*I don't own Harry Potter or any recognizable characters.

Of all the ways that I thought I would meet my end, being shot in the head while at work by a psychotic flasher claiming I was the Anti-Christ was DEFINITELY not even close to my top thousand most likely deaths.

I'm not even joking- one minute, I was ringing up customers, and the next minute the flasher (whose coat kept falling open every time he waved his arms, thus revealing… ahem, everything) came bursting into my store, noticed my t-shirt that happened to have a bleeding heart on it- thanks to it being the logo of my cousin's company- and ranted about how it was the sign of the Anti-Christ and that I must be taken down so that he may be welcomed into Heaven's arms. As the entire store (including me) stared at him with our jaws dropped in disbelief, he suddenly pulled out a gun and… well, there you have it.

I will say this about getting shot- it's a delayed pain. When my vision first cut out to black, I froze in shock for about a couple of seconds. Then the pain struck. How bad was it? Well, imagine your worst migraine, and then multiply it by about ten. Yeah, it friggin' HURT.

When it finally passed, I tried to glance around at my surroundings. Would I be in Heaven, since I was baptized when I was a babe, and still considered myself a Catholic even though I rarely went to church? Or would I be in Hell, since I was DEFINITELY more open-minded than other Catholics and tended to make fun of those who I labeled 'Bible-thumpers'? Not to mention I never did perform a Confirmation to be a full member of the Catholic Church… well, too late now, I guess, considering that I had moved on to the next plane of existence.

At this point in my afterlife, though, I couldn't tell just what that plane was. I would've thought that right about now I'd see at least somebody from either end of the spectrum, or even a member of my family to welcome me to the afterlife. But so far? Nothing. Just… darkness all around me, as far as I could see.

However, wherever I am, I don't think I'm alone. How do I know? Well, every so often I'd feel something (or someone) nudging me slightly. At first I thought I was losing it… well, more than I already have. However, after a couple times of enduring them I finally- after many moments of figuring out how to do so- nudged back, and the responding nudge had a distinctly happy feel to it… you know, like when you nudge your best friend to check something AMAZING out. To relieve my boredom, I'd occasionally initiate a Nudge War (hey, I gotta do something), and considered whoever stopped nudging first the loser. Not gonna lie, I lost a couple of times.

Either way, wherever this place was, it wasn't all that bad.

There are moments in one's life where, through no fault of their own, Fate decides to turn their life into a Rubik's Cube and call out, "Have fun solving it!"

I am having this moment now.

At first, it was like any other… day? Month? I actually don't know how long I've been in this plane, so I think I'll just say day. Anyway, for a little bit before this day I was shocked shitless to suddenly have sound penetrate my little section of existence. Mostly it was a woman's voice (whom I could never, ever make out clearly due to the weird distortion), however occasionally I would hear glimpses of others as well. One thing I can say for sure, though, was that it wasn't my nudging buddy- the surprised nudge I received when her voice was first heard was evidence enough.

Anyway, on this particular day, I was suddenly aware of myself in the way I hadn't before then. While before I just felt like I was floating aimlessly, I could suddenly feel my arms, legs, and all sorts of other appendages. I'd almost forgotten I had ever had those, at one point. Not only was I shocked by this discovery, but I could suddenly hear a lot of other voices.

I sent out a questioning nudge to my buddy… who didn't nudge back. Frowning, I nudged a little harder- no response.

Okay, it's official- I'm starting to get freaked out. Never in my existence of being on this plane had my buddy never nudged back. As panic began to set it, I could almost feel the walls around me grow tighter and tighter… wait.

The walls WERE getting tighter! Not only that, but I got the distinct sense that I was moving in a forward direction. I squirmed, trying to create a bit more breathing room for myself- no such luck. In this moment, I could feel my lungs starting to protest their lack of air. Wait, when did THIS happen?

Oh, I was NOT about to die again! As I thought this, the top of my head suddenly got cold. Like, someone just stuffed me in a freezer cold. I hadn't felt that kind of sensation since just before I quit my very first jo—

Wait a moment… this sounds familiar. Walls squeezing tightly as one moved forward while being exposed to cold air head-first… don't tell me—!

Suddenly, the cold air hit the rest of my body as a bright light seared right into my eyes so badly that I wailed in pain. Seriously, what is going on?!

That was when I heard the words that would answer many of the unanswered questions I had: "It's a girl!"

I had been reborn as a new baby… with the memories of my previous life intact. My future contained diaper changes, probable breast feeding, a new childhood where I would more than likely be forced to interact with kids who were leagues behind me in mental years, the horror of a second puberty...

Well, looks like the person who was in charge of my soul screwed up, BIG TIME!

After a bath (where I screamed with humiliation and anger at the thought of being forced to rely on others to clean my body until I was able to do it myself again), I was swaddled in a rather comfy blanket that soothed me down enough for me to stop screaming and handed back to my new mother. As she reached her left arm out towards me, I noticed an interesting sight- in her right arm was a bundle that could only be one thing. My nudging buddy was revealed- I had a twin!

