A/N: Some Quick Facts About This Fic:
Chapters: 4
Pairing(s): Azula x Ty Lee. Also: ZukoxKatara, MaixOzai, UrsaxIroh and AzulonxIlah.
Rated: T for mild language, mature humor, melodrama and strong sexual themes.
Notes: This is for the Tyzula Advent Calendar, and will update at the end of the week until Christmas Eve. It's an expansion of Drabble 89 from Chasing the Endless Sunrise, but stands alone. I'm going to do one week of prompts per chapter, but they're unlabeled because it's a continuous narrative that wound up with a lot more to it than the drabbles I intended.

Midwinter Madness

"Well, what can I say? It's Christmas and we're all in misery."
- Christmas Vacation -

Prologue: Tasteful Nudity

The first time Ty Lee sees her in nine years, she is on the glossy cover of a magazine.

Azula Shinohai is a person who is more likely to be the cover of Forbes or Time. Maybe People once or twice due to her looks and the fact that her private life incites rumors. Ty Lee saw her in Vogue three times for interviews about her remarkable business exploits, dressed in high fashion red or blue silk that stood out starkly against her ivory skin, dark eyeliner and long lashes that made her golden eyes glow.

But right now, Ty Lee is looking at her on Maxim with nothing on but a nearly sheer blue and gold robe hanging from her flawless shoulders, her raven hair surprisingly long and strategically placed.

It's definitely a difference from the perpetual blazers and buns.

She could have been a pampered heiress Paris Hilton, but instead, she is some kind of deity in stilettos, detached from humanity, better. Ty Lee cannot explain the heir to a business empire run by a family too-often compared to the Kennedys, and she really cannot explain why she is so possessed to grab that Maxim.

It probably has something to do with the fact that once upon a time, Ty Lee was best friends with the beautiful but awkward Azula-next-door, who was in Girl Scouts with her, who was the head of every single club, who grew up to be Azula Shinohai. But that was a long time ago, and Ty Lee doubts that the gorgeous woman decorating the issue of Maxim rolled up between her hands even remembers that Ty Lee ever existed.

She never imagines that she will wind up having her life saved by Azula Shinohai one day.

She never imagines that she will wind up having a life with Azula Shinohai one day.

Chapter One: Conglamorous

Azula hates snow.

Vehemently.

But, inexplicably, she lives in New York City, which has superfluous layers of filthy snow. She has to admit that it makes her wish she were going to Los Angeles to stay with her father for Christmas instead of freezing Montana for the horrifying family holiday her grandfather is hosting. Of course, he must have ulterior motives for it; there is no way he isn't plotting to test his relatives.

And Azula passes every test she takes, at all costs.

She currently is walking down the quaint little street that her girlfriend lives on. The snow crunches under her heels and she can just feel them being ruined, because she already ruined her damned boots.

The twenty-six year old CEO of an oil company that was gifted to her several Christmases ago pushes open the door and enters a warm, white room with reproductions of fine art on the walls and a bored security guard texting at the front desk.

"You're here for Ty Lee?" the girl asks, because she has to. She looks like she really, really does not want to.

"Yes," Azula says coldly without even looking at her. She opens the door, walks past the feeble attempt at a classy lobby and takes the elevator to the third floor.

And minutes later, she is treated to a sight that belongs in a disaster movie and not her beautiful, well-managed life. There is a little girl in a hat with cat ears on it is bouncing around and trying to shove a variety of stuffed animals into a pint-sized pink suitcase while her mom is in a frantic frenzy trying to figure out how she can make her expansive beauty product collection TSA compliant.

Azula does not offer to help either of them; she sits down on the only chair not covered in discarded clothing options and silently waits. The vicious lioness in her wants to seize control of the situation and give a very riveting speech about time management and organization, but she just sits down and tries very hard not to just get the lighter out of her blazer pocket and light this apartment on fire.

It probably is the only way to clean it.

.

Somehow they manage to leave on time and arrive at the airport before the sun engulfs the Earth.

Azula has her nicest luggage, her girlfriend, and her girlfriend's whiny daughter in tow as she strides through the airport like a warrior into battle. The cold, crisp air chills the sweat on her skin as she tries to make sure Ty Lee and Bunny understand the importance of this.

Bunny struggles to keep her little pink, lacy suitcase behind her as it smashes against her heels, while Azula ignores her and continues at her fast pace. Ty Lee attempts to help Bunny keep up but isn't very successful.

