A/N: There are so many things I find wrong with this fic; repeated themes and cliches among them. However, nothing I have ever written has seen the light of day because it gets smothered by my ridiculous standards of perfection. This is me letting go for a change, and writing for the sake of writing. This fic also serves as a means to channel ravenous plot bunnies that refuse to play nice in any of my original works. I hope you enjoy it!

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I'm using these characters to feed the plot bunnies. I also don't mean to offend anyone suffering from a real mental illness. I have one myself and I'm friends with others who cannot cope without medication. Any derogatory references come from the characters who, in this case, don't know any better.

Sakura lay quietly on the worn couch, her legs dangling over the armrest and her head in the lap of another girl. It was her favourite time of day; when the drugs wore off and she could spend a precious few moments feeling like herself again. She held out a hand experimentally and the trembling had lessened; an indication that the meds had run their course. Tomorrow she would be in the queue for more, and so the cycle would continue.

Chika shifted slightly under Sakura's weight. She had acquired some new reading material; the only thing that could keep her still for any length of time. The blonde sensed Sakura stirring and looked down to check on her.

Sakura stuck out her tongue, which Chika returned playfully before returning to her book. They had bonded well enough over the last week, the two girls. Their main difference however, was that Chika was really mentally ill, and Sakura was just pretending to be.

The common room was unusually full this afternoon. It was raining outside and all the inmates that usually spent this part of the day gardening were huddled up indoors. Two fights had already broken out and a baby cried incessantly while its exasperated mother tried to feed him.

Chika was the first inmate Sakura met when she arrived, because they had to share a room together. This had frightened Sakura first, and her initial impression of Chika didn't help either. Her wild, blonde hair looked permanently wind swept and her impossibly large blue eyes were framed by the evidence of a lifetime of insomnia. Sakura's fears were unfounded, however, because Chika was not nearly as crazy as she looked, though that was largely due to a carefully managed cocktail of drugs. She had been confined to this institution for five years, having proved time and again that she was incapable of staying on the meds by herself. The deep scars on the insides of her wrists bore testament to what happened in the absence of medication.

For the sake of appearances, Sakura needed to be on medication too, and because no one could be trusted to know that she was working undercover, the psychiatrist that hired her tried to find a concoction that was believable, but would not compromise Sakura's ability to do her job. This resulted in four pills a day; one of which was an antipsychotic that elicited rather unpleasant side effects. Other than the muscle tremor, it also made her uncharacteristically impulsive and restless, as well as making her fidget constantly. Of course, the psychiatrist had taken the side effects into account, and so the other three pills served to minimise them as much as possible. Unfortunately the antipsychotic drug was necessary. Sakura was hoping to get away with faking severe PTSD, but without the 'complication of psychosis' the psychiatrist couldn't justify keeping her at Katoka Reformatory.

Chika shifted again; she had been sitting in one place for over an hour after all.

"Maybe they need some help in the kitchen," Sakura offered.

"I just wanna finish this chapter," Chika replied. She was gnawing at a dangerously short fingernail.

On any other day, Sakura would have been glad for quiet time on the couch, but the arrival of another body to an already overcrowded room made her anxious to leave it; Kakashi had just walked in. "Read quickly," she instructed Chika, "I'll wait for you."

Chika may have been mad, but she wasn't stupid. "Your warden's here isn't he?"

"Maybe," Sakura replied. She glanced over at the copy-nin to find him looking straight at her. She held his gaze for a second before breaking it by rolling over on the couch, with her back to him. Kakashi and Genma were part of her team for this job, and while Sakura conducted her investigations as an inmate, Kakashi and Genma pretended to be wardens. Kakashi in particular, was assigned to keep an eye on her, as she was a 'dangerous kunoichi that could wreak havoc at the slightest provocation'. Apparently Sakura's psychosis was the result of a nasty Genjutsu that addled her brain a little. This scenario worked well for Sakura, because other than lying about her name and location, she could be relatively honest about the rest.

