A/N: Hi, I hope you will like this story, it wíll start slow in this chapter to forge a status quo and boredom, will hopefully get more exciting in the future. Anyway thanks for reading hope will enjoy this.

Chapter 1: Hikigaya Hachiman fails calmly.

The dark is blue and endless and you don't even remember how oxygen tastes like.

You float and there's a dim light shining through the endless layer of blue. You float down, each second you spend falling adds a little more weight to your body. Like if someone was burying you alive. You start to wiggle, uncomfortable with the idea, but it's no use anymore. You are past the point of no return. Tons of ocean water, dark and cold and populated by monsters, are crushing you. Your eardrums are pressurized, like a shaken champagne bottle, like a can of coca-cola, waiting for a signal to erupt. In contrast your lungs are getting smaller with each inch you travel down into the mouth of darkness, they crumble as easy as a paper.

You know what to do, you have to breathe out.

But you need oxygen to live too. So the question is not if your lungs are going to collapse, the question is if you want to drown or die of organ failure.

Then your eyes are closing as your brain starts flickering out on you.

You don't want to but you're losing control anyway, so you give up and cough up bubbles. The pain in your lungs goes away, but that doesn't change the feeling at all. You want to breathe. You really want to breathe. But you have to suppress it, if you breathe in... you're dead.

And then you're so deep, the sun can't even shine through all the mass of water above you.

You're awaiting some outbreak of panic.
You're awaiting some fast-forwarded film of your pathetic life.

But it just doesn't come.

Oh well.

And your eardrums finally explode.

As the water goes murky scarlet, you feel it enter your head along with a surge of pain. It enters your brain, it becomes you. You are the water around you. You crush yourself. You are your own doom.

You think stupid without oxygen.

And just as you stop thinking, you breath in. A reflex.

And this is how it feels to drown.

This is how it feels to die.

I jumped up and drew in as much air as I could, still trapped in the middle of the nightmare. I made myself cough a few times just to be sure, but no water. Then I looked around, the usual morning classroom some period in session. Hiratsuka-sensei was sitting behind her desk and everyone was scribbling away. I stretched and rubbed my face, then put my hands behind my head. It was that drowning dream again. I've had this dream four times. The first twice it was like a shock to my system, I was so upset by it, I couldn't sleep for days afterwards. The third time it happened I couldn't sleep for days before. And I was ready for it when it came. So ready. I shot out of that dream so quickly I didn't even get to the bubble part.

Now I'd almost forgotten, it had been so long since the last one...

"Okay everyone, finish up, Ebina start collecting from the last row," Hiratsuka-sensei announced.

Ebina stood up and walked up to Miura took the paper, went to Yuigahama, went to me took mine, shook her head and went on ahead.

In the end I wasn't able to write anything. And this was my last chance to get a passing grade at Math. I fell asleep somewhere in the middle, because I was desperately trying not to sleep the whole week, I didn't want to dream about that again. And everytime I got that dream, I felt that if I wasn't fast enough... well I don' really know.

Oh and I just failed the subject. Not really sure if the outcome would be different with me awake, but it gives me a decent excuse to myself at the very least. Maybe I would be able to live with seeing my reflection in the mirror then.

Ebina handed over the papers and Hiratsuka-sensei looked at a few random ones.

Sensei nodded to herself in agreement, she smiled over at the star pupil, she showed thumbs up to Totsuka, ah here we go an expression of utter disgust, that's me over here.

"Hey," Yuigahama called for me and I turned around. "So how did you do, Hikki?"

I yawned, "Pretty good actually, I think those extra lessons Yukinoshita gave me are finally paying off."

"Oh really," but Yuigahama wasn't convinced. "I thought you fell asleep in the middle, didn't you?"

"Yeah that, I was finished already and I didn't have anything else to do," I lied my ass off there, but whatever. I know I should tell her but what can be done today, can as well be done tomorrow or how's the saying?

I'll just deal with it when it all falls crushing down on my head. That's my style and it's too late in the day to hope for a change.

And besides, I just couldn't get my head around the dream.

"Something happened Hikki?" Yuigahama, the caretaker said.

Huh?

"That dream again?" She asked with geniuine concern.

I nodded.

Yeah I told her about it, I couldn't play it off as my dead fish eyes stage two forever.

"Seriously what's up with that," I shook my head. "It's not like I can't swim or anything and I'm not scared of water at all."

She closed her eyes and crossed her arms, "You're getting it wrong, you know, sometimes dreams are foggy like that and tell us something we're not thinking at all."

So it's about how we interpret them?

She reached in her bag and took out her phone, "Yeah, you said you were drowning right?"

She began to search some sites on her phone, from what I gathered it was some page about dreams.

"What about it?" She snapped at me. "Do you want to know what it means or not?"

Depends.

"Depends on what?" She tilted her head, getting angry.

On if it's some kind of witch cook book nonsense or something actually proven.

"Take it or leave it," she was pissed, but still searched for the word 'drowning'.

The bell rang and everyone started to leave, but I was too curious at this point to leave it at that.

"So what does it say?" I asked her just as she started to stand up, stopping her.

