20

Flashes

The moment Greyback flourished his wand and almost translucent, glimmering, vertical bars formed Remus knew there was trouble to be expected. Truthfully he'd known since Greyback had announced to the Brothers and Sisters of the Colony that the oncoming full moon would be 'a very important transformation.' That it would be 'detrimental to proving' their 'worth' to him. But now, with the caging charm that contained both Remus and Hugh together-as it did with other sets of Brothers and Sisters-he was officially concerned. Though his entire body trembled with the anticipation of transformation just moments away, it was also in fear of what Greyback was about to say.

"Tonight the werewolf across from you will be your opponent. Tomorrow morning, whichever of you comes out alive, will be promoted to Elite," Greyback declared as he circled the cages.

Remus noted the shudder that went down Fenrir's back as he too was affected by the moon's rising. Across from Remus, the frail Hugh looked both panicked and malicious. Ready and hopeful to kill him. A flash of white blurred Remus' vision as the transformation began to set in. Groans and gasps of other werewolves could be heard about the room.

Remus and Dorcas left the Potter home in Godric's Hollow and stepped into the snowy night. Fat flakes fell from the dark sky coating the grass and brick street that the two walked upon. A few bits of snow clung to Dorcas' wavy hair.

"Good luck... and may the best wolf win," Greyback rasped.

Remus felt pain surge through his forehead and his breathing quicken. Hugh's chest heaved across from him as he growled uncontrollably. Not even transformed and already as primal as an animal stalking its kill. The other pairs of werewolves could be heard doing the same. Soon the noises were drowned by the sound of Remus' heart pounding against his ribs.

Dorcas walked a little in front of him, her heels clicking against the pavement. These bubblegum pink heels were reserved for special occasions such as the ball they'd attended at Hogwarts, the Potter's wedding and now a Christmas party. They lead up her curvy but petite legs and to the short hem of her little black dress. Remus smiled to himself as she drew her grey coat tightly around her, emphasizing her slim waist.

The bones in his body started to crack. He could feel his body shifting. Hugh sunk to his knees, clawing at his chest. He screamed through clenched teeth. Remus' inhaled deeply through his nose, trying to maintain some composure. He could feel his muscles tense. His jaw tightened and he closed his eyes. This could be it. This could be the end of his life. If he died as a wolf would he remain in wolf form? Never to be 'Remus Lupin' again? Would he die an animal?

Remus jogged up behind her, ensnaring his long arms around her torso. She laughed, pulling out of his grasp and walking backwards down the road.

"You'll fall walking backwards in those heels," warned Remus.

She beamed, continuing to tread in reverse.

"You'll catch me."

"Maybe... I think perhaps I should let natural selection carry out its course. Though I have grown quite fond of you, Meadowes... Might be better just to let me carry you. Apparate back to your place and..."

"And what?" she queried.

Remus shoved his hands deep into the pockets of his coat and shrugged his shoulders. Dorcas snickered and turned on her toe, letting him catch up to her. He shortened his strides to match her's. Bowing his head, he placed a light kiss on her temple then behind her ear.

"Why so romantic tonight, Lupin?" smirked Doe.

He grabbed her by her shoulders, stopping in the middle of the street and turned her to face him. Remus' fingers threaded in her hair as he pulled her face to his, interlocking their lips. She was, of course on her tiptoes, as she always was when they kissed. Even in her heels. He released her face from his grasp and moved his arms to wrap around her waist, lifting her slightly off the ground. When they finally parted, he was still holding her in mid air. Dorcas' delicate fingers were placed on his cheeks that were pink from the cold.

"What's gotten into you?" she grinned.

Pecking her lips once more, Remus slowly lowered her to the ground. She looked up at him curiously.

"Next time you wear that dress, you must remember I'm half animal, darling."

That was something he needed to remember if he was going to live. Just like Hugh, he was half animal and just as capable of murder as the rest of them.

He felt skin start to tear.

Her skin against his as they reclined in her bed.

