A/N: HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

To start it off (I know I'm late), I thought I would try something different. And yes, writing Cana was something I never thought I'd do but I had so much fun doing it!

Enjoy!

"C'mon officeeeer," Cana whined, "release me, please!"

"No," the officer repeated from his chair for the seventh time.

Her complaints could be heard from outside the small town's police station. She had been locked in this low-class cell for only thirty minutes and she was already losing it. Because yes, she did consider it 'low-class', how dare they put her in such a shabby cell? She deserved better.

"It was not sexual harassment," she asserted, squeezing the bars of the cell like a caged animal.

"Yes, it was. Now shut up," he snapped.

Even sitting on his chair with his back turned to her, she could feel his exasperation emanating from all over his body. Well, she has had her fair share of exasperation for the day too, and she wished she could draw cruciform popping veins above her eye just to let him see it.

"Dammit Chief Wiggum, at least give me a chance to exp-"

"Alright!" he blurted, rocketing off his chair and turning his face in her direction. "First of all, Wiggum is such an underrated character, I can't even count the number of people I already said that to." She frowned in confusion at his random statement. Why would he make a comeback on a silly nickname she gave him? "Second of all, want me to explain why it was sexual harassment?"

"Yes, please do," she answered quickly.

He gritted his teeth and rolled his eyes. "It was rhetorical question, I was gonna do it."

A smirk tugged at her lips. "I know."

His eye twitched, his irritation built up at amazingly fun rate, much to Cana's entertainment. "Then why did you a-"

"So! You're gonna tell me why it was sexual harassment or what?"

Right there. Oh, she lived for those moments. She wished she could stop time just to contemplate the look of utter annoyance in people. She also wished she could stop time to actually draw cruciform popping veins on faces. And she noticed that the officer's face was one of her best works, not only was he irritated (in his defense, he did seem quick-tempered), but there was also a hint of amazement in his eyes due to how quick-witted she was. They say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and damn was it beautiful to witness. She wanted to draw sparkles in his eyes with indelible ink.

Unfortunately, his irritation seemed to have won over his admiration – if there ever was some, she did tend to overrate her sass sometimes.

"Tch, look kid," he grunted, "I don't have to do this, I could just let ya rot here until someone pays your bail." A toothy smirk appeared on his face then. "But I'm still gonna tell you why, I like your guts," he admitted. There was some admiration after all! "Don't push it though."

She rolled her eyes and, hands on hips, she sighed. "I'm all ears."

He cleared his throat. "Once upon a time," he started, already annoying her, "ten minutes away from this police station, Gajeel Redfox, a highly respected police officer was driving dow-"

"Ugh."

"What now," he complained.

"Sorry." She grinned a distinctly mocking grin. "It's just that your ego is so big I almost choked on it," she snapped, faking a cough.

To her surprise, the officer was not impressed. "Well suck it kid, get used to it," he answered simply.

This comment had her throwing her head back as she roared with laughter. "Wow! Now that was highly suggestive, officer," she winked, "you know you could ironically be the one ending up behind those bars if you go down that road?"

He blinked twice before understanding why she said that, and if he hadn't prided himself in his ability to hide his 'sissy' emotions, he would have blushed. And spluttered. And the latter obviously happened.

"Wh-what the- I'd never imply th-that kind of felony, how dare y-"

"Not that kind of felony?! What kind of felony do you usually imply?!"

"Stop interrupting me!" he roared, unconsciously punching a bar of the cell.

A wince stretching across his face told her that he regretted it immediately.

She snorted. " 'Kay, my bad, please continue."

"Good," he growled. "I'm gonna drop the 'Once upon a time' shit, it's as annoying as you are," he rolled his eyes, "so that's saying something."

"That's not very nice," she retorted, faking a pout.

"You ain't either," he snapped. "Anyway, I was driving down a street, minding my own business – and the business of others 'cause I was on patrol – and that's when I saw it." He paused, and considered her face for a moment, looking for a reaction from the so-called criminal.

"No need for the dramatic pause ya know? I was probably there when it happened."

"Right," he muttered. "On the opposite sidewalk, you grabbed this blonde's breasts from behind and managed to squeeze them for a few seconds. She looked uncomfortable and I could clearly see her blushing. She slapped your hand off her breast and shouted 'No, I can't take it anymore!' and ran away to the nearest train station. I stopped my car and ran to ya, but blondie was already out of sight when I apprehended you." He grinned then, "and well, after that, you know what happened, you lived it after all."

