Running.
That is all she's been doing lately.
A new part of her routine that she unwillingly grew accustom too. There were many reasons as to why she kept moving: To escape her mother, brother, the past….herself. Getting lost in that forest was the best thing that could have happened to her and for a while the only company she had was her mind. Alone with her thoughts had never been the wisest choice but then again what other options did she really have?
That was how they found her. Scared, confused, crying…an emotional mess: An embarrassment to the royal heritage she was brought up in.
A mistake in her father's eyes.
A constant disappointment…
You're such a constant disappointment Zuzu! Even when you're strong you're weak!
She did believe that. It wasn't a lie. It had been the truth. She had to convince him that he was the weak sibling not her. She was born lucky. He had been lucky to be born.
Don't you get it Zuzu?! You and I will finally be free! You of a throne you never really wanted, and me of this incessant nagging in my head!
Right…?
No matter what, you're still my sister.
Why did he say that?
Azula! Come back! Please I can help you! I want to help you!
His voice had been haunting her ever since her disappearance.
Same as always Zuzu. Even when you're strong…you're weak.
Now who had that really been directed towards: Zuko or herself?
Azula stumbled once. Just once. As she scaled the rooftops in her desperation to get away from the last person she wanted to face. Using her lightning bending defensively was a mistake that she had made instinctively, her brother the first to guess her identity with ease. She had to get back to her group to continue their mission, the ones who had taken her in without a word. They never asked who or where she had come from. All they required was her loyalty. With them she didn't have to pretend. She could be the person she always hid away from the rest of the world. She didn't have to be Azula Princess of the Fire Nation. She could just be…herself. In the end she had unintentionally become their leader, guiding them towards a better future for the Fire Nation.
Orange fire shot past her head too close for comfort. Typical. Of course he wouldn't just let her go that easily. She had been caught stealing Kiyi away from her family. Azula took the risk of glancing back just to see how far her brother was.
Bad idea.
Her brother had made the brilliant decision of jumping at her from the previous rooftop she had just leapt from. Gasping in surprise she twisted around to shoot fire at him when he collided with her body. Together they tumbled over each other down the side of the roof. Shingles dug into her body, as she tried to slow her momentum down by clawing beneath her to no avail.
The Prodigy managed to grasp the edge of the roof with her right hand, her body swinging sharply, dangling over the edge. She could have just saved herself but on reflex she had grabbed her brother's arm in her left, trying desperately to make sure they both didn't fall. His weight swung awkwardly beneath her, causing the grip that she had to loosen making them both plummet to the ground below. Luckily it wasn't too high.
The breath was knocked out of her body as her back slammed into the ground hard, not missing the crates that managed to break her fall. Zuko had fallen only a few feet away letting out a groan. She clenched her jaw at the pain shooting through her, looking at her brother to make sure he was breathing. There was no time to check if she had suffered any major injuries. She had to get away.
Holding back a cry, she shakily got to her feet, noticing that her mask had fallen off. Looking around she saw that it had landed just in front of the Fire Lord. Quick as her aching body would allow her, she darted for the one-eyed mask. She managed to get her hands on it but so didn't her brother. He glanced up at her, his teeth clenched in pain.
There gazes locked and she found it harder to breath. "Azula… stop!"
Refusing to reply back she zapped him through the hand that held her mask. He cried out in pain, letting go. With this brief distraction, she started running. Zuko got to his feet, regaining his composure following after her. Again they resumed their game, one they had been playing since they were children, only usually it was her chasing him: Ironic that the tables had turned without her noticing.
Running.
Always running.
Even when you're strong… you're weak.
Azula took a sharp right down an alley, tipping the barrels over in an attempt to slow her pursuer down. Unfortunately he was just as agile as her, leaping over the objects with relative ease. Turning left she came to a dead stop. The chance to keep running had come to an end. There was no escape.
"Enough games Azula."
The Prodigy stood still for just a moment, placing her mask on before turning around to face her sibling. He stood five feet away catching his breath. She mirrored him, bracing herself for his next move, the one she couldn't predict was coming. "I just want to talk…please."
Now he wants to talk? She almost laughed. Almost. No she would not give him an ounce of satisfaction in hearing her voice. None. She would not speak to the one who took everything away from her: Her brother who had never come back for her…only her crown.
