Authors Note: I do not own Fairy Tail P.S. This story goes out to AnimeMyWorld, a fan of mine.
Mating Greetings
Alright guys, since my writers block is coming back and I cant get the next chapter of Dragons Ungodly Peril out, I will make a fresh new story, be warned this will only have three chapters but I hope to make them long for you, if any fans of my OC in 2 kings 1 queen are reading this, he will be in here, along with another male OC, please enjoy, Also, this is a M rated story like no other, you have been warned, think of this story as a crack story, its random and supposed to be funny, one of the greatest writers of these cracked storys is named omnidestruction5678, I highly recommend him, and I garuntee, there isnt another story on this level of how many girls are in the lemons, although the lemons come out later and are just shrunk up a bit due to me not being used to writing them, there are stories out there that have lemons every ten seconds but I bet there isnt one where damn near ever girl in Fiore (including old bitches) are in it.
"Natsu come on, this isnt the time to be messing around!" Erza said as she ran to Fairy Tail with Natsu behind her.
"Im running as fast as I can!" Natsu yelled back, though it was a lie, he just wanted to watch her run in front of him. "Whats that smell though?" He thought to himself as he smelt the air, something odd was there, he didnt know what it was though.
"The master said there was something urgent going on and we needed to drop all missions, this isnt a joke!" Erza said.
"Ok ok, jeez." Natsu said as he picked up speed a little bit, and soon they got to their guild and pushed past the doors.
"Master, what is the problem?" Erza asked.
"The gates of hell opened up and a demon got out, the council believes it to be a Zeref demon, but we are not sure of it, I am sending you, Mirajane, and Laxus out to go find it." Makarov said and watched Natsu's expression get a little annoyed.
"Then why did I have to come back? AND WHY DONT I GET TO GO?!" Natsu yelled, now furious.
"Because the mission you were on was an S-class, you are not allowed to do those by yourself, and you may not go due to you being just an A-class wizard, soooo they're both the same answer." Makarov said.
"Thats bullshit, I could beat any S-class in this guild!" Natsu stated, instantly regretting what popped in his mouth.
"Erza, attack." Makarov said as the Scarlett Knight jumped towards Natsu in her Flame Princess armor and punched Natsu in the face sending him back.
"Ow, could you not?" Natsu said as he hoped on his feet and Erza already launched for another attack. "Oh hell no." Natsu said as he ducked and Erza went over his head and landed face first into the ground making a crater.
"Im gonna kill you." Erza said in a deathly tone as she slowly got up, but got her face planted back in the ground by someone behind her.
"That aint happening." Natsu said as he held Erza's head to the floor. "Say you give up." Natsu said.
"Get off me!" Erza said noticing the position shes in, face down ass up with Natsu behind her, Natsu being oblivious to what any sexual positions are, didnt know what he was doing, but he saw Erza squirming so he knew it was something he could use for a later time.
"Say you give up!" Natsu said getting his face closer to hers, in return his body got closer to hers.
"Natsu this isnt funny!" Erza screamed.
"Where did he get that strength?" Mirajane said, with of course a slight blush.
"I really dont know, he fought her yesterday and yet he lost easily." Makarov said.
"Do you think she let him do this to her?" Mirajane asked.
"Its possible, but most likely not, she would never do this in public, unless its one of her fantasies." Makarov said.
"Hey Erza is this one of your fantasies?" Natsu asked.
"WHY WOULD YOU ASK ME THAT?" Erza yelled, she was mad that there was a chance that he went through her diary and found that out.
"Well because The old man and Mirajane were saying that this was one of your fantasies, and I was wondering if that was true." Natsu said.
"Well we're dead." Makarov said as he chugged his possible last beer and Mirajane went to the cellar to say her finale prayers.
"How is fighting me a fantasy though, does that mean you have fantasies of me almost everyday?" Natsu asked.
"Oh my god." Makarov said pinching the bridge of his nose, also trying to fight back his laughter.
"No Natsu this isnt one of my fantasies!" Erza said slowly getting up, pushing her body against Natsu's getting very close to his body, on purpose.
