I Stop Somewhere Waiting For You

By: TG

Summary: Eijun is jealous.

Disclaimer: i dont own daiya ok

Warnings: none for this chapter

AN: this is a belated present for natsubutart! her birthday was back at the beginning of january and i sorta took my sweet time throwing this together ;a; sorry bby!

just letting you guys know up front that this will be updated irregularly aka whenever i feel like it! i have other major projects in the works, like pt four of this series (the real pt four) and the second round of misawa big bang. but i am tentatively taking requests, so check out the end notes for details!

Failing to fetch me at first keep encouraged, missing me one place search another, I stop somewhere waiting for you.

-Walt Whitman

"How's he doing?"

"He's...doing all right."

"Okay, but how's he really doing though?"

Chris-senpai gives him a smile, though there's more apology in the lines of his mouth than reassurance. He looks weighted down with the heavy burden of melancholy, and it makes Eijun shift anxiously in his seat, already upset at the prospect of lying.

"He'll be much better when you get here."

'Much better' implies that Kazuya isn't doing so well, and the anxiety that had been simmering in his gut suddenly feels like a churning ocean. He makes a noise in the back of his throat and puts his face in his hands. He feels awful, he is the worst person on the planet, he knows exactly how much he's hurting Kazuya with his silence. Chris had told him it's what's best, that it will only be a few days, that soon enough he'll be with Kazuya and the separation leading up to it will have been worthwhile.

Thing is, he wants to be with Kazuya now .

He wanted to be with Kazuya months ago.

Doesn't Chris-senpai know that this is killing him?

Chris gives him another small, sad smile and Eijun thinks that yes, he probably does. He's always been an open book, readily accessible to anyone who wants to read him -no prying or translation needed. Feelings are untranslatable anyway, eclipsing tongue and inflection and driving at the very heart of people.

And Chris-senpai has always been able to see right through to the core of him.

He manages to hold it together, forces himself to pay attention to the things Chris-senpai tells him, things about international air travel, what kinds of clothes to pack for the mild LA winter. He forces himself to listen because this is important, because Chris-senpai has done so much for him and the least he deserves is Eijun's attention and respect. So he seals his mouth and dams the flood of feelings and prays the levees don't break until they've said their goodbyes.

(Chris casts one more sad, small smile and wishes Eijun a safe journey and it takes nearly everything Eijun has within him to not break down.)

The call ends but he waits, waits for his computer to fall asleep, warm and buzzing and empty. The call ends and the screen turns black and he hates himself, because as much as he relies on his feelings to pull him through life, he knows that sometimes - sometimes - he lets the negative ones take the lead, too.

The screen turns black and he sits with his elbows on his desk and his face in his hands and lets a little of the blackness inside him leak through like a controlled breach.

"I'm jealous," he croaks. He feels bad, really, but the words slip out without any sayso from his brain, and he can't take them back once they've left his tongue. "You get to see him everyday, play baseball with him, watch him grow. You get to eat meals with him and when you go to bed every night you know he's just one room over. I am so damn jealous of you, Chris-senpai."

There's no one around right now, nothing except his own wet-eyed reflection in a blank, black screen.

Doesn't Chris-senpai know how lonely it is to see the person he's chosen to center his heart around through a tiny, gritty, grainy video feed a couple times a week? How much of him is filled up with the words 'i miss you'?

Doesn't Chris-senpai know that this is killing him?

AN: im sorta taking requests for things you want to see written out in this universe, so if you want to request smth just hit me up on my writing blog trumpet-geek or my main kuramisawa and ill see what i can do (no promises tho)!

thanks for reading!