But, one fact never changes. No matter what, you're still my sister.
He took one step forward.
She took one step back.
Why'd our relationship have to be like this?!
"Please stop fighting…"
Why do I have to care so much for him?
One step forward.
Another step back.
Hesitation. An opening. She swept her left arm outwards, a wave of her azure flames greeting her brother. He shielded himself from her attack with his own bending but did not miss her distraction at running away. He reached out and grabbed her arm as she attempted to run past, swinging her around till she was back against the wall, his hands now holding her there.
A miscalculation like so many she had been making lately.
Azula pressed her back against the wall as far away as she could get from him. She took deep breathes in order to control her emotions. They had been overwhelming her every day since their separation, confusing her on so many things. Questions had been raised since then of what she was feeling and each time she came to that final conclusion she soon shut it away to the back of her mind: A weakness, sickness…monster. Those were the only words to describe her secret.
"Azula, why are you doing this?" Zuko hissed between clenched teeth. His eyes…they were always the gateway to what he was truly thinking but most importantly what his emotions were. Right now all she could see was pain… "What have you done…?" Now love.
Silence. That was all she would offer him. A mask was all he'll get to see. Azula could never reveal her true self to him. He probably wouldn't believe it was her; maybe he'd even be afraid. Turn away in disgust. Azula always lies, his little mantra and yet a foolish one to have. Of all the people she held close…he was the one she spoke the truth to most and when she did, he still never believed her words. Out of everyone, her brother was the one she protected the most, always standing by his side.
Believe it or not I'm looking out for you…
She was so exhausted. Tired from running away. She was tired of having to face things alone. She didn't think it was worth it to try and redeem herself. She didn't join this group to get her brother off the throne…no. She joined because she wanted to feel like she belonged somewhere. Against her better judgment, she had complied, not telling them of her past. As long as she was not the one to off her brother then her conscience was clear…or was it? In helping them she may as well admit to treason. The Princess could not run anymore. She wouldn't run. Even though she could easily fight off Zuko while his defense was so clearly down, she did not. Why did she want to stay? Why was she giving him control of this situation?
So much running…and now it ends here.
"Do you realize how long I searched for you?" The grip on her arms tightened with his growing hysteria "A month. I left to go search for you as soon as the sun rose every day. I didn't stop until dusk had fallen." He let out a short laugh "Even then…I still kept looking and yet you were nowhere to be found. I kept hope that you were alive somewhere. Safe and happy…"
While on the outside she remained impassive, inside her heart constricted. Her eyes widened in clear surprise at his admission. He was looking for me? Why…? He didn't care for her. A lie she kept telling herself but it was always easier to believe than the possibility that did care.
"Now here you are…" his eyes narrowed. There it was: anger and frustration. "I finally figure out that there are people disguising themselves as the Kemurikage and you're among them…" His voice became eerily quiet. "I didn't know what to feel then…now that I'm here finally facing you, I know. I feel betrayed…hurt…disappointed. I wanted to believe that you had changed but I was wrong."
Silence. Indifference. Pain.
"Why won't you answer me?" His voice rose cracking, causing her to cringe slightly, tears starting to burn at the corners of her eyes. She was more than grateful for the mask that hid her from him. She couldn't afford to show him any weakness. He would only use it against her. "Azula!" His frustration finally got the better of him to her chagrin. In one swift movement he tore off her mask, throwing it into the shadows that surrounded them, the only light to offer were the stars and moon above them.
They stared at each other, golden eyes penetrating gold. Gazes searching each other for different answers yet there was none to be found. Azula clenched her jaw, struggling against the emotions that were just burning underneath the surface. She turned her head away. It was a lot easier than facing the look he was giving her now but her brother was not so merciful. He grabbed her chin, turning her face back to look at him "Look at me."
Her throat tightened, eyes taking on a murderous look, as a tear streaked down her face. No matter how much she controlled her emotions, they still found ways in breaking through her barrier. How shameful… She flinched as her brother brought his right hand up to wipe away her tear, his face softening "What are you trying to hide from…?"