"By the way I have been smelling something strange all day, what is it?" Natsu asked, catching Erza off guard.
"What smell?!" Erza asked.
"You know, some weird smell, its like agression and passion mixed in one, but I dont know where its coming from." Natsu said.
"I dont smell it, but how did you get this strong?!" Erza asked as she was having trouble lifting Natsu's hand up.
"I really dont know, but could we fight later? I need to find this smell." Natsu said as he got off of Erza and headed towards the woods.
"What?" Erza said as she sat up. "Dammit if he had just taken me there it wouldve been a dream come true!" Erza thought inside her mind.
"Did- did Natsu just ask if he could leave in the middle of a battle?" Gray questioned in disbelief at what he just saw.
"He seems weird today, hes new strength to easliy conquer Erza and now he didnt want to finish the fight even though he was winning, somethings going on with that smell, go get him." Makarov told everyone.
"Why get him though, why not follow him?" Laxus asked.
"Well the demon of Zeref just happened to pop out today as well, its obvious he isnt changing, hes trying to fight a possible unbeatable enemy." Makarov said as the guild charged ut and went to get Natsu back.
"But that still dosent explain his new strength." Laxus said as he and Makarov ran through the woods.
"I know, but we cant take the chance on Natsu finding the demon." Makarov said.
"I got him!" Erza called out, as everyone got to the source of the voice they found Erza sitting on Natsu's back while headlocking him.
"Is this another fantasy?" Natsu asked, to which he recieved a punch to the kidney from an outraged Erza. "Guess so." Natsu said as a little blood came out of his mouth.
"Natsu, you cant fight the demon." Makarov said.
"I aint trying to, this smell is weird and I need to find the source of it." Natsu said.
"That could be the demon, Erza and Laxus, you two help Natsu back, dont let him run off again." Makarov said.
"Wait, the smell just moved." Natsu said moving his head to the right and pushed Erza aside and looked towards the guild. "Its in Magnolia."
"Everyone, get back there!" Makarov ordered and the guild started running back, except for Natsu.
"That was a bit to easy." Natsu thought as he ran off in the other dierection.
Magnolia
"Does anyone see it?" Makarov asked.
"No sir, and I cant sense any large amounts of magic, see if Natsu can smell it." Erza said.
"Wait, where is he?" Laxus asked as he looked around.
"Did he get the smell and run to fight it somewhere?" Mirajane asked.
"No we would be ab- oh my god." Makarov said in realizaton that Natsu just out smarted everyone in the guild.
"Please dont tell me." Gray said.
"Yep, that boy pulled a fast one, on all of us." Makarov said rubbing the back of his head. "Buahahaha! Shows that the boy is growing up!" Makarov said with a giant smile.
"Master this isnt funny, what if he found the demon?" Erza asked.
"You can say this isnt funny but you also got tricked by Natsu." Makarov said, making Erza grow a tick mark. "Now as the situation stands, Natsu is out somewhere and is probably fighting the demon, which in its own case, is pretty bad, but it also means he found the demon, and since we have three dragon slayers with high sense of smell, we can easily find him." Makarov said.
"Actually master, I havent been able to smell what Natsu-san has been smelling all this time." Wendy said.
"Me neither, and now it seems I cant get a scent on Natsu himself." Laxus said.
"I aint getting anything as well." Gajeel said.
"So, this went from a rain storm to a shit storm, anyways plan A failed, move on to plan B!" Makarov ordered.
"Whats plan B?" Mirajane asked.
"RUN!" Makarov yelled and took off into the woods as his titan form and soon followed everyone else.
Somewhere in the forest
"The smell seems to be coming from that dierection." Natsu said as he headed towards the town that had the guild Mermaid Heel.
"Now where is it?" Natsu said to himself as he got closer to the scent, but bumped into Millianna.
"Sorry Natsu i'm in a rush back to my guild." Millianna said as she took off again.
"Wait question, did you guys happen to have a weird smelling demon in this town?" Natsu asked.