"I would like for you to remember the importance of this Christmas," Azula yet again reiterates as they walk towards the opposite end of the opposite.

"Right, right, your grandfather's favor for his inheritance and the business or whatever. I'm not really that stupid, but I think you might be really that crazy." Ty Lee mutters before batting her Bambi eyes and playing cute. Mentioning the fact that Azula's dad sent her away to Colorado for a mental breakdown is never wise. Thankfully, her girlfriend is so preoccupied with her grandfather's will that she doesn't notice.

"There are rumors that my grandfather might be abdicating his ownership of the empire within the next two years. Of course, I am already CEO of one business, but due to that I deserve everything."

"But you have a lot of family higher in the hierarchy…" After a brief pause, Ty Lee suddenly gasps and two travelers turn to stare for a few moments. "Are we going to secretly kill them all off? That would be so ─"

"Unfortunately, no. Although... my family hasn't stayed together for longer than a dinner in several years. And my grandmother probably should have confiscated all knives... and maybe forks. Perhaps they'll kill each other off before New Year's."

"You're kind of obsessed with this. There's no way you won't inherit the company or the seven companies, I guess. Conglamorous? Is that the word?"

"Yes." Azula rolls her eyes behind her sunglasses. But then she slides them down further and gold eyes survey Ty Lee. "I sometimes can't tell if you're smart or stupid."

She receives no answer save for a befuddled gaze, and therefore shoves her sunglasses back up the bridge of her nose and continues walking.

At last, they come to a halt. Azula balances the Starbucks coffee on her hand and comes to a halt in front of the two uncomfortable flight attendants, waiting for her and wringing their hands.

The attendants, stammering niceties, help the three of them town onto the tarmac and out towards the beautiful Air Shinohai plane waiting for them.

Ty Lee looks out at the snow outside, and thinks perhaps she will miss it.

"I remember when I moved to New York," Ty Lee says, "the snow was higher than my head. It confused the heck out of me."

"I moved in summer," Azula says, her voice far away and distracted.

"We ran into each other last winter. One year together, oh my God." Ty Lee smiles faintly as she thinks about walking out of the club with make-up itching on her face and sparkles in her hair, and she ran into the girl she thought she lost. It was ice cold and there were snowflakes in her raven hair.

She sparkled much more than the girl with glitter lotion on her.

.

The trio arrives at a home that is somehow cold despite the fiery color scheme. It is a long, long drive from the Bozeman airport. But the beauty of the huge mansion amongst the mountains is overwhelming, and well worth the long drive. The Versailles of the Rockies, Ty Lee once read in a magazine.

On the inside, the colors remind Ty Lee of fire, but something about the manor is icy and uninviting. Bunny looks very frightened by it and its looming posters that Ty Lee thinks should be in Scooby Doo. She remembers being really scared of this place as a kid.

Ty Lee used to think it was haunted, to tell the truth. Her daughter has the same feeling.

Azula walks Ty Lee and Bunny up to her old bedroom without any other relatives interfering. Ty Lee cannot fight the flood of nostalgia. She went to school with Azula in Los Angeles, after Azula moved in next door, and her family decided they ought to spend more time together. That included a variety of vacations as kids, and coming up here for the summer was a tradition.

This might as well have been her childhood room, but it's way less pink and cute than her one at her parents' house.

"And here we are…" Azula gestures around and throws her suitcase onto the bed.

"It hasn't changed at all," Ty Lee says excitedly, laughing again. She pokes the color coded pens and stack of notebooks with Azula's name in beautiful calligraphy on the tidy covers.

Azula glances around at the perfectly intact time capsule to her childhood. Maybe Ty Lee is right that Azula has not changed that much since she was young and lived with her grandparents. She has posters that are in frames. A dresser with coasters on it for drinks, and a bookshelf with more trophies than books.

Ty Lee has only fond memories of this place. Azula honestly can say the same.

"It is just like it was when we first…" Azula trails off when she sees Bunny. She walks over to the bed and sets her suitcases on it. "Now please make a good impression on my family. They haven't seen you since you were much more innocent looking."

"Of course, empress," Ty Lee says with an exaggerated bow.

Azula rolls her eyes. The doorbell rings.

Ty Lee tenses up, her toes clenched inside the tip of her pink heels. Azula listens intently, uncertain who will arrive first; she has had little success attaining the itinerary of her family members from grandfather.