Azula knew she shouldn't break her silence but she couldn't stop her answer from coming forth "You" Her throat felt raw, as if she hadn't spoken in a long time. It wasn't a complete lie. She was running for a multitude of reasons. She wasn't sure why he was the first thing she admitted to…
His eyes widened in obvious surprise, making her feel self conscious. "You ruined my life." her voice filled with venom "You took mother away from me…you made my friends betray me! You took the throne away from me! I lied to father for you about the avatar being dead and you still turned your back on me!" She shoved him off of her, making him back of a few feet. "I protected you! I lied for you! I brought you home!" The tears she held back flowed freely down her face, but she still maintained control over her voice "Why did you betray me? Instead of trying to understand, my own brother sends me away to an asylum because he believed I was a lost cause!" She leapt at him, making his hands go up on reflex as she shoved his body up against the wall, pinning him there. She closed her left hand around his throat, pointing two fingers into his neck. "I needed you Zuko!" She gritted her teeth, the emotions she let forth all becoming too much for her.
I still need you…
"Azula I" His voice constricted under her grasp. The guilt in his eyes was enough to make Azula want to strangle him further. She hated that look. "I'm sorry"
She barked out a laugh "Oh, you're sorry? NOW you're sorry?" She smirked mirthlessly "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't kill you?" Her voice lowered to a sadistic whisper, laced with seduction. She brought her lips closer to his, making his eyes widen. Something about it felt so fitting in this moment… "It would be so easy…" Lightning sparked at her fingertips making her threat all the more tangible. He didn't reply to her making her anger grow "Answer me!" Her voice shook "Why shouldn't I kill you where you stand? Give me a reason!"
"I can't give you a reason…" Her brother's guilt mixed with the shame he felt "You're right; I should have been there for you." Azula narrowed her eyes as he went on "I failed to see you for who you truly are…I can't blame you for the anger you feel. I failed you…" Hesitantly he reached out and grabbed the hand that would instantly kill him, holding it closer "If it's what will make you happy…to take the throne…then do it."
Azula gritted her teeth, pressing her hand deeper into his throat, her tears never ceasing. He was a fool to believe that she wouldn't do it. Becoming Fire Lord was all she ever wanted. Now she could take it and rid herself of his existence. She stood there frozen, her body shaking. Why was she hesitating? Do it! She couldn't. The realization hit her hard, bringing forth the secret she hid so well.
Azula loved her brother.
If he should die then there would be nothing left for her.
No one left to care.
Ruling the Fire Nation paled in comparison to what she would lose.
The price was too high to pay.
"Idiot" She harshly whispered. Gently she locked her lips with his, kissing him. His eyes widened in shock at her action. Why did it surprise him that much? She was insane after all.
He pushed her back suddenly but her grip on his throat and the death threat remained, leaving little room between them. "Azula why are…?"
"Shut up and kiss me…" Again she pressed her mouth against his. He didn't respond at first, letting her do all the work but soon enough he followed suit, his eyes glazing over. Together their lips moved over one another, tasting all that they could. Zuko's hands traveled over to her waste, pulling her closer, not leaving any space between them. Azula slowly moved her hands to grasp at the collar of this Fire Lord Clothes, making sure he never did leave her control.
Admit it! You need me to help you be free!
Up against the concrete wall is where she found herself again, his muscular body pressing heavily up against her. He laced his fingers with her hands, bringing them up above her head, holding them there. Azula's face flushed lightly at this show of dominance, causing an instinct within her to grow becoming more unbearable over time. She moaned as he brought his lips down to her neck, biting and sucking at her sensitive skin.
Oh, how wrong this was…but damn did it feel so right.
The hood of her Kermurikage disguise fell down as Zuko continued his attention on her. Azula could do nothing but be at his mercy. His lips soon found hers again though allowing her to bite him, drawing blood that she could now taste on her tongue: the same blood that flowed through her veins. No matter what may come between them…she always found herself drawn back to Zuko. It was he whom she found comfort in whether she admitted it or not, the one who she wanted to prove her worth to…and now she could if he would only listen.
Soon enough, they broke contact, taking deep breaths to steady themselves. Zuko released his grasp on her hands, placing them instead on either side of her. Azula pressed back against the wall. Embarrassment coursed through her body at her lack of control…at what her impulse decision had been. "Azula…I don't understand. I thought the throne was all you ever wanted…?" His voice was husky, filled with the confusion their kiss had created.
