This story is going to be a parody of the Friday the 13th movie series. Big thanks to super lazer ninja for giving me the inspiration! This story is going to be a bit more 'raunchy' than my usual writing, only because I want to try something new. Also, some of the characters personalities will be switched around (as opposed to how you see them act in the games or how I portray them in my stories) so expect a lot of OOCness and bizarre pairings. Like I said, this is something new I'm trying so we shall see how it unfolds.

Cast: Mario the Cryptic, Luigi the Smooth Dude, Daisy the Bitch, Peach the Wannabe Bitch, Rosalina the Overdramatic, Pauline the Reborn, Mona the Overachiever, Wario the Fat Bastard, Waluigi the Weirdo, DK the Clueless, Diddy the Normal, Dixie the Egomaniac, Candy Kong the Homewrecker, Tiny Kong the Wannabe Homewrecker, Yoshi the Hipster, Birdo the Pothead, Toad the Jackass, Toadette the Crybaby, Toadsworth the Optimist, Toodles the Superficial Gold-digger, Bowser the Obsessive Stalker

The following story is rated T for violence, language, and suggestive content.

It was a beautiful and sunny Saturday morning at Camp Acid Lake. Toad and Toadette just got outside from Toadsworth's fancy, two story lakehouse and decided to start the day off with sunbathing.

"Ah! The air feels so fresh and wonderful today! I really can't wait till the others come later on, this is something we ALL need!" Toadette cheered as she lied down on one of those folding chairs.

"I know, right? It feels great to get out of Mushroom City for once…away from all the crazy homeless people, the insane game shows, the alien attacks, supernatural crap, the zombies, reality shows that involve idiots killing each other, and crafty murderers…you know, if you really think about it, Mushroom City is one extremely fucked up place!" Toad described.

"Toad, watch your language! You know I don't like you saying those words! And c'mon, Mushroom City isn't THAT bad…sometimes…" Toadette led on.

"I can say whatever the fuck I want! You're just my sister, you can't control me! In fact, you should actually shut your piehole because I was the one that convinced Toadsworth to let us watch over his lakehouse while he went to go screw his clown-faced whore of a gold-digger back at the city! We got here before everyone else and the only remotely fun thing you've done is beat the shit out of that obese rattlesnake that somehow got in the kitchen!" Toad angrily ranted. Toadette quivered her lips and suddenly busted out crying.

"WAAAAAAAHHHHH! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO MEAN!? I'M JUST TRYING TO BE A GOOD SISTER AND LOOK OUT FOR YOU! WAAAAAHHHH! SHIT, NOW MY MAKEUP IS RUNNING! OH FUCK, I ACCIDENTALLY SWORE AND MADE MYSELF LOOK LIKE A HYPOCRITE! GODDAMNIT, I DID IT AGAIN! AGGGGGHHH! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME!? WAAAAAAHHHHH!" she continued to cry uncontrollably.

"Just face it, Toadette, being a potty-mouthed jackass is in our genes. By the way, why the hell were you walking outside last night at around midnight?" Toad asked.

Toadette slowly stopped her crying. "H-Huh? I don't know what you're talking about! I was asleep at midnight!"

"No, you weren't! I got up at around midnight to go use the bathroom, and on my way there, out the window, I couldn't help but notice there was a tall figure walking outside towards the lake. That had to have been you!" Toad accused.

"I just told you, I WAS ASLEEP! And you said it was a tall figure? How could that be when I'm shorter than a freaking midget!?" Toadette shouted.

"Well, you could've been wearing those 10 inch sparkly gold heels that you got for your birthday. I really don't know why you asked for them anyways, you always fall on your face or ass everytime you put them on!" Toad laughed a little at that memory.

"I didn't bring those stupid heels with me! You were probably on drugs last night so you hallucinated it! I keep telling you to lay off the LSD but you're too much of a blockhead to actually listen!" Toadette exclaimed.

"Oh, stop being a helicopter parent. I haven't tried LSD in months…okay, weeks…fine, five days! But I swear I wasn't on anything last night! So if it wasn't you, then who was it hmm?" Toad rolled his eyes.