She instantly hears Zuko's voice and cannot keep herself from rolling her eyes. He is, of course, deep in conversation with his awful girlfriend. Ty Lee listens, her head tilted like a cute confused little puppy or curious kitten. She is so relieved that it's Zuko first and not Azula's dad or, worse, her mom.

"Ugh," Azula sighs. "You know what my brother's girlfriend does with his money?"

Ty Lee shrugs and turns her palms up. "Iono."

Bunny pokes a trophy and barely catches it before it falls and breaks. She looks up with her dark eyes wide, and is grateful to see that Azula and Ty Lee haven't noticed.

"Charity, Ty Lee, charity," Azula says scathingly and Ty Lee squints at her in confusion before deciding to just go with it. "She has a thousand of them and they are all a magnificent waste of time."

"Oh, that's... despicable." Ty Lee grins and twists her fingers together for good luck. She cannot mess this up if she wants to become more serious with Azula. And she does.

They walk down the stairs, Azula poking Ty Lee's spine to improve her posture. Bunny has only just settled on the bed, but Azula whispers to her, "Look as cute as you can. Be cuter than any baby they could ever make together. Which is not so difficult, so you will excel."

Ty Lee grimaces, pats Bunny on the head, and stays a few steps behind Azula as she regally walks down the staircase like something out of an Academy Award winning movie.

Katara and Zuko are deep in conversation, the door still ajar behind them. Azula closes a fist as a symbol for Ty Lee and Bunny to freeze and be silent.

"She's awful," Katara says vehemently. "Okay, they're all awful, but she has it out for me."

Zuko looks torn between the easy way or the hard way, and halfway chooses the hard way before changing his mind. "You also have it out for h... Forget it."

Katara is just getting started. "She is manipulative, cruel, vain, smells like booze and cigarettes... aaaand standing behind me, right?"

"Yes," Azula purrs, her voice echoing through the foyer. Her tone is glacial fire that makes Ty Lee's skin prickle. "I am directly behind you. I thought you'd notice from the smell of booze and cigarettes; I can tell when I smell hemp and two weeks of dried sweat."

Ty Lee laughs, then chokes, then walks away and starts closely examining the displays of priceless family heirlooms. She lifts Bunny into her arms to get her out of the crossfire.

"The smell of human is actually more appealing than chemicals, believe it or not," Katara snaps. "Ask Zuko."

Azula tries not to gag.

"Ugh. I agree with Katara." He waves his hand and gazes enviously at Ty Lee luckily being ignored while she points out the names of people in photographs to her cute daughter. Zuko does hate his sister and love his wife. That should be reason enough to tolerate this madness.

"Of course you do. I can see the new haircut. It's shaggy and unappealing. Are you a vegan now too?" Azula asks and Ty Lee thinks that perhaps that viewpoint is a little unfair. She cannot imagine Azula actually hates people who made a reasonable life choice not to kill helpless animals, as awful as Azula is; this rivalry goes deeper than can be fathomed.

"Actually, yes," Zuko says firmly. He is unhappy about that decision, but Katara made sacrifices for him too, and lying in front of her face would be a dishonorable action.

Azula cackles, which he knew that she would do when he said that. "Oh, she made you a vegan?" The mirth in her gilded eyes fades and is replaced with molten severity. "Good. I'm sure you'll die of protein deficiency soon and I won't have to worry about you stealing my inheritance."

"And that's your girlfriend?" Katara cocks an eyebrow as Zuko feels acidic rage bubbling within him. She really doesn't want to see another sibling versus sibling fistfight break out today, as much as she loathes Azula.

Three sets of eyes drift to Ty Lee, whom is tapping on an old clock that does not seem to be working. She then notices she is being stared at and jerks to attention.

"Yes. I am Azula's girlfriend," Ty Lee says brightly, and Azula is relatively impressed. She imagined this would get pathetically awkward fast. "We are so in love, and she is amazing and perfect for me. She basically saved my life, you know?"

Ty Lee wraps herself assertively around Azula's arm. It was risky, but it seems to have worked; Katara and Zuko both are glaring even more fiercely.

"Of course I did," Azula purrs, and Katara is about to say something loudmouthed certainly before the door opens again and a set of stilettos clicks inside. Mai and Ozai have at last arrived. "Well, that must be Zuko's ex-fiancée with father."

Ty Lee cocks an eyebrow. "Zuko's what?"

