Jasper, 2006

I was pacing the room. I didn't know it would work. I didn't know she would want to see me. We had planned not to see each other under these circumstances. I knew she wouldn't care, but I did. I didn't want to stress her out anymore than I should for our child's sake. Bella had already been through so much.

The testimony against me was grueling and just thinking about how Siobhan grilled her got me fired up again. I let out harsh breaths as I thought about what I'd say to her once she got here. I had already scared the shit out of my lawyer right after the hearing and Judge Chan said deliberations were closed and we would only return for my sentencing. There wouldn't even be any closing arguments. That was how fast this thing was going. But I already knew that my trial would move this fast. My enemies weren't about to risk me getting away with anything or trying to escape even though I wasn't planning on running. But the powers in law aka the fucked up legal system thought otherwise. To them, I was a criminal and nothing but a gangster who was irredeemable and prone to run since I was nothing but a heartless animal.

I chuckled darkly and stopped pacing long enough to fucking laugh at the hypocrites. My money was good enough for them but I needed to be locked away forever because they feared what I'd continued to say since showing the world or their squeaky clean counterparts that some of these higher ups were nothing but criminals…like me. Fuck them!

But the question remains, would I do it all again if it still gave me Bella?

I heard the door open and the warden, Mr. Smith, an old family friend, escorted Bella into the room. As soon as I looked into those inquisitive yet defiant brown eyes, I knew my answer. Yes, I'd fucking do it all over again if it gave me Bella Swan.

"You wanted to see me?" She cocked an eyebrow at me. She had her arms folded over her chest defensively. She was ready to fight.

"I didn't think you'd show." I said smugly. Like she would be afraid to face me. Bella, unlike others, didn't fear me.

"Why not?" She challenged.

"Reputation."

She scoffed. "Banner's people are already dragging my name through the mud, Jasper. After I had done for the department, for my career, none of it mattered. Right now, I'm nothing but your whore. So why wouldn't I visit my pimp when he called?" she said harshly.

I smiled at her. Her logic was fucking refreshing and I loved her snarky attitude about all of this. "I didn't want to call you. We agree that…"

Bella cut me off. "Just tell me why I'm here."

So she wanted to play hardball and act like a hard ass. Fine! "Why the fuck did you do it?"

She was unmoved by my outburst. "Because it was the right thing to do."

"The right thing?" I felt like I was losing it and I was angry but I didn't want to blow up at her. "We talked about what would be best for this situation, didn't we?" I got in her ear and said through clenched teeth.

"Yes," she whispered back as I backed her into the wall opposite her.

"And we agreed, right?" I told Bella taking the stand against me wasn't going to work out in her favor if she let my attorney crush her while she sat up there. But that's what she did. She let Siobhan had a field day with her. Siobhan put Bella's reputation and credibility on the line washing away all her achievements as an efficient FBI agent and left a woman who infiltrated my gang, got caught under my spell and became my spy. She did her best to try and debunk Bella's work while she was undercover in the Whitlock gang. And in my eyes, she had almost succeeded.

I personally knew Bella had good Intel on us because I was partly responsible for the information she had received. I was already working with James, so it was easy to give Bella the details I could no longer share with him after his demise.

At first, it was overwhelming for her.

I sat down with Bella at the cabin I always met James at. It was strange being here with her, but I was oddly comfortable. I think it was because of her.

We had left Chicago with Leah alone since she was privy to this information about my true whereabouts and what I was up to. Everyone thought I had taken Bella out on an extravagant date outside of the Windy City. But that wasn't the case.

She chuckled darkly. "I still can't believe you know about here," she said, waving her hand around. "Why would he tell you so much?" She looked at me suspiciously.

"I don't know," I answered truthfully. "I can't say it wasn't shocking but seeing as I got to know you, I can't say I'm sorry."

She said nothing. She just continued to stroll around the room and I watched her as she moved over to the mantle. She picked up a picture of herself with her siblings and smiled. She kept her eyes on the pictures as she spoke, "He was always looking out for me." She sighed. "It's like he could tell what I needed even if I didn't know it myself."

