When Amy started working at the nine nine, she was partnered with the most pathetic excuse for a detective. He was the most immature, crude, absolute jerk she had ever met, and she was sure that Peralta would never act like an adult- even if his life depended on it.
She grew up on cop movies and she always imagined having a partner that she could really bond with, but there was no possible way to have a real conversation, much less a meaningful relationship with him. They were never going to become close, and Amy would just have to deal with that. Maybe she would be transferred after some time and she could actually be partnered with someone who could manage to be serious for a second and was actually nice to her. She would just have to deal with being partners with a 12 year old in the meantime. She couldn't wait for the day until she didn't have to see his face any more. She was anticipating it.

It hadn't even been 2 months since her first day when a kidnapping case came in. She and Jake both worked through a full 48 hours before they finally found what they needed, but they got there too late. Amy could still see the boy's body and his blood on the floor; it kept running through her head at every angle on repeat. Every time she closed her eyes, and even when they were open she saw his face on every passing person.
When they got back to the precinct Amy felt like breaking down (catching the killer provided little consolation). It wasn't like she wasn't prepared to see something so awful. Amy knew the facts and figures, and she had memorized all of the statistics. But looking at crime scene photos was nothing compared to the reality. He was just a...
She had talked to his parents. Photos were nothing compared to the reality of seeing just a kid after talking to his parents.
She was glad she wasn't the one who had to tell them.
Amy went to the balcony with the intention of sneaking a cigarette, but it was clear that wasn't happening anytime soon. The moment she stepped outside she inhaled deeply which only made it worse, her breaths were getting shaky and she knew what was coming: the sobs.
"Hey," a voice said, and she didn't even notice he had come out there and she hated that it was him, and that it just made her want to cry more.
Amy turned to him with as much anger written on her face as she could muster (in an attempt to mask the tears clouding her vision) and was surprised to see the concern written on his.
"What do you want?" She spat venom, and it came out way worse than she meant it to sound, but fuck, if she did anything other than get mad it would lead to her collapsing.
"I'll leave if you want. I just... didn't want you to be alone," Jake's voice was soft and sincere.
Even though Amy didn't think even he was enough of an asshole to come make fun of her after what they both saw that, she hadn't expected the genuineness from him.
Most people would have phrased it differently. Most people would have said "I didn't think you would want to be alone."
But Jake wasn't enough to presume that, and that would have placed his whole motivation on her shoulders. He said he didn't want her to be alone. He wanted someone there with her, and he was taking the blame for his intrusion.
So he didn't presume that Amy didn't want to be alone, and he didn't lie and say that the only reason he was out there was because he didn't want to be alone. If it was just about himself he could have just stayed inside with everyone else in the precinct.
She knew that if she did say that she wanted him to leave he would go back and send someone else out to keep her company because he could pick up the animosity and annoyance she'd had for him ever since she met him, so he got that she probably wouldn't want to spend anymore time with him than absolutely necessary.
He'd been in the field awhile now, so he probably knew from experience that no on should be alone after that. They should be with a group of people, or at least one other person. Not off alone sneaking a cigarette.
If she wanted someone there, or if she didn't care one way or the other he wanted to be there- he didn't want to go unless she wanted him to.
Because he knew she shouldn't be alone, and he wanted to be the one who stayed with her.
Amy knew he was waiting for her to ask him to leave, but she couldn't speak a word without crying. So instead, without thinking, she ran to him and curled her hands up in his shirt. She tried to thank him, but she didn't even get half of the word out before she started sobbing. Jake wrapped his arms around her and rubbed her back without making a sound.
He was warm, and she felt safe for the first time that night. She was soaking his shirt with her tears, but he didn't complain. He didn't offer any comforting words that they both knew would fall flat. He just held her.
After a good 15 minutes she had managed to cry everything out, but it took a good 10 minutes more for her breathing to return to anywhere near normal.
"I threw up the first time I saw a dead body that wasn't in pictures or in a morgue," Jake offered. She was half afraid he was going to pull away when he first started speaking, but he stayed where he was, arms still around her, his hands still rubbing her back. So she was still wrapped in his warmth.
"And I shook for the rest of the day until I was finally sent home because I couldn't even write my own name. I probably would have shot myself if I even tried to pick up my gun."
Amy laughed a dry laugh, but a laugh none the less.
"It doesn't get easier," he said with a sudden somberness. "I wish I could tell you it does, but it doesn't. Eventually you start seeing them as parts of a case, and not people, and that's okay. But it's always awful when you first see them and you have to remind yourself to keep distant and stay impartial. And that'll work for a while, but there's always a small part of you that thinks about their family, or their coworkers, what their favorite movie was, what they did the night before, and if they had any sort of feeling that something bad was gonna happen. And it'll hit you every once in a while, all the past cases and you'll be stuck in your head until someone drags you out of it, but you don't have to worry cause there's always someone to drag you out of it. Like your partner or someone."
She noticed the question in his voice when he said the word partner, and she couldn't describe the way her heart felt like it was going to burst. She pulled away with a sniffle and tried to ignore the loom on his face that she couldn't decipher.
"Should I be embarrassed by how big of a reason those buddy cop movies were for me becoming a detective? All of that partner nonsense? But I'll make sure to bother you next time, Peralta," she attempted to get back to his usual joking tone, but he didn't go for it.
"You could never bother me."
It wasn't that Amy wasn't thankful for the moment they were in, it was just that she didn't know how to interact to the newly presented sincere side of her partner. She didn't know how to handle the seriousness, so she leaned back against the brick wall and he leaned beside her, close but not touching. Eventually her hand fell and the back of hers hit the back of his and she had the almost uncontrollable urge to take his hand. She thought he felt it too judging by the way his fingers twitched, but he didn't act on it.
They just pressed the backs of their hands together in the silence.

Eventually someone came out looking for them and they reluctantly went back inside. Amy didn't even notice who it was, that came looking, just that they were the reason she and him couldn't stay. She wasn't sure how long they were on the balcony, but it was a long time, and yet not nearly long enough. It wasn't enough time in the quiet and the night, with the back of Jake's hand pressed against hers.
He gave her slight smiles the rest of the night. Everyone was still there wrapping up the day's work, but that wasn't the real reason. The truth was no one wanted to be alone after that. Not just yet.
Jake's shirt still wasn't completely dry from her earlier sob fest. When someone commented on it she stiffened up, but Jake just brushed it off with a joke about a defective water gun that he was going to get a refund on without so much as a glance at her to risk giving it away. It was obvious by his face that he wasn't crying recently. The cool air and time had done Amy's eyes some good and they were only a bit more red than normal, but if he had even looked in her direction for a moment it would have been enough to put two and two together. But he didn't.
But Jake still sent the secret, soft smiles to her without arousing suspicion. And eventually she managed to start smiling back.

The next day greeted her with a raised eyebrow, and she gave him a nod to tell him that she was doing all right, and he got right back to teasing her like usual.
That was the first time she knew she could trust Jake Peralta, her partner.

AN: This was meant to be my first hurt/comfort fic of the super hurting variety, but it was lost among the rubble of my laptop. It was supposed to be a one shot and I'm almost done with it (I think), but since it was getting to be so long I just wanted to get this out here and cut the one shot into like multiple chapters and stuff, so there is an end in sight.