First and foremost, Cana congratulated herself for listening to everything he had to say without interrupting him with snide remarks or bouts of laughter. The hardest one to hold back was when the officer seemed embarrassed when he pronounced the words 'breasts' and 'squeeze'. Then, making an effort at being more empathetic, she could understand why he thought this was sexual harassment. From an outsider's point of view, it would even be normal to jump to this conclusion. Time to come clean.

"Okay, I think there's been a misunderstanding, this girl actually i-"

"Do you ever stop talking?" he interrupted. Again.

"Alright!" she blurted. "How dare you treat me, daughter of Gildarts Clive, in such a disrespectful way?!" she bellowed, sounding like some 16th century English Queen.

He frowned in confusion. "Who dat?"

"My unworthy father!" she claimed.

He wished he had eyebrows so he could let her know how even more confused he was. "And why the hell would that make me want to treat ya better?"

At the moment he asked his question, Cana went from a happy-go-lucky overall facial expression to that of a troubled orphan living under a bridge. She avoided his inquiring gaze with shyness and embarrassment in her eyes and stance, looking down and crossing her arms over her chest.

"My father abandoned us the moment I was born. I lived with my jobless mum for a while until she d-"

"Really now?" he interjected, clearly annoyed.

"Wh-what?" she stuttered, clenching her fist over her heart.

"Ya really gonna pull the 'you just unlocked my tragic backstory that's gonna make you be more empathetic with me' card?"

She didn't move an inch as he nonchalantly brushed off the start of her compelling story. She regarded him with an intense stare, trying to pierce through his cold metal heart. But that didn't work. His only answer was a prolonged blank stare – he might as well have picked his nose while he was at it.

Their showdown lasted a good minute, and the officer didn't seem to even have the ability to give up. She felt like he could stare blankly into space for hours without his life changing at least a little bit.

She pursed her lips then, sheepish. She glanced away, and shrugged. "Meh, 'twas worth a try."

He shut his eyes hard out of annoyance. "Tch, waste o' time," he grunted, turning around to head back to his desk.

She turned her back as well to calm herself down and think things through. Not having the officer's bolted head in her line of sight helped her relax. It helped her at canceling the bad energy energy around her – sucking it in, which could turn out very well or pretty badly depending on situation. She lifted her arms, stretched the soreness out of her back, and took a deep breath. Her eyes widened as she exhaled, and on her face, her cheeks wrinkled to draw a mischievous grin. She found an idea to get herself out of there. She cracked her neck and kicked the ground to turn around again.

"Yo!" she hollered.

"Don't shout!" he snapped, louder. "What now? Can't ya see I'm busy?"

"Nope," she laughed, "can't see that, 'cause you're not. It's a small, peaceful town, and it's freezing outside. Nobody's out to commit mischief in winter, highly respected police officer."

He sighed at her reuse of his self-appointed title. "Got me there, what d'ya want?"

"Well," she bubbled, "we could stay and shout at each other for the next hours or," she suggested, revealing a neatly stacked deck of cards from behind her back, "we could play a little game!"

His eyebrowless eyes raised at the sudden turn of events. "A card game?" he asked in disbelief. Why would she want to play cards now? This question was quickly left unanswered as he blinked hard, realizing something wrong with her inquiry. "Wait a sec', I had one of my policewomen do a body search on you just in case you were carrying something dangerous, all she found was your phone and your wallet. You shouldn't have anything other than your clothes right now, where the hell did you get that from?!"

And she smirked and simply answered, "you really don't wanna know."

Cana really couldn't get enough of his reactions. He coughed hard when he realized what she had just implied and she couldn't help giggling at the sight.

Regaining his composure, he cleared his throat. "Hum, I don't have time for card games."

"Oh c'mon," she complained, "we're alone in this police station, you must be so bored! Besides," she added, thinking it would make him join in on the fun, "it's not just card game. Those are tarot cards," she bubbled, shifting the deck and showing him the faces on the cards," it's fortune-telling!"

"Ugh, I don't believe in that crap," he snorted, failing to repress a giggle of mockery.