"Maybe it was the seven foot tall crazy killer rabbit that stabs people with his mega-sized carrot!?" Toadette shrieked in sarcasm.

"Or maybe it was your ex-boyfriend, Toadopher, stalking you so he can win back your heart? I mean…I wouldn't put it past him. The dude is as crazy as a barrel full of murderous monkeys," Toad winked while smirking.

"I TOLD YOU TO NEVER MENTION HIS NAME EVER AGAIN! You know what!? I'm gonna go back into the lakehouse and drink a gallon of Kool-Aid so I can calm myself down because whenever I'm around you, 99% of the time, I get this REALLY big urge to hit you with a sledgehammer!" Toadette shouted in frustration and stomped her way back to the house.

Toad playfully rolled his eyes and laid out on the chair. "Whatever. You're not even strong enough to carry a sledgehammer anyways."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Toad quickly turned his head toward the lakehouse. "Toadette? Don't tell me you found another snake in the kitchen!"

Silence.

Toad rolled his eyes and decided to check out what it was that made her scream.

The door leading into the kitchen was wide open, which Toad thought it was a bit odd, but brushed it off anyways. He went inside and didn't see Toadette nor anything that was out of place.

"Sis, where the hell are you? Let me guess, you screamed because there's no more Kool-Aid left, right?" Toad joked, but there was still no response. He got more irritated so he stomped over into the next room, which was the living room and shrieked when he saw his sister lying on the floor. Her throat had a huge slit in it and blood was still flowing out.

Toad gulped and backed away from the disgusting site. "Okay…okay. This is just a bad dream I'm having. A very vivid and disturbing dream. I'm going to wake up any second now. Yep. Any second…"

He turned around and shrieked again when he saw an enormous Koopa-like figure wearing a worn out hockey mask loomed over him, wielding an old machete.

"HOLY SHIT! WAKE UP, TOAD! WAKE THE FUCK UP ALREADY!" he screamed, still thinking this had to be a nightmare. The figure raised the machete, and that was enough for Toad to hightail it out of there. The figure swung the machete, the very tip making a long and horizontal slice into his back. Blood splattered on the walls as Toad fell down and screamed, pain shooting through his entire body. He crawled away from this killer, since he felt too weak to stand up, but the figure stomped his humongous foot on his back wound, hurting him even more. He rolled Toad over with his foot, coming face to face with him one last time. Toad knew this was the end.

"Ugh…you…prick…" Toad uttered.

The figure raised the machete again and stabbed deep into his forehead.

Wario was driving his yellow van over to Peach's castle. Alongside him was Mona in the passenger seat, and then Waluigi, Pauline, and Rosalina in the back seat.

"Are you sure your friends will like me, Wario? I've never gone on a trip with a bunch of strangers before!" Mona nervously asked.

"Let's be honest here, honey, at least half of them are gonna hate your guts and will wish that you drowned in a pool of acid. My friends are judgmental as fuck and they have short tempers or have brains the size of a grain of rice, so don't be shocked if some of them end up spitting in your face," Wario admitted.

"Geez, Wario, you act like we interact with a bunch of psychopaths!" Rosalina exclaimed.

"THAT'S BECAUSE WE DO! Every single time all of us go on a trip to somewhere, we all end up beating the living shit out of each other and going to the hospital. We may as well be on a reality TV show since all of us are pretty much fucked in the head one way or another!" Wario yelled.

"I suppose it doesn't help that you, Mona, can be pretty intense, too…" Waluigi added.

"WHAT!? HOW THE HELL AM I INTENSE, YOU SON OF A BITCH!?" Mona intensely screamed in his face.

"Please don't say horrible stuff like that to my boyfriend! That's not very polite. Now, say you're sorry, please," Pauline talked to her like she was a kindergartener.

"…WHAT!? Why the hell should I say sorry when he practically insulted me!?" Mona was not backing down from being called 'intense.'

