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So this story came about because I was appalledat the lack of serious Shrek/Harry Potter fics. Then I went and actually had an idea for one, so of course I had to mostly plot it out, and start writing. It starts partway through Shrek the Third, and diverges from canon from there. Harry is in his fifth year at Hogwarts. I hope you enjoy! :D

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DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN SHREK OR HARRY POTTER.

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"I'm dying."

The King inhaled and launched into a violent coughing fit as a result, despite his attempts to muffle it.

That was the last thing that Shrek thought he was going to hear that day. He had known that the King was ill, but he had not known just how badly. A guilty look flashed across his face, regretting what he had said when he had been summoned. The Queen rushed to the King's aid, propping the frog up slightly more. Her hand lingered on the edge of his head for a moment before she drew away.

"Harold-"

"Don't forget to pay the gardener, Lillian."

"Of course darling." The Queen said with a smile, used to the King's kind of non-sequiturs, tears filling her eyes but not leaving King suppressed a few more coughs. He turned to Fiona.

"Fiona..."

"Yes Daddy?" She said, her voice breaking halfway.

"I know I've made many mistakes with you."

"It's okay-"

"But your love for Shrek has taught me so much."

Fiona smiled. Shrek felt rather awkward himself, intruding on this family moment. Sure, he was married to Fiona, but he had never quite felt like he completely fitted into the family dynamic. He and Harold had never really quite seen eye to eye, but they got on for Fiona's sake. The King finished talking to Fiona and turned his eyes towards Shrek.

"My dear boy, I am proud to call you my son." The King said. Shrek felt a lump start to form in his throat.

"And I'm proud to call you my Frog... King Dad in-law."

"Now, there is a matter of business to attend tooo…" The King started wheezing and coughing, unable to continue his sentence. It seemed to go on an age before he eventually stopped. Was he dead? Shrek saw Puss out of the corner of his eye remove his hat. No- he couldn't have already-

"The Frog King is dead." Puss muttered and Fiona started to cry.

The King suddenly woke up, coughing and shocking them. He wasn't dead; at least not yet.

"Put your hat back on, fool." Donkey hissed at Puss, who did as he was told. King Harold took another deep shaky breath in and then spoke.

"Shrek, please come hither."

Why out of all of them did he want to talk to him? Fiona is his daughter, he should be talking to her and spending his final moments with his proper family. Fiona gave Shrek one of those looks and he knew that he wasn't just going to be able to talk his way out of it. Shrek walked over to the King.

"Yeah, Dad?"

"This Kingdom needs a new king. You and Fiona are next in line for the throne."

Shrek felt his stomach drop. He had to be joking. Yes, King Harold had a sense of humour, it would be just like him to joke like this, even when he was dying. He couldn't be serious about that.

"Ooo. Next in line. Now you see Dad, that's why people love you. Even on your deathbed you're still making jokes."

The King stared at Shrek, stone-faced. Was he serious? Shrek blanched. What on earth was he thinking? They couldn't have an ogre for a king! They would hate him! He couldn't do the job properly either, as the past few days of filling in for Harold had proven. Shrek couldn't be king. He didn't want to be king

" Oh, come on Dad...an Ogre as King? I don't think that's such a good idea. There's got to be somebody else. Anybody?" Shrek exclaimed.

"Aside from you there is only one remaining heir."

Shrek brightened. There was hope. He didn't have to become king, there was someone else who could take up the mantle. There was somebody else who could do it!

"Really!? Who is he, Dad?" Shrek asked.

"His name is... is... is…" The King struggled for his breath and Shrek's eyes widened. He couldn't die before he told him who the other heir was.

"What's his name? What's his name?"

The King started to hyperventilate.

"Daddy!" Fiona cried

The King fell still, not breathing. He was dead. A fly came out of his mouth and flew away. Shrek swatted the fly away from his face, his stomach in his throat.

Suddenly a tongue darted out of Harold's mouth and caught the fly. He was alive! Shrek let out a sigh of relief. Harold chewed the fly, swallowed and then spoke.

"His name is Harry."

"Harry?" Shrek asked, wanting to be sure of the name.

"He- He is my grand-nephew I know you'll do what's…" The King struggled for his breath. "riiiight…"

His eyes closed and they didn't open again. Shrek put his finger on the King's neck to check for a pulse. He was dead, actually dead this time.

"Harold!?''

"Dad? Dad? Dad?"

Donkey bowed his head and hissed at Puss to take his hat off. Suddenly Shrek's arms were full of a crying Fiona. Shrek thought he could hear the castle bell tolling, but it was as if he was hearing everything through swampwater. He couldn't believe that the king had actually died. He was dead. The king was dead. The king was dead and he wanted Shrek to be the next king. Shrek couldn't be king. All Shrek wanted was a peaceful life at home at his swamp. Shrek didn't want to rule a kingdom, he had no clue how to. Shrek decided that he would go and find this Harry person and make him become the new king. He had to.