His nails became claws.

The feeling of her nails, dragging gently down his back. Sliding over the scars.

His limbs elongated.

Dorcas' arms wrapped around his chest as her head rested in the scarred crook of his shoulder.

There was another bright flash and his mind went blank.

Her lips brushed against his and the world cracked open.

Remus Lupin was gone. Hugh was gone. Only two werewolves remained.

In Godric's Hollow...

It was five in the morning when Lily Potter put her son back to sleep. Her husband was in the kitchen fixing up a tray of very caffeinated tea for the both of them. Lily collapsed onto the parlor room sofa with a soft sigh, drawing her robe tighter around herself. Yawning, James entered with a tray that seated a tea pot and two tea cups. After knowing Lily for almost ten years James was aware she took her tea with a bit of honey, a small lump of sugar and a splash of cream. There was no need to bring in all the dressings.

"You really don't need to get up with me, James," Lily remarked as her husband set the tray on the coffee table, sitting next to her.

James handed over her tea cup, before picking up his own.

"No, I like getting up with you at the crack of dawn. Gives me time to have you all to myself."

"More like you worry I'll be whinging about being up all night and you'll have nothing to say in your defense."

"Nothing wrong with evening the playing field," shrugged James taking a drink of his steaming tea.

"Is everything a Quidditch play to you?" Lily smirked.

"Not everything."

James inclined his head. Setting down her cup, Lily mirrored him.

The two were interrupted by a soft tapping. It didn't take but mere seconds for the two to spring to their feet. They both already had their wands drawn and were treading softly towards the hallway. Lily stood just a step behind James. Had they been found? Had the concealment charm failed them? In his mind James was already playing out the possibility of death. The tapping continued. Rhythmic and quiet but still there.

Lily and James both noted it was coming from the bottom of the front door. Perhaps it was Peter in rat form trying to make his way in? Was it a Death Eater prodding around looking for an easy entrance? Was it Voldemort toying with them?

James' hand touched the knob of the door. He looked over his shoulder at a readied Lily. Her wand was poised as she nodded to James, signaling she was ready to strike. James whipped the door open.

No one was there.

He was quickly startled by the loud gasp of his wife who pushed past him and fell to her knees.

The noise had been the feeble tapping of Remus Lupin's wand at the bottom of the door. At the bottom because he was lying, sprawled on the ground soaked in blood. Covered in cuts and gashes.

Lily was lifted his head into her lap, not considering that he was staining her pajama pants crimson. James fought off a gasp of his own as his friend coughed up a reasonable amount of blood.

"Get Marlene," Lily said urgently, turning her eyes to James.

All he could do was gawk. Was this it? Was this where his best mate died? On his doorstep, bloodied, bruised and broken.

"James! Get Marlene!" Lily hissed again.

James shook himself from his gruesome thoughts and waved his wand, drawing up silvery stag.

"Marlene, it's Remus... It's bad... Come as soon as possible," he told the Patronus in a quivering voice.

With a final flick of his wand the ghostly apparition was off to Marlene's office at Saint Mungo's.

"Let's get him to the sofa," James suggested, clearing his throat.

The Potters lifted Remus at either end, gently transporting him to the sofa.

"Should-should we change him?" Lily asked smoothing blood soaked hair from Remus' face.

All he wore was a pair of savagely damaged trousers and shredded shirt. Calling it a shirt still would be gracious.

"No. Don't touch him till Marlene arrives. Just...just keep his head up," James managed.

Gently, Lily raised the werewolf's head which lolled to the side. A mixture of saliva and blood poured out of his lips. He coughed, sputtering more on the floral carpet. Lily covered her mouth, cringing and fighting off tears simultaneously. James couldn't help but feel his own vision blur with tears. Remus' left eye was swollen shut and there was a new very deep, angry scratch on his jaw line. His lip was busted but there was really no explanation for the amount of blood coating his face. His neck had another angry cut that went from the top left of his throat and disappeared beneath the collar of his shirt. The shirt which was soaked with blood and was torn in five or six places. Beneath the holes he could make out more of-what appeared to be-claw marks. His right arm was bent at an odd angle and seemed to be leaking more blood.

