A/N Happy new year to you all! I hope you like this chapter, leave a review if you'd like. I love to read what you think.

Chapter 16

I did it, my first day at work. It's been a while since I've been so nervous, but I did it. I'm walking home and it's raining but I don't even feel it. It was a good day. I've been learning about the system, the procedures, everything there is to know. My head is so full it's about to burst but I'm happy.

When I arrive home, I'm surprised to see Jane's car in front of the house. I open the front door and see Jane sitting on the edge of the couch, holding a glass of water in her hand while she rubs Abby's back.

"Abby?" I close the door behind me and furrow my brow, throwing my purse on the table and hurrying towards my daughter. "What's going on?"

Her face is pale and she has tears in her eyes. "I got sick," she says through her tears. "At school."

"My love…" I sit down when Jane stands up for me and cup Abby's face in my hands. "Why didn't you call me?"

"I told my teacher to call Jane 'cause you had your first day at work."

"Oh, baby," I whisper as I pull her against me. "You could've called me."

She just shrugs and sits up to hide herself against me, my arms immediately wrapping around her. "What happened?" I look over the girl's head at Jane who moves to grab the blanket off the floor that just fell down.

"She called after she vomited, she's been having a stomach ache all day."

I sigh and close my eyes. The first day I go back to work, and my daughter needed me. A gnawing feeling of guilt immediately stings my stomach. "I'm so sorry, baby," I whisper as I gently pull Abby close. "I'll call in sick tomorrow, I'm so sorry I wasn't here-…" Tears burn in my eyes and I shake my head. "It was a mistake. It was all a mistake."

"Maura," Jane kneels down in front of the couch and places her hand on my knee. "None of this is a mistake, babe."

"She's sick, and I wasn't there." I shake my head and feel Abby moving in my arms, snuggling tighter against me.

"She's gonna be okay, it's probably just a flu."

"I know, that's not it…" I choke on my tears and gently move Abby away from my arms to make her lie back down, grabbing the blanket and draping it over her legs. I tuck her in and brush a strand of hair away from her sweaty forehead, continuing gentle movements until her eyes close and her breathing slows.

"I've always been with her when she was sick. Ever since she was a baby," my voice is a quiet whisper as I stroke my daughter's pale cheek with the back of my hand. "She got an ear infection when she was just a few months old and I spent day and night by her side. When she was six and she got the chicken pox we spent all day in bed together. I've been with her during every flu, every stomach ache-…" I lower my head and stop my movements on Abby's cheek. "I shouldn't have taken the job."

"Maur," Jane's hand touches my cheek and I look at her, tears trickling down my cheek. "I know this is hard, I mean I can't even imagine… But you can't put your entire life on hold."

"I'd do it for her," I whisper.

"I know. I know you'd do anything for her."

"Anything."

"But you're here too, Maura. You deserve a life too." She smiles lovingly and takes my hands in hers. "How was your first day?"

I sigh and look up to try and stop tears from blurring my vision. "It was-… I don't know, I just wish I'd been home when she called."

"Besides that. How was it?"

"It-… It was good." I look into those dark eyes that make my stomach tingle and manage a smile. "It's a lot to process but it was a good day."

Jane smiles. "You like it there, don't you?"

I nod, but a sense guilt makes my smile disappear. "I do. The people are nice, I like working with customers, I like being back into medicine, even if it's not in a hospital."

"See? It's a good job for you."

"Being a mother is a more important job," I whisper as I look back at Abby.

"This doesn't make you a bad mother, Maura. You're here now, aren't you? I was here the past two hours, and you're here now. Trust me, I took good care of her."

"I know you did." I can't look at her and just focus on our hands. "I don't know why this is so difficult for me."

"I do." She lifts herself up and sits down on the couch next to me, carefully avoiding Abby's legs. "You're taking big steps, huge even. And that's a good thing. But every now and then, you gotta take a step back. This is just a hard part. We'll get through it."

I nod and lean forward to hide myself into the crook of her neck, feeling her strong arms wrapping around my upper body. "It's separation anxiety. Common after severe trauma. Difficult to get rid of."

"Oh, you've already diagnosed yourself?" Jane chuckles and her lips press against the side of my head.

"It calms me down."

"I know. She has it too."

I sigh and turn to look at my daughter, feeling my girlfriend's arms wrapping around me from behind. "I think we reinforce each other in it. Was she okay when you picked her up?"

When Jane hesitates I already know the answer. I turn to look at the brunette behind me. "Not really, no. But I mean, she had just puked in the school toilets like, three times."

"Besides that."

Jane sighs. "She told the teacher to call me instead of you, so that's a good thing. But when I got there she had vomited more and her fever was rising… She wanted you."

"But I wasn't there."

"No, and I told her that. I told her you were at work and you'd be home in two hours and that she needed to let you stay at your job. And she understood. I was allowed to help her change into her pajamas, she calmed down and held her just like you always do. Which is why my jacket now smells like puke."