She doesn't have time to answer because she hears an unmistakable voice. Azula cannot reel her in before she goes to the door and sees Mai. Ty Lee hugs her before she can react.

"Mai!" Ty Lee shrieks at the top of her lungs.

"Ty Lee?" Mai croaks through the tight embrace.

"You two know each other?" asks Katara, befuddled.

"Mai's my best friend from high school!" Ty Lee doesn't let go.

"What about Azula?" Mai asks.

"Mai's my second best friend from high school!" Ty Lee corrects without hesitation. "I missed you. Wait ‒ you got engaged to Zuko? Really? Wait ‒ you got ‒"

"Married, yes," interjects the horrifying voice of the man Ty Lee has always wanted to impress but never could. She doubts Ozai will ever think she is good enough for his daughter, as he has made clear on more than one occasion.

"After dating for only a few months and without informing me," interrupts the man who Ty Lee is even more frightened of. Azulon Shinohai was always scary when she was a kid. And he still is. "But, lo and behold, she isn't pregnant."

Ty Lee steps back and can see the entire scene. There's Mai dressed in a little black dress beneath a half-buttoned black trench coat, beside Azula's father, who looks as frightening as usual. Zuko looking shaggier than when he was a kid, and Katara trying to look nice for Ozai but with clear disdain for both he and Mai. And Azulon, well dressed despite being in his own home.

"Is that yours?" Azulon asks and Ty Lee jumps. He is pointing loosely at Bunny.

"Yep," Ty Lee says nervously while backing towards her daughter.

"What's your name?" he inquires in a far, far kinder tone than he uses with this own offspring.

"I'm Bunny and I'm six." She got her mom's fear-smile.

"Nice to meet you… Bunny…"

Ty Lee nearly trips in terror over the way he looks at her when he says Bunny's name. Thankfully, Azula gently catches her and strides forward.

She greets her family with much more grace and finesse than her fiancee.

.

Azula escapes to the gardens with Ty Lee and Bunny as soon as she can afford to. Her father is officially locked in conversation with her grandfather, just as she thought she would die from the attention she was receiving from Azulon and Ilah.

"Things are going well. My mother and uncle haven't arrived yet," Azula says softly as Ty Lee examines the ice sculptures in complete awe.

"Who makes these?" Ty Lee asks, expecting some sort of expert gardener imported from Scandinavia. She never came here in winter, just the sweltering summer.

"My grandmother does," Azula says, shrugging as if this is normal. "She does flowers in spring and ice sculptures in winter."

Ty Lee looks past the beautiful animals and people made of ice and gazes at the mountains. They are gorgeous; the snow makes them even more beautiful than the purple peaks she remembers from adolescence.

Azula sits on the closed hot tub with a cigarette in her mouth. She has her blazer on her lap and her ivory skin exposed to the elements. Her mother will arrive at any minute, and she is dreading her uncle even more.

"My grandfather," Azula says with a slow exhale as Ty Lee turns around Bunny and lets her go play with a frozen panda, "likes my uncle as much as me. We've always been neck in neck in this race, and this holiday is the one when somebody wins, I guarantee you."

Ty Lee just smiles. She has decided she wants no part in the Shinohai Family Civil War, but she is going to be part of the Shinohai Family as soon as Azula gets around to helping her with the wedding plans. That reminds her… "Do they know I'm your fiancée?"

Azula sits there and makes a small face that means no.

.

Azula reclines in an ancient parlor with impressive mixed drinks by her fiancée. Ty Lee was worried about seeming like a bartender, but Azulon values skills, especially skills involving alcohol, since this family has problems with addiction and weird hobbies.

"So, what are your opinions on current events?" Azulon asks Ty Lee and she just smiles really brightly.

He waits for an answer and she squeezes Azula's hand.

"I," Ty Lee begins, "don't follow current events because I think they're unimportant to me and my life as a cute and pretty woman."

Ty Lee is grasping at he-looks-kind-of-sexist straws after the racism she uncomfortably nodded at, and, thankfully, she gets lucky. Her smile has become real now.

"Well, I'm very glad to know you are exactly the type of girl my granddaughter has always dated. Because she is very pretty and feminine but respects traditional relationship roles," he says and Azula nods.

Ty Lee cannot hide her sigh of relief when Azulon turns his attention to an exasperated Katara.

"Your people have a hundred words for snow or something don't they?" was the first thing he said to her, and so Ty Lee really can't blame that expression and third glass of straight whiskey.

