a/n: I was musing over my "To Steal a Heart" fanfic when my thoughts suddenly spiraled off into this humorous alternate story plane! Get ready for weekly updates, and feel free to ask Howl for love advice of your own! ;)

Chapter 1: Fabulous News

HOWL'S LOVE ADVICE

Professional Love Advice from Dr. Howl Jenkins Pendragon

December 6th, Entry #27

Dear Dr. Pendragon:

I am a twenty-something-year-old woman with good prospects, a nice personality, and a full-time job. I would love a beau, but none of the nice gents I meet ever ask for my number or want a second date.

My girlfriends say I should try wearing makeup and wear pretty clothes. However, I've never really been into all that nonsense. I think someone should accept me for who I am! What do you think? Do men really think only of external beauty? I don't want to change my lifestyle, but I don't want to be alone forever, either!

Sincerely,

At a Loss in Market Chipping

Dearest At a Loss:

I have fabulous news - men love pretty girls!

You sound like such a nice lady, but all that depth really isn't necessary. Men are only attracted by what they see. At "twenty-something" years of age, you're clearly not getting any younger, so take your friends' advice. Lather on that makeup. Buy those glittering gowns. Beauty is only skin deep, so enhance it with all you've got and you'll be irresistible to the opposite sex!

After all, if you want to nab a man, then some necessary sacrifices must be made. Get the man first. There may be time for relationship later.

I'm sending you some complimentary coupons to the finest salons this side of Ingary!

Best of luck!

Dr. Pendragon, your neighborhood love enthusiast