A Separate Phineas

"AAAAAHH! FINNY! FINNY! TOO FAST! TOO FAST!"

"YOU JUST BROKE SEVENTEEN LAWS AT THAT INTERSECTION!"

"NO! DON'T HIT THE-squirrel."

"COULD YOU TURN THE MUSIC DOWN? MY EARS ARE GONNA EXPLODE!"

"HEY! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO LET ME OFF THREE BLOCKS AGO!"

"FOR GODS' SAKES, SLOW DOWN!"

"I CAN'T GET MY SEATBELT ON! HELP!"

"YOU JUST HIT A MAILBOX!...AND A SHRUB!...AND A TRASH CAN!...AND A LAUNDRY BASKET!"

I clung to the bottom of my seat, fearful for my life. Finny plus the wheel of a motorized vehicle equals loss of sanity and safety.

Brinker and Leper were all but huggling each other out of fear in the backseat, screaming out bouts of terror at Finny's poor driving skills, just as I was.

And, of course, Finny was ignoring us all.

What did he care? He was driving his brand-new red convertible. Finny always had a brand-new something-or-other.

None of us knew exactly where we were going, although we were supposed to be going home from school. I don't think Finny even knew or cared where we were going.

Suddenly, the car screeched to a sudden stop, and all of us, except for Finny, lunged forward. I hit my head on the dashboard.

"Ow. Finny, what are you-" I began. "The skating rink? Why are we here?"

Phineas laughed. "Why else? To skate!"

Once inside, I observed that there were few teenagers there, and that the population was mostly made of small children.

We got our skates and rolled over to the floor.

"Let's go, Gene!" Finny exclaimed, with his ever-present grin. "Would you be my skating partner?"

I looked at him, somewhat uneasy. "Um….Finny? I don't know how to skate."

Finny looked at me skeptically for a moment, and then slapped his grin back on. "Well, now's a perfect time to learn!" he shouted, whacking me on the back and pushing me onto the floor. Suddenly, I was out of control, and was just about to run into a little girl slowing skating in front of me. I barely had time to cry out, when Finny grabbed the back of my shirt, pulling me up and out of the ring.

I stared at him, mesmerized. "You-you saved my life, Finny!"

I must have had an exaggerated expression of gratitude because Finny made a comical look. "You're trippin."

After I had somewhat gotten "the hang" of skating, as in I didn't fall except for every other time I moved, I saw Finny opposite of me on the floor. He was skating like he was a klutz, pretending that he was losing his balance. Every now and then, he would shriek, "I'm falling! I'm falling!" although everyone knew that he was the best and most experienced skater in the entire room. I rolled my eyes, lost my balance, and fell flat on my backside.

I decided it would be a good idea to retire and go to the snack bar. I got a drink and sat down in a booth. As I gazed loathfully at the skate floor, I noticed that Finny had apprenticed one of the younger boys who was having trouble skating. He had taken the sandy-haired boy by the hand and was slowly skating around the outer rim of the floor. The boy looked much more confident now that he had a confidante to help him out.

I noticed Leper solemnly skating in the middle of it all, not falling even once. He was very graceful and intact. Brinker, on the other hand, looked almost as much of a klutz as I was. Once or twice he skated into other people, and fell down more than any of the young children skating around him.

Finny had left the younger boy, who was now skating very well, and was taunting Brinker. He made circles around his comrade, as Brinker tried to grab him and make him fall. But, every time he did, Finny would skate out of his reach.

I sighed, feeling somewhat left out of it all.

"Hey, Gene, feeling left out?"

"Aag!" I shrieked, falling out of my chair.

A hand reached down and pulled me up, steadying me.

"Come on, I'll teach you," the voice said, strongly. "It's no fun teasing Brinker, anyway."

I felt like everyone was laughing at me. I was the oldest, and least experienced person in the entire rink. And, I was holding hands with Finny.

"Skating is an art," Finny carried on, "like any sport should be. Once you learn how to draw, you can move on to painting, charcoal, and sculpture. Got the idea?"

"I think so," I said, trying to bury my face in my bangs. Of course, this was pretty hard, as Finny had decided I needed a haircut the week before and had chopped off all but a few of my bangs. "Finny? They're….laughing at us."

"They are?" he wondered, confused. He had been so absorbed in his "Skating is an art" speech, that he hadn't noticed everyone who was giggling and whispering about us. "That's strange," he said to himself, releasing my hand and putting his own behind his head. "I wonder why."

I, on the other hand, began to roll away from him, much to my disbelief. "Finny! HELP!"

At my shriek of horror, Finny looked over at me, somewhat shocked, and calmly skated to my aid. "You know," he mentioned, "when you said you couldn't skate, I didn't think you meant that you REALLY couldn't skate."

"What am I supposed to do?" I demanded. "Have my secretary leave you a memo?"

Phineas grinned sheepishly. "I guess not. Heh.."