Alright, this is my first Kuroshitsuji fanfiction after three years of obsessing over the series. Sebastian and Ciel are so interesting and multi-facetted charcters, i can not lay my finger on it. That's why i wanted to write something, that leaves as many questions open, as it their dynamic does in the canon. Recently i fell in love with Lizzy, and eventhough i ship Sebastian and Ciel (in all sort of ways), i have so much empathy for her. Sorry for any grammatical or spelling errors, English is not my mother tongue.

In case you have find your way to my story, i hope you will enjoy!

I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS!

Warning: A lot of interpretation needed, mild sexual themes, mentions of violence and demons.

Until death do us apart

In the morning

"This outfit suits my young lord exquisitely."

"As it is expected of me."

"Is the tie to my young masters liking?"

"Make it tighter."

"Certainly, my lord."

"Do you have the flower?"

"I do. Does my young master approve of my choice?"

"..."

"You gave me the freedom to choose the decorations according to my taste, young master"

" I did. And an interesting choice you made indeed, Sebastian."

"If my young master does not approve of it, I can choose a different one."

"It is fine. Although it makes me wonder, if it fits the occasion."

"I think a dahlia suits you very well, young master."

"Because you gave it to me?"

"Precisely, my lord."

"I see. Remember your place, demon. It is Elizabeth I am marrying today."

"I beg your pardon, young master. But I never considered it to serve as a reminder whom you are making holy vows to. Rather to not forget your old ones..."

"Quiet now! I don't need this today. The hat, Sebastian. It is time."

"Yes, my lord."

In the afternoon

Ah. What a beautiful sight they made. Barely anyone had lain eyes on a couple as lovely as this. The brides cheeks were flushed in faint scarlet, as she stepped down the red carpet gracefully. Her eyes sparkled of joy, as she lay them upon her waiting groom. Pure white silk whispered over rose petals and a wave of admiring gasps went through the guests.

Tears fell from smiling faces as the little bride clutched her bouquet of flowers. Pink and white roses, lavender, zinnia, carnations and even lily of the valley, all carefully picked by the butler and the maid, highlighting the fine robe that hugged her slender form. Long veils like morning mist, laces embracing her like spider's webs. Little diamonds glistening ,resembling morning dew, gently accented by sunshine hair. Daisies and little baby's breath crowned her stunning head as she raised her chin higher, finally stepping beside her soon-to-be husband.

Her groom offered her a hand, gleaming white gloves grasping her hands gently as they turned to the well-decorated altar.

Everyone that mattered was there. The beaming cook, wiping his tears of joy. The little gardener, his head buried in the cook's shoulder. There were the two loyal housemaids, clad in colourful dresses, hands clasped together. The steward was there too, eyes still young and sparkling in his withered face. Also the silver-haired footman, his usually pale cheeks now covered in a faint blush. Under a pompous hat, eager eyes and happy wheezing from an extravagant tailor.

The brother sat there too, right in the front, his face more tender than it had ever been, a little smile on his lips. Beside him, the sobbing father, burying his face in a handkerchief while smiling proudly. His wife's usually stern face had gone soft, a smile gracing her elegant contures, resembling her son's.

Many more people had been invited, finally celebrating this long anticipated day. Magnificent hats, covered with flowers and ribbons, sparkling cufflinks and colourful cravats gracing the spring garden. Not only English nobility was present, but also German acquaintances, Indian friends and a certain Chinese tradesman.

But there was also the black-clad butler, standing a few feet away from his master, smiling at the sight before him. Foolish humans, making bonds that hold no other meaning but empty words.

In the evening

"What a beautiful day it was, Ciel."

"...indeed. I am glad it lived up to your expectations."

"Didn't it to yours? It was perfectly lovely, all the pretty flowers and cute dresses!"

"What a magnificent sight it was, yes...But it was your sight that charmed me most."

"Oh Ciel..."

"..."

"You should know, all that pomp and all the festivity, it doesn't compare to what really made – or rather makes- this day dear to me-"

"Lizzy-"

"I-I am sorry...i don't mean to cry- I just ..."

"..."

"I am so happy, Ciel."

"Come now. A bride should not let tears fall on her wedding day... Smile- yes, this suits you better."

"I am so sor-"

"Do not apologize."

"Ciel, I am scared..."