'Blood... blood... blood...'

The word satiated James' mind as he realized there wasn't a part of Remus that wasn't covered in it. Remus' good eye lingered between opening halfway and shutting entirely. His breaths were labored and raspy as his chest raised in shuddering movements.

"Do you... do you think we should get Sirius and Peter?" Lily asked softly.

James shook his head, kneeling beside his friend and waving his wand at the blood on the ground. It vanished only to be followed with more from Remus' mouth.

"But... but James what if he..." Lily cut herself off, trying to stifle a sob.

"He'll-he'll be fine, Lily. Marlene will be here any moment."

But James wasn't actually so sure. Remus had quite a few rough full moons that left him with a broken arm or black eye or nasty gash. Having all three of these in addition to blood consistently pouring from his mouth was a whole other beast. A loud crack sounded from the door followed by frantic knocking.

"It's me!"

Neither James or Lily considered they ought to be thorough and question any visitor they received as Moody had instructed, instead James flicked his wand at the door sending it flying open. Marlene entered, Healer robes still on and her apothecary bag in tow. With urgent strides she walked to the living room and caught sight of the mangled Remus in Lily's lap.

"Did he say anything? Any indicator of what happened to him?" Marlene questioned stooping to her knees in front of Remus.

"He wasn't even standing when he got here. We found him lying down outside our front door," James replied.

Marlene examined Remus' misshapen arm.

"He splinched on his way over..." she murmured. "The arm was already broken, but when he attempted to apparate he cut it open."

Marlene ushered Lily off the couch and propped Remus' head up with a pillow. James reflexively pulled his wife to him, trying not to show he was quite close to tears at this sight. Marlene's brows furrowed as she continued to examine his body.

"Marlene, he-he always vomits after a full moon and there's usually... some blood but... he's already lost so much. I just..." James stammered, holding Lily tighter.

Marlene shook her head, as she straightened up, removed her headdress and tied her hair back.

"That's the thing, James. Most of this isn't his blood..." she stated. "The head wounds are bleeding the most and so are the cuts on the chest but all of this on his arms and legs... it's not his."

Remus' body gave a violent shake as he coughed again, no blood emitting from his mouth this time. James was suddenly overcome with vague realization.

"Special test..." he muttered, eyes widening.

Marlene, now removing the remains of Remus' clothes didn't bother to look up at him.

"Come again?"

"He said at the last meeting that Greyback mentioned a special test come the next full moon," James repeated.

"CRACK!"

Marlene froze and closed her eyes as both James and Lily whirled around, wands ready.

"I told her not to come..." Marlene sighed.

"Lemme in!"

James' head snapped in Marlene's direction who looked up at him exhaustedly.

"You told Dorcas?" he hissed. "You know how she gets about-"

"She was in my office when you're Patronus arrived! I thought I convinced-"

Marlene was interrupted by vicious pounding on the door. James sighed, running a hand through his hair. In the back of his mind lurked concern that Harry would be awoken, even though that was currently the least of his worries.

"I'm going to tell her to come back when Harry wakes up-"

Lily shoved away from her husband, heading towards the front door.

"It's his bloody girlfriend! She has a right to see him," Lily sniffed angrily. "Invite Sirius and Peter if it makes you feel better!"

To say that Lily wasn't angry because she was putting herself in Doe's shoes would be a lie. If James were this close to death, would Sirius really debate allowing Lily to see him? Lily opened the front door. If it had been any other person, this would be the right moment for a steadying embrace and perhaps a quick briefing on the situation. A kind word preparing Dorcas for the sight that she was about to take in.

However, Dorcas Meadowes was not one whose emotions could be swayed or unburdened with any degree of preparation. Emotions were felt loud, hard and without censorship. This was why Lily moved aside as soon as the door was ajar and allowed a very harried Dorcas to walk past her to the living area.