"Because that's the mature thing to do. I should know because I have done stuff like that before, but now I have seen the light and became a new person with the strength given to me by the holy power of the millions of gods that watch over this forsaken planet!" Pauline preached in enlightenment, which only irritated Mona more.

"…Oh, okay, I get it. You're one of THOSE people. You must be really fun to hang out with," Mona replied sarcastically.

"She really is, Mona. You don't know her like I do, so step back, eat some peanuts, and chill for once," Waluigi said and kissed Pauline on the neck, which made her giggle.

"Huh? But I thought you were with Rosalina though?" Mona asked.

"He is, every other day. We're in a, how would you say…polyamorous relationship? Something like that. Today is his day with Pauline and tomorrow he's with me and so on and so forth. But…but…I don't understand why though! Me and Waluigi are meant to be together forever! He even told me that he fell in love with me the minute he laid his eyes on me! And then Pauline came along, happened to fall in love with her, caught him cheating on me with her, and then ended up making an agreement to have a 'three-way' relationship because I still wanted to be with him and vice versa but he also wanted to be with her too! WHY WALUIGI!? OUT OF ALL THE GUYS IN THE WORLD, WHY MUST YOU SCREW WITH MY MIND LIKE THIS YET BE SO PERFECT FOR ME!?" Rosalina whined melodramatically while Waluigi was picking his nose without a care in the world.

"Wow…okay…yikes. Well, if you want to be in a monogamous relationship, then why not just end it?" Mona asked.

"DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME!? I SAID HE WAS PERFECT FOR ME! NO OTHER MAN IS GONNA LOVE ME LIKE HE DOES! WHY IS LIFE SO UNFAIR SOMETIMES!?" Rosalina whined even more.

"Wow. You are truly pathetic. Wario, hurry this van up to the castle so I can get the fuck out of here away from all these crazy bitches," Mona demanded.

"You got it. Rosalina's perfume makes me nauseous anyways!" Wario said.

A few minutes passed by and Wario finally reached the castle. He drove up to the front, noticing that some of the others were there and ready to go. They all got out.

"FINALLY! Do you not realize how long we have been waiting here out in the sun!? MY SKIN IS GETTING BURNED HERE! YOUR VAN IS A SLOW ASS PIECE OF SHIT, JUST LIKE YOU!" Daisy screamed for no logically good reason.

"Okay, first off, shut your face. Secondly, you could've easily waited in the castle for us. Thirdly, you could've put sunblock on if you wanted to wait outside! FOURTHLY, QUIT BEING A LITTLE UPTIGHT BITCH!" Wario defended himself. Daisy seethed at this, knowing he pointed out the flaws in her logic, so she lunged at him, and the two started beating the crap out of each other…but this was completely normal (and even expected), so no one paid any mind to it.

"Uhh…hi everyone, I'm Mona, Wario's girlfriend," she said, not wanting to get involved in the vicious beatdown.

"Oh hello! So you're the Mona that Wario keeps talking about everytime we see him! Nice to finally meet you! I'm Princess Peach, and I rule the entire kingdom so therefore I rule you and everyone else! Teehee! Anyways, I'll introduce you to my friends, okay? The one in the red is my boyfriend, Luigi!" Peach said.

"Peach…I'm MARIO. Remember? How could you confuse me for Luigi like that? Unless…you two are involved in 'something' which would cause you to make a Freudian slip and thus, exposing yourself as a cheater?" Mario cryptically said and ended it with a disturbing smirk while creepy, Hollywood-like violin music started playing from nowhere.

"…What the fuck?" Mona was a bit freaked out since she didn't realize that the one and only Super Mario would talk so bizarrely.

"Ohhhh, DUH! Sorry Lui- I mean, Mario! Yeah, I get those two confused all the time! But can you blame me? They look exactly alike! Sometimes when I makeout with Mario, I'll think I'm actually making out with Luigi, but I don't stop because he's an awesome kisser, so therefore, Luigi must be too!" Peach gasped. Mona herself saw many differences between the two brothers and looked at the princess like she was the dumbest person that ever lived.