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Pregnant? Fiona was pregnant? But that meant that he was going to be a-

"How did this happen?" Shrek muttered, they had been careful hadn't they? Well, most of the time anyway. He wasn't ready to be a father. He knew next to nothing about raising kids. How on earth was he going to cope? As he had told Fiona the other day all babies did was cry and eat and poop and combinations thereof. He didn't want that in his swamp! He was going off on this journey to go and fetch this 'Harry' so that he could go back to his nice and peaceful swamp. He didn't want kids!

Shrek deflected the stupid questions from Puss and Donkey and went below deck to think.

After a little while Shrek pushed all thoughts pertaining to his life's ruin aside and instead focussed his attention to the problem at hand. They had a 3 week journey ahead of them before they reached the land in which this 'Harry Potter' lived. The Queen had known more details about her grand-nephew, such as the rest of his name, how old he was, and where he could be found. Hogwarts was where they were headed. The name was weird, but then again so was Far Far Away. Shrek had no clue where this Hogwarts actually was in relation to anywhere he knew, but the captain knew which way to go so that was all that mattered.

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Why he had taken Donkey and Puss along with him Shrek would never know. They seemed to love irritating him to no end, Donkey deliberately winding him up allegedly so that he could 'work on his patience for when the babies arrived'. Shrek just wanted to throw him overboard and not let him back on the ship. He had already done so to the nuisance once, but the Captain had had Donkey rescued. Sure, Dragon would eat him once she found out, but it was worth it.

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The days on board that wretched ship slowly but surely turned into weeks. Shrek wondered if they would ever get there. Suddenly he heard a shout from on deck, so he headed out to see what it was. Shrek emerged to see a castle and the ship slowly emerging from the water. How they had been underwater Shrek didn't understand, he only knew that they had been and now they were not. Shrek assumed some sort of hocus pocus must be involved, but he didn't particularly care either way. The castle that Shrek could see some way away from the ship was huge. It was at least four times the size of the castle at Far Far Away. Shrek felt slightly daunted, what kind of people were inside if they could afford to build a castle that big? What is this Harry didn't want to come with him? Shrek pushed that thought aside, he would have to come with him, even if Shrek had to force him to.

They all exited the ship, Donkey not shutting up with his endless questions until Puss slashed him across the face, his patience completely gone. Shrek had fought back a laugh, having wanted to do the same to him group of them split, the captain and crew staying by the ship, whilst he, Donkey and Puss started the walk up to the castle to find Harry. One of the first things that he noticed as he walked up to the castle was that there were absolutely no guards. None at all. Shrek half expected some to just appear suddenly, but none did. Their security was rubbish. The front door to the castle was even already open!

"So do we just go in?" Donkey asked.

They hesitated for a few minutes as Donkey wanted to knock, but both Puss and Shrek thought that it would be a stupid idea. The trio went inside and their jaws dropped, the Entrance Hall was huge! It was as tall as Rapunzel's tower and double the width. How rich were these people? The Entrance Hall as exquisite, but Shrek was far more interested by the noise that he could hear coming from behind the huge set of double doors at the end of the staircase in front of them.

Shrek decided that dramatically would be the best way in which to enter past the doors. He could hear, even through the doors, that there had to be over a hundred people at the very least inside. Shrek took a deep breath and pushed the door open. Well, he tried at least. Those doors were heavy!

"Donkey, help me get this door open." Shrek snapped at his irritating companion, who had just stood there watching as Puss had joined Shrek in pushing the enormous doors open. Donkey walked over and put one hoof on the door and pushed against it gently when the doors burst open with a bang. Shrek had not been expecting this, neither had Puss, and so they fell into a pile on the floor.

Shrek could hear a gasp travel around the room beyond as whoever was inside fell silent. Shrek detangled himself from Donkey and Puss and looked up to see hundreds of children. What kind of a castle was this?

"Who are you?" the voice of an old man called. Shrek turned his head and noticed that there was a high table full of adults. The man who had spoken, who also stood at the head of the table and Shrek assumed that he was in charge, had a long white beard. The man was wearing some of the most ridiculous clothing that Shrek had ever seen. It was only surpassed by the clothing that he and Fiona had had to wear when filling in at court. The difference here was that the old man, despite the fact that he did not look completely happy to see him, but then again he had just barged into his castle.

"My name is Shrek, and I'm looking for someone. I'm looking for someone called Harry Potter."

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PLEASE REVIEW AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK!

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