Marlene opened her mouth to tell her flat mate not to worry or scream when she saw the mangled body of her boyfriend; but already Doe had released a gasp that resembled a cry of horror and turned around walking straight into Lily's arms.

"Dorcas, relax. It's not nearly as bad as it looks," Marlene said quietly.

Upstairs a newly awoken Harry let out a loud fuss. Wordlessly, James set off for his nursery as Lily continued to hold Dorcas. With a quick wave of her wand, Marlene managed to lift all the blood that did not belong to Remus. Quite a bit remained, but it was far less than before. The sad fact was, that despite all her talents as a healer and witch Marlene knew that Remus was hanging onto life by a thread. There wasn't much she could do to help. It was entirely up to him now. If he could hang on for a few more hours while she did her best to close the cursed wounds and heal the broken bones, he would live. Perhaps worst of all was that Marlene McKinnon knew she couldn't say any of this to anyone. Especially not Dorcas.

With shaking legs, Marlene stood and wiped her hands-sticky with blood-on her apron.

"Lily, I'll need your help with some potions," Marlene said clearing her throat. "Are you stores fairly stocked?"

Lily nodded, her hands combing over Dorcas' hair.

"Lastly, I'll need the room so if we could just keep James and... Dorcas separate that would-"

"Like hell! Are you joking? Marlene, I'm not going anywhere!" Dorcas cried ripping out of Lily's arms.

"Doe, wait in the kitchen!"

"Fuck you, Marlene! Who made you my boss?"

"Meadowes, I'm warning you!"

"What are you going to do, Marlene?" snarled Dorcas.

"I'm not gonna do anything with you screaming and sobbing! Do you want him alive or dead? It's up to you! Your presence here isn't going to mean a damn thing if I can't concentrate and do my job!"

Lily cringed waiting for Dorcas' response but nothing came. She glanced from the fuming Marlene to Doe who stood, fists balled up at her sides with her jaw clenched shut. Abruptly, the witch's eyes filled with tears. She nodded, sniffing. Dorcas Meadowes? Listening to someone else?

"Dorcas, I... I didn't-"

"No, Marlene. You're right," swallowed Doe. "I'll be in the kitchen, just... just please keep me posted. I'm sorry, Lily, would that be alright? If I waited in the kitchen? I can... go home."

"No, no. Please, make yourself at home," Lily replied softly.

Wiping away a tear, Dorcas cleared her throat and with heavy steps, left the room.

Marlene gnawed on her lip, staring blankly ahead.

"Marlene, you were right-"

"I know I'm right, Lily. I need you to make me three vials of blood replenishing potion. Can you do that?" Marlene exhaled.

Lily offered a warm smile, that albeit was shaky, comforted Marlene.

"Sure."

Marlene had her work cut out for her. Lily left the living room with footsteps that one would call faltering if they were being gracious. Stooping to her knees once more, Marlene set to work examining Remus' many wounds.

"Lupin, what the hell did you get yourself into?"

*oOo*

It started out like a drumroll. Constant pain. Seemingly ceaseless.

After he'd apparated to the Potter's the pain became a bass guitar. Strong and rhythmic. Fading but never gone.

Now, lying on their sofa, vaguely aware of what was happening around him, the pain was an opera. The singer's voice hit various octaves for long periods of time and just when you thought it was over, it came back stronger and louder than before.

To Remus' cloudy knowledge, seven people were in the Potter household. Sirius, Dorcas, Marlene, James, Lily, Harry and himself. Or some broken, feeble version of himself. What good would he be to Greyback if he were a cripple?

At some point, Remus wasn't quite sure as to when, he'd been transported to the upstairs guest room. He could feel the swelling in his eye go down minute by minute. This was what he most eagerly awaited to heal. The sooner he could open both his eyes, the sooner Hugh's deformed, lifeless body would leave his mind. Never truly leave, but at least he would stop seeing it every single second. More than the searing pain on his chest or the aching of his arm he wanted to be able to open his tired eyes and never sleep.