"Yeahhh…nothing to differentiate between them at all…" Mona said sarcastically.

"So, moving on! The other brother there is Luigi! I promise you, I got his name right!" Peach continued.

"'Sup with it? See these shades I got in my hands? Cost me 200 coins at Sunglass World, but totally worth it since all the chicks fall head over heels and snappin' pics of me whenever I'm out on Sunrise Boulevard, walking back and forth down the block for no reason. It's the power of the shades, yo!" Luigi described in the most obnoxious way possible.

"I used to have shades like those before. But then I accidentally dropped them in the sewers one day. Me and my family held a funeral for it a few days later," Waluigi randomly commented.

"The green dinosaur there is Yoshi, and that's his mutant boyfriend, Birdo!" Peach pointed to the pair who were leaning against their car, both smoking a joint.

"Giiiiirl…do I have to remind you again that I'm a giiiiirl? It's been a decade and a half since I got the gender reassignment surgery so…yeah…giiiiirl…" Birdo spoke while high out of her mind.

"WELL, YOU DON'T HAVE TO YELL AT ME! I'M SO SORRY! THAT STUFF IS SO CONFUSING TO ME!" Peach overreacted and started to sob.

"There is no need to be offended, darling. I'm completely fine with her calling you my boyfriend because there's nothing wrong with a guy being with a guy, girl being with a girl, guy being with a girl, girl or guy being with a plant, girl or guy being with a gender-fluid person, etc. I'm not a fan of labels anyways," Yoshi spoke while sporting those trendy fake nerd glasses.

"…What the hell did he just say!?" Mona was more confused than ever.

"Um, something about plants, I guess. Now that person there is someone who I've known for forever…Bowser!" Peach pointed to the koopa king who cheesily grinned and waved to Mona.

"WHAT THE!? WHAT IS BOWSER DOING HERE!? PEACH, I THOUGHT YOU HATED BOWSER!? DID YOU TWO BECOME FRIENDS OR SOMETHING!? WHY DIDN'T YOU LET ME KNOW!? THIS COULD BE VERY DANGEROUS! I DON'T LIKE THIS AT ALL!" Rosalina annoyingly whined.

"Shut your pasty face, hoe! Peach invited me to come on this trip for whatever reason so I accepted, naturally! Especially because I knew that there was one person that I REALLY like that would be coming too!" Bowser exclaimed with a wink.

"What the!? Waluigi, he just called me a hoe! Aren't you gonna do anything about that!?" Rosalina cried.

"Nope, because you're not my girlfriend for today," Waluigi replied as he sniffed Pauline's hair, who didn't seem to mind.

"We all know what you're after, Bowser. I know your agenda. You think you're slick but I know who you really are. This is an earthquake drill, but I'm the only one that's trying to ring the alarms, you see. Because I know," Mario cryptically stated as the creepy violin music started to play again.

"Uhhhh is he always like that? And where the hell is that music coming from!?" Mona was getting more creeped out by the hero.

"Please don't judge Mario's personality, Mona. He has a mental disorder so therefore, he cannot control how he speaks," Yoshi said.

"Oh! I didn't realize there was a mental disorder for speaking in a creepy way and saying weird metaphors!" Pauline exclaimed in shock.

"That's because there isn't. Don't listen to the dinosaur, he's a fucking idiot," Bowser spat.

Daisy and Wario got done beating the crap out of each other, both bruised all over.

"UGH! That took SO much longer than I thought it would! You just HAD to sit your fatass on my face, didn't you!?" Daisy yelled.

"Hahaha! That's the most ass you'll ever get in your entire life!" Wario laughed in victory.

"Oh yeah! And that's my BFF, Princess Daisy! She likes to shout and curse a lot, especially at me, and always says her kingdom is better than mine, but that's okay because she was born that way!" Peach gleamed as she put her arm around her BFF's shoulder but Daisy pushed her off to the ground.

