"Good morning, my name is Toadishiana Telemarketerly and I'm reporting for Channel 64 News. I'm here at the scene of what appears to be the largest mass murder scene in recent Mushroom Kingdom history. We are at the location of Camp Acid Lake where the bodies of 20 people lay slain by, reportedly, the urban legend killer known as Koopson Voorhees. This was reported by our kingdom's very own princess, Princess Toadstool Peach, who had survived the massacre along with King Bowser Koopa, who had sustained brutal injuries from the massacre that occurred. According to the princess, she was spending the weekend at Toadsworth Toole's lakehouse with her friends when the famed urban legend killer Koopson Voorhees had stalked her friends and picked them off one by one till it was just her and King Bowser Koopa. A call came in from a man named Professor Elvinus Gadderus who lives near the lakehouse at a horse ranch who asked the police to come as he heard continuous screaming coming from the woods through the night. The police came down to the lakehouse, found Princess Toadstool Peach and King Bowser Koopa in horrid conditions and took them to the hospital while the police searched the parameters for the bodies to collect for the coroner.

One body was found amongst Princess Toadstool Peach's friends that may indeed be the body of infamous urban legend killer Koopson Voorhees. Upon arrival of the body in question, the investigators couldn't get a good clue as to who the person was as the head of the koopa had been smashed in and the face was completely mangled. However, DNA tests have been run and investigators have indeed confirmed that the killer of Toadette Kinopio, Toad Kinopio, Rosalina Starr, Pauline Peste, Waluigi Wario, Luigi Mario, Tiny Kong, Donkey Kong, Toadsworth Toole, Mario Mario, Candy Kong, Toodles Tramply, Princess Daisy Sarasa, Dixie Kong, Yoshi Pucha, Birdo Odrib, Wario Wario, Diddy Kong, and Mona Mills. This is Toadishiana Telemarketerly reporting from Channel 64 News."

Peach turned off the TV, still horribly upset from what occurred the night before. She was in a hospital room recovering from her wounds with Bowser also laying on a stretcher on the other side of the room.

"You know, now that it's been confirmed that Koopson Voorhees does in fact exist, it really makes me think about other famous urban legends being real, like the abominable snowman of Sarasaland or the murderous Easter Bunny that will kill you if you don't give him carrots to munch on!" Bowser exclaimed.

"It's just…makes me think why Koopson even did all of this. Why kill all of us? What's the point of doing that? We weren't hurting anyone, we just wanted a fun weekend with hopefully less chaos than there usually is!" Peach said.

"Because we're obnoxious adults having fun by the lake, which is exactly what happened to Koopson when he 'drowned' years ago cause the adults that were supposed to be supervising the kids we're out screwing each other's brains out," Bowser replied.

"Oh, yeah. That kind of trauma can mess with anyone's head. Still, though…it's horrible and depressing. I should've never helped organized this trip to the lake," Peach spoke guiltily.

"I should've never told DK about my feelings this late…had I told him before, we would've been the power couple of the century!" Bowser cried.

"I should've never let Daisy treated me the way she did!" Peach shouted.

"I should've never let myself get seduced into going on this trip!" Bowser cried further.

"I should've never let Mario go off on his own to the van!" Peach got teary-eyed now.

"I should've never let Birdo get me stoned, her weed is powerful as hell!" Bowser said.

"I should've never opened up that book of how to get cocaine out of your system in under a week!" Peach started venting at this point.

"I should've never- wait, what the fuck did you just say?" Bowser did a double take at her odd reveal.

"Oh, uhh, n-nothing! Don't worry about it! So, um, what are we gonna do now, Bowser? What are we gonna do, now that all our friends are dead?" Peach asked in sorrow.

"Uhh, none of them were my friends, missy! And as for your question, well, I COULD stick with my character development and realize that kidnapping you four days a week is no longer entertaining to me…buuuuttttt…with Mario no longer in the picture…ah, fuck it, who am I kidding!? It's not gonna be any fun with no challenge to come along with it anymore! It was actually fun trying to fight Mario whenever I kidnapped you, but now it just won't be the same. I think I'll just sit in my castle, yell at my kids, and eat garlic bread pizza all day," Bowser explained.

"Oh! You really thought it was fun fighting Mario? Was it, um, a 'turn on' for you?" Peach curiously asked.

"What the! Um, n-no! That's not what I'm saying! It was all fun, that's it! YUCK, PEACH! Just because I swing that way doesn't mean that I get sexually excited when I fight someone of the same gender! Plus, Mario isn't even that handsome. Or, I should say WASN'T…" Bowser spat.

"Ugh, yes he is handsome! I-I mean WAS handsome! Fine. Whatever. I guess I'm gonna go back to just drinking tea and having my secret, underground coke parties…I-I mean, um, um, underground CAKE parties! Yeah. I have secret parties that are centered around a special type of cake for me and others to eat and gain mass amounts of calories from!" Peach panicked and corrected herself yet again.

"Seriously Peach, just give it up already, I know you're a cokehead," Bowser stated. Peach sighed in frustration and turned away from the koopa king.

Professor Elvineus Gaddeus stood at the shore of the lake, looking towards the lakehouse from slightly afar as that whole area had been blocked off due to the deaths and police investigations.

"If only I was able to call for help sooner…if only I knew what was going on sooner…I could've prevented more deaths from happening. But, oh well, I guess it just wasn't meant to be. Dear Koopson, I know why you did what you did…I was one of the kids that threw you into that lake…you were angry at me and the other kids and the counselors who were supposed to be looking after you. I get your anger, and to this day, I haven't been able to forgive myself for that terrible deed I did all those years ago.

It's part of why I still stay around in this area. I heard about you killing off kids in the years prior and I kept thinking to myself, that I deserve punishment from you, Koopson. Punishment for being a cruel bully to you. I searched for you to see if the rumors were indeed true about your existence, Koopson, but you never came out for me. Now, I think I know why. It's so that I have to continue living with this punishment for the rest of my life, haunting me every single night, making me depressed and bitter towards everything in this world. Had I not been such a horrid jerk in those days and saved you from drowning, so many people would have been saved…none of these events would have happened.

And for that, I blame myself, and will have to carry this burden with me to my grave."

End of Fic.

It's been exactly 3 years since I uploaded this story. Wow. Well, thanks to the people who have been keeping up with this story all this time! Mushroom Wars will be updated on November 27, and I have another Mario horror fic in the makings right now, and it's most likely going to be my last one, as I'll be putting full focus on Mushroom Wars till it's finished. More details will come soon, so check my profile in the coming days as all the info will be on there. Stay cool!