It wasn't clear the time intervals but Marlene had been coming in on occasion and tipping a small vial of very thick potion into Remus' mouth. He deduced it was probably a blood replenishing potion as she hadn't administered anything for the pain. Combining both blood replenishment and pain relief was disastrous when it came to potions.

She murmured something every time. He wasn't sure what but it was always in the same tone of voice with the same amount of syllables. All of the voices sounded like a loud humming to him, just in varying pitches. The only way he could identify who each voice belonged to was through the very keen sense of smell the wolf had left with him before departing last night.

Or was it a few hours ago? A few days? Time was very foreign as of now. It felt like he had been here for days.

Remus tried not contemplate how much longer this suffering would last or if perhaps he was damaged beyond repair. His mind instead drifted to when he'd awoken to find Hugh coughing up an absurd amount of blood, chest ripped open. Remus had watched, frozen in horror as the man wheezed loudly before his eyes glazed over. He had killed him. Remus had killed a man. He'd killed Hugh.

'No, the werewolf killed another werewolf...' a kind voice rationalized.

But the kind voice was no match for a much more menacing presence.

'You killed Hugh. You're the werewolf. You're the murderer. You're a murderer now.'

The thought echoed endlessly and almost nothing Remus brought to mind could drown it out. He was alone with his thoughts. Once again, caged with a monster for hours.

It was four in the afternoon the same day that Remus regained consciousness. At six he was finally able to sit up and drink water on his own. At seven he could finally speak. Of course the only person who knew this was Marlene. As far as the Potters, Sirius and Dorcas were concerned he was in and out of consciousness. In the kitchen Lily and James prepared dinner. In the backyard Sirius played with Harry. On the steps leading upstairs, sat Dorcas. At the foot of Remus' bed sat Marlene.

"I thought it best not to tell them when you woke up," Marlene said quietly. "I know you're probably eager to speak with them but rest is very important."

Remus nodded, setting his glass of water on the nightstand.

"Am I up for visitors, Healer McKinnon?" he grunted, voice a little raspy.

The corner of Marlene's lip lifted.

"Yes. One visitor at a time though. I don't want you getting overwhelmed."

"Dorcas."

"I figured. She's been sitting on the steps for hours. Right now, though? You're certain you're ready for visitors?" Marlene asked standing.

"Yeah, I'm sure. Thank you, Marlene. Truly, I'm alive because of you."

"That's very true. You're so welcome," she grinned. "I'll send her in."

Marlene exited the bedroom and Remus drew in a deep breath, attempting to cool the anxious fire in his chest. He knew what he had to do. It was obvious. It was something that had been inevitable. It was a frequent activity that was always rescinded. He had to break up with her. The door opened again. Dorcas entered shutting the door quietly and leaning against the wall.

Remus couldn't help but wonder why she wasn't tackling him as was routine when he'd been gone for more than twenty four hours. Then Remus remembered that cry. That shrill gasp he'd heard through muffled ears not long after Marlene had arrived. When Dorcas had apparated uninvited to Godric's Hollow and found him lying on the sofa covered in blood.

Was she... scared of him?

"You're... you're afraid of me now, I understand," Remus managed. "I understand because... because I'm afraid of me too."

Dorcas continued to stare at him from across the room. Her brows knitted together. He cleared his throat again, glancing down at his chest that was wrapped in gauze, dark red flecks etched on the white fabric. Slowly, he let his tawny eyes meet hers.

"Dorcas, I'm not myself. I'm not... I'm not safe."

There was a quiet groan. Remus' eyes widened as Dorcas appeared almost aggravated but more so... amused. She kicked off the wall, walking lazily to his bedside before sitting by his chest.

"This is the breaking up with me part, yes?" she said with a grim smile, fingers delicately trailing the bandages. "This will be the third time you've broken up with since we started dating you know. I feel like I should've brought you something to commemorate."