"Get your sweaty arm off me, bitch! I've already been tainted by the likes of that beast over there! Anyways, so THIS is Mona? Interesting. You're a lot less pudgy than I imagined," Daisy spoke while checking Mona up and down.

"Um, thanks I guess? But why did you imagine me as pudgy?" Mona asked.

"Because since Wario is fatter than a chain chomp, logic would denote that his girlfriend would be just as fat too. Or…maybe he's your sugar daddy!?" Daisy gasped at the thought. This pissed off Mona even more.

"NO NO NO! HE IS MY BOYFRIEND, OKAY!? AND YES, HE MAY BE FAT, BUT I FIND HIM ATTRACTIVE! AND IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT, THEN I'LL BE GLAD TO ADD MORE BRUISES ONTO YOU!" Mona got in her face.

"You go girl. Don't pay any mind to what people say about dating a fat person. Actually, human beings are supposed to be fat and blubbery to promote warmth during the winter seasons and in case of another ice age so Wario is already a step ahead of us in the apocalypse department," Yoshi informed.

"Thank you, Yoshi, for giving us that piece of info that no one gives a shit about!" Bowser 'happily' responded.

"You know Mona…I like you. No one's ever had the courage to yell in my face before. You've got spunk, kid. I like that," Daisy crossed her arms while smirking at her.

"I'm not a kid and I sure as hell don't like you already. Can we get going now?" Mona demanded.

"We're waiting for the kongs to arrive…and also, speaking of sugar daddies, the main reason we were waiting outside is because Toadsworth and his age-confused gold-digger girlfriend were busy getting it on in one of the bedrooms. They were yelling so loud and the bed was banging against the wall and…ugggghhh…I really don't wanna get into more details," Daisy rolled her eyes in disgust.

"Ain't nothing wrong with having some rough and freaky sex, maaaaan. It's in our nature to give into lust like a lion for whomever we find attractive, maaaaan," Birdo said.

A banana-yellow car drove up to the others. They parked and it was Diddy, Dixie, and DK who got out.

"Hey guys! Sorry we're late. Ms. Indecisive over there decided to make us get breakfast at McToads, but since she found a hair in her drink, she made a big deal about it and threw the drink in one of the worker's faces and threw mine and DK's food all over the place, THEN demanded that we eat at Burger Queen instead despite the fact that we never got a refund and also demanded that I pay for breakfast…AGAIN!" Diddy complained.

"Oh, hush, sweetie. It was all their fault! How DARE they let a strand of hair fall into my drink!? That is SUPER unprofessional! That hair could have dandruff or lice on it and if I hadn't looked beforehand, I would've DRANKEN it and all kinds of horrible stuff could happen to me! I deserve better than that! We are NEVER going to that place again and if I find out that you sneak off to eat there anyways, your hat will take a dive into a wood chipper!" Dixie ranted.

"I would be inclined to agree with you, Dixie, if it weren't for the fact that you ate a FAST FOOD joint. I mean, the stuff there is already low quality so you shouldn't be surprised to find a hair in your drink. I still cannot stand the fact that they kill certain animals to make that disgusting food. I've already petitioned for a riot to happen there a few days from now," Yoshi said.

"Oh, Yoshi…the way you talk about our world makes me wanna grab you and kiss- I mean, choke you! Ugh, you're so pretentious!" Dixie almost let it slip and blushed in embarrassment. Yoshi winked at her back.

"HEY DINO BOY! You better not shut down McToads, their fries are the only thing in this world that's better than garlic!" Wario objected.

"Hmm…he's got a point…those fries are heavenly…I'd even say they're better than weed…yeeaaahhh…" Birdo added.

"Okay, NOW can we go!? This conversation is putting me to sleep!" Mona yelled.

"Ugh, not yet! We're still waiting for Toadsworth and his gold-digger to get finished and come out since they're coming with us. Don't ask why an old person wants to hang out with a bunch of young adults, but it's his lakehouse we're staying at so whatever…" Daisy rolled her eyes.