I braved it and got closer to her, wrapping my arms around her waist, pulling her body into mine. I kissed her neck and she chuckled. "He would've hated you."

I feigned innocence and ignorance. I already knew he would. I wasn't exactly the type you brought home to meet the parents. "Why? I'm adorable."

Bella laughed and moved out of my arms.

As the day progressed, I got around to sharing the information I brought her out there to share with her. She was baffled that I had given her brother so much. I told her how tired I was and how I didn't want the life for Michael. It seemed to appease with her and despite her sadness as she looked over her brother's handwriting, running her fingers over his script before roughly wiping her tears away, she agreed to help me.

I thank her.

It wasn't right but a part of me liked her like this. Seeing her vulnerable and know that I could actually do something to help was a bit gratifying. I was a bastard for thinking that, but hey, so what? I liked her a lot and wanted to protect her.

"I'm going to help you in any way I can," Bella promised.

"Are you going to share the info?"

"No."

"What about your handler, Alice?" Something passed through Bella's eyes before she adamantly refused. "This was between you and James and it'll stay between you and me, got it?"

"Got it." I smiled.

She stilled hadn't out me. Even on the witness stand while being grilled, Bella stuck to her story. She wrote her own truth and told it as she saw fit. No one could get her to say otherwise. Now she was here, standing in a visitation room at a Detention Center with me being an asshole to her and she didn't looked fazed or bothered by my outburst and bad attitude. Maybe she understood that I just wanted to protect her. But from the look on her face, I knew she wanted to smack me over the head.

I kept her pinned to the wall, my mouth in her ear. A guard ran in. "Ms. Swan, are you alright?"

My guy, the warden, called the nosy guard away, making Bella laugh. "You've got people all over, huh?"

I eased back to look in her eyes. "Yeah." Then I switched gear. "You look so damn sexy right now."

She groaned and it went straight to where I wanted it to go. "Pity, you can't do anything about it," she challenged.

I backed away. "Fucking tease."

"Thanks."

It was time to get down to business. I wanted her gone. "The Banner thing is coming up." I stated.

"I know."

"I want you gone before then." I sated again. "If you can, leave tonight."

She switched gears. Suddenly I wasn't standing before a defiant woman. This Bella was vulnerable and wore her heart on her sleeve. "But the verdict?" she pleaded.

I laughed. "Bella, they are going to throw the books at me."

"But you helped them!" She'd switch again. This time she was angry as hell. "After all you had to give up! They would do this?!"

"You know they will." I truly believed that. I was bound to spend my life in prison.

"But…" Bella began to argue, but I cut her off.

I palmed her cheek, caressing it. I wanted to kiss her, it was maddening. "I know," I resigned. "And that's what's protecting you so use it and get outta here!"

"I'm not leaving you behind, Jasper!"

God, my girl was stubborn. "You fucking are!" I seethed at her, changing my own tactic. If she wasn't going to leave by will then I'd use force.

I stalked off to the middle of the room and when Bella approached, I spun around and grabbed her by throat, squeezing enough to prove my point. It pained me to act like this. I wanted her to stay. I wanted to know when my kid was born. I wanted to watch him or her grow up even if it was from behind bars. I wanted to marry her. But I couldn't. I couldn't have any of it.

Instead being with the woman I loved, raising our child together, It would all just become a figment of my imagination.

"You're gonna leave, you hear me!" I threatened. "If I see you at my sentencing hearing, you're not going to like what happens next."

I didn't wait for a response. I forcefully let her go and called for the warden to take her out of here. She staggered back a bit, staring at me with a murderous look on her face. The door flew opened and my guy, Mr. Smith walked into the room. He looked between us before he moved to Bella's side. He wrapped his arm around her waist, assisting her while she held her throat and coughed. I half expected her to flash him off, but she didn't. Instead, we shared one last look and then she was gone.

I relaxed my stance when she left. I felt like my heart had walked out of the room with her. I was so sorry for what I just did but I was praying she listened to me enough to leave town as soon as possible. I regretted my action and I would give anything to be able to apologize for hurting her before groveling at her feet like a little bitch for forgiveness, but I couldn't. As long as she listened to me, she wouldn't be around so that I could. But I'd be alright. Just knowing she and my child were safe somewhere out there, made it okay.

