never partied, she was always so careful to be sure she was in shape for tennis and that she would never be in a bad situation. Any drugs or alcohol and you were off the team. She had never tempted that. Even when she was with her friends, she preferred to hang out around the house. She was always in touch with her parents, and they always knew where she was. She had never once missed curfew and she had never been unreachable before. The one time her phone was going to die when she was out, she made sure to text her friends number so they could still get in touch with her. She was overly responsible and thats what worried her parents the most about her absence this evening.

She didn't know how long she had been standing there staring at her feet. It felt like seconds and years all at the same time. She wouldn't look up, she just wouldn't. She grabbed the cuffs of her sweatshirt trying to hold herself in reality, she felt her lip quivering and she felt her eyes watering. "Come in here please" finally broke the silence, and this time it was her Mama's voice. Callie silently sighed, both her moms were waiting for her. Still staring at her feet, Callie saw the two steps she had to go down to get to the kitchen. How the hell was she going to get down there without limping. How was she going to hide her face. Her arms? She hadn't even seen herself, but she could just feel it was bad. How was she going to hide any of this?

The minute she took her first step towards the kitchen, the expressions on her Moms' faces changed instantly. They saw her limp and her hands squeezing in discomfort. They couldn't see her face but taking in her appearance it became apparent something had gone drastically wrong. Why was she wearing a hat and a sweatshirt? She hadn't left the house in it. Glancing up and down her body they saw her fingers gripping her sweatshirt, was that blood on her fingernail? Her jeans had torn and her white converse sneakers were all the sudden disgustingly dirty.

A quick glance between the mothers had them both up and off their stools in a second. Both knowing without communicating they needed to approach this slowly and calmly, but understanding they needed to approach it, and fast. Stef made her way in front of her daughter first holding out her hands to show her approach, while Lena made her way from the head of the table along the other side to stand at Callie's side. The sound of the stools scraping against the floor when they stood, had made Callie shiver and take a step back in fear. Both Moms walked slowly towards their daughter having noticed her retreat. When Stef got closer she spoke softly and calmly, "Callie, sweetheart. Can you look at me?" Hearing that voice, the one she knew would break her caused Callie to squeeze her sweatshirt even harder, turning her fingertips white and take in a sharp gasp. Lena now stood at Callie's side, and sensed from her daughters mannerisms she was on the verge of one of her panic attacks, though they hadn't happened in a while and were rarer now, both moms could sense them as their extra sixth sense. Lena spoke in almost a whisper to try to reassure her daughter, "Honey, it's just us. It's just Mama and Mom. We just want to see you and make sure you're ok and help you."

Callie's mind started to spiral, how did they know? They hadn't been with her, they hadn't spoken to her, how did they know something happened and that she needed help. How did they do that? She couldn't look at them. No she couldn't face it. It'd all be too real. This couldn't be real. She didn't want them to touch her, or talk to her, because then it was real.

Sensing their daughters rapid downward spiral, with a knowing look to each other, Stef slowly reached her hand out to cup her daughters chin. The moment she felt a graze touch her skin, Callie let out a choked sob. Her Mama was fast to bring her hand to Callie's upper left shoulder and rub it and her Mom was equally fast to whisper soothing shushing noises. "Shh. Shhh. It's just me love bug. It's just Mom. Look up. Look at Mom, sweets", Stef was trying to coax her daughter to look at her, to talk to her, to communicate, to ask for help. Ten minutes ago she had been angry, she had been worried, she was tired as she had spent hours out driving looking for her. But now, now she was only concerned and with reason to be, she now knew something had gone terribly wrong with her daughters' evening.

As if in slow-motion, Callie slowly lifted her head and soon her eyes met her mothers. She saw the glaze in her moms eyes as she took in her daughters face. The look she didn't want, the gasp from her Mama she didn't want to hear; this is what she didn't want to happen, this is what she was trying to prevent. She felt a thumb stroke her left cheek, she heard "what happened to you? who did this?" but the words she heard didn't look like they were matching up with her Moms lips moving in front of her. Things were moving strangely. The table was tilted. Her mom was standing sideways. Voices sounded distant. The room flipped, she was standing on the ceiling, no wait, she was standing on the floor, no wait she wasn't on the floor. Her brain was spinning, like a top inside of her head, it wouldn't stop.

Stef and Lena stood there, watching the torment take over their daughter's brain and slowly watched her body succumb, as they had so many times to her panic attacks. Callie's knees gave out, and Stef quickly leaned forward and grabbed ahold of her daughter from under her armpits. Slowly lowering them both to the ground, while Lena's hand remained on her daughters shoulder as a tear slid down and fell on it. They were accustomed to panic attacks, but this, this was different. Slowly sitting on the ground, legs stretched out and opened, Stef lifted her comatose daughter bridal style into her lap. Callie's head curled in towards her mothers chest while her back was supported by the strength of her mothers left arm. Stef's right arm slowly reached to take off her daughters hood and remove her hat. When it was gone, both of her mothers saw their daughters face under the light for the first time that evening. Lena choked out a sob, and a tear rolled down Stef's cheek as she ran her index finger soothingly over her daughters bloody eyebrow, whispering, "what happened to you my love? what happened?".

Stef sat there unknowingly rocking her daughter while locking eyes and silently communicating with her wife. A small voice pulled them out of their stare, a voice that sounded so broken, so distant, so confused and hurt, a voice that sounded so young and childlike, a voice that croaked out 'Mom…Mommy' before being overcome with sobs so violent that her entire body shook. Lena stood up and set upon the tasks of getting things to help Callie calm down while Stef quickly looked down to her daughter giving her all of her attention. Stef stared deep into the eyes of the person who held her heart for so long and so strongly and tried to reassure her, "Mommy's here my love. Shhhhh.. It's going to be OK. Mommy's here. Just take a deep breath. I've got you, just take a deep breath sweetheart. Mommy's got you, you're not alone."

Stef sat with her daughter in her arms