"I will be careful...i will not harm you, nor will I bruise you. You are my fianceé – no, my wife – and I will not ever let something hurt you. I will protect you, even if it means from my very self."

"Why- why are you saying such things? My trust for you will never falter.. I am not afraid of you, but I – I do not know what-"

"Hush now.."

"..."

"..."

"Ciel... are you not taking off your eye-patch? It is our wedding night after all..."

"Please forgive me Lizzy, but I can not let a lady be exposed to such a horrible sight...Especially not in a night such as this one...Do not worry. I will try to be as gentle as possible."

"I trust you, Ciel...my Ciel...my husband."

...

Moonlight painted silver shadows onto two slender silhouettes, contouring and stroking soft skin, entangled in a tight embrace. Small gasps escaping trembling strawberry-lips, gentle whispers floating over their heads, dancing and disappearing in delicate whimpers. Lovely shivering arms, eminent for the golden-haired maiden, pearly tears falling without halt.

Though ignorant to those kisses, filled with regret and sorrow, fighting, painfully- Because there it was. This darkness, this shadow, looming, lurking, right in the corner of one's eye. Oh how delightful it must be, what an enormity...

Poor little girl...

Another gasp, her faint voice calling out for god and heaven- heaven, french skies and eternal bliss!

...he will never be yours.

His hands held her tighter-tighter, burying his head in her soft skin as the gruesome voice filled his mind, dripping like honey, soft, sickeningly sweet, taking over his mind. And then-

Young master...

A soaring pain pierced his eye and a small whimper escaped his lips.

Ciel.

His vision bled white, resplendet oblivion.

The next morning

"The young master has grown up."

"She might be pregnant."

"It might happen, yes."

"Sebastian."

"You would surely make a wonderful father, my lord."

"..."

"..."

"The child would be fatherless"

"Why are you certain about that?"

"I am being reminded of it every time I look in the mirror... Every time I lift my gaze from my teacup."

"I see..."

"The child would be fatherless, Sebastian."

"So it seems, my lord."

"Are you smiling?"

"I am merely thinking about an young Earl Phantomhive, skipping about and growing into a courageous man, like his father before."

"..."

"Excuse my boldness, my lord."

"Pour me some more tea."

"Of course, my young master."

...

Peaceful chirping filled the air, the soft rustling of leaves in a faint breeze, stroking through the earls shadow-hair. Specks of sunlight flickered over his ivory skin, dancing vividly. The garden in its fullest bloom, almost paradise on earth, virtues and blessing caught in its rose-petals, covered in morning dew.

Pinky finger stuck out properly, another sip of steaming tea, fine china gracing delicate lips.

This idyllic picture, like Fragonard's painting of perfection and beauty, every brushstroke flawless.

Not even this dark figure, standing beside an embodiment of beauty, could mar a sunny morning such as this one. Crimson eyes flickered over delicate hands, following every move as they reached for another tooth-achingly sweet pastry. The butlers finely shaped jaw clenched as the little tongue lapped over white cream and then-

Everything fell apart, the world was turning and the birds grew silent.

Tea spilling, cups shattering, boundaries crashing and masks falling, falling, falling.

Eager lips devouring, taking in those sweet breaths escaping silently. Desperate hands pulling, grasping, shaking- violently, without mercy as another cup fell to the ground, bursting into hundred pieces. Blood dripping down a snow-white neck, leaving behind a cruel trail of desire and hunger.

And no one was there to witness this secret of sin, no one but the wind, carrying whimpers and gasps far far away.

A few months later

She was not pregnant. And the lord had never been so relieved, as a heavy weight fell from his shoulders.

...

Her adoring eyes followed his every movement as he poured the tea for her husband. At a perfect angle, the sweet red liquid streamed into the cup, spreading its heavy scent.

She smiled and lowered her eyes to her neat stitchery again.

How lucky they were. How lucky the lord was. How lucky she was, to be his wife. How lucky, having a butler like this. She knew, without him, the earl would not sit here, and she probably would too. It was unknown to her, where he was from, how he met her husband or even what he did before he entered the Phantomhive services. But one fact she knew without a a doubt. He was always there, always taking care and watching over his young lord and master. He was his protection. How thankful she was, relief building up inside her, whenever she saw his dark form behind her shining husband. No harm could reach him, free from every threat.