"Dorcas, please don't make light of this. At least for now... you need to keep your distance. I'm dangerous right now."

"As am I. Maybe I should break up with you..."

"You're not dangerous in the way I am though," Remus said quietly.

She seemed to consider this as her eyes studied the bruises on his arms.

"I'm actually more dangerous. Sure, you're working undercover for Greyback but me? I'm posing as a maid to the Dark Lord himself. You're underground in a sewer system once or twice a month. Three days a week I'm a servant at Malfoy Manor. I sound much more dangerous than you..." she remarked.

Finally her silver eyes locked with his. He offered a wry grin which she returned with a shrug. His hand, a bandage wrapped around the palm, came up and cupped her cheek. Dorcas noted the way he chewed his bottom lip thoughtfully before he spoke.

"Dorcas, I... last night I... I killed a man," he said in a voice just barely more than a whisper.

He averted his eyes for a moment until he heard Dorcas sigh softly. Her expression was sympathetic. Sad. Her fingers reached up to touch Remus' knuckles.

"It was him or you then, yeah?" asked Doe somberly.

Remus only nodded in response, letting their hands fall limply to his lap. He awaited the horrified gasp. The sobs of terror.

Instead all he got from Dorcas was a comforting squeeze on the hand.

Where most people would appreciate such an open and accepting point of view from their significant other, Remus was more alarmed.

"Dorcas, I'm becoming what I'm trying to destroy. Do you understand that? I'm... one of them now. They're even going to promote me," he said, eyes now stinging.

She merely shrugged, eyes downcast and a frown on her lips.

"Remus, how are you meant to destroy a den of monsters without becoming one for a moment?"

He shook his head at her, swallowing the lump on his threat.

"That's the problem, Doe. I've always been one... and I dunno if I can come back."

"You can."

"What if I can't?"

"But you will."

"What if I don't?"

"You will."

"I killed someone, Doe!" he hissed.

"You didn't. The wolf did. It's got nothing to do with you. You're human."

The calmness and sincerity in her voice only served to anger Remus more. Why was she making this so difficult? Why couldn't she care more? She never cared enough about what he was.

"I'm flesh and blood, Dorcas but I'm not human. I haven't been for quite some time," he said earnestly. "I'm a monster hiding in plain sight. Even among other monsters."

"You're not a monster," Doe stated in a voice far too rational to belong to her. "And I'm not staying away from you. Not now when you need me most."

His anger boiled. His ears got hot. Why did she always make things so difficult? Why couldn't she leave him alone? Why couldn't she be disgusted with him? Why wouldn't she just listen to her father? She could see his temper rising as his jaw tightened and eyes narrowed. He balled up his fists and savored the pain that surged up his arm.

"Doe, you can't keep pretending that I'm not a werewolf! Open your eyes!"

This was the part where Dorcas screamed back at him. It was very rare Remus Lupin raised his voice but when he did at Dorcas, it was not uncommon that she yelled back. But she didn't. She didn't show any signs of anger. Dorcas merely stood and offered Remus a meek smile before turning and walking towards the door. It opened swiftly and Marlene entered, her brows raised in confusion as she looked from Doe to the heavily breathing Remus.

"In the end, Remus, we all have flesh that can be cut, bones that can be broken and blood that can be spilled. You're no different, no matter what you are."

His voice was low and shaking.

"I am different, Dorcas. I'm engineered to do all three."

The two shared a long, powerful gaze. He was trembling with anger as Dorcas continued to stare at him blankly.

"Alright, leave, Dorcas. I don't want him getting riled up," Marlene ordered strolling to Remus' bedside and mixing a variety of liquids residing on the nightstand.

Without another word, Dorcas left and Remus' heart instantly sank.

For what reason he was unsure. Was it because he'd failed to properly break it off with her? Was it because he'd been so undeniably rude? Was it because he didn't appreciate how accepting Dorcas was of the monstrosity he had become? Perhaps it was all of the above. It wasn't uncommon Remus felt guilty for multiple reasons at once. It was something he excelled at.

