A/n: My attempt in some angst, in which Caitlin is engaged to Ronnie, and Barry is still hopelessly in love with her.

Somewhat inspired by my friend's reaction to the first episode of Flash. He recently got into the show and I accompanied him by re-watching the entire first season. During the scene where they tested Barry's speed, there was this little scene where he asked her something along the lines of, "why don't you smile more?" At that point, my friend looked towards me and said, "dude, they're totally going to bang."

I might leave it as a bittersweet one shot, but then again, who doesn't like happy endings.

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Chapter: 1

How do you tell someone, that you love them with all of your heart?

They sat beyond the pine trees, by the edge of autumn's reach; he asked her that question one chilly November afternoon, out of the blue, like the clear violet skies, a welcoming reprieve in the year end's monsoon.

There was something different about Barry Allen that day, a brewing intensity that vividly contrasted his gentle eyes. Pebbles crunched lightly beneath her feet as an inviting breeze caressed her loosely tied hair; it rippled the surface of the lake, a glimmering dance between water lilies, the surface sent into hues of pale blue by the warm glow of sunlight.

The wind pulled much of her brown locks into a graceful flight; she noticed his lingering gaze as she pulled them down to her shoulders, trapping them underneath her palm. She looked towards the peaceful calm, her warm eyes twinkling beneath the growing shade.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"How do you tell a person," there was a soft noticeable tremor in his voice, a lasting second that she barely caught, "that without them, the skies are of a stark greyness, pale in comparison to the warmness of their touch."

"How do you tell that same person," he asked, "that with them by your side, there is nothing to fear from the universe's uncertainty, that they are the embodiment of your hope and your strength, the reason that you love."

She tried deciphering the intentions of his troubled heart, but as much as she wanted, she couldn't find the anchors that weighed him down.

"You could tell them, by telling them." She knew it wasn't much of an advice, but there was little else she could offer but a warm smile, following the reassuring squeeze of his shoulders, "there is nothing sweeter to a woman, than the yearning of a man's heart."

She realized they never talked much about their feelings to the other, she was never too sure of what was on Barry Allen's mind. The two of them were close, she knew beyond a doubt, and the thought of them being together as something more was a daydream she found herself once indulging in. But the circumstances have never allowed them to be more than friends, and as much as she loved Barry Allen, she was with Ronnie, and Barry Allen was in love with another.

"It isn't as simple as that." he whispered.

They were quiet for a long while; she started to fiddle with her engagement ring, it still felt uncomfortable around her fingers, an unnatural feeling she wasn't still quite used to.

"Your first step should be letting her know how much she means to you." she suddenly said, in the midst of remembering how excited Iris was when telling them of her received offer to intern at the Daily Planet, all the way over at Metropolis. "You might not change a person's decision, but you can always let them know how you feel."

"There are times when letting someone know, isn't always for the better," he chuckled lightly, sad and melancholically, "sometimes, it's better to just let things be. One of us would be happy, and even if I am no longer part of her happiness, as long as she is, I am too."

"But you're not, not really at all. Being happy for someone else does not equate to being happy for yourself." She gently nudged her fingers against his, it was almost painful to see him this way, to see him crumbling in acquiescence to never being with the person he truly loves. "You should be fighting for her, spending every waking minute of your life trying to show her how you actually feel."

She squeeze the back of his palm, their eyes met and she asked, "do you really love her?"

He nodded, "with all of my heart and a little more."

"Then why? Why won't you tell her?"

"Because it isn't my place to. I fell in love with someone I shouldn't, and I won't allow my mistakes to define us both." He looked away for a long while, and as his eyes returned to hers, she noticed the fleeting sadness he tried to mask, an illusive façade, but she saw right through it all.

Her palm reached upwards and pressed lightly against the side of his cheeks, "but you are hurting."

"It doesn't matter." His palm pressed onto hers, his eyes closed as he nestled in her touch.

She slid closer to him, their arms touching as she lightly rested her head onto his shoulders, "then let me help you, you know that I am always here for you, that there is nothing more I would like than to release that burden on your heart."

For another long while, the two remained in silence, their presence was all that remained; the beat of their hearts, in between the soft chirping of birds, the whispering of the ending autumn's breeze.

"I think…" she quietly said, "you should tell Iris how you feel. She isn't the sort of person that will-"

His laughter cut her sentence short. "Iris? Oh Caitlin... for someone with duo PhDs, you can really be incredibly dense sometimes."

Her head popped up from his shoulders, a visibly pink tint across her cheeks as she looked away. There was nothing worse than getting her assumptions wrong in a case like this, she felt utterly embarrassed.

"T-then who is it," she stuttered sheepishly, "is it Patt-"

"No." he interrupted her much quicker this time, there was a pause, followed by another long sigh. He opened his mouth as though to speak, to tell her who it was that plagued his every thought, but nothing came, he simply couldn't find the words.

"You have no idea how hard it is for me to put my feelings into words."

"If you can't think of what to say, how about you pretend I am her and tell me how you feel?" Caitlin felt that if she was unable to give him the proper advice that he needed, she could at least attempt to help with his confession. When she noticed how hesitant he seemed, she playfully knocked her shoulders against his, "I insist."

She watched as Barry Allen took a deep breath, his head tilting towards the skies above, as though trying to find the courage for what was needed. He remained in that position for the longest time, his eyes closed, his breathing slowed. When he spoke once more, it was done so quietly, like the settling mists upon an early morning, a gentle fleeting touch.

"I… I am sorry."

Her ears perked up at his apology, "you don't have to- "

"Because I shouldn't have fallen in love with you."

His eyes were on hers, a solemn glint against the darkening skies, so overwhelmingly earnest she lacked the strength to look away. She realized he was doing as she asked, but it felt almost too real, so much that her heart remained ignorant to her cause, a steady thump that grew with each spoken word.

"I tried to keep myself busy with things to do, with people to distract me, but you have no idea, no clue as to how exhausting it is to try and keep you away from my mind. You have the gentlest pair of eyes I've ever seen, the sweetest smile. I could lose myself in you, and each time I close my eyes, I see us together, I see each and every one of our moments, no matter how small.

In a few short weeks, you'll be gone, lost to me forever and all that remains of you in my heart, is a persistent throb that shall accompany each heartbeat of mine till the day I die. Because you see… well, I am just so insufferably in love… with you."

She was quiet until he finished, and even though she knew it wasn't meant for her, there was a constricting pang in her chest that accompanied the slight shivers running down her back. The breeze suddenly felt a lot colder than usual.

"You really do love her, don't you?" she asked him afterwards.

He nodded, "hopelessly and endlessly."

She stood up and deeply exhaled, making an awkward sort of face as she stretched her arms outwards. They sat too long in the same place, and he smiled at the sounds she was making as she attempted reaching for her toes without bending her knees.

"Hey Barry."

"Yeah?"

"Your feelings for her, they're truly beautiful." she brushed away a few wet leaves before sitting onto the overturned log beside him, "and I know it's annoying for me to be repeating this, but you should really tell her."

Of all the reactions he could have given her, she last expected him to burst out in laughter. But he did, heartily and loud, and when he eventually regained his composure, Barry Allen looked at her with a most exhausted smile.

"I did. Cait, I just did."

"What do you mean?"

When their eyes caught for the final time, it allowed her to see the swirling emotions beneath his gentle gaze, along with the love that had always been there and forever will. In that moment, along with the crushing shatter of her heart, Caitlin finally understood, and knew who it was that Barry Allen loved with all of his heart.

"Oh." she whispered, her hands clutching onto the front of her chest. It was agonizing, but she welcomed the pain, for it was her heart's indication that she loved him the same way.

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