"Almost done," Chika said.

The kitchen was expectedly busy at this time of day; there were many inmates to feed. However, food preparation served as a healthy way to keep some of the inmates meaningfully occupied. Sakura and Chika were both given bread duty, where they were sent to the table covered in flour. Sakura found it strangely therapeutic; kneading dough not only dampened the tremors in her hands, but she was able to channel some of the frustration born from seeing her former sensei. Now that she was in her twenties, she had since learned to keep her temper in check; but the drugs made it hard to resist the temptation to do something violent to him. She slammed the dough hard against the table.

"Sush!" Chika said urgently; she was doing her best to supress a giggle. "You're gonna scare the other people."

Sakura looked up to see some of the inmates glancing nervously at her. She had already feigned a psychotic episode once, which resulted in a fair amount of collateral damage. Genma was the warden on duty at the time, and so he dragged her down the passage kicking and screaming like a wild animal. Once in the privacy of the solitary confinement cell, they were able to drop the act and compare their sadly thin reports.

Chika had thoroughly enjoyed watching Sakura make a scene, and had cheered her on all the way down the hallway.

"You sure you're okay?" Chika asked, nudging Sakura with her elbow. She was biting her lip in anticipation.

"Yeah, yeah," Sakura said, "I'm fine."

xxx

Kakashi leaned inconspicuously against the wall of the common room. It wasn't beyond him that Sakura's sudden departure to the kitchens had something to do with his presence. She had made it pretty clear that he was the last thing on earth she wanted to see. He couldn't blame her really; he'd been less than supportive of her newfound dream. He knew better, of course, thanks to firsthand experience. ANBU was a living nightmare, and he did not want to see his former student reduced to a breathing husk because of it.

Sakura needed two references to join the elite. Tsunade gave hers without a second thought, but even as hokage, her power was limited, and so Sakura needed a viable reference from one other source. Naturally, she had chosen him, not only because he was her former sensei, but because he was the only other person she could turn to. And he had said 'no'.

No, because ANBU was for people whose hearts were closed, who lusted after power and influence and were incapable of forming close connections with others. It was not a place for healers. It was part of the reason so many ANBU died of very treatable injuries; nin with the aptitude for healing did not fit in with the elite; they were too soft, too sensitive. The only chance most ANBU had of survival in the field was to make damn sure they weren't injured in the first place. Of course, this problem meant that talented medics were very high in demand, and Sakura planned to take advantage of that. If Sai had been around before Kakashi was due to leave for this mission, he would have wiped that fake smile right off his face, with his fist, because it was Sai that told Sakura that ANBU was desperately short of medics.

A week after Kakashi's refusal, he found himself in the hokage's office being grilled about his motives. He knew his superior could stoop low, but he didn't know just how low until that day. She accused him of sheltering his former student; for sabotaging her future. She pointed out how much attention he'd given his other students, giving the Uchiha Chidori and playing a significant role in Naruto's Rasengan. The least he could do for Sakura was give her a reference, which suddenly seemed cheap by comparison. He'd wondered in the past why Tsunade was still single…

He agreed, eventually and very reluctantly, but not without stating his own conditions. ANBU missions often required undercover work. A lot of it. He also knew that Sakura was a really poor liar. He told Tsunade that he would stand as Sakura's second reference, but only once she could prove her mettle in a covert operation. Expectedly, the hokage could not argue those terms, and agreed to them.

And now here he was, facing the consequences of his counter offer. The fact that Sakura's hatred for him stung, even a little, strengthened his resolve. ANBU tested his limits, on many levels, and if he was only just able to hold on to his humanity, he could hardly imagine how Sakura would cope, emotional and compassionate as she was. If he had to sacrifice his own feelings to save her from herself, then so be it.