I came into this knowing things wouldn't end well for me.

The day of my sentencing came within a couple of days after the visit from Bella. Since that night Siobhan had visited me often, fishing for information about Bella's whereabouts. It seemed like after she felt me here at the Detention Center, she all but disappeared. I wasn't about to say shit to Siobhan, but I was smiling internally. My girl had listened. She knew I wasn't lying and I hope she understood that I didn't mean to threaten her, but I just needed her to be safe so that was why she left.

Listening to Siobhan go on and on sometimes made me worried for a bit that maybe Aro or her mom gotten their hands on her, but I quickly dismissed the thought. Bella was too strong and too pissed off to allow Aro or her mother to take her anywhere. It would have to be a helluva fight before she let that happen. And I didn't doubt for a second that Bella would have killed them. Besides, Aro was a planner. It was too early for him to try anything from where he was. I hated the son of a bitch so much I studied him over the years and knew his tactics.

Siobhan told me that the concern she held for Bella's whereabouts had to do with Banner. I had inquired because I was sick of her snooping. I knew she didn't like the fact that we were about to lose my case. But so be it. I wasn't thinking about that shit. I only cared about Bella and my baby and I was hoping she and my unborn child were far away by now.

Siobhan said the prosecution in Banner's case was scrambling for someone to attack and Bella would have been the perfect prey, but she was gone. I had shrugged when she told me. She continued to sneakily fish for information but I wasn't going to bust on Bella.

So my day was finally here. As I put on my suit, I cleared my mind of everything. I was ready. I was prepared to go into that courtroom and listen to the judge tell me that for my atrocious crimes I was going to rot in prison.

The guards came and got me once I was ready and alerted them of such. They took me out to the van and guided me inside. All the way to the courthouse, I thought about Bella. I remember being in that cabin with her brother, minding my own business while James talked and coming upon the picture of the most beautiful woman I would be fortunate to know. When James realized what I was staring at, he decided to let me know that if we were in a different situation where our lives weren't on the line, he wouldn't think I would be good enough for his sister.

I knew that, but I wanted her. James saw that I wasn't listening and just warned me about her.

"Honey Bee is a hard ass," he insinuated. "She's a force to be reckoned with."

I smirked but didn't say anything.

James sighed. "She's headstrong and smart and brave. I love her more than life itself."

"I know what it is to love your family." I was thinking about my own little brother, Michael. I knew how James felt. I would lay down my life for the kid too.

James chuckled. "Jasper…"

"Yeah?"

"If anything happens to me, she's coming for you," he resigned like he knew something I didn't. "Make sure she understands." He said cryptically.

She did come to me and I was baffled as the FBI agent who walked into my office pretending to need a job in bartending was the same girl I saved in Mexico. She was broken back then. From what I gathered, Banner had purposely sent her into a situation she shouldn't have been handling by herself because he was feeling spiteful. She wasn't one of those office sluts he could fuck and he hated that. Bella was almost untouchable due to her connections with being related to her dad, Charlie Swan and her sister, Rosalie Swan, both of the CIA and also her brother, James Swan of the FBI, who, like his little sister, Bella was an exceptional agent. So Banner wanted to taint her. Punish her for not giving in to what he wanted.

In Mexico, I remembered watching her take down the men who had hurt her. She was a merciless angel. She was magnificent. Carmen and I were almost in a bidding war over who would get to escort her home and luckily, for Bella's sake and because I didn't want her with someone as sadistic as Carmen, I won.

I watched for signs that she might remember me since Mexico when she stood in my office for the first time, but nothing. I guess sometimes doctors were right when they said that there were people who had experienced traumatic shit and lost their memories surrounding the event.

It happened to Bella. She had blocked everything out. Including me.

But I wouldn't remain on the outside for long. Since seeing her picture, watching her brother die, seeing her again, the selfishness in me had to have her and I didn't stop until I did.

