Disclaimer: One Piece was created by the brilliant Eiichiro Oda. I am writing purely for the entertainment of myself and (hopefully) others.

This is kinda my first time writing this many people talking together, so hopefully I did alright! It's kind of outrageous haha.

I wrote this on my phone so there's probably mistakes!

Please enjoy this little fic!

It was the end of the day, and the members of the Straw Hat crew were winding down for the night.

The men's bedroom slowly filled up as they finished their business and got ready for bed. It was soon crowded, not that anyone minded - unless Sanji and Zoro where having a particularly violent disagreement, or Brook ate something that disrupted his stomach, and they couldn't climb over each other to reach the door fast enough.

Only two were missing.

Usopp looked around curiously, pulling a sleeping cap over his head. "Where's Luffy? I wanted to show him and Chopper my newest project."

Chopper had spilled rubbing alcohol in his fur while cleaning up the infirmary, and was taking a bath with Robin before bed.

Zoro shrugged from his seat against the wall near the table, swords already resting in his bunk. "Probably taking a leak." Luffy's bunk was above his, and if he didn't wait for the rubber man to get in first, Zoro almost always ended up getting a foot planted in his face.

"He better keep his hands off the fridge!" Sanji growled, grumbling under his breath about wanting to bathe with Robin-chan, too. "And you two better not keep us up tonight after having all that caffeine, I need to be well-rested to take care of the ladies in the morning!" He directed this at Franky and Brook, who were seated at the table with their favorite drinks.

"But Sanji-san, even if I lay down I have no eyelids to close! Yohoho~"

Before the others could yell at the skeleton for his joke, the door opened, and their captain rushed into the room.

He was clad only in his boxers, his shirt flung over one shoulder, holding his shorts in his hand.

"Hey Luffy! Look at this-" Usopp began, but he walked right past the sniper.

"...better not stain..." He muttered, not paying any attention to the others.

"Mugiwara!"

"Luffy-san?"

"Shitty captain!"

Finally the swordsman stood with a scowl, yanking the shorts out of his hands. "Oi, what's the matter?!"

Luffy blinked, realizing he wasn't alone. "Eh? When did you guys get here?"

"We were already here!" Usopp yelled with an angry look. "What's wrong with you?"

He tilted his head, a frown replacing his clueless look as he remembered what had happened earlier. "Nami." He whispered, irritation in his voice.

"What'd the woman do this time?" Zoro asked, raising a brow.

"I'm not supposed to say... she said it was a secret..."

Sanji sat straight up in his bunk, glaring heatedly. "What happened to Nami-san? Tell us right now, rubber bastard, or we'll be having salad for breakfast, lunch and dinner tomorrow!"

"OK, OK!" Luffy yelled, eyes filled with panic at the thought of eating salad.

He sat cross legged on the floor, letting out a sigh, while everyone leaned in. "First, what happened was... I popped Nami's cherry!"

Silence settled over the room... and then it was chaos.

Franky, in the midst of lifting his cola bottle to take a sip, missed his mouth and bashed himself on the jaw.

Brook whipped his head to the side so fast that it continued to spin all the way around, spraying tea from his mouth in a circle.

Zoro's eyes flicked to the shorts he absently held up, zeroing in on the dark, reddish stain - and promptly dropped the bottoms like they were on fire, disgust written all over his face.

Usopp opened and closed his mouth like a fish, eyes wide, then fell back in a dead faint.

"You... WHAT?!" A demon emerged from the top bunk, looking down with red eyes.

"How dare you! I'll kill you, damn it!" Sanji's fiery grip on the rope holding his bunk up tightened, and just as he was about to jump down and shove his foot, no - both of his feet up his captain's ass, the rope snapped.

The bunk spun, miraculously tying Sanji up tightly in the blankets like a mummy, dropping him to the floor on top of Usopp, delivering a painful wake-up call.

"Nami-swaaan!" He wailed, tears rolling down his cheeks.

Usopp wiggled out from under the cook, holding his head. "I just had the weirdest dream about Luffy and Nami-"

"I didn't mean to do it - I pressed my fingers too hard and it just burst!"

The sniper sputtered. "Do we really need to hear this?!" Zoro yelled, a bit of red coloring his cheeks.

Brook and Franky crouched down next to the captain, entranced by the tale.

"I think she was kinda mad cause it got on her bed sheets, so she took mine and put it in her mouth," He paused, then added with a regretful look, "She used her teeth!"

The men all flinched, holding their hands over their own livelihoods like a shield - except Sanji, as he was still tied up.

"Whoa! Sis sounds like a real animal!"