"Actually…there's two more people coming as well…yeah, when we told these 'people' about the trip, they begged us to come along so…I hope you guys don't mind?" DK nervously admitted.

"Oh, that's okay, DK. You're too much of a proper gentleman to reject anyone like that anyways," Bowser complimented someone for once in his life.

"Errr, thank you…Bowser? Wait, did I just say 'thank you' to Bowser!?" DK was in shock at this bizarre event and so were a few others.

"Oh yay! The more the merrier! This will be the best weekend ever! Right, Daisy!?" Peach cheered as she hugged her 'BFF' but Daisy pushed her to the ground again.

"FUCK NO! It's already bad enough having to deal with you dumb bitches for this trip!" the princess insulted.

"Hey, princess. I'm definitely not dumb, right?" Luigi asked.

"Oh sweetie…you're definitely dumb. But not as dumb as the rest here. That's one of the reasons why I love you," Daisy gave a sweet smile and kissed him on the nose. Luigi got lovestruck and fainted to the ground.

A hot pink car pulled up to the castle grounds and parked. Everyone dropped their jaws in surprise at who it was.

It was the two monkey babes, Tiny and Candy Kong. They both got out, both wearing the smallest crop tops anyone has ever seen, basically covering just their boobs. Along with that was also VERY short denim shorts that barely covered their butts. Their makeup was overdone, making them look 10 years older than they really were. And as if it couldn't get any worse, they were wearing six inch stripper heels.

"Uhhh, who the hell invited the hookers?" Wario asked in disgust.

"DK…were those the people that begged to come along?" Peach asked, shocked at their attire.

"Indeed. Now, why is everyone giving them such strange looks? Did I miss something?" DK asked while scratching his head.

"What's up, gang? Haven't seen some of you in forever. The last time we all hung out was when we were doing that cheesy baseball shit, right? Yeah. This is going to be a weekend that none of us will ever forget," Tiny said as she rested her arm on DK's shoulder and winked at Mario.

"I just wanna let you all know, for this weekend only, she is NOT my sister. Okay? I don't know her! She doesn't even go here!" Dixie yelled, making sure no one associates her with Tiny.

"Kind of odd for you to wink at me right after you say that. Makes me think that you're planning something very mysterious. I've got my ears and eyes on you. I'll figure out your agenda," Mario stated as the creepy violin music started playing again.

Candy Kong lit a cigarette and rested her arm on DK's other shoulder. "Chill out, big boy. We're all here to have a good time, right? Well…maybe we could have a FANTASTIC time if some money were also involved, you know?"

Everyone else (besides Tiny) widened their eyes, knowing what she was hinting at.

Daisy almost gagged at this. "Oh my god, I feel like I just walked into a prostitute convention! TOADSWORTH! TOODLES! HURRY THE FUCK UP SO I CAN GET AWAY FROM THESE WHORES!"

"You guys seriously need to stop slut-shaming those two. Women can wear whatever they want, this is a free country. I bet you wouldn't say this if it was a guy wearing that," Yoshi defended the girls.

"Hehe, I'd actually be drooling if I saw a guy wear that!" Bowser snickered. Everyone gave a weird stare to Bowser as cricket noises were heard.

The castle door slammed open and out came Toadsworth and Toodles.

"Finally! What took you guys so long?" Wario groaned.

"Sorry about that! We were, um, roleplaying…a scene from, uhh, Pokemon!" Toadsworth clearly lied since he was shifting his eyes back and forth repeatedly.

"Yes, Toadsworth was playing Drowzee and I was playing Vileplume. We were at the part where he used Pound on me…multiple times!" Toodles giggled. Everyone's faces turned green.

"OH MY GOD, THAT'S FUCKING DISGUSTING! YOU EVER PUT THAT IMAGERY IN MY HEAD AGAIN AND I'LL SAW YOUR HEAD OFF!" Wario threatened.

"Very sorry to disgust you, old chap! But now we must get a move on, correct?" Toadsworth asked.