"Oh," she sighed in disappointment, "you're scared then, too bad."

"What?!" he shouted, outraged, "I ain't scared, I just don't believe in fortune telling."

"It's okay, officer, it's okay, it can be intimidating to face the unknown, I can't blame you," she told him with a patronizing voice. If she could have patted his shoulder, she would have.

"I'm telling you! I'm not-"

"You are not scared. You just do not believe in fortune-telling," she mimicked, with a slightly more high-pitched voice, smiling.

A burst of annoyance overcame him, again. He gritted his teeth and rolled his eyes. "It really pisses me off when it comes out of your mouth," he admitted. "I guess I can try, it ain't like something bad's gonna happen."

"Yes!" she rejoiced, clenching her fist in victory. She controlled herself not to say 'ha, so easy' as she faced the cards down and slipped them through the bars of her cell. "Pick a card, then give to me."

The officer sighed. Cana considered him for a second, no matter how fun it was to annoy him, she wondered why he was so quick-tempered, why his character screamed annoyance. The thought disappeared as quickly as it came when she saw him hesitating, considering which card to pick. In the end, he opted for a random card in the middle and gave it to her without looking, as if she was about to do a magic trick. It made her smile.

However, her smile faded instantly when she laid her eyes on the card he picked. She lifted her face and eyed the officer, then looked down again. It lasted a few seconds, but the officer could swear it went on for about a minute. This silence clearly made him uncomfortable, no matter how much he convinced himself that he didn't believe in fortune-telling.

"Given the situation," she started, "something wicked is gonna happen..."

"Wh-what? I ain't buyin' that!"

"To me..."

"W- Oh! Now that's better," he laughed, sighing in relief. "Wait, what does that have to do with me?"

"By your hand..."

"What do you m-"

"It means," she interrupted curtly, "something wicked is gonna happen to me. And it's gonna be your fault. And you're gonna do it intentionally." She sounded grave, and her eyes translated this feeling well. She squinted her eyes full of suspicion as if to scan him, to try to find what horrible thing he could do to her, and her thoughts did not seem pretty.

"I- No! I know I'm the bad guy in your story but I'm past that already, I'm a man of the law now, I'm not gonna do anything wicked or whatever to you!" he claimed. Oddly, she noticed that he appeared to be defending himself not to her, but to the cards.

"Sure," she answered automatically, still squinting her eyes.

"Stop looking at me like that!" he snapped, anger in his eyes. "Your cards are lying, that's why I said it was bullshit in the first place, just get rid of 'em already!" he roared, and in a feat of misplaced and incoherent rage, he slapped her hand away, making the cards fly and fall on the ground before her startled eyes. The hand he slapped hit hard against a metal bar but the pain didn't matter to her. What mattered was her precious stack of cards that got molested to the ground. What mattered was the anger – rage, even, that built up in the core of her body. What mattered was-

A knock.

Someone knocked on the door, at the right or the wrong moment depending on the point of view.

Gajeel was at loss for words. "Hum... I'm s- I'm gonna go get the door," he stuttered, "stay here."

"It ain't like I could go anywhere," she snapped curtly.

He regarded her for just a second and decided not to answer. As the officer walked to the door, Cana knelt down to pick up all the cards she could reach outside the cell.

She took a card between two fingers. "Pick a card, any card," she mumbled as she motioned the launch of her card right in the officer's visible butt crack. This thought amused her.

But as she took another look at the cards scattered on the ground, she noticed something more important than the sheer joy of rocketing a card in the officer's butt crack. The cards were all facing down, except one, the Ten of Swords. The only visible card out of the whole deck was the Ten of Swords.

"...But it's going to backfire," she muttered.

The sound of a rusty opening door made her look up again, and all her bad and revengeful thoughts vanished as she laid her eyes upon the person coming in. Her mouth stretched into a cheerful, relieved smile, and she waved at the newcomer.

"Lucy!"

A/N: So that's it for the first chapter of the fic that (careful, spoiler alert) will probably only be two chapters long x). This is a totally unabashed light-hearted piece, folks! I wrote a Gajevy angst earlier (that I haven't posted yet) and I REALLY needed to write something like this to cheer me up! I hope I didn't butcher Cana's character too much! Leave me a note to tell me what you think? :)