"Of course not, but anyway see ya!" Millianna said running further down the street and out of Natsu's eyes.
"Where is it coming from?" Natsu said as he grew more irritated by the smell.
"Who are you?" A man in a black trench coat asked.
"Im Natsu Dragneel, im looking for this thing that has a weird scent." Natsu said.
"First off, when you say something like that, it'll just make the person you're talking to a little creeped out, secondly, I think I know what you're smelling." The man said.
"What is it?" Natsu asked.
"Other male dragon slayers, well to be specific, dragon king slayers." The man said.
"Why would I smell them?" Natsu asked, dumbfounded.
"Simple, its mating season." The man said, making Natsu grossed out a bt.
"I dont swing that way though." Natsu said.
"Of course you dont, you are trying to join the others to help eachother, with your future mates." The man said.
"Ok, couple of questions that I probably shouldve asked a couple seconds ago, who are you and how do you know this?" Natsu asked.
"Simply put we're the other two dragon king slayers." Another man said with a grey cloak said as he got up from the bench.
"Other two? So how many of us are there?" Natsu asked.
"Well seeing as how Fiore has thousands of cities and dragon slayers are rare as it is, there are only seven dragon kings, and since four died in the great war, that means there was only three left, one for heaven, one for earth, and one for hell. I am Mark Edward Lee, the death dragon slayer, or death dragon KING slayer, but whatever, I didnt kill my dragon so imma stick with the first one." Mark said as he layed on the wall, he was 6ft 6in and had a muscular body with scars all over, his hair was pure black and shoulder length, his eyes were black with red pupils, and he walked barefooted.
"And im Cain Nephilim Breeze, the life dragon slayer, I hope this mating season goes well for us." Cain said, he was a well built 6ft 4in man with gray spiky hair and a yellow line on his bangs, his eyes were black outlined circles with white inside of them.
"Im pissed since he gets the coolest name though." Mark said.
"Yeah it is pretty badass, but wait the mating season what is that, and also what about dragon queen slayers?" Natsu asked.
"Oh well dragon queens dont really exist, they're more like a harem for each of the dragon kings, its weird yes but this is ancient stuff, nothing we can do, and we're in a pretty big predicament about the mating season." Cain said.
"Like what?" Natsu asked.
"Well, you know how we said there were seven dragon king slayers?" Mark said.
"Yeah." Natsu replied.
"They all worked together on this day and they would barley get by, however, now theres only three of us, and mating season is in two days, which means the obvious, we are royally screwed, in both terms." Mark said.
"Its mating season like you said though, how are WE getting screwed, I thought that meant we needed to find a mate, and why do we have to be together for this?" Natsu asked.
"You know the smell you've been smelling, and its been irritating you right? It attractes every women you have been around the last five months, but none of us noticed untill two days remain, but itll only attract the NORMAL mages and non magical women youve been around the last five months, the other people it attracts is all of the female dragon slayer population even if you have never been around them before, and Cains good at math, listen on how many there are."
"There are aproximatly three hundred and fifty eight female dragon slayers." Cain said.
"If we are lucky thats all that will show, but since we have been exposed to females, we are gonna have one hell of a fight on our hands." Mark said.
"Why are we fighting exactly?" Natsu asked.
"Because even though female dragons arnt of dragon king status, they always want to be the dominante ones in the realationship, and when they smell our scent, they get crazy, and crazy strong, and by crazy I mean the accidental you went out on a date with a serial killer type of crazy, it was a pretty good weekend though." Mark said,
"Thats a lot of crazy." Cain said.
"Yep sounds like it, but where are we gonna fight? We cant have innocents thrown into the mix." Natsu said.
"We are going to the highest mountain, you are the fire dragon king slayer of course." Cain said.
"What does that have to do with anything?" Natsu asked.
"Well think about it, high altitudes, low oxygen freezing our asses off, its the best place for us to fight, oh and another cool little fact about us three, im death, Cain is life, and you are fire, death only has one meaning, to die, simple, life is a complex equation that is only one answer, life, no matter how you look at it, then theres fire, have enough and it can bring the warmth OF life to you, but to much and you'll get a grim reaper at your doorstep." Mark said as he got on the path to the mountain.
