Olivia admittedly replies, "I honestly couldn't put anything pass my parents Dr. Baker. As you know, my childhood is full of crazed moments between them arguing, and total chaos at times." She nods as she replies, "Yes. You mentioned that previously. Most notably though, you mentioned the times when you'd be forced to take part in their arguments. Sort of like a deciding factor."

Suddenly Olivia remembers what she's referencing. There was a time where her mother made a pot roast. And her father asked her which one was better, hers or his. And, she chose his. Her mother said she wasn't upset with her, but she could see she was upset.

Snapping out of her thoughts she says, guess if I am right that this is in fact all about me. That's one way it could play out. And knowing my mother, that's the probably spot on." She doesn't want to, but she has to agree with her that this will not turn out well by any means.

Wanting to check in with her at this point, she asks, "What are you feeling right now Olivia?" Her insides are rummaging around, and she feels like her head is heavy. She knows her emotions are taking over, as the anxiety is building in her chest. Refusing to let herself get overwhelmed, and choosing to let it out. She decisively takes a breath as she honestly replies, "I'm feeling frustrated, angry, and stressed all in one."

Dr. Baker sees the impending emotional fall out about to occur. She's reading Olivia's body language and facial expression. And she guides her down the path their now walking down, as she compassionately asks, "Can you talk to me about what's connected to those feelings?"

Olivia blows air out of her mouth as she grabs a tissue from the tissue box in front of her, as tears filling her eyes breach her lids, beginning to roll down her cheeks. She dabs her eyes and takes deep breaths to calm herself first. She has to get her words together, and Dr. Baker waits patiently.

Moments later she says, "I am angry because i feel like no matter what i do. My parents will always be able to affect me in some way. And I am frustrated that i care enough to allow their antics to bother me. Why can't i stop caring about them?

I have enough professional stress to deal with, i don't need to waste anytime stressing about people who honestly don't give a damn about me. They both use what i represent to piss off each other at will. I'm like a walking pawn for them to push back and forth, and i am tired of it! I want and need it to stop!"

Hearing the words flow from her lips; Olivia allows her tears to roll down her cheeks freely. Dr. Baker gives her time to process what she's feeling for a few minutes, before asking, "What are you thinking about Olivia?" Surprisingly she quickly responds, "I'm thinking how ridiculous it is for a 34 year old woman to be crying because her mother doesn't care enough about her to have a relationship with her."

In a nurturing tone she replies, "Olivia, there's nothing wrong with how you're feeling. Don't mock your emotions. Everybody wants to be loved and appreciated, especially by the people they value, like their parents."

Hearing her response, she dabs her eyes as she replies, "The issue here doctor is I didn't realize how much her push and pull dynamic with my father affected me until now. And i can't understand why it does." Dr. Baker nods as she replies, "So you're liking her relationship with your father, as the same as your relationship with her?"

Olivia sits back as she says, "Yes. It appears my mother is simply incapable of expressing any other emotions, except for anger or disgust. Which puts her in her premier mode of being vengeful more often than not. Piss her off, and you'd better hide because she's coming at you full steam ahead, and not taking any prisoners. Ask my father how that worked for him."

Dr. Baker replies, "That's a deep resolution you've come too today Olivia. How do you feel about it?" She pauses, then says, "Like for once things are making sense." Dr. Baker asks, "Like what?"

As she cleans her face she responds, "How about the fact that I've had serious trust issues? Or the fact that I never felt love, or understood what love was until I met Fitz in my late twenties? I literally saw every relationship i had as a way to get something out of it, without having a real connection with the person my entire life. There's an endless list struggles i've had due to my upbringing. I could go on for hours. But I don't want to do that. I refuse to give her or my past anymore of my energy."

Dr. Baker nods as she says, "So you're claiming your power back?" Olivia nods in response as she replies, "Yes. I am." Seeing their session is over, she says, "Although we're out of time Olivia. I know it's defeating to realize your strategies in dealing with your parents aren't bullet proof. But, please understand the techniques you implore are designed to give you peace of mind, not necessarily separate you from them completely. And, it's apparent to me that although you willingly used distancing as a measure to withdraw from them, secretly you thought they'd still reach out to you because they missed you. And you didn't expect to miss them. But that hasn't happened, so you're angry."

She sees her processing what she's saying, but she continues as she says, "The idea of whether your parents will someday forge a healthy relationship with you is not something you can control. Learning to be concerned with only what you know you can control, is the best thing for you to do. Do you think you can do that?"

She nods as she replies, "Yeah. I do. Thanks doctor. This session has been helpful." Dr. Baker smiles as she says, "I'm glad to hear that. Good work today. Will I see you in two weeks?" She smiles in return as she replies, "Thanks. Yes. I will be sure to keep my next appointment."

They stand up and Dr. Baker replies, "Good. I'll be here. You take care. And I will see you then, okay?" She nods as she responds, "Thanks. You do the same. See you then." They waive at one another and Olivia leaves her office with a refreshed view.

The session served as confirmation of what she and Huck discussed earlier. As long as her parents are alive, they'll always be a factor in her life. Even if she's not dealing with them directly.

As she gets into the waiting car, she sits back in the seat and allows her mind to clear. The reality can no longer be ignored. A decision has to be made. She simply can't have her cake and eat it too. As she ponders what to do next, the car ride lulls her and gives her the moment of peace she needs, to think. Because her conversation with Fitz promises to be one that's been a long time coming.

Thank you for reading my fanfiction tale. The emotions of everything are coming to a head. Not only does Olivia have to deal with the potential of Rosen coming to see her regarding Warren. But, she has to think about how to deal with the fallout from her father and Jake's beef, causing people to be killed. Add her unsettled issues with her mother's neglect, and you basically have a roaring dumpster fire.

In the next installment we find out what Olivia means by thinking she cannot have her cake and eat it too. We also find out how she deals with the reality that she cannot erase her parents, and how Fitz responds to a much needed conversation they need to have. See you next time in the next installment of the Pathway to Vermont.