Well, this is already looking up- while I had siblings in my old life, I had always wanted a twin who would understand me perfectly. Maybe this wouldn't turn out so badly after all…

The sound of my new mother's voice distracted my happy musings. Now that I could finally hear her clearly (and I knew it had to be her voice that had been most prominent at what I now realized to be my time in her womb), I looked up at her to memorize her features.

Chocolate brown eyes that were filled with so much love gazed back down at me. I actually felt a bit humbled, for though she had no idea that I was an adult that was hijacking her daughter's body she nonetheless loved me at first sight. Discomfited at this, I quickly studied the rest of her face- dark blonde hair, fair skin, and aristocratic features complimented those eyes. My new mother was very obviously a beautiful woman, and it would be an honor if I could look just like her.

She shifted me in her arm, and suddenly I smelled something delicious. Glancing away from her face, I realized what was about to happen. I grew slightly uncomfortable at the thought of putting my mouth around another woman's nipple (especially since it was in a non-sexual situation), but my stomach forced me to set that feeling aside. As I started to instinctively suck, the most heavenly taste exploded in my mouth. Well, I wasn't so uncomfortable anymore!

While I was eating, I could vaguely hear other voices in the room. At first, I didn't really care… until I heard a man's voice filled with shock, awe, and love. Only one man could possibly have that particular combination upon seeing my twin and I feeding.

My new father…

For a couple of moments, I was torn between getting more of that heavenly milk or tearing myself away to see what he looked like. Curiosity won, and I let the nipple that I had been so enthusiastically sucking fall out of my mouth. I was in luck- during those moments where I had debated, he had moved himself to look over my mother's left shoulder, thus making it easier to see him.

Or, at least see him as well as I could with newborn eyesight, which surprisingly resembled my near-sighted vision in my old life. While his long pale blonde hair was easily seen- which made me realize that this time around I was DEFINITELY going to be blonde myself, joy- I had to struggle to make out a pair of grey eyes.

Interesting combination… and a familiar one to boot- but why was it familiar?

As soon as that thought entered my head, my new mother nudged me back towards her nipple. Latching back on without complaint (hey, this milk was that awesome), I forced myself to pay close attention. After all, it's at this point that I would learn my new family's name… and more importantly my new identity, for I could no longer lay claim to my old name.

"Aren't they beautiful, Abraxas?" my new mother breathed.

Wait, Abraxas? No, it couldn't be…

"Yes, Jacquelle," my new father's voice rumbled back, "you've given the Malfoy line a fine Heir and Heiress."

Malfoy? MALFOY?! Don't tell me—!

"My Lord, my Lady, what names shall I write on the birth certificates?" an unknown female's voice pierced through my disbelieving thoughts.

Too bad my new father decided to burst my bubble. "My son's name shall be Lucius Malfoy, and my daughter's name shall be Lucretia Malfoy," he announced.

When I heard this, I gasped, unfortunately causing an air-bubble to form in my stomach. As I wailed out in shock (prompting my mother to start panicking, and forcing the nurse to show my father how to burp me since apparently my twin was still eating), only one thing stood out clearly in my mind.

My twin was named Lucius. Lucius Malfoy, son of Abraxas Malfoy. Lucius Malfoy, who would grow up to be a man known by millions of avid readers, my old self included, of one of the bestselling book series of all time.

I had been reborn into the Harry Potter universe.

This realization would stay with me as I was burped and eventually soothed into sleep. As my eyes closed, I had one comforting thought to tide me over into dreamland…

At least they didn't name me Mary Sue.

A/N: Oh, yes, I'm going there.

This plot bunny has been sitting in my head for 2 YEARS, until finally I was able to finish this opening chapter at friggin' 4 in the morning. Basic premise is that a fanfiction author (made apparent by her relief at not being named Mary Sue) is reborn as Lucius' twin sister, and has all of the implied Mary Sue abilities that would come with such a situation. After she gets over her initial irritation that yes, she IS indeed a Mary-Sue, she decides to use her Mary-Sue powers to her advantage and change the fates of those she deems worthy enough to change (and some who weren't worthy, but gets their fate changed anyway).

My hopeful plan for this fiction is to take many Mary Sue tropes and actually turn them into something worth reading by assigning them to someone who would ordinarily hate Mary Sues to begin with. I know a lot of my other OCs begin in a Mary Sue-ish way (*cough Heavyn and Katlyn cough*), but this time rather than trying to veer her away from becoming a Mary Sue I'll have the newly named Lucretia Malfoy exploit it to her satisfaction.

And yes, in keeping with the Mary Sue tropes she WILL be based heavily off my own personality.

So, shall I continue this? Please let me know via review!