Dear Writers of Fanfiction,

I, Legolas Greenleaf wish to inform you that I have not, nor shall ever reveal my "secret feelings" to any of the following:

-Boromir, Son of the Steward

-Aragorn, Son of Arathorn (Who, may I remind you is happily married)

-Gimli, Son of Gloin

-Eru forbid, Mithrandir.

Thank you. It has been utterly and completely unpleasant dealing with the likes of you.