"So, two days time, girls all over will be coming for us?" Natsu said.
"Yep, and if my calculations are correct, we have a seven percent chance of not losing our virginitys in the first hour." Cain said.
"Oh god, and how long does this scent last?" Natsu asked.
"About three weeks." Mark said with a smile.
"WHAT?!" Natsu yelled.
"Yeah, this is gonna be the best three weeks ever!" Cain said.
"We're gonna get raped by several hundreds of women and you think its gonna be great?" Natsu asked.
"Actually you're wrong Natsu! We're gonna get raped by thousands! AND IT WILL BE AWESOME!" Mark yelled out with Cain high fiving him.
"It'd be weird if we met the dick dragon slayer, who is a female." Natsu said.
"For the love of everything that is good and bad on this earth, please please please tell me, that you have never actually met this thing." Mark said.
"No I havent, but that dosent mean she isnt out there." Natsu said.
"I swear on everthing, if you just jinxed us, I will murder you on that mountain then take my own life." Mark said.
"What about me?!" Cain asked.
"Simple, you take one for the team, and spread your cheeks." Mark said with a laugh.
"That aint happening." Cain said.
"You can say that all you want, but if there is a dick dragon slaying chick, I will make sure she gets a good whiff of you then kill myself." Mark said.
"That ridiculous though, of course there isnt going to be a dragon slayer with that ability, hell I'll bet my house on it." Natsu said.
"Dont ever underestimate the power of a jinx." Mark said.
"By the way, why did you two decide to go through this town?" Natsu asked.
"Why does it matter?" Cain asked.
"This town has the most females in it that I know of, its got a guild full of females here." Natsu said.
"Oh shit, any female that gets a single tiny whiff of our scent in a two mile radius is already going to look for us." Cain said.
"Well it depends on how fucked we are, pun intended by the way, is there any cute ones?" Mark asked.
"Well there is this girl with cat ears named Millian-" Natsu started.
"A NEKO?! FUCK YES!" Mark yelled.
"Whats a neko?" Natsu asked.
"Its a female who likes to dress up as a cat, and thats one of his many...things he likes." Cain said.
"How long have you two been together to know this stuff about eachother?" Natsu asked.
"About two days, Mark is a very open book." Cain said.
"So he'll answer any question?" Natsu asked.
"Most likely." Cain said.
"Whats your favorite type of girl?" Natsu asked.
"Any women that prove herself to be a badass is instantly a great one, for some reason I like the white hair on girls, and if they are near my age then I got myself a permanent mate!" Mark said.
"Wow you just described my barmaiden Mirajane Struass." Natsu said and watched in horror as Marks head snapped a hundred and eighty degress and looked at him with wide eyes.
"WHAT SHOW ME!" Mark demanded.
"No I cant, like you said we have to get to the mountain and get ready." Natsu said.
"MY FUCKING NECK JUST SNAPPED FOR THIS, WHERE IS THIS BARMAIDEN YOU TALK OF?!" Mark screamed, and not a second later Makarov stomped on Mark and crushed him underneath his foot.
"So thats where the noise was coming from." Makarov said as he shrunk down.
"Euhehuoooh." Mark said as he laid in a foot print with a crushed face.
"Gramps you cant cause damage like this right now, we have something to do and you cant crush us like that." Natsu said.
"Yeah you can crush Mark any other time but we need him for the next three weeks." Cain said.
"Fuck you too." Mark said weakly.
"Why the next three weeks?" Erza said making her appearance, alongside her was Mirajane.
"Mating season." Cain said, making the two girls blush.
"I didnt know you swung that way Natsu." Mirajane said.
"I dont Mira." Natsu said, and Marks head snapped back up.
"MIRA?!" Mark yelled, and popped himself out and looked at Mirajane. "Prove yourself to be a badass!" He demanded and got punched in the face by Mirajanes satan soul. "Im in love." He said as he was stuck in a tree.
