Authors Note: I'm so excited!*squeal* This is my very first fanfic that I wrote and I am quite proud of it if I say so myself. I will update as frequently as I can (which isn't that much, because I have afterschool classes.) So I'm aiming for maybe once a week, and I apologize if it's slower.

I do not own PJO, only the newspaper.

Athena Creates the Newspaper of Olympus – by Athena

Today is a momentous occasion, for I, the goddess of crafts, have created the daily newspaper of Olympus. Since so many fellow citizens have been clamoring for information of the action on Olympus, it has inspired me to take up this hobby. We will be having news preferably once a week, but it may be more or less, depending on the daily action of Olympus. I offer you the most exciting and up to date news, starting now!

Comments: J(All) L(None)

Athena – I am so happy and proud of this titanic accomplishment. *cheerfully*

Poseidon – Titanic? Do you mean the ship I sank in whatever year? Yeah, I remember it. The people on board didn't pray to me before the journey. Humph. *angrily*

Dionysus – Phenya, why did you use such hard language? And why did you start this darned newspaper in the first place? Now all the chitter-chatter won't let me sleep. *grumpily*

Athena – Poseidon, titanic = large. I thought you would at least know this basic language. And Dionysus, they're not hard words, they are sophisticated. *tiredly*

Artemis – Good job, Athena. This will really help. *appraisingly*

Zeus – Good work, daughter. Can you also include an article about the latest hot girls? I heard there are a lot in Vegas, but I want to be sure. I also heard that there is a website that can ship girls straight to you. *dreamily*

Hera – ZEUS! What did you just say? *really, really angrily*

Zeus – Ummm…. Athena, can I delete the comment I just said, like, right now? *nervously*

Demeter – And add an article about cereal.

Athena – Moving on….

Aphrodite vs Mariah Carey – Who is prettier? – by Ares

Weve all heard that the legendry Mariah Carey isn't just a good singar, she is also a faboolous looking girl. Now, compar the dimegodes to the most betifal godes. Who is pretier?

Comments: J(Everyone except Aphrodite and Athena) L(Athena and Aphrodite)

Athena – Your spelling is simply atrocious! For those who cannot comprehend the terrible spelling of the one and only Ares, here is another version, spelling corrected.

We've all heard that the legendary Mariah Carey isn't just a good singer, she is also a fabulous looking girl. Now, compare the demigoddess to the most beautiful goddess. Who is prettier?

Now, please place your votes.

Hestia – I wish to remain neutral.

Demeter – Definitely Mariah, because she loves cereal.

Dionysus – How do you know? For all you know, she could have never eaten a spoonful of cereal in her life.

Demeter – I have my means…..

Zeus – Ooooo, Mariah Carey, what a babe…. She is soooo… *dreamily*

Hera – Ahem

Zeus – Um, ugly looking, yeah, that's what I was going to say. Definitely Aphrodite.

Aphrodite – HAHAHAHA TAKE THAT MARIAH

Hades – Actually, she's dead

Hera – Mariah Carey, because she didn't CHEAT ON HER HUSBAND like someone…..

Zeus – Heh heh heh, who might that be? *nervously*

Hera - *growl*

Zeus - ….. Hades! How did you get on Olympus? *relieved*

Hades – I came to visit my DEAR family. Who hasn't visited me in centuries, save for Hestia. And I choose Mariah.

Poseidon – Mariah

Athena - Mariah

Aphrodite – MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Ares – Totally my sweetheart

Aphrodite – Awwwww, you are so romantic and sweet.

Hephaestus – Mariah Carey, because she doesn't cheat on me like a CERTAIN SOMEONE I KNOW…..

Apollo – Mariah, because she is so good at singing

Artemis – Anyone who isn't Aphrodite is beautiful. Mariah

Hermes – I'm not here

Dionysus – Mariah, because she doesn't comment on my wine-drinking habits.

Aphrodite – Psh, she probably doesn't know you. *sourly*

Athena – For this issue of Who Wins, I think Mariah Carey won!