"Yes, like, now please! Any second now and we'll all be at each other's throats…AGAIN!" Diddy panicked, remembering the previous 20 or so times everyone ended up getting into an all-out brawl whenever they went on a trip.

"Of course, of course. The lakehouse should be spot clean as I had Toad and Toadette watch over it the past few days since they wanted to stay at the lakehouse but weren't allowed to actually stay over with all of us, since this is an 'adults only' getaway," Toadsworth explained.

"Okay, but, once we get there, who's gonna drive Toad and Toadette back to the city?" Luigi asked.

"Why, they can drive themselves back, of course!" Toadsworth cheered.

"But…they're kids…how the fuck are they gonna DRIVE!? And whose car will they even drive anyways!?" Daisy pointed out.

"Oh, they'll drive mine, of course! Don't worry, despite the fact that neither of them have licenses and they probably aren't tall enough to see much of the road anyways, I 100% trust that they'll get my car back safe and sound!" Toadsworth exclaimed with positivity.

*cricket noises*

"…Okay, I think it's time to go now. So guys, just like last time, we'll either go in Mario's van or Wario's van, because there are too many cars here to keep track of and follow and whatnot. I'll go in Mario's van since it smells like pineapples," Yoshi instructed.

"Mario, you should let me drive your van. I can get us to the lakehouse faster than…well, maybe not faster than Sonic, but faster than Wario's piece of crap car from the 70's," Daisy pleaded.

"C'mon Dais, it's my bro's van, so we should let him do the driving, know what I'm sayin' G?" Luigi asked with a wink at Rosalina.

"No, I don't know what you're saying! No one knows what you're saying! Why does my head feel like it'll explode!? I don't remember overdosing on magic!" Rosalina cried.

"That's because all the drivers on the freeway are fucking IDIOTS! They're always merging without turning their blinker lights on, or tailgating you, or driving too slow, or some other stupid shit! It's better to just get on there and get it overwith!" Daisy ranted.

"Enough. I'll drive. I can handle the freeway just fine," Mario said, cueing the creepy violin music yet again.

"OH COME ON! How was that even creepy or cryptic!?" Mona grunted towards the music.

"Come on DK, let's go ride in Wario's van, it has a nice backseat with our names on it!" Tiny said with flirtiness in her tone.

"Oh! Alright then. I've never been in his van before anyways, so I don't mind," DK said, not noticing Tiny's high interest in him.

"Why don't you sit in the middle of the backseat, sweetie? Me and Tiny can hold onto you in case things get REALLY bumpy," Candy winked with the same amount of flirtiness in her tone.

"Okay, but I kinda doubt the road will be that rough," DK responded obliviously.

"Oh…y-you guys are coming with us? That's, um, c-cool! We could…uhh…get to know each other…yeah…" Pauline said in discomfort.

"I guess we're going in Mario's van then. Don't think there's any more room in Wario's…besides, I'd rather not be near those two freaky girls," Diddy said.

"That's fine. Ooh, we can sit next to Yoshi! I will sit next to him, okay!? DON'T SIT NEXT TO HIM!" Dixie demanded.

"I want to ride in your van, Wario! I don't wanna be in the same car as the creepy plumber!" Bowser shouted.

"Okay, but you do realize you'll have to sit on the ground in the wayyyy back, right? There won't be any room on the seats!" Wario said.

"I don't care. I just wanna…not be close to Mario no matter what! Y-Yeah," Bowser spoke in a weird way.

"I shall be taking my own car to the lakehouse. See you all there, yeah?" Toadsworth said while waving goodbye.

"Yes, see you guys in a while. Oh, and make sure not to forget my face, because it is the most beautiful thing you'll ever see in your life, and remembering it will make your day immediately better," Toodles speeched with a wink. Everyone else almost threw up in their mouths.

EOC.

Hope you all enjoyed this intro chapter. I already have the death list planned out so I will not be making any changes, but I think the death order will be pleasing to most people. I kinda like writing in this new style, it's different, and I think it's always pleasant for every author to take new risks, you know? As usual, say who you want to live or die, and I'll try to get the next chapter out asap.