I suppose it turned out good because I fell in love with her and I was lucky enough to have her love me back.

We had been through so much in such a short time. Falling in love, Loving how she refused me at first, fighting with her, breaking up (the worst fucking time of my life) getting back together, fighting alongside her, hurting when she was hurt, and then watching some of the light die in her eyes when she realized that she was a Volturi. And when I thought I had lost it all, she gives me a miracle. The miracle of our baby growing inside her.

As we got closer to the courthouse, I realized all the things I wanted with Bella that would never be.

I wanted to be there for her. I wanted to be able to fall asleep in her arms. I wanted to make her smile more often. I wanted the freedom to love her and our baby but I couldn't.

We arrived at the court house and I pushed the thoughts of her aside. I had to focus now. This was judgment day for me.

I was escorted inside the courthouse. Other criminals who knew of me, nodded in respect as the guards led me pass them. We entered the courtroom and I was brought to the table and seated next to my lawyer. Siobhan was early today and when our eyes met, hers said, "This is it."

The courtroom began to fill up with the court staff and others. Eventually, it was packed with civilians, the people working in here, and lots of federal agents. I looked into the crowd, seeing the scowls on some of the agents' faces. Maybe they were a part of Banner's fan club, which meant I really didn't give a shit about them or their simple thoughts on the matter of that asshole. I was going to kill him as soon as I got my hands on the prick anyway.

I was looking in the crowd to see if she had disobeyed me and turned up. I was praying she hadn't was off somewhere, safe and sound.

And then things got started.

The bailiff commanded us to rise as Judge Chan entered the courtroom and was about to take his seat. I took a deep breath and glanced at the jury. They were too afraid to make full on eye contact with me and I was fine with it. I didn't give a shit about them though so they should stop worrying their asses off. Siobhan had already told me that some of my boys on the outside were ready to tune some of the jury up but I gave word for them to stand down. They were loyal to the family and the Whitlock name and they appreciated me taking the wrap for everyone. I gave out my orders telling them to find Aro and leave the jury alone. That was what they could do for me. Find him and Bella's mother, Renee. Those two motherfuckers needed to pay for what they had done to our family. I say 'our family' because that was what Bella and I were now. It didn't matter if we had to spend together apart, we were a family.

Judge Chan wasted no time with me. I liked that. I admired him for it. He gave his speech about what he thought of me and my wonderfully evil ways in my life as a leader of a criminal organization and an arms dealer. He spoke about how I was polluting the world, blah blah, but he also commended me for turning myself in and being ready to face the consequences of my actions.

That was his way of saying thanks for the information on other corrupt government officials but we will take it from here. Then Judge Chan asked the foreman of the jury to stand. The guy did. He was careful not to look at me and I smiled internally.

"Have you and the members of the jury reached a verdict?" Judge Chan asked the foreman of the jury.

"We have, your Honor."

"What say you?" The judge asked.

The courtroom was deadly quiet. Siobhan's leg was bouncing out of control under the table. She was pissed at me because she knew it was a losing battle and it burned her to the core to lose. I was ready to hear them say, life in prison without the possibility of parole. That was where my head was at. I had too much against me including Agent Collins who wanted Bella has his new renegade angel fighting on secret missions and shit. That fucker hated me as much as I hated him so with everything stacked high against me, I knew I was up shit's creek without a paddle.

"We, the jury, find the defendant Jasper Whitlock, guilty." Well, I knew that! What else? "And we suggest a sentence of life in prison with the possibility of parole in 30 years."

Well, that was new. Possibility of parole in 30 years? If I behaved nicely which meant making others do my dirty work for me, then I could be out of prison in 15 to 20 years. That wasn't as bad as I thought. I thought they were going to lock me up and throw away the key.

"I'll take it," Siobhan said as she pulled me into a tight hug. I chuckled against her shoulder. "It's not perfect and I hate fucking losing, but I'll take it!"

The courtroom was filled with cheers after my verdict was read. Banner's fan club was very happy too. But I was about to shit bricks or get shot for running across the court room because I saw her. She hadn't left. Bella was here.