"Whats with this guy?" Mirajane asked.
"Quick get a good whiff of me." Mark said pushing his essence near her.
"Good luck with that." Natsu said. "Also whats this smell called?" He asked.
"Axe." Cain stated.
"What?!" Natsu yelled.
"Hes just kidding, that smells like shit, this is the essence of a king, more powerful than any god!" Mark said.
"Whats it called though?" Natsu asked.
"Old spice." Mark said with a whisper.
"Sounds dumb." Natsu said.
"Screw you its awesome." Mark said.
"And all this talk on the girls, is there any restriction?" Natsu asked.
"Well since we're seventeen, the minimum age limit is sixteen, the maximum is not present. So you know that one nintey year old chick with the really saggy tits? Yeah shes gonna be smacking you in the head with a rolling pin trying to dominate you." Mark said.
"Oh god! Thats worse then the dick dragon slayer, at least with her you can be submissive and she wont use her magic, but oh GOD." Natsu said.
"Yeah these next three weeks are gonna be both heaven and hell for us." Mark said.
"And we'll be on the mountain, so the old ones wont be able to make it." Cain said.
"Oh thank Jesus." Mark said as he held his chest.
"Kinda weird hearing that from someone whos been in hell hes whole life." Cain said.
"Shut up!" Mark said.
"Well lets get to that mountain." Natsu said as he started to walk.
"Natsu, does this mean we will be coming after you?" Erza asked.
"Yep, along with about a thousand other girls, please dont kill me by the way." Natsu said.
"What about Juvia, and Bisca, they both have men in their lives." Erza said.
"I dont know, hopefully not." Natsu said.
"Dont worry, this smell only works on those who havent had their hearts fully in love, except for the female dragon slayers, nothing we can really do." Cain said.
"Well that makes the numbers a lot less dont you think?" Natsu asked.
"Well it takes a lot to have your heart won over, its very rare actually, but these cases hopefully are the rare ones, id say about a one in a hundred thousand fall in true love, and thats just counting the women." Cain said.
"That, sucks, anyway gramps i'll be back in fairy tail in about three weeks, see ya!" Natsu said.
"Have fun, and if she lets you in the rear, take the opportunity!" Makarov said his advice and waved them off before getting smacked in the back of the head by Erza.
"I hope I dont get sucked into this." Erza said.
"It could be fun, I mean they are all cute." Mirajane said.
"Theres gonna be the biggest orgy on a mountain and you think its gonna be fun." Erza said pinching the bridge of her nose.
"Am I wrong?" Mirajane asked.
"...No." Erza said walking back to the guild.
Natsu and the other two
"So how long have you two been on Earthland?" Natsu asked.
"About two weeks, I came down here to look for you two and find a suitibale location for our battle." Cain said.
"I just recently got up here, but then I found your guys food, and when you live on nothing but dirt your whole life you kinda lose track of time." Mark said as he rubbed his stomach from the all you can eat buffet.
"And another question, I asked it before but could you be more clear on why we have to fight the girls?" Natsu asked.
"This mating season happens once every other thousand years, since this is most likely the last one we have to go all out, and the reason we have to fight girls is due to how many will show up, and thats not including the female dragon slayers, The old dragon king slayers had to fight for a week so they could survive the next sexual assualt for two weeks and there was seven of them so the girls can be split up as good as possible, theres only three of us, and since we cant last more than an hour by Cains mathmatics, I say we might die in this, but we'll go down as legends." Mark explained the whole concept of the mating season, a very rare and lucky time for a guy, but this wont be like anything else.
"So, no way to win, and no way to lose." Natsu said.
"Oh no, we are gonna win no matter what, unless dick dragon slayer girl comes for us." Cain said with a joking tone.
"Dude, not even funny." Mark said.
"Well you guys said we're gonna have an extra two days, what are we gonna do when we get to the top of the mountain?" Natsu asked.
"Not masturbate, thats a must, also I bought this game called cards." Mark said.
"You didnt buy a game, you bought something with infinite possibilities, we could make our games." Cain said.
