A/N: So this was a prompt somewhere but I cannot for the LIFE of me find it again, so just know that this story idea was not originally mine, but this is my originally shitty story. I haven't posted anything to FF net in forever, but I posted this to AO3 and thought why the fuck not.
This is literally just me writing gay diva Loki/dumb rich Tony frostiron. enjoy.
"Fuck fuck fuck fuck."
Tony Stark stops in the middle of the street, letting people knock his shoulders as they hurry past him. He stares at his phone.
We're coming over for Thanksgiving.
His face turns green as he reads on.
Can't wait to meet your 'partner', you've kept us in much anticipation.
And finally the perfect ending to his little horror story:
See you soon, Dad.
His mouth is dry. Of course he would do this, the bastard. Let him think he was getting off easy and actually act excited and civil towards him for the first time in his life—
Yeah, ok, for the past year Tony's created a fake relationship…mostly to avoid his family. It started off all fine and dandy. 'Oh, you're having a special lunch that day? That's fine, we'll come another time'. 'Oh, you're having a special getaway that weekend? That's ok, hope it goes well'. It was fucking genius and it was working.
Until it didn't.
He should have fed them details. He should have given them names, last names, childhood homes, a fucking Chihuahua, but no, he kept them in the dark, didn't even give them a godamn gender. And he knew it was getting ridiculous for them, knew he should have fake-broken-it-off months ago and now his entire family is coming over to see how much he's gotten his life together.
Howard won't care. He knows Tony's partner is fake and is probably coming down to watch Tony squirm as he explains the embarrassing situation to a heartbroken Maria and give him that smirk, that smirk that means he's won.
Tony's inside a Starbucks. His legs must've taken him there whilst he was gruelling over his life and he finds himself liking the decision. Smoothing his hair back, he joins the queue and returns his gaze to his phone.
Sounds great, can't wait for you all to meet them.
Tony.
He needs a plan. He needs to prepare himself. Maybe he could walk into oncoming traffic and break it to his mother on an operating table. She couldn't stay angry with his legs in casts. But his father would still give him that smirk and just thinking about it makes Tony dig his nails into his skin.
He does a search for 'people who you can hire to pretend to be your girlfriend/boyfriend for a weekend'. A surprising amount of results. He shakes his head and closes the browser before clicking on any links. Stupid, ridiculous idea. Plus it would take too long. Today is Friday and it is a grim one.
"Next."
A new register opens and he wanders over to it. He looks up from his phone.
Long black hair. Sheet-white skin. Green eyes.
"How can I help you?"
And British. Fucking British.
God how his mother would swoon if he found himself a British man. How she would flail over those pretty green eyes and say how Tony's found himself a keeper and how happy it made her, and how Howard would have to look on at Tony's arm around his waist and smug face and seethe.
"Sir, can I help you?"
Tony blinks at him. His badge says Loki. Fucking Loki.
"Um…" He surveys the menu board like you're supposed to do and then quickly babbles a-something-latte. Loki (was that even allowed to be put on a birth certificate?) smiles that dead-eyed smile that all cash register workers have and starts pressing at buttons.
"Would you like anything else today?"
"No thank you. Would you like to pretend to be my boyfriend for the weekend?"
Tony immediately starts to rethink the oncoming traffic idea. The poor kids' face has lost what little colour it had, mouth slightly agape. The entire café suddenly sounds deathly silent, like the horrifying awkwardness of the situation has sucked out all the noise in the world. He hopes gravity will do the same so he can gently float away and decompress into space.
"I am so, so sorry-"
"Who are you?"
Tony glances up. Suddenly the bright green eyes have hardened and the soft face has taken on new angles Tony hadn't noticed before. Like all the bullshit of the hospitality industry has washed off his face to present the cynical hardness of Loki.
"Huh? I'm Ton- Anthony, I'm—yeah."
Loki narrows his eyes, not exactly in an unfriendly manner.
"Did you just ask me if I wanted to act as your boyfriend for a weekend?"
"Yes. Sorry, I have, like, a problem when it comes to—"
"How much?"
And suddenly the hardness in his eyes, the scratchy Starbucks employee shirt, the smudged name tag, the youth and exhaustion in his face, it all seems so much clearer. College student.
"Excuse me?"
A worker silently places a something-latte on the counter.
"If you seriously require my services then you have to pay me."
"What? Dude, that was me speaking without thinking, I'm not really-"
"Fine, forget it."
"A grand."
Loki looks up as Tony's receipt prints with a buzz. "One thousand dollars."
"Yes."
"Upfront."
"What? Ok."
Loki starts scribbling on the receipt. Finally he pushes that and the latte across the counter and when he looks at Tony the bullshit, happy face is back. "Ok. Thank you and please come again."
Tony walks out the café with Loki's number thinking what the fuck just happened.
A/N: tadaaahahaha