But everything changes the minute Ursa and Iroh arrive.

Azula is telling one of her preselected interesting stories while Katara is texting her angry thoughts to Zuko ‒ and therefore Azula doesn't have to worry about her tedious interruptions ‒ when the doorbell rings. Now, now it truly begins.

"Should I break Azula and Ursa's glasses now or wait for them to do it?" Mai asks quietly and Ozai shoots her a glance that could kill, but it just makes her shrug and lean back in her chair.

Ilah rises and goes to answer it, and Ty Lee loses the only person who isn't completely insane in this room. She holds onto Azula even more tightly as she hears the door open and the very soothing voice of Iroh… with the less soothing voice of Ursa.

Ty Lee never hated Azula's mom. When she was a little girl, Ursa was always so much more compassionate than her own parents. She cleaned up her scraped knee once instead of telling her that tears are for the weak and her sister needs attention, and even helped she and Azula make s'mores before Azula just set the sticks on fire despite the drought.

Azula, however, always has hated Ursa. And that hatred has only intensified like an untreated infectious wound since the divorce in which she was given to her father forever and her brother to her mother forever, since that was the only custody her crazy parents could agree on. Excluding those two dreadful years of suffering through three days every month...

Now, Ursa does nothing but strike horror into Ty Lee's heart.

Ty Lee has some hope, however, until she walks inside, and Zuko stands up, and she hugs him and Ty Lee wonders if Mai really should have preemptively broken their glasses. And everything else breakable in this entire mansion. The look Azula has just given that woman for hugging her own child gives Ty Lee scared goosebumps.

"And Katara, and Azula, hi." Ursa looks almost apologetic about the icy air between she and her daughter. Azula does not.

"Hello," Azula says, batting Ty Lee's hand away when she tries to wave.

"And your father with… well, I had no idea it was Azula's high school reunion. It's good to see you, Mai and Ty Lee. You both are so beautiful and under thirty." She is looking at Ozai the entire time.

The silence is massively uncomfortable, and so Iroh clears his throat loudly and picks up a suddenly very noticeable bright pink present bag from the floor next to him. Azula's mother quite awkwardly sits down, seeming to have realized what came out of her mouth. Iroh has already turned to Ty Lee's daughter, and offers her the gift.

She grabs it. He laughs. Azula imagines herself strangling him. How dare he do his research on she and Ty Lee ahead of time.

"Bunny, do you like dolls?" Iroh suggests and Azula makes an inexplicably angry sound in the back of her throat. She grins and rips open the bag before Ty Lee can beg her to be polite.

"It's a Barbie private jet!" Bunny screams. "With Barbies too! And Ken." She cocks an eyebrow at her mother and Ty Lee laughs nervously.

"Heartwarming. Ty Lee and I have to talk in the kitchen." Azula seizes Ty Lee by the arm, and disappears into the dark kitchen.

She flips on a light and opens the door and shuts it and screams and then walks back inside and Ty Lee pretends not to have heard it.

"Maybe your mother feels bad. Her face looked regretty," Ty Lee suggests hopefully.

"I have seen remorse on her face before and it is lie. Like those butterflies that pretend to be snakes except backwards," Azula says with a molten stare that does not leave her fiancée.

Ty Lee swallows and licks her lips. "True. I'm really sorry that we didn't prepare more."

"I prepared admirably. It's not my fault you forgot all of your lines and my uncle brought gifts to sway our-your child in his favor," Azula says breathlessly and Ty Lee offers a plastic smile. "I think you should mix us some more drinks, and we should wait the fifteen minutes it will take before we can just go to bed for the night."

"I like that idea," Ty Lee says honestly.

Thank God it works.

.

Twenty-five minutes later, "I'm not having sex with you in your childhood bedroom," Ty Lee hisses as she adjusts her pajamas. "One, it feels weird. Two, these walls are super thin. I don't think you'd do so good at winning your grandfather's fortune if he heard that."

Azula doesn't bother arguing. She hates it when Ty Lee is right.

"So, any suggestions?" Azula asks softly. "The television in here only gets the weather channel. I already tried."

"Well, we can watch the weather channel." Ty Lee grins. "We can make an itinerary based on the forecast. You love itineraries. You love them more than me, even."

"That is true," Azula says, fumbling on the shadowy floor for the archaic remote she dropped at some point while unpacking.