She was standing with Rosalie. Rose's arm was around her shoulder while Rose shot daggers at an approaching bitch who stepped up to Bella and said something. When she stalked off, Rose looked ready to attack but Bella stopped her.

Across the courtroom, our eyes met and I couldn't be mad at her. I wanted to be, but I couldn't. Siobhan, since our hug had ended, followed my line of sight and saw Bella.

"I thought she left!" Siobhan expressed. "Oh shit!"

Before she could say anything else, I was on her. "You have to protect her, you hear me?"

"Jasper…" Siobhan started while the judge was hammering his gavel, demanding silence.

Once he got it, he gave some speech about using my time in prison wisely. Yeah I was going to kill Banner and when I got my hands on Aro, I was gonna kill him too. I would be leaving Bella's mom to her.

I didn't care about what he was saying. Bella was here and I had to get her out.

Judge Chan told me which prison I was headed and banged his gavel calling an end to the proceedings. That was when everything changed. I wasn't led out the back this time. I was taken to the front of the court house by the guards. We walked by curious onlookers, federal agents giving me the stink eye and reporters flashing their camera lights in my eyes and demanding an interview. The guards and Siobhan were keeping them off of me and I was thankfully because I was watching the girl in the black pant suit with her sister walking and half carrying her out of the court house ahead of me. They were way ahead but I could still see them.

They got out the doors before me and my lawyer and the guards and then what happened next changed everything.

I watched as Rose and Bella crossed the road. They approached a black GMC SUV and Rose got in first. But Bella paused. As did I. The guards stopped with me. I knew they were telling me to move but I couldn't. I just stood on the court house steps, watching her, willing her to get in the truck and get out of here. I thought, "I love you." As I stared at her and she gazed back.

Then everything moved as if it were in slow motion. Bella got in the truck. Siobhan came up next to me and said something along the line of 'what a relief' or 'almost there' I wasn't sure. I only knew that once Bella slammed the door of the SUV shut, the next few seconds changed my life forever as the truck blew up. There were screams and the force of the blast had dropped us on our asses. My ears were ringing and my eyes widened in shock and disbelief.

I replayed the image in my mind of Bella getting the truck and then the truck blowing up. No. I thought about it again. Bella got in the truck and the truck blew up. No. Bella was inside the burning truck across the road while sirens blared and people were screaming and rushing all over the place.

"Bella," I said in a grave voice. I felt like I couldn't breathe. No. No. Somebody, please tell me I'm dreaming. NO! NO!

I heard a strangled cry and a loud yelling before I realized it was coming from me while I tried to fight the guards off of me. I wasn't me. I felt like a caged animal. I had to get across the street and these idiots were holding me back.

NO!

My life was in that burning hell across the road. Bella. My baby!

NO!

"Somebody! Hold him down! We need an ambulance! We'll have to sedate him!" There were many voices but I focused on one. "I knew it. I knew she was sleeping with him," the nasal bitch sneered. "Look how he is acting. Bella was his whore! Good riddance!"

I overpowered my guards and was her in a second. She was the bitch who had walked over to Bella in the court house. The one Rose looked like she wanted to choke.

I wrapped the chains of my handcuffs around the bitch's throat and began to squeeze. I heard a pop and felt my shoulder burning me but I didn't care. Someone had shot me and I didn't care. The woman who would have been my wife and my child were burning. Someone had done this. Aro? I don't know who but they were all going to pay with their lives starting with this mouthy bitch. I lifted her up and slammed her down onto the pavement, loving the way her eyes were glazing over.

"Someone hurry!" That was Siobhan's voice and then I felt it. It was a stick in my neck and suddenly I was losing all power. Nooo! I wanted to kill this bitch. But I was falling asleep.

My heart had been ripped out. My life was gone. Bella was gone.

I collapsed. Wanting to die with them.

This story will be continued in Love's Blessings.

Thanks to everyone who read, alerted and fav'ed this story. I loved hearing your thoughts in your reviews. I valued every word you guys took the time out to write. I hope you will enjoy the sequel, Love's Blessings. I really appreciated the love. You're all so awesome!