YOU MEAN EVERYTHING TO ME
Disclaimer: You know the drill, if I owned anything I wouldn't be writing fanfics…
This is a songfic to "You Mean Everything to Me", by Shawn Mullins (great, AMAZING song, by the way…). It was the first song on the CD, so this begins at the end of "A Thankgiving Tale", after Amy recieves Ephram's CD. I kind of went off a little bit, but generally I tried to stay true to what actually happened in that episode. This is kind of my interpretation of it…err, I have a really bad cold and the sniffling is really starting to get to me. Please excuse me while I go shoot myself, and I hope you like it…haha…and make sure you REVIEW! lol.
3 always,
laur
***
"Amy," I read aloud, fingering along the edge of the CD case. I smiled to myself. It was apparently homemade, and it was one of those gifts that isn't such a big deal at a first glance, but then you look at it again and study it, and realize that it was given out of pure thoughtfulness. And then you realize it's probably one of the most special gifts you've ever received, even if not the most expensive, or elaborate, or beautiful.
I flipped it over, but there was no playlist on the back, nothing but white with a short message scribbled across it. "Amy—just got this damn CD burner working, and I was thinking of you. Ephram." I felt the corners of my mouth twitch again, and anxiously I put the CD into the slot on our stereo and hit play.
The opening notes for the song began to play. I'd never heard it before…it was kind of soft, and pretty. A deep, slighty raspy voice began to sing. I lowered myself to the couch and listened intently to the lyrics.
I've been on the road too long
And I've been stuck inside a song
And you know our love has been through rougher weather
At the first mention of love, I jumped slightly. Should I be taking these lyrics literally, word for word? Rougher weather. Like the time I told him to move on and then he told me that he did. Stop, Amy, I scolded myself. It's just a song he thought you might like. It's not like he could even find a song to describe your messed up relationship with him. But as the song continued to play out, I began to have my doubts.
But our passion's like a rose
The seasons tell it how it grows
And not much compares to the times we've shared together
Seasons…what was it I had told him about the snow? That time stops when it snows? And you don't have to worry about real life? That was when we'd made up. The snow. Watching it falling outside. I knew I had feelings for Ephram; there was no use in denying that. But the only times I ever could carry them out were when I was away from everything. Like that night in the mine, when we were isolated from everyone else, I think I secretly wanted him to kiss me. Nothing else could have made me say the things I said, look at him the way I did. And I did kiss him back. It was just that then I remembered Colin and that there were people outside. If they knew…if Colin ever were to find out…well, people would think I wasn't loyal. And then…Colin wouldn't want me if he ever remembered, and then everything I'd wasted my past six months or so on would have been a waste of my time, when I could have been enjoying myself.
And then on Thanksgiving, yesterday. That time it was me. I was the one who kissed him, and I couldn't blame him for anything, because I'd wanted to kiss him Desperately. And being that it was Thanksgiving, I allowed myself to get wrapped up in my feelings and forget about the real world for a while. I never allowed anyone to see how deeply involved Ephram and I had become. Only when I was with him, because he was the only person in the world who could understand. And the only times we could ever truly be alone were times when people were too involved in themselves—in finding places to sleep, in finding a way to get home, in finding cranberries—to care about whether I was a loyal person or not. Everwood was like that—I've lived here my whole life, and I assume it's really different from cities. Here, if anything even close to interesting happens, however big or small, the whole town knows about it next day. So I'm sure they would love to talk about the girl who cheated on her boyfriend with the son of the man who operated on him.
'Cause love heals everything
We're no exception to the rule
You mean everything to me
It was wrong for me and Ephram to be together. And impossible, and he knew it, and I knew it. But his feelings for me, and…my feelings..for him…were they enough? Would that really fix the problem in itself?
He told me once, that I was always in his head. What I didn't tell him is that he was always in mine. Even when I thought about Colin, Ephram was lurking in there too, floating around and at times driving me crazy because I needed to be with him, and couldn't. My life had been so hard the past year. When I was with Ephram…all that disappeared. It felt right.
And so wrong.
So if there is anything at all
All you've got to do is call
And you know that I would
Drive 2,000 miles
Just to show you that I care
Just to kiss your honey hair
And pull you close and hold you like a child
Oh, that was Ephram, all right. He was always there for me when I needed him. Always pulled through. The day of Colin's surgery—who had been there? The people I knew all my life? Kayla? Bright? My parents, even?
Ephram.
Love heals everything
We're no exception to that rule
You mean everything
You mean everything
You mean everything to me
I was near tears as the song finished, now knowing that this song was intentionally put there, as the first track. Knowing that there was no playlist on the back, because if there had been, I might put on a song I liked first, or I might have not even listened to the song as intently as I did.
Finally knowing that he understood why we hadn't spoken since Thanksgiving, and knowing that this was his way of reassuring me that everything would be all right, because love had its own funny way of making things work out in the end.
And I believed him.
***
A few days later, we had returned to school after Thanksgiving break. It was during one of my free periods, and I had really wanted to see Ephram…if not talk to him, which I doubt I'd have the courage to do just yet…just to see him. See what he was up to.
I passed by the music room on the way to the library, purposely going a little out of my way. Ephram had this free, too, and he was usually in there, creating new music or just practicing. I peered into the window, slyly and quickly as I passed. To my disappointment, there was nobody there.
I made my way into the library, found an empty computer, and heaved my backpack down next to me. I slid into the chair and logged onto my username, dreading having to finally have to start that stupid essay on the Minoans, or whoever they were.
I'd been typing for a few minutes when I heard something heavy drop to the floor behind me. Probably a backpack. I didn't turn around at first, but after a minute or so, curiousity and hope got to the best of me, and I cautiously turned my head a little bit over my shoulder.
My heart rate quickened, and suddenly Ephram's head turned slightly, too. I recognized his guarded movement, identical to mine. Our eyes met, and for the briefest of moments, I allowed myself to smile at him, that smiled reserved only for him that he would only see when nobody else was looking.
And then, just like that, the moment was gone, and I was suddenly staring at two paragraphs of a history essay. But even as I typed out about the livign conditions of the Minoans, he still remained in my head, and I smiled to myself, because I knew that even though all we had right now were secrets glances…I knew that for now, just knowing that we meant everything to each other…well, in the end, it would be enough.
Love heals everything
We're no exception to that rule
You mean everything
You mean everything
You mean everything to me