They are in silence as it crackles to life. It's even in black and white, Ty Lee notices. Oh, that's just sad.

"Oh, those are little cloud things symbols." Ty Lee wishes she had better small talk.

"Freezing and cloudy days all week. Just like inside this madhouse," Azula mutters.

Ty Lee smiles, but Azula doesn't see in the darkness.

.

Ty Lee can't sleep for the life of her. She just edges closer and closer to Azula in their bed, because she likes the way she smells. It's so comforting, even if her intoxicating scent is mostly that of intoxicants. As she rests her head on Azula's shoulder, Ty Lee cannot stop glancing at the shadowy vignettes of a life they have shared since they were little.

She thinks a lot about things that combust. Like the 4th of July sparklers that Azula could write with when Ty Lee just twirled them around and Mai dropped after two seconds because she found them boring. About the fact that Azula found a lighter on the side of the street with this completely awesome blue dragon on it, and she still has it to this day.

Eventually, she cannot keep tossing and turning and struggling. She wiggles out of the bed and sets her feet on the ice cold floor. She never thought she would come back here like this; she never thought she would be Azula's date to her family Christmas. Or that she would somehow wind up marrying that girl-next-door everybody dreams about as a little kid.

Ty Lee walks into the bathroom and sees that foreign brand of hairspray that she does not know if Azula ever even used. She finds her toothbrush, which is tucked in among her eyeshadow-stained make-up bags and Azula's meticulously organized puzzle-box of a travel case.

She has only just grabbed it when her scream echoes through the cold manor. "Spider! Spider! Spider!"

Azula wakes up and instantly feels a surge of adrenaline. She quickly realizes that it is her beloved fiancée finding a spider, and not the nightmare she inhabited, and that the knife she is holding up in the darkness is completely unwarranted.

She sighs and walks across the hall to the guest bathroom. Ty Lee is on the counter holding a hairbrush like a club, her last line of defense against, "Oh, I actually think that kind might be venomous. Good thing you caught it before we went to sleep."

Ty Lee whimpers and clutches the hairbrush more tightly.

"Kill it, Azula. Kill it!" Ty Lee squeals.

"Give me that hairspray." Azula extends a hand expectantly in that regal CEO tone that drives Ty Lee crazier than her fiancée.

"Why-why? Azula, that hairspray is right by the spider!"

"Ugh. I'll get it myself. You're horrible and should learn to wash dishes if I'm going to do this," Azula snaps as she grabs the hairspray and Ty Lee hears a familiar flick.

"What are you doing? What are doing?"

"Killing the spider." Azula presses down, with that two-decade old blue dragon lighter and Ty Lee nearly falls through the solid wall because that is not okay.

A flamethrower has just erupted in the guest bathroom. They are not even two days into their visit. Also, a flamethrower.

"Do you think you're Ellen Ripley or something?" Ty Lee screeches. "You burnt the wall! They're going to be mad at us!"

"The wall is perfectly fine. It just needs... baby wipes or something. You asked me to kill the spider, and so I did." Azula smirks and Ty Lee pouts, averting her eyes from that sexy smugness.

"..."

Azula shrugs and purrs, "That's actually the only reason I have hairspray. My hair is gorgeous and perfect without any help."

"To kill spiders with fire? You can kill spiders with fire without hairspray! Why do you feel the need to do that?" Ty Lee hisses as she tries not to hyperventilate.

"Well, yes, but that's not any fun," Azula says with a dramatic sigh. "Here, I found a lighter in my step-mother's purse. You can have it."

Azula tosses it over and Ty Lee barely manages to catch it. "What do I need this for?"

"Next time there is a spider, you will see how fun it is to create a flamethrower." Azula also slides the hairspray to her girlfriend. "Instead of falling out of a second story window like you did last time you tried to kill one."

"..." Ty Lee is agape and really hates how fun that sounds... and hates how embarrassing the second statement is.

Azula lectures, "It's such a shame most people don't smoke anymore. What if we were in a plane crash and needed to make a fire?"

"What if we needed health insurance because you burned us alive killing a spider?"

Azula shrugs. "I like to live dangerously."

Ty Lee wishes that weren't so sexy.

.

In the morning, Azula successfully evades breakfast with her mother in the guest wing, and promptly sits Bunny down in front of the big screen television in the refurbished basement and asks, "Where are your Sailor Moon discs?" while silently praying that they were not forgotten in the chaos Ty Lee calls a home.

