"How much did you spend on this exactly, Pan Pan?"

Panda felt his chest tighten when that question was asked. He looked to Grizz, who he had been unable to look at for the past three minutes alone due to what exactly he was holding in both of his paws. A long, slender bottle with its contents filled to the brim. Even when he focused on Grizz he couldn't look at him long enough before he caught sight of the bottle and glanced away again in embarrassment.

"I just got what the reviews said was the best," Panda said. He stared at the packaging on the coffee table littered in claw marks with signs of Grizz's claws desperately excited to get at the secret contents. Both of Panda's own paws were shut tight between his legs. He hadn't been able to stop squirming since it had arrived. "I've never bought… lube before, y'know?"

"It smells weird," Grizz mumbled as he cracked open the lid and put it directly to his nose.

"D-Don't smell it!" Panda snapped and then snatched the bottle away from Grizz and hugged it to his chest. "Stop being weird!"

With that silence fell again. Panda could only actually take holding the bottle for about a good ten seconds before his mind began to overwhelm him and he had to set it back down on the table. After that he put his paws on his lap and rubbed them as though he were rubbing off filth. His heart was beating so fast he couldn't remember the last time he had felt anything but it.

It was all happening too fast. He had just ordered that bottle online a few days ago. He put so, so so so so so so SO much work into researching the right brand and looking at reviews and reading what would happen. He was exhausted. He wasn't mentally prepared for this right now and…

"Panda?"

"WHAT?" Panda snapped.

Panda whipped his head to Grizz who recoiled at being shouted at. In an instant Panda felt shame wash over him because Grizz looked at him with big sappy puppy dog eyes. Panda put one paw over his chest.

"Sorry…" He mumbled.

Grizz scooted closer. The space that Panda had left between them on the couch was now nothing as his arms wrapped around Panda and lips gently pressed to his cheek. Panda allowed himself a moment where he gave into desire and allowed his weight to press against Grizz.

"You've been way too hard on yourself, Pan Pan," Grizz said as he placed a paw over Panda's own. "You've been acting weird ever since that night in the woods where you told me… told me you wanted to go all the way, y'know?"

Panda kept his mouth shut. It felt like a lifetime ago when he had told Grizz what he wanted. More than anything in that moment it had been what he wanted. To show Grizz how much he cared for him by having the two of them partake in something that they had never done before. The word loomed on his mind, edging closer and closer to his lips but still he wasn't able to say it confidently. Even alone he couldn't so much as mumble it out loud.

"It's not like we have to do it tonight," Grizz said. "The package came early, right?"

"Three days early," Panda grumbled. "Lousy postal…"

Another kiss on his cheek, and another reason for him to soften into Grizz's touch. He wrapped his arms around Grizz and allowed himself one long, shuddering breath in before he pulled away and held Grizz at arm's length.

"I want this still, Grizz," He said. He stared right into Grizz's eyes despite his pink cheeks. "I really, really want this. I-I'm not avoiding it or scared because I think you're not right for me or…"

"I know!" Grizz said quickly. "Jeez, you don't have to say that all the time, Pan Pan."

"D-Do I really say it that much?" Panda asked.

"Like, every day since you kissed me in public," Grizz said with a roll of his eyes. "Bro, it's totally gonna be fine. Do I look scared? No! If I'm not scared you shouldn't be cause it means your big bro's keeping you safe!"

It was one of the cheesiest things Grizz had said in a while. However, he said it while pointing to himself and grinning like it was something special. Grizz had a way to say things that… made them sound true. Even if they were over the top and silly it was just how Grizz was. Panda realized again that's why he loved him. That's why he wanted this.

Panda's eyes went back to the bottle. The… lube. He reached out to touch it and hesitantly picked it up. He cradled it in his lap and took slow, careful breaths before he spoke.

"All the reviews I read said this worked really well," He said as he turned the bottle over. "But I read a bunch of stuff that said it might not be enough. Like we have to… d-do things to make it easier."

"Do things?" Grizz asked. "What else do we gotta do? We're bears! Mating comes naturally to us!"

"Please don't call it mating," Panda mumbled. "I just… there's a lot of people saying it'll hurt. Like a lot. The first time, mostly. You can't get around it and…"

Panda ran his hand slowly up the bottle and squeezed the cap without actually undoing it.

"In movies they never show this stuff. It always cuts to them laying next to each other under sheets or something. Most movies just show the kiss and nothing else, too."

"It'll be okay, Pan Pan," Grizz said with a smile.

"But I…" Panda bit his lip and looked down. "Nevermind."

"No, tell me," Grizz pressed. He started bouncing in his seat with a clear sign of impatience. Withholding information from Grizz was dangerous if you didn't want to hear whining for the next several days. Still Panda let out a long sigh and merely shrugged his shoulders. As he glanced away he caught Grizz frowning out of the corner of his eye.

Panda expected it to either end there or for the topic to change entirely. Instead, Grizz did something he didn't expect. He grabbed Panda by the paw and yanked at him until he stood. Panda wasn't expecting the sudden burst of strength so he found himself yelping as he jumped to his feet. The bottle of lube fell to the floor at his feet and he attempted to bend down to reach it, but before he could even process what was happening Grizz was dragging him away from the couch and toward the hall.

"G-Grizz!" Panda shouted. "What are you doing?"

"I'm looking out for my Pan Pan!" Grizz said at the top of his lungs. His voice echoed through every corner of the cave as without much of a word edgewise Panda was led all the way to the bathroom at the end of the hall. Grizz kicked the door open and in one movement forced Panda to sit right at the edge of the tub.