"That sounds like it hurt, Luffy-san!"

The rubber man furrowed his brow. "Why would it hurt?"

Kinky.

Franky slapped Luffy on the back, putting his arm around his shoulders. "I'm so proud of you, Mugiwara! You're a super~ man now!"

"But I thought I already was a man?" He questioned, looking down at his lap quizzically.

"Before, you were but just a boy - now you are a full-fledged man!" Franky wiped a tear from his eye. "OW~ I have so much to teach you!"

"Ah, what happened next?" Brook asked impatiently, hanging on the rubber man's every word. "Did you see Nami-san's panties?"

Luffy tilted his head. "Huh? She didn't have any..." He answered, looking confused.

Amazingly, blood shot out of the skeleton's nose holes.

"Anyway - we wrestled for a while..." He pouted. "She strangled me!"

Unfortunately - or fortunately, for the perverts in the room, everyone's mind started to conjure up images with their captain's story. The room suddenly felt twenty degrees hotter.

"Wha... I didn't know people did those kind of things...?" Usopp murmured, cheeks red.

Sanji let out a particularly loud wail. "Not Nami-san! Doing that...with him..."

"Get over it, idiot cook!" Zoro yelled, a tick in his brow. "I didn't want to hear it either, but you just look pathetic."

Luffy suddenly started laughing. "Oh yeah! She got squirted in the face! It was so funny!" He then rubbed his head, the same irritated look on his face as when he entered the room. "That really set her off! She beat me and then tossed me out!"

Sanji's heart made an audible crack.

Like a caterpillar, he wiggled himself forward until he was next to the now forgotten shorts, staring down at them. "My dreams, all ruined. The world is a cruel place... I have lost the will to live...!" Tears ran down his face and onto the fabric.

"Sanji - don't say that!" The sniper cried, placing a sympathetic hand on his shoulder. He tried to cheer the cook up by listing off things that he loved - other than Nami.

"Moron." Zoro rolled his eye. "It shouldn't be such a surprise, honestly, the surprising thing is that she hadn't done it before."

"Whoa, don't insult Nami like that! She was a pure, young girl! I could tell from a mile away, she would only do that with someone special to her!" Franky cried, striking a pose.

The swordsman rose a brow at his suggestion that greedy, violent Nami was "innocent". "Do you really expect me to believe you knew that?"

Crossing his arms, the cyborg nodded sagely. "Of course! When a woman acts a certain way towards a man, they really-"

Luffy stuck his finger in his nose, and all conversation was lost on him as he wondered if he could get Sanji to stop crying long enough to make him a bedtime snack. Why was he crying, anyway?

Brook stood, bowing to the rubber man. "Thank you, Luffy-san. May sweet dreams run through my mind - but how can they, if I don't have a brain? Yohoho~"

"Don't really get it, but no problem! Shishishi!" He laughed. Everyone was being weird!

"I get it!" Zoro nodded, a hand on his chin as he listened to Franky. "So, when women say-"

The door to the room opened, revealing a fluffy, clean Chopper. "Is everyone ready for be- ack! What happened to Sanji?!" He gasped, rushing over to the downed man.

"He just learned something shocking - that... Uh, someone ate all the sweets, and now he has nothing to serve for dessert tomorrow!" Usopp sweated, he wasn't going to the one to corrupt Chopper - Robin would murder him in his sleep. Probably.

"Oh no! Wahh! I'm sorry Sanji, it's all my fault b-but I just love desserts!" The little reindeer blubbered, clutching onto the blond. "I ate too many!"

Usopp stared blankly.

"Enough, dammit! If everyone isn't in bed within the next five minutes, I'll cut you into a thousand pieces and sleep on the remains!"

Chopper ran for his bunk, hiding under the covers. Usopp had the decency to drag Sanji over to his destroyed bunk on the ground before jumping into his own, clenching his eyes closed tightly.

Franky shrugged, he could introduce Luffy to the ways of a real man in the morning. Brook laid down as well, humming quietly to himself.

"Eh? I guess I am pretty tired!" The rubber man climbed into his bunk, hanging his hat on the side.

Satisfied, Zoro went to his own bed, laying next to his swords.

"Oh crap - gotta pee first!" Luffy climbed back out, accidentally shoving his foot into Zoro's face.

"Bastard!"

"Wait, Zoro! I really gotta go! Ahhh!"

"Hey, aren't you supposed to be on watch right now, Brook?"

"Oh? That's right, but how can I see anything if I don't have eyeballs?"

"Get the hell out!"

"sniff... Nami-san..."

Nobody got much sleep that night.