"My packback," Bunny replies into her sippy cup of hot chocolate.

Azula succeeds and finding it and starts it playing before she hears Zuko saying, "You're good with kids. I never would have thought," with a sarcastic clap.

She shoots him a glare that makes him flinch.

"I'm not fourteen. I have accepted that it is acceptable for me to not hate children, ZuZu," Azula says and Bunny laughs.

"ZuZu…" she murmurs a few times before the show absorbs her attention.

"I never thought in a million years that you would end up with Ty Lee and a kid. Ever. I thought maybe a series of mistresses and… cats? Yeah. I'll go with that." He sets down his empty Red Bull and sits down on the sofa.

"I never thought you'd become a complete pussy at the hands of a controlling lunatic. Oh wait, I did." Azula wishes she had a better insult than that, but there is no taking it back. "I didn't expect the wasting your money on charity and becoming a vegan part."

Zuko pauses, unaffected. "I remember when you were that cute," he says.

"I'm still that cute." The corner of Azula's lip twitches. "I was an adorable child, I know. Big gold eyes, pretty, charming…"

And Zuko tries not to gag. "I thought I might have possibly missed you until just now."

Pause. Bunny looks nervous. They both laugh and then the room is quiet save for the sound of Sailor Moon for several awkward seconds.

"Do you remember when you and Ty Lee did ballet together?" Zuko asks as he notices the ballerina on Bunny's backpack and thinks of a way to break the silent. "That was hilarious."

Azula scoffs and sits down on the coffee table. "I was extremely talented, as with all things. It is nothing to be ashamed of. Although my feet are still messed up."

"You wanted to be a ballerina. Did she tell you that, Bunny?" Zuko smiles.

"Nope." Bunny looks up with her sparkling eyes.

Azula wishes Zuko did not say something to make that child admire her more. Bunny already looks up to Azula far more than the Surgeon General recommends.

"It's how they met," Zuko says and Azula shakes her head.

"We met in Girl Scouts when we were eight. She switched to my studio after we became friends. I mean, after her parents found out who our father is." Azula smirks; Bunny clearly doesn't get it.

Zuko smirks. "Oh, that was eight years before she started dating me."

"What?" Bunny asks, her eyes wide.

Azula glares.

Zuko flees but has no regrets.

.

Across the mansion, Ty Lee sits down with a mug of peppermint tea in her cold hands. Mai has a matching one, although hers is slightly chipped. They both have settled on the windowseat. It faces the overwhelmingly beautiful mountains, and the picturesque frozen lake in the distance.

"I didn't even know you still talked to Azula," Ty Lee says brightly. "I'm so excited to see you."

Mai shrugs. "I thought you moved to New York City to dance. You said it was your calling."

"Azula called a little louder." Ty Lee smiles at the memory of a grungy street almost exactly one year ago. "I didn't get remotely successful anyway. I'm more successful as her personal assistant at least."

"Assistant for what exactly?" Mai asks mockingly and Ty Lee glares at her before snorting with laughter.

"I wouldn't accept money in exchange for dating her. And so she gave me a job. It's not the best job but I really don't have the skills for business, so that would be pretty blatant nepotism. But personal assistant to a genius celebrity is pretty awesome," Ty Lee says, smiling.

"Sounds awesome," Mai very sarcastically replies, but it goes right over Ty Lee's head.

"Yeah. I've taken Bunny to the American Girl store more times than a sane person ever should." Ty Lee looks away from Mai and how much older she is. Things have changed so much, but those mountains never do.

"You know, when you name a child you name them for their entire life," Mai says without any regrets about her rudeness.

Ty Lee shrugs. "You sound like my mom." Pause. "You're Azula's mom! Why are you asking me about my relationship?"

Mai hesitates, thinking it through. "Yeah. Yours is probably slightly less boring. He offered to pay off some debts of mine for a single date. And Zuko had just broken off our engagement through a text from the LAX tarmac. It worked well for everyone."

"Debts? Your parents have more money than a trillion Tony Montanas!" Ty Lee exclaims.

"That is an interesting unit of measurement." Mai is briefly at a loss for words before contuing, "But Azula's parents have more money than God. Also, my father went to prison like eight years ago and my mother ran off with her boyfriend and my brother… and cut off all contact. Or something."

"Why?" Ty Lee asks, stunned.