"It's right over here... 'failure, break-down, demise, drowning also depicts fear of being overwhelmed by difficult emotions or anxieties. But this might apply not to dangerous emotions or urges, but to natural ones, that some people have enormous conflicts about'," she said, then chuckled to herself. "Sounds about right?"

Not sure I get it.

"We should head to the club Hikki."

"So, are we going?" Yuigahama pressed when I was silent for a while, but I shook my head.

"Not today, I have to renew my ID," just as this left my mouth, Yuigahama frowned not believing a word I said. "What? It's outdated, got void last September, I don't want to pay the fine."

Through my speech she didn't say a word, she not even looked at me, just stuffed her bag getting ready to leave.

"It's not just an excuse, I already told Yukinoshita," I tried to assure her.

"What did Yukinon say?"

"Oh, I had the excuse in written form singed by my parents so she couldn't protest much, doesn't mean she didn't of course."

"Of course," she closed her bag angry-like then smiled. "Fine. Try to come if you have the time afterwards Hikki."

It's not like I didn't want to go to the club, the way Yukinoshita put it and Yuigahama looked right now they thought I just made it up. But it's true dammit, I started to kinda reconsider but then remembered my parents drumming me about the importance of having a valid ID, I guess they were more worried about the fine than the ID itself and lately I couldn't really go around with not listening to them.

I sighed, oh well.

"By the way," Yuigahama stopped in the middle of the class door not leaving me any chance to retreat. "You aren't using this excuse to mess around with some other female company, are you? Ishikki is sick since yesterday, after all."

I smiled, jokingly, "Me going on an actual date, that would be a blast."

She puffed her cheeks, turned around and walked away. I followed, pleased with the result.

"I'll see you tomorrow then," I said.

"See you later."

She was heading toward the club building, alone. I didn't know how I did it. But I pulled it off, somehow I managed to avoid the club today. I wanted to rejoice, maybe inquire a new holiday, but I still had to change that damned ID or I could say goodbye to dinner today.

All around the students were smiling, leaving the school building. Either they were heading home, to their clubs or just simply for a stroll in the town. The snow already started to melt and Sun shinned warmly and happily over the horizon, no sing of the calamity that happened a short while ago. Overall I was in a pretty good shape both physically and mentally. That's why I didn't understand. I thought back to that endless blue I drowned in while sleeping in the classroom. It felt... so real. No. I decided that the more I thought about it the more I would be scared of going to sleep, so I just concentrated on the task at hand, telling myself the nightmare was really over.

It had to be.

I bought a transfer ticket and waited for the right bus at the bus stop. The sun went behind a cloud and cold breeze rattled around the people at the station, some old woman cussed violently behind me, I paid no attention. The bus came, stopped and I let the people inside get out first. After that I went in and the door closed into my face. Nothing unusual given the time, the bus was packed. The people inside were coughing, playing handheld games, reading, texting, just sitting there, stepping around in the snow-mud slush, listening to MP3's, sleeping, fogging the window then writing on it, each as uncomfortable with the presence of other people as they can get. If I could read minds, I'd shoot my brains out right there. Bored as hell, I watched what other people did for fifteen minutes. When my stop came I went out and immediately strolled over to the boring white building, the municipal office. The sidewalk was still grossed out with salt and now that it was unnecessary it became a nuisance and I couldn't shake the thought that I was walking in two pretzel boots. Heh, how exactly bored I was anyway? I stepped on the pressure-mat and the automatic door slid open. It was like walking into a furnace, no doubt all the heaters were set to maximum. Beside the door was that sticker pull machine, where you choose what you want and it gives you a waiting number. I pushed the button, pulled it out and sat down taking the ID request form from the reception. I finished, screwed up the date and took another form. This time I got it right and my number came on. The office lady smiled at me, then laughed to herself what idiot could go around half a year with an invalid ID. If she has this much fun from something like this, her job must be hell. But I leaked too much with self pity to offer her any. She took my old ID, gave a me substitute stamped paper and said mine would be done in two weeks. I left the building.

I scratched my head.

Is the real world really this boring?

I started to look forward to the club tomorrow and I looked forward to it real bad.

Or maybe it was just me. Maybe the world doesn't need to be changed if you try to have fun in it.

Maybe I just have to take the initiative.

"Nah," I chuckled to myself.

As I walked back to the bus stop, there was a man and a woman arguing in the alley. People started to crowd around and I decided to see what's up myself. It turned out he let his lover borrow the cables and so they couldn't start it with all the cold that passed not so long ago.

Nobody was going to help them, I sighed, why does it always have to be me?

I pushed through the people who just stood and watched, and said, "Do you need any help?"

"What?" The woman looked up at me and forced a smile. "N-No, we can handle it."

"Really? Fine then."

"But he blown a tire too!" She shouted pointing at her husband, or whatever they were to each other. "It's all because of that whore!"

"Slow down, too much information and I can't help with that," I raised my hands in the air defensively. "About the tire... do you have a reserve?"

It was the man's turn to speak, "Yeah, but the jack... it's old and rusty, not safe."