Aphrodite – HOW CAN SHE BE PRETTIER THAT ME?!AUGGJHERIHEOAHR I HIOUIONCIORCUIOAMUCOIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

(Sorry for this temporary inconvenience. Aphrodite has been banned from this article due to having pressing too many keys and spamming the system.)

Poseidon – Spam? I like spam. It tastes good.

Hephaestus – There. What happened to her though?

Athena – My job is done.

Artemis – What did you do?

Athena – I tranquilized her for the citizens' safety.

Ask Athena – by Athena

Dear Athena,

What is the property of juice in the sentence, "The juice was very sweet"?

Sincerely,

Wise Dude

Dear Wise Dude,

In this sentence, "juice" is a noun. It serves as a subject for "very sweet" to describe. And since the definition of "juice" is "the liquid obtained from or present in fruit or vegetables", it means that they are saying the liquid from that particular juice is very tasty. If that didn't help, please look at the 1000 page essay I wrote, which I attached to the back of the news.

Sincerely,

Athena

Comments: J(None) L(All)

Artemis – As much as I like you as a sister, you have really gone too far, Athena.

Zeus – YES! Artemis is right. You have gone too far. And could you give me a personal copy of that essay. I need to use it for bedtime reading when I get a nightmare. *sucks on thumb*

Poseidon – You get nightmares? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH ZEUS GETS NIGHTMARES HAHAHAHAHAHA! This is soooo funny! *rolls around on ground laughing*

Ares – You get nightmares? HEY WORLD, KING THUNDERPANTS GETS NIGHTMARES!

Dionysus – You get nightmares? Care to tell me what they are? *wink*

Aphrodite – You get nightmares? No wonder your complexion is so pale. Here, try some of my RedHot Blush. It's bound to enhance your facial looks!

Athena – When did you learn such complex language?

Zeus – I hate you all. *grumbles*

Athena – All?

Artemis – All?

Hestia – All?

Hermes – All?

Hera – ALL?!

Maybelline, My Newest Product – by Aphrodite (edited by Athena)

OMG! I have like this new makeup brand in my honor called Maybelline OMG they are so awesome. So the makeup products include eye liner, eye shadow, mascara, face cream, blush bronzer, concealer, foundation, face powder, primer, lip balm, lip color, lipstick, lip gloss, lip liner, and nail paint. They also have a lot of beautifying equipment like brushes, combs, curlers, removers, and tweezers!

Comments: :)(Aphrodite) :((Artemis and twelve others)

Athena – Surprisingly, Aphrodite has very good language when it comes to makeup.

Aphrodite – Why thank you darling! And what is fabulous is that dear Hephy made me a unfillable bag to put my makeup in. Thank you, Hephy!

Hephaestus – Only because you forced me to with your charmspeak *grumbles*

Ares – I could have done that any day, Aph, darling.

Hephaestus – Oh yeah? Let's see you try.

Aphrodite – Oh, I love it when men fight over me!

Apollo – talking about makeup, Aphrodite, can you help me put on some eyeliner before my concert tonight? I gotta impress my fans. *flashes a smile, and girls all over the planet faint*

Aphrodite – Sure thing! And while we're talking to you, where is Artemis? I simply must give her a makeover! *squeal*

Artemis – Get your stupid Barbie stuff out of my face. I'm not letting you get anywhere near me with your stupid Maybe I'm Lying makeup.

Poseidon – HAHAHA! Maybe I'm Lying makeup? HAHAHA! That makes perfect sense, because your lying by putting on makeup!

Hera – YESYESYES! Give her a makeover! She needs it! *cue evil laugh*

Aphrodite – I would love to, but she just ran away to Tokyo. *sigh* But while we're on this topic, how about I give my dear queen a makeover?

Hera – ….

Hermes – Aphrodite, can I have a makeover? I have a date with my dear Stella at eight.

Aphrodite – Sure thing!

Hades – Persephone wants to purchase some dark purple eye shadow and eye liner from you.

Demeter – You liar! My sweet baby would never even consider putting on makeup, you moron! And while we're on that topic, she would naturally get a summer green for makeup instead.

Hades – Excuse me?!

Artemis – Is she gone yet?