"Organized crime. Pretty boring." Mai shrugs, not needing to add anything else. Ty Lee thinks she ought not to ask. "The fact that we eloped without telling his parents is the only interesting part of my story."

Ty Lee thinks the first date is the most interesting one she has ever gossiped about – and there have been many – but she isn't going to argue at this point.

"I just kinda was really at rock bottom when I ran into her again. It was, what? Like forever years. Yeah, almost ten years since we graduated and…" Ty Lee swallows. She doesn't want to talk about that. "Well, I just thought it would be totally worth it to give it a chance."

"And if it all went as downhill as Azula's every other relationship in history?" Mai asks.

"I'd have some fun. I always said when life gives you lemons, make margaritas and throw a party."

"Margaritas are made with limes," Mai replies to the girl who is an alleged drink-mixing expert.

Ty Lee rolls her eyes.

.

After being told, you kids go out and play in the snow while the adults talk politics, by Azulon, four very-not-kids and one child are bundled in snow clothes and prepared to go play outside. Because they all know what Azulon is planning after this holiday, and none of them are risking over a billion dollars in fast fortune over the technicality of being in their late twenties.

"Are you capable of going outside dressed like that?" Katara asks Azula, while Zuko tries to make his left boot fit and Ty Lee dresses Bunny.

Azula cocks an eyebrow. "I'm going to ask you why because I feel sorry for you and assume you're going to critique the fox fur lining of my extremely classy mittens, scarf, earmuffs set."

"I was going to just ask how you would light a cigarette without setting your mittens on fire, but yes, I wear fur lined everything, but you might have noticed that it's fake because I have a soul."

Azula is unfazed. No wonder Zuko loves this bitch; he needs her to fight Azula for him. "How fortunate of you. But the soulless live forever. Have fun dying of old age one day."

Katara rolls her cobalt eyes. "That's not even funny," she snaps before Zuko kisses her cheek and hugs her.

Azula is revolted, but promptly distracted by a much sexier kiss from a much sexier person.

And Azula is pleased to report that she doesn't set herself on fire.

More admirably, she doesn't set Katara on fire, despite prodding Bunny to throw a snowball at her.

.

"Does your grandmother not bake?" Ty Lee asks as mid-afternoon approaches and everyone is as bored as Mai.

"No. Not since she accidentally poisoned those kids with turpentine," Azula replies.

"W-what?" Ty Lee blinks several times. "I never heard about that before."

"I won't spoil it. She tells that story every Christmas Eve dinner and I'm trying to stay on her good side. I find this to be stupid and sexist, but I'm doing it because you look good in that apron."

"Thank you!" Ty Lee replies, twirling around to show off the cute pink cupcake print.

After nervously glancing at their partner in cookies, Ty Lee subtly steals the rolling pin from Azula and the kitchen knife from Katara before they begin baking. There is no way she is letting them keep those, no matter how much Azula compliments her cute sweet pink apron with the cupcakes on it.

"I want cupcakes," Bunny says for the third time.

Katara smiles at the cute little kid. She really does like Ty Lee's little one, even she already hates Ty Lee almost as much as she hates Azula.

"Cupcakes aren't a Christmas food," Ty Lee says, pouting at her little daughter. She considers removing her apron but then sees Azula out of the corner of her eye.

"They can be! We just make them red and green!" Bunny clasps her hands and tilts her eyes towards the light. She is an expert at begging, Ty Lee has to admit.

"She has a point," Azula replies, cocking an eyebrow. Bunny nods furiously, her braids whipping through the air.

"Doesn't your grandmother have some kind of old cookbook?" Katara asks, walking across the huge kitchen and locating a stack of bound notes.

"No. She has never cooked or baked in her life. Those belong to a series of servant chefs," Azula says honestly, and Ty Lee smiles.

"I remember your nanny. Mmmm, you had a lotta those because you chased them off, but the one during seventh or eighth grade? She made those cakes right?"

"Shut up."

Katara turns around, amused. She thinks she might have stumbled on something that flusters her boyfriend's sister.

"And she taught us how to make them that summer…"

"Shut up."

"And that was the first summer we ever dated…"

"Shut up."

"And I called you sweet sugar cakes for like three months…"

The damage is done. Azula sighs. She seizes her purse.

"I'm going outside. I'll be back when you're done openly slandering my name," Azula says, starting off towards the door.

"Don't be long, sweet sugar cakes!" Katara sings.

Azula slams the door so hard that half of the kitchen rattles.