Breakfast was a little...off, Nami noticed. Luffy was stuffing his face like usual, everyone was talking and enjoying the meal, but...

As soon as the whole crew had gathered at the table, Franky looked straight at her and flashed her two thumbs up. Sanji served the food, staring at her as if she just said she was dedicating her life to the okama way. When Zoro reached across the table for the pepper, she held it out to him - but he looked at her hand in disgust, saying he changed his mind. Usopp was trying very hard to make it look like he wasn't avoiding her gaze, and would look between her and Luffy occasionally with widened eyes.

Robin started giggling to herself halfway through the meal, but wouldn't tell her why. Chopper looked a little gloomy, eating with only half the vigor he usually had for strawberry pancakes.

Brook was the only one who seemed normal - but that was because she couldn't tell he had just winked at her.

Taking a deep breath, the navigator slammed her hands down on the table, and all conversation ceased. "What the hell is wrong with everyone?! If someone doesn't explain what this, elephant in the room is, I'm going to start knocking heads!"

Luffy paused as he was about to shove a handful of bacon in his mouth. "There's an elephant in here? Where!?" He looked around excitedly.

She slapped a hand on her forehead. "No, Luffy, I mean-"

"It's you, Nami!" Usopp yelled in panic, slapping a hand over his mouth when she refocused her glare on him.

The captains' eyes bugged out. "Whoa, Nami's an elephant?"

"Oi, damn captain! You dare say that to a lady - especially one.. that... you..." He trailed off, his expression melting from anger to despair. "N-Nami-san, whats so special about him? Why not me?" He fell to his knees, surround by darkness.

Franky suddenly burst into tears. "I can't take it anymore! I'm just so happy for you, sis, you're absolutely glowing!" He jumped out of his seat, beginning to dance. "It's so... SUPER~!" Brook pulled a guitar out from under the table and followed the cyborg, the two of them singing loudly about blossoming flowers, or something like that.

"Eh?" Nami was lost. Was this some sort of prank?

Zoro leveled her with a stare. "Luffy told us about last night, is it true?" He needed to make sure - so he could torment the cook, of course.

"Robin, what's going on?" Chopper whispered to the woman, who just patted him on the head.

"Just watch." She replied, drinking her coffee and looking like she was enjoying the insanity happening around them.

"Urgh-!" Luffy moved to the other side of the table, out of the orange haired woman's reach, but instead of blowing up - she only sigh.

"I knew that idiot wouldn't be able to keep quiet. Look, I didn't want him to say anything because I knew you all would want to try it too, but then he had to go and make such a big mess and there isn't enough to go around-"

The sniper immediately jumped up, crossing his arms in an 'x' and shaking his head. "No way! I would never!" His eyes widened at how that sounded. "Not that I-I don't like you Nami, but it's m-more like a sister.. o-or a sexy cousin-"

"Usopp, shut up!"

The navigator blushed brightly. "What!? Luffy, what the hell did you tell them?"

"Only the truth! That I accidentally popped your cherry last night!"

"Oh, god! Why did you have to say it like that?!" Nami growled, face darker than her hair, and launched herself across the table to beat him within an inch of his life.

Zoro backed up, pulling his food with him. "Don't do that crap in here, this is where we eat - hey!" He did a double take at his now empty plate.

"Listen up, you idiots!" Nami yelled, strangling Luffy for a bit longer before dropping him to the floor. "The last island we visited had many exotic foods, and since we bought so much food they gave me something to try for free - a pack of cherries that tasted exactly like chocolate when bitten into." She explained, exasperated.

The cook looked up, a small glimmer of hope in his eyes.

"Luffy saw me eating them and wouldn't leave until I let him try them - but he made a mess. We did not have sex last nigh, got it?"

Now that everyone had calmed down, the men thought back to the story, and it clicked in their heads simultaneously.

Oh.

The rubber man sat up, rubbing his head.

"Yeah! I remember - we had sex the night before!" He nodded, slapping his fist into his palm.

It was silent for a moment.

"LUFFY!" She yelled in outrage.

"Uwa - Luffy and Nami mated?!" Chopper asked, in shock.

"I didn't doubt you for a second, Mugiwara!" Franky laughed, winking.

Sanji fell to the floor, his captain's words going straight through his chest like an arrow. "Sanji! Pull yourself together!" Usopp stood over the cook, shaking him back and forth.

Robin glanced at the wet floor. "I wonder - could one shed enough tears to drown in them?"

"Tch, I'm going to train."

"Yohoho~ Young people are filled with such passion!"

I'm notoriously bad at endings - sorry~

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Thank you for reading, reviews are loved~