"C'mon Grizz, we can't just leave that stuff laying out for bro to see," Panda mumbled. He looked down but already he could see Grizz was running around the bathroom opening cabinets and drawers and pulling out various items. "What the heck are you doing?"

"BUBBLE BATH!" Grizz yelled. His eyes were wide and stern the way they got when Grizz had an idea he was not going to let go until it was seen through completion. "We're gonna get in the tub together, run some water, make the biggest bubbles you can POSSIBLY imagine, and then kiss for like an hour straight! I'm your boyfriend, and I'm gonna make you feel better if it's the last thing I do!"

Grizz said it with such conviction and meaning that Panda found himself getting just a touch swept up in the words. He opened his mouth to argue, but then a moment later closed it and gave a slow nod of his head.

"Alright," He said.

Grizz smiled, and it made Panda forget for just a moment why he felt bad.

"Now get in the tub and let me be super romantic!" Grizz said before giggling.

It took about fifteen minutes for everything to get setup properly. The tub itself, as they had learned before, had just about enough room in it to fit the both of them as long as they could stand putting their legs on each other's laps. Already Panda was remembering the night that felt like an eternity ago where he told Grizz he loved him for the first time and they bathed together in this very tub. It was the first time he had ever touched Grizz in a way that was beyond playing. He ran his paw slowly along the surface of the water as it filled and steam began to rise. He glanced around the bathroom at the dozen candles Grizz had set up. It smelled strongly of cinnamon and vanilla. Even as Grizz settled into the water and it rose up to Panda's chest, the bubbles even higher, he couldn't help but feel a bit guilty.

"You like it?" Grizz said with a grin.

"Y-Yeah," Panda said with a small voice. "You didn't have to do all this, though. I'm fine, Grizz. Really."

Grizz continued to smile and gave a shrug of his shoulders. Both of his paws were on Panda's lap and gently he prodded his toes into Panda's belly. Panda giggled in response, and did the same to Grizz's sides where his own legs were outstretched.

"You wanna talk about… y'know, doing it?" Grizz asked with a shrug. His smile faded for just a second. A touch of sincerity in approaching the delicate topic. "Does it feel weird for you to call it what it is too?"

"A little," Panda said. It was the biggest understatement of his life. "But… I've been thinking a lot about us having… sex."

Panda's face felt warm now. He settled his paws on top of Grizz's feet which were still pressed to his belly and gave a gentle shrug.

"I'm gonna be fine though, Grizz. I can do it."

"I don't care if you can do it, Pan Pan," Grizz said with a nudge with his foot. "I care if you wanna. We already to plenty of fun stuff all the time. Why's this so important, anyway?"

"Because I…" Panda bit his lip and glanced away. He wasn't sure how to word it. He wasn't sure if he could word it at all, actually. All he knew was that his chest felt increasingly tight and all he wanted to do was curl up alone. He ran his paw slowly over the bubbles atop the water and scooped some up. "I want you to know how much I care about you."

"I know how much you care!" Grizz said. He sat up so suddenly the water swished around. "You don't have to prove anything to me, Panda!"

"But…" Panda closed his eyes for just a second to collect himself. "You do… this all the time."

Panda gestured to the candles and then the tub.

"You do everything you can to show me how much you care about me and… I-I never do anything nearly this good. That's why you're always worried I'm ashamed of you or that the reason I'm with you is until I find a girl or…"

"Panda," Grizz said quickly. He leaned forward. His feet removed themselves from Panda's belly as he drug himself to his knees and then settled his weight on Panda's chest. Their muzzles were close now, and without warning Grizz laid a kiss on Panda's lips. He hugged Panda tightly and the water sloshed. Once they parted he grabbed both of Panda's paws and pressed them to his chest. "I know you love me. I love you too, buddy."

Panda frowned.

"I… I just want to do something for you like you do for me all the time," Panda said. "To show you how much you mean to me. Giving you my body like that is… Everything online says it'll hurt and I'm scared if I don't like it you'll think I'm not wanting you again and…"

Panda was trembling now. As it all spilled out of him he could feel tears well in his eyes. He was ashamed now and wished he never opened his big mouth. He wanted this so badly days ago but so much time had build up fear and anxiety that he could not stand.

"You aren't GIVING me anything!" Grizz said. "This kinda thing is supposed to be for US, not me, right? You aren't gonna force yourself to like it just because you think it's what I want. You're the one who wanted this, right?"

"I can't think of anything else that'll be as big as… everything you do for me," Panda mumbled. "I just want to do something that proves how much I love you."

"Pan Pan," Grizz said slowly as he laid his paw on Panda's cheek. "You're the best boyfriend on like, the whole planet. It makes me happy to do all this for you because seeing you smile is awesome. If you're scared it'll hurt or think you have to force yourself to like it I don't wanna go through with it."

"But I… I do want to try," Panda said softly.

"Then let's try!" Grizz said with a grin. "Let's try and if anything hurts or doesn't work right or it's super awkward it won't matter, right? I won't like it if you don't like it, and I know that one hundred and twenty five percent!"

Panda giggled, and Grizz bumped his nose against Panda's own.

"Okay," Panda said with a slight nod as he bumped Grizz's nose back. "We'll do it like that."

"Seriously, if you're scared tell me," Grizz said.

"I will," Panda replied.

"And Pan Pan?" Grizz asked.

"Yeah?"

"I expect that hour of kissing to start about now."

Panda giggled at that, but couldn't help but find his paws going to Grizz's cheeks and bringing his lips to Grizz's own.

He had a feeling things were going to be alright.