"THAT SOUNDS AWESOME!" Mark yelled.
On top of the mountain, named Distruct Peak
"HA flush!" Mark yelled.
"Two aces." Cain said grabbing the pebbles they were using for currency, he had the most and Mark only had five pebbles left, Natsu had about fifty.
"CHEATING DICK!" Mark yelled.
"Not my fault you have bad luck." Cain said.
"No you're doing something, its like you know the next card coming up." Mark accused.
"Thats called counting cards, its no allowed in casinos." Natsu said, to which Mark jumped up and smack Cains pebbles over.
"CHEATING! DICK!" Mark repeated.
"He said it wasent allowed in casinos, this isnt a casino, and we didnt agree on that being not allowed." Cain said grabbing all his pebbles.
"Oh hell no." Mark said grabbing a hand full and putting them on his side. "You and your other pebbles can go buy yourselves a house for all I care, im getting my money back."
"Go ahead, ill just get them back." Cain said teasingly. "Im all in." Cain said without looking at his cards.
"No you dont!" Mark said. "Counting cards isnt allowed!"
"I didnt even flip them, you need to so you can count, I just wanna see you lose." Cain said and watched Mark go through his cards, and get a devious grin.
"FLUSH AGAIN BITCHES!" Mark yelled and went to grab his winnings.
"Ah ah ah, Royal flush." Cain said flipping his cards over, getting a slap to the face.
"CHEATING DICK NUGGET!" Mark screamed.
"How did you know that those would be your cards?" Natsu asked.
"I never said I couldent see through them." Cain said receiving another slap.
"DEVIOUS BASTARD!" Mark called out.
"Say that all you want, I won all your pebbles." Cain said pulling all of his winnings to his side. "And that means you're out." He taunted.
"I dont even give shit ill go play tic tac toe by myself." Mark said kicking the dirt and grabbed a stick.
"Thats a two player game you idiot." Natsu said.
"I dont care, at least theres no chance I can lose." Mark said.
"I'll bet those last fifty pebbles he ties himself." Cain wrote in the dirt.
"He isnt that dumb, deal." Natsu wrote back and waited.
"Ah shit." Mark said after about thirty seconds and erased his match.
"Haha give them here." Cain said as he pulled the last pebbles to him.
"Goddammit Mark." Natsu said as he scratched his head.
one day, twenty three hours, and fifftey five minutes later
"How much longer till this thing starts?" Natsu asked.
"About five minutes." Cain said.
"WOOO lets go baby!" Mark yelled to the heavens.
"Is there a thing that happens that'll let us know when its triggered?" Natsu asked.
"We dont know, but we may know if the ground starts shaking a little, and theres a chance we hear screaming." Cain said.
"Sounds awesome, but did we tell him about transformation?" Mark asked.
"We get to transform?!" Natsu said with stars in his eyes.
"No, its the female dragon slayers, they'll grow wings and scales with be present on their bodys." Cain said.
"Oh, thats still awesome!" Natsu said.
"It makes them about ten times stronger." Mark said, making Natsu fall down.
"Shit, we are gonna get raped." Natsu said.
"It aint rape if you like it." Mark said.
"And we get a small boost in power as well, for example we grew five times as strong, and our dragon force is enabled." Cain said, and at that moment, his body changed and grew scales, as did Mark, and when Natsu looked down he saw that he also went into dragon force.
"I thought we had to trigger it." Natsu said, before hearing a deathly march approach the mountain.
"We did as well, but it seems we will be in dragon force this entire fight!" Cain said as he tried to keep his balance, and when they got used to it they looked up and something did about ten front flips and landed on her feet.
"Cmere boys!" An old lady, about the age of eighty said wearing an olympic outfit, and held a deadly looking rolling pin. "GRANNY NEEDS MILKING!"
"OH GOD RETIRED RUSSIAN OLYMPIAN!" Natsu yelled in fear.
"YOU JINXING DICK!" Mark yelled and slapped Cains head.
Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed and if you did, please leave a review tell me what you think, and have a nice day.