The inmates buzzed restlessly around the common room. He could sense another fight brewing, and secretly, he hoped it would manifest. It was so boring here.

xxx

There was one other side effect to Sakura's meds that the doctor hadn't warned her about. Insomnia. The rain outside didn't help, and Sakura lay mesmerised by the patterns traced by raindrops running down the windows, the shadows cast on the opposite wall by the moonlight.

Chika was down in the kitchens somewhere. She couldn't sleep either, but that was largely due to her obsession with vermin. All night she fussed about rats crawling around in the kitchen below. Sakura couldn't stand it, and so she jutsued the lock most nights so that Chika could find some relief downstairs. Most of the time she returned before the matrons woke them up the next morning, but every now and then she fell asleep at one of the prep tables. When she was discovered there, she pulled the sleep walking card and claimed to know nothing of how she bypassed the locked door. That was one thing Chika could do well; lying. It was something Sakura needed to hone if she wished to join the black ops. In her fantasy mind, she believed she could get around it somehow, but the longer she stayed here, the more disillusioned she became.

Her decision to join ANBU had been uncharacteristically impulsive, and there may have been a little alcohol involved. However, what started off as a curious venture spiralled out of control quickly, leaving a relationship in ruins and her self-esteem in an even worse state. Oddly, while Sakura was only mildly interested in the position at first, all the unexpected turmoil that followed had made her utterly determined to join the black ops now. She wanted, no, had to prove herself to everyone who believed she couldn't do it, starting with Kakashi.

Her mouth tightened at the thought of him. No one else had ever been subjected to this kind of test before admission to the elite. She found her special circumstances humiliating. She had even told her peers back home that this was just a simple jonin class mission that called for her expertise because there was so much 'medicine' involved in psychiatric hospitals. Truth be told, her medical skills were of little use here; she could heal bleeding wounds, but not bleeding hearts and minds. In the meantime, she was happily forming a friendship with a very unstable young woman based entirely on lies. Perhaps that was the reason behind her insomnia; her conscience dealing its own special form of punishment.

The next morning Sakura found herself in Dr Nakamura's office for their weekly session. Of course, to everyone on the outside, this was standard procedure, though instead of therapy, Sakura was reporting her findings. She sat in the chair opposite the doctor, her hands wedged firmly between her thighs to steady the tremors while the doctor jotted something down on her clipboard.

"How are you feeling today?" The doctor asked eventually, peering at Sakura through a dainty pair of spectacles.

"Fine," Sakura replied. "I don't have anything to report…"

"We'll get to that in a minute," the doctor interrupted politely. "Right now I'm more concerned about how you're coping."

Sakura was a little stung by the comment. "I'm coping fine," she said. "Why do you ask?"

"You're looking, er, very much the part," the doctor replied, gesturing at Sakura with the back of her pen. "Are you doing it on purpose, or is there something I need to be concerned about?"

Sakura grabbed a wad of her hair and twirled it through her fingers. "Oh, you mean this?" she asked. She hadn't brushed her hair properly for two days. It was becoming too difficult to hold a brush steady.

"Yes," the doctor replied. "And now I can see why. The tremors seem to be getting worse."

"That's fine," Sakura lied, jamming her hand back between her legs. "It makes me more believable."

The doctor frowned. "And when last did you get some sleep? Have you actually seen yourself lately?"

Sakura shook her head. How could she? There were no mirrors here, at least, not any to which the inmates had access. It was an easy source of suicide material.

"I think I had better prescribe something to curb the insomnia," the doctor said, writing against her clipboard again. "And something stronger for the tremors…"

"No," Sakura cut in quickly, "please, no more meds. I'll be fine."

"You don't look fine," the doctor replied.

"I'm simply getting into character," Sakura said, faking a wide grin. "I will need to become more aggressive with my investigation soon."

The doctor skewed her mouth, but seemed to relent. "When last did you speak to one of your colleagues?" she asked.