Marlene raised a very potent smelling potion to Remus' lips that he recognized as a sleeping draught. He had no intention of drinking it. He didn't want to close his eyes and see Hugh. He didn't want to dream of Dorcas' face. He wanted to sit here, awake and savor his feelings of regret. All the same, he gulped it down and allowed sleep to overcome him, praying it would be dreamless.

*oOo*

It was chirping birds that roused Remus from his twelve hour slumber. Chirping birds and the sound of two voices murmuring to one another.

Remus opened his eyes to find he was still in the sun filled guestroom of Godric's Hollow. His gaze shifted to the door where James Potter leaned, eyes fixed on him. Sirius sat in a wicker chair in the corner, hunched forward with his elbows on his knees. Both of them wore very solemn expressions. With a grunt, Remus pushed himself to sit upright.

"Good morning," he said groggily. "What time is is?"

"Eight," James replied in a numb voice.

He and Sirius exchanged knowing looks. A wave of nausea swept over him Remus but not one that urged him to vomit.

"Alright, let's hear it..." Remus sighed, running a hand through his hair.

James kicked himself off the wall and sighed, lazily walking to where Sirius sat. Remus felt as though he were being scolded by his mum and dad.

"Remus... we just think that... maybe the underground is too much for you," Sirius finally said.

"Lily and I are in hiding. Alice and Frank are in hiding. Marlene is considering going into hiding. So maybe-"

"So the last thing we need is another person in hiding," Remus said almost exhaustedly. "Besides, I don't want to go into hiding. Not when I've made so much progress."

"You almost died, Remus," Sirius said raising his brows.

"But ultimately, you'll find that I didn't…"

"Remus," James sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "If you could have seen yourself…"

"I felt it. I'm aware of how bad the damage was and I'm sorry if I disturbed you-"

"Shut the hell up, Moony!" Sirius snarled.

Remus froze, his heart began to pound against his ribs as he stared at the two fuming Marauders before him. Sirius shook his head and walked over to the window with dragging steps.

"Sorry to raise my voice but… Merlin's beard, one more sarcastic remark and I swear I was going to hex you into Harry's nursery and I highly doubt Prongs would have stopped me."

"I was dangerously close to reaching the same conclusion as a matter of fact, Padfoot…"

Remus' eyes darted between his friends. He felt a gentle nudge of guilt. While the boys who had acted as his brothers were trying to express their grief and concern he'd been batting back with snarky remarks. Remus exhaled and gestured at James to continue.

"We think it's time you sit out, mate. Lily agrees. So does Marlene."

"-And Dorcas…"

"Sirius…"

"Sorry, no saying the 'D-word.' I forgot…"

"You can say the 'D-word.' It's fine," muttered Remus. "And I'm not ready to 'sit out' yet. None of you seem to realize that after last night I've opened up a whole new area of Greyback's Underground. It might actually be more dangerous if I were to surrender."

"I'll hear you out, but only briefly," Sirius grumbled.

"Yeah, when you start to sound like some guilt-laden hero from one of Lily's muggle films I'll cut you off…"

Remus pursed his lips, fighting off a smirk then sat up straighter in his bed.

"I… last night Greyback took all of the Brothers and Sisters and made us all face off, if you will. One on one fights to the death as wolves. The Brother or Sister who made it out alive was promoted… I was challenging a Brother named Hugh… and I killed him..."

"Oh, shit," James murmured. "You're an Elite."

Sirius' back straightened at the window, his jaw clenching. He looked from James to Remus with a panicked glint in his onyx eyes.

"Remus… is James right? Are you… are you an Elite now?"

He couldn't bring himself to look at Sirius. For weeks he had been expressing his concern about Remus entering 'Elite' territory. How there was barely anything but a curtain left between Remus' personal life and his life in The Colony after he became an Elite. Most of all, Sirius couldn't begin to understand how Remus would fit in among the other werewolves. From what had been explained to him, Sirius understood that Elites were rather primal and cruel. Unstoppable forces of evil that embraced their monstrous side. It was understandably difficult for Sirius to see Remus Lupin embodying any single one of those traits in a believable way.