I can't help but chuckle quietly. "I guess this is good for her. For us."

"It is." Jane nods and gently touches my cheek, wiping a few last tears. "It's all part of the healing process. Healing-… I mean, not that you're broken or anything. Or sick. I just mean you've been through a lot and-…"

I silence her by pressing my lips against hers, the touch sending a spark through my entire body. I missed her too while I was working. Kissing her makes me feel a little more at ease. Her lips on mine, her warmth against me calms me down. We break apart and rest our foreheads together, looking deeply into each other's eyes.

"What was that for?"

I shrug my shoulders. "Because I love you. And because you took care of Abby. And you take care of me."

"Hey, that's what I'm for." Jane smirks and captures my lips again, this time in a quick and sweet kiss that leaves me wanting more.

"Oh, you're so much more than that, Jane." I pull myself closer to her and kiss her until I feel Abby moving beside me.

I pull away and see her slowly opening her eyes, her brow furrowed in discomfort. "What is it, baby?"

"Hurts-… Stomach-…" She groans and turns on her side, reaching out her arm to the floor.

Jane immediately jumps up and grabs a plastic bucket from under the couch, holding it out for Abby who is now sitting on the edge of the couch and heaving heavily.

"Shh, let it go, deep breaths…" I rub my hand up and down my daughter's back and wait for her to turn her already empty stomach. There's nothing left, but she keeps on heaving. "Calm down, honey."

Tears trickle down her freckled cheeks when she finally takes a deep breath and slumps sideways against me, leftover mucus, drool and tears staining my blouse. I don't even notice it as I gently rock her from side to side, kissing the top of her head. I forgot how much I hate this. Every tear she sheds is like a sting in my heart.

"Here, baby." Jane offers a glass of water. "Just rinse, don't swallow okay?"

She rinses her mouth, spits in the bucket and hiccups a few times as she wipes her tears. "I feel so bad, Mommy."

"I know, my love. I wish I could make it better." I brush her hair back and rearrange a few pillows against the armrest of the couch. "Come here," I move the both of us and take her in my arms, sitting against the armrest of the couch, my legs stretched out in front of me and Abby in between them. She snuggles sideways into my chest and pulls the blanket higher around herself.

I hear Jane moving around the bathroom, clearing away my daughter's vomit. I realize I freaked out for no reason. Jane loves Abby. She takes amazing care of her. Once again, I am overwhelmed by love and gratitude. Gratitude to have found someone that not only loves me unconditionally, but loves my daughter as well. Someone that takes her puke, cleans her up and dries her tears.

After a while, Jane enters the room again with a clean bucket and a washcloth which she uses to gently wipe the sweat of Abby's face. She kneels beside us and daps at the girl's hairline, smiling lovingly when her eyes open.

I swallow a lump in my throat as I witness it. There's so much care in her actions, so much love in her eyes. She wipes Abby's nose and the corners of her mouth, puts the cloth away and leans forward to press her lips against her temple. "You're gonna be okay, kiddo. I know it."

Abby nods slightly and reaches out her arm to try and give Jane a hug, but Jane stops her. "Don't get your stomach upset again, peanut." She smiles and sits down on the edge of the couch, carefully wrapping her arms around the small girl. "Can I get you something?" she whispers. "Another blanket, sweater, anything?"

"No, I'm good." Abby answers as they break the embrace. She snuggles back against me and sighs deeply. "Mom?"

"Hm?"

"Are you going back to work tomorrow?"

I blink to avoid tears. "I-… I don't know…"

"She is," Jane answers for me. "You can't really call in sick on your second day of work, don't you think? I'll stay home tomorrow morning, so you won't be alone. Then when your mom comes home, I can go to work."

"You'd do that?" I ask quietly, my heart breaking for my little girl.

"Of course." She shrugs and stands up from the couch. "That's what family does."

"Is that okay, Abby?" I ask, lowering my head to rest my cheek against her temple.

Abby nods. "Yeah, that's okay. You'll be home after lunch?" Her smaller arms wrap around mine on her stomach, expressing her anxiety and need for her mother.

"Yes. Maybe even before."

"Okay." She nods and rests her head back, relaxing her aching body.

"Good." Jane smiles and leans down to press her lips against mine, cupping my cheek. "This is good."

"I know."

"Abs, are you sure you don't need anything?"

"Well maybe my pink warm socks? I'm still cold…"

"Warm socks and a hot water bottle, coming up." Jane hurries upstairs and I wrap my arms tighter around my daughter.

We stay silent for a while, Abby probably dozing off to sleep while I try to process my feelings and make sense of it all. Maybe this time, it doesn't make sense. And maybe for now, it's supposed to not make sense. All I know is that I have never felt more love in my entire life, for these two people I am so fortunate to have closed in my heart. This love is something different. The love of two people that have found each other, fell in love and will never let go of each other. The love of a mother for her child, the most powerful thing in the entire world. It's making my heart burst and maybe it's even slowly healing my wounds.