It had been too long, actually. Sakura had been putting it off, thinking that they would attempt to contact her if they came across anything. "Not since our last session," she said.

"Perhaps I can arrange a meeting with Kakashi."

"No," Sakura said, "I'd rather speak with Genma."

"Why?" the doctor asked, frowning. "Wasn't Kakashi your sensei?"

Sakura sighed. "It's complicated," she said.

The doctor relaxed her shoulders and rested the clipboard on her lap. "If you want to talk about it," she ventured gently.

"Thank you," Sakura replied, "but I'd prefer to keep our relationship strictly business."

"Suit yourself," the doctor replied. "My offer stands if you change your mind." She wrote a final note on the clipboard. "I will arrange for Genma to meet you."

The doctor worked quickly, because that very afternoon Sakura found herself followed into the bathroom by the special jonin. There were four stalls, all of which were unoccupied. Sakura went into one of them first, and Genma followed. It was a tight squeeze, and Sakura sat on the lid of the toilet while Genma stood over her. They exchanged what they knew, but once again, their intelligence was minimal. They both wondered if the culprits suspected them of working undercover.

Sakura tried to terminate the meeting, but Genma hovered. He wore an odd frown on his face, which seemed directed at her. "Are you alright?" he asked.

"Of course I'm alright," Sakura replied. She fluffed her untidy hair, glad for her exchange with the doctor to give her a head start on this matter. "This is all for show."

"The doctor said you insisted on speaking with me," Genma pressed.

Sakura decided to play coy. "So?"

Genma rolled his eyes. "Give me your hand."

Sakura blinked. "Why?"

"Because I want to give you something."

Sakura looked down at her hands, held firmly between her legs, and then back up at Genma. He'd given her no reason not to trust him before.

Genma took her by the wrist and held firm, making Sakura tense in response. "This'll hurt a little," he said, "just bear with me."

Sakura's eyes widened, "what are you…?" She didn't have time to finish. A senbon had been pierced firmly into her arm, and it did hurt. "You son of a…" and then she realised his intention. As soon as he let go, her hand stopped shaking immediately. She moaned at the relief.

Genma smiled. "Better?" he asked.

Pride went out the window. Without any prompting on Genma's part, she was holding out her other arm as well.

"Now you're going to talk," Genma said, "it's all I ask in return."

Sakura took a few more seconds to enjoy the calm in her other arm before making eye contact again. Of course his kind gesture wouldn't be for free, but his intentions were good. Sakura sighed and told Genma about the saga between her and Kakashi. Apparently he hadn't let Genma in on their little drama. "I'm just really pissed that he has so little faith in me," she concluded.

Genma frowned. "That's not true," he said. "If anything he admires you."

Sakura snorted. "Yeah right."

"He does," he pressed. "He said that one of your best qualities is your moral integrity." Genma bit his lip, apparently deliberating. "The problem is that to catch dirty people, you gotta play dirty. That's what ANBU is for."

Sakura rolled her eyes.

"There's no shame in turning your back on the elite forces," Genma added. "I was asked to join once, but I know my limits."

"What, you were asked to join ANBU?"

Genma frowned. "Is that so surprising?"

"No," Sakura shook her head. "I mean, I just had no idea is all." She was flexing her hands. The tremors may have stopped, but she was getting pins and needles now; the senbons must have blocked a nerve of some sort. "Why did you decline exactly?" she asked.

"I have seen what it does to people," Genma said. "And though I'm not supposed to know, I have heard about some of the things they've had to do, for the sake of a mission. I don't think I'm up for that." He leaned over and took the needles out of Sakura's arms. "The relief is only temporary, I'm afraid," he said.

Sakura reached out and confiscated the senbons. Genma watched as she hid them in the waistband of her pants, but did not try to stop her. "Think about it," he said. "ANBU is not the be-all and end-all."

"We had better go," Sakura said, standing up slowly. "We're gonna be missed soon."