"I am," Remus finally answered.

Sirius let out a mirthless laugh, shaking his head again, his shaggy hair falling in his face.

"Remus, you can't possibly be ready-"

"I'm ready."

"He's ready, Sirius," James agreed solemnly.

"James, honestly? Look at him! Does he look ready?"

"I'll counter that Remus knows more about if he's ready for this than we do-"

"The hell he does! Since when does he know what's good for him? Since when does Remus put his own safety before others?" exploded Sirius.

It was true. Remus' track record for self care was lacking to say the least. James turned now to the werewolf struggling not to stare at the various cuts and bruises and bandages marring his fragile body. Remus, sensing this shot James a look before answering Sirius.

"You're not wrong, Sirius. I'm hardly a paradigm of self-care-"

"No, you're the poster-child for self-punishment…"

"Even so," Remus interrupted sternly. "There's more at stake if I die than just me. I now have almost unlimited access to Greyback's operation."

There was a long silence where Sirius and Remus held each other's gaze.

Never had Sirius Black looked more distressed. Never had his forehead featured so many creases deep with concern. He was almost unrecognizable in this state. What was more was that Remus couldn't blame him. He would feel the same if he'd seen Sirius almost die. He would be indignant and insist that his friend stop this life threatening mission immediately. Somehow, without an words spoken, Remus could tell Sirius was doing the same as him. Putting himself in his friend's shoes.

Would Sirius be able to abandon an important mission at a pivotal stage if he'd nearly died? Would he be able to in good conscience, that was. Would the insistence of his friends and the fact that he was near death convince him not to put to use his biggest flaw for the good of the wizarding world? Absolutely not.

Sirius sighed, massaging his temples. What should he say next? Did he ask him to be more careful? No, Remus knew to be careful and it was hardly something he could control when it came to Greyback.

So Sirius just shrugged.

"Okay," he said simply.

Remus gnawed on his lower lip, grunting in pain as he straightened up again.

"I suspect things will be far less dangerous now that I'm as high up as I can get. There won't be any more trials at least."

James offered a grim smile.

"Do you honestly believe that, Moony?"

Remus' eyes flickered from James to Sirius then to his scarred knuckles folded in his lap.

"I can't promise anything," he said quietly. "But it does us no good to worry over things we aren't certain will even happen."

Luckily, Remus would never come that close to death again.

In the coming days his wounds would heal and he would return to his flat. Afterwards he would visit Greyback and his promotion would be official. Sirius and James would encourage him to make amends with Dorcas who would just grin and tell him to 'shut up, Lupin.'

And then, a year later on the outskirts of Scotland, after he'd lost Marlene and Dorcas, news would reach him that Voldemort was dead. And along with the loss of Voldemort, he would lose everything else.

-I got some good news, folks. I'm working on a feature length Remus Lupin story. Each chapter should be rather lengthy so I doubt I'll be coming out with more than one or two a month once they start coming. I've just finished the outline and chapter one should be coming shortly, make sure to keep an eye out! I'll be borrowing a lot from these oneshots. Speaking of which, the start of this story does not mark the end for Little Moments of Lupin. They will still continue! Remember, I'm always taking suggestions! What do you want more of? Do you want more oneshots between Remus and another character? More chapters in the Colony? More Professor chapters? More romance? More hurt? Let me know!

Also, please rate and review as it helps me tremendously with writing these!

O.E.R.

justagirlwholikestowrite: when I read your last review 'when in his life do you think Remus was the closest to dying' I about spit out my coffee as I was working on this very one shot. Your input is so very valuable and thank you for continuing to read

BellatrixBlack1997: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR REVIEWING! I actually just finished a Remus and Tonks' wedding oneshot that I expect to post in the next week or two after I make a few revisions!