She also knew, that it was necessary She could not always protect him. She was his wife now, she had a reputation to build and keep appearance. The affairs the lord was tangled in acquired a strong heart of course, in case she would be dragged into it. But he insisted on keeping her away from his work.

Low-heeled shoes

A sword to protect you

Mother's teachings

Those are the "nice things" my current self is made of.

She swore herself that day, that she would always be this, always by his site, no matter what. If a day should come, when the butler could not be there, she would stand by him. Safety for the one she loves most, for the one she would even go to hell to get him back.

But thank god, the butler stood there, right beside him. Nothing could harm her husband now.

She smiled once more, finishing a petite rose on her embroidery.

...

"We found them."

"Indeed, my lord."

"This is it then. The end."

"Indeed."

"Tomorrow. We will do it tomorrow."

"As my young master wishes."

"Sebastian. I would like to ask you a favour. And yes it is a favour, because you will not be in my services anymore, when I ask you to carry out this order."

"..."

"I have written these letters. One is for Lady Sullivan, one for the prince, one for the servants and the last one for her, Elizabeth. I want you to give them to a deliverer at dawn after we finished our business. Arrange it so that they will see it in the morning."

" And what if I will not do it?"

"Then you will not. I will not be able to order you."

"How humans tend to hold to what is left of their life, even if in death..."

"Hold your tongue, demon. You are still in my service. Tomorrow may be the last day, but you still belong to me and are to follow every order I give you.

" I will be there, always. I belong to you, as you belong to me. Until the very end, as my young master knows."

"You will be the end."

The next day, in the evening

Long grass, swaying in the wind as if celebrating this day of success, dancing back and forth on eternal hills. The setting sun blazing everything in blood red, soaking crimson resembling the stains on the butler's hands, as he brushed them against a pale cheek. The roaring wind tugged at his hair, at his clothes, pulling and pushing him away, but the earl stood tall and proud, face disgraced with evidence of sin.

For the last time he set his eyes on a sky set in fire, blinking heavily as a wide smile spread onto his quivering lips. And he laughed- laughed, softly, quietly and honest. Soft leather strings pulled and the mask fell, finally. The butler- no the demon- stepped forward hesitantly, bewildered eyes set on this slender, shaking prey in front of him, shaking with joy. Where was all the fright, the misery, the tears? Heart racing with panic, trembling hands searching for a way out? Ah, sadness. He smiled a cruel smile. How bittersweet his taste will be...

Sudden strong arms encircled him, holding tightly, ...to crush him? It must be. Those hands that brought death and sorrow within seconds, painting him red. Closer, the little lord sunk into darkness and another giggle left his lips.

A faint breeze, feathery kisses over his skin and a word leaving scheming lips, merely a whisper.

Mine.

The next morning

My dearest Elizabeth,

By the time you are holding this letter in your hands, I will be gone. I can not say for sure, where I will be. But I will not be coming back. You could say I am dead.

You are probably sad now, mad at me for leaving you behind without a goodbye, devastated due to your loss. But I want to tell you- do not be sad on my behalf. Everything was according to my plan, though I can not possibly tell you the details of it all. You might think, how terrible my fate is, why I do such things to myself. But really, it is only what I wished for. Do not be sad, I chose this path.

You will probably be lonely. I never intended on hurting you, although I knew it would end this way the moment you stepped beside me in front of the altar. I tried to make this last year as pleasurable for you as possible, giving you the days and happiness you deserve. It may not have been all sincere. Probably you are now furious at me, why am I telling you this, crushing all your dreams ? I don not want to lie to you anymore. You deserve my honesty, even if it means that your heart may be broken. I have lied far too much and far too cruel in those five years since I have returned to my family heritage.

I want to ask for your forgiveness. I dragged you into this, even though you had no part to play in my affairs. I lied to you shamelessly, by marrying you, by giving you a 'save' home, by sitting by your side. I did not deserve lying next to you during the night, you did not deserve all this enormity.

It is hard to forgive me I understand. I would not blame you if you will not.

I have come to the end, since I have run out of words to say.

Do not search for me, it will be fruitless. My path is erased from this earth and a very close person took care of me.

I wish you all the best, Elizabeth. Do not mourn me, I am not worth it. Look ahead and maybe you will finally find someone, who is worth your love and care, your pure innocent heart. Forget the shadow that I was beside you.

Your now gone husband and cousin

Ciel P.