I pulled up my sleeves already steeling my courage, "We'll manage. Better than just watch and do nothing."

I could feel the people behind me tense up.

"Okay, thanks," the man said and walked over to the back of the car.

He opened the trunk. Someone had recently done laundry. There were two small baskets of fresh, sweet smelling laundry. Or maybe she kicked him out. He dug around and pulled out a small, slightly rusted jack.

He turned and walked toward the tire. The woman glared at me, furious with shame. I felt helpless before her. The tire was shredded, as if they drove on it for blocks. Or maybe someone intentionally destroyed it, maybe that lover of his. The man crouched, the jack between his legs. He wedged it under the fender. The jack was intended for a much smaller car, and it cranked slowly with a groan of metal. There was a screeching noise and the car began to sway.

"Help him," the woman said.

Now my previous courage was gone. I didn't want to touch the jack. My skin felt cold and fragile and I could see the teeth slipping and my hand catching between jack and fender. Two fingers cut off at the knuckle, dropping to the ground like the guts of a chicken. I clenched my fist and resisted the urge to count my fingers. I'm such an idiot. Why did I sing up for this in the first place?

"I'll crank it," I said, thinking I picked the easier thing out of two.

The car rose unsteadily, like a horse with broken legs. The man put his weight against the car to stop the sway. If it fell, he'd be unable to stop it. There would be blood and drama.

My world certainly wouldn't be boring anymore. The man loosened the bad tire and dragged it aside. I rested my hands lightly on either side of the jack, just watching. The spare tire was bald as an egg, with pale swellings in the sides. That won't last long. The man sighed and I shrugged.

"Get in and I'll push it, or I'll try to," I said and the man nodded.

The car refused a few times but then the engine finally caught on. He stopped it and his wife got in. I just waved at them to go and they both smiled at me. And then the shouting about the lover came back on.

I was tired and drenched like hell, but it felt good. I guess.

There's no doubt they're gonna divorce, but for the sake of the moment let's assume they're happily ever after together.

I know what you think, but all this was actually important.

The way home wasn't as boring as the previous bus ride,don't know if I was pumped with adrenaline or optimism, but somehow I missed the gloomy atmosphere that I described earlier. I guess it's because I thought it over and over, because I had something to think about.

When I got home, it was dark already.

I noticed the cat scratching away at the front door, "Who kicked you out again? Or did you get back to your old running away tricks?"

I opened the door and the cat ran in, then disappeared somewhere.

"So how did it go?" Came from the living room along with sound of TV. "Do you have it?"

"Not yet, dad, they need two weeks to make it," I answered and took off my jacket then went into the living room.

He nodded to himself, "Good and the test?"

Yeah that... just great.

"Hm?" He turned to me."What did you mean by that?"

That I did well? It won't be an A, but I think I did good, you have nothing to worry about.

"I'll believe that when I see the results," he closed his eyes snapping into the lecture tone.

But you won't really kick me out if I fail, will you?

"You won't really fail, will you?"

No, I won't.

"Then you have nothing to worry about, son," he said and went back to the TV.

A soccer match was on.

"So you want to watch with me for a while?" He asked.

I looked at the screen. Lately the matches were getting more and more tedious, boring. The important things like goals happened when I was away from the screen and replays weren't quite the thing. Is it just me, or is everything getting boring lately? Seriously what's happening to me?

"No, I'll pass," I started to walk away. "I'll be in my room."

On my way I greeted mom in the kitchen, who reminded me that dinner is going to be soon. I went to my room and closed the door, then collapsed on my bed. I was really tired, not counting the classroom thing I didn't sleep in quite a while. Now that I think about it, I haven't really slept in a while. Not like I couldn't, I just didn't want to.

Then it came over me and my eyes almost closed.

I shot up violently, "Have to keep myself awake."

There will be the dinner, I won't be able to sleep there. Then there's after-dinner, what then? Boredom and sleepiness? No way. I got my phone and dialed Yukinoshita.

It rang, "Oh hey, it's me, I'm home now, so uh... are you both still in the club?"

"Drooling already, Hikiliar-kun? Well that's too bad, you already missed your chance," and she hung up.

Damnit!

I had to create some alternative plan, I couldn't call up Yuigahama now, Yukinoshita would know. Somehow she would. She knows everything. So I couldn't call her and I didn't want to bother Totsuka, and Isshiki was sick or something, so what to do?

I could always study, but I didn't want to do that too, because it didn't matter anymore.

In the end I decided to fool around the computer the whole night.

So after the dinner I closed myself up in my room and did stuff online.

I dealt with my portion of spam, checked if class had some new events or something and listened to some music.

After a few hours, my sister started banging on my door to go to sleep. So I had to turn it off and lay down for real.

I fooled around my phone and played 'snake'. The only game I managed to get onto it until my parents came. It was satisfying, for a while.

What now?

I sent a message to Yuigahama: What's up? She replied: I'm sleeping, that's up.

She actually replied, unlike Yukinoshita.

I looked at the time. Half past three, it was time to sleep.

Yeah it was time to go to sleep.

But.

I didn't want to sleep.

Not just yet.