"Yeah…I thought so too. I guess we were both wrong." Now where was she supposed to go from here? Her plans had once again been ruined and all thanks to the love she was told would be her weakness. Yet, she felt no regret with her decision only that it left her more conflicted with where her life would lead to next and who she was meant to be.
"Then why are you sparing my life?"
"Because I love you" Azula closed her eyes, afraid to see the look he was giving her "you are the only one who ever looked my way. You showed me kindness that far exceeded what anyone else had." She took a deep breath "You are my one weakness that I have tried so many times to cast away…but it's no use." Her throat tightened. "I can't kill you…" She opened her eyes to look at him "You are my happiness."
Zuko's amber eyes gazed into hers, his expression filled with kindness. Gently, he took her face in his hands, wiping away her tears with his thumbs. His eyes searched hers, making the Princess nervous at what he would find. There were many shadows surrounding her past, smoke that hid away the monster inside of her. Yet, with the way he was looking at her, the doubts slowly started to ease. He smiled making her heart beat rapidly "What are you afraid of?"
"Myself…" she whispered the truth she had been running from all her life, feeling as the weight of it held her down.
"Don't be." He replied gently "There is nothing to fear."
"How can you say that so confidently?" Her voice filled with defiance "You've seen the way I treated my friends. They left me because of who I am. I tried to kill my own mother. I tried to kill my own brother!" Her eyes stung with more tears from the anger she felt "I am nothing but a monster! No matter how many times I try that's all I'll ever be…"
Zuko shook his head slowly "Azula…there are many words to describe you but a monster is not one of them. Yes, you may have tried to do these horrible things but you didn't. You chose not to. That takes strength to resist the darkness in our own hearts. It says a lot about who you are underneath all the masks you hide behind…you are beautiful, intelligent, and brave. Your kindness far exceeds my own." He brought his forehead to hers, their amber eyes gazing into each other. "I love you Azula…please come back to me."
"Zuzu…" The Prodigy had no words to express what she was feeling now. Zuko loved her. He loves me… It meant more to her than when her father had given her the throne. It gave her a new meaning of what happiness was. "I can't…" She pushed him away from her, pulling up her hood once more "I have vowed my loyalty to these women. I won't abandon them now."
"Then that means…you're going to side with them…" His voice fell, the disappointment making her want to flinch but she held it back.
"It means…I'm going to stop this." She walked away from him to look down the dark alley "I've bonded with them…they accept me for who I am." She smiled thinly "More than anyone else has up until now…" She looked back to see the pain in his eyes "They depend on me Zuko for direction. I have become their leader sort of…using them to do my bidding. I don't know what I will tell them. They may be disappointed. They just want a better life with meaning. They're all Fire Benders too with amazing abilities like this Smoke Bending I picked up from them." Azula felt so lost with what to do next. Killing Zuko, she realized was not the answer. The throne was and always will be his, a destiny that was never really hers. She joined her group to be accepted. They all respected her. Now was the time to use that to her advantage.
Maybe this was the beauty of her true destiny her dream had spoken of…
"Fire Warriors"
Azula's eye brow rose "Fire Warriors…?"
"That's what you can call your group. Instead of continuing down this path…why not use their talents for something far greater?" Zuko took a few steps towards her "I mean the Fire Nation has been in chaos still after the war. Many riots have been rising since I took over as Fire Lord…I could always use the extra help."
Fire Warriors.
Take off your mask. Only then will you see the beauty of your true destiny.
And just like that…everything started to fall into place. The future that seemed so shrouded with fog in her mind started to lift. This was it. She could feel the peace course through her with this new decision. A weight that she had been carrying for years lifted off her shoulders. No longer did she question what to do next. Now she knew. Azula would shape these women into something worthy of respect. With them they could help others who needed it. In return this could be a way for her to write the wrongs she had done. It may take a while for people to trust her again…with Zuko by her side what did she really have to worry about?
The Princess smiled gently at her brother, causing him to return the gesture. Not knowing what came over her, she jumped at the Fire Lord, surprising him with a hug, one she hadn't given him since she was just a child. "Thank you Zuzu…" She nuzzled her face into his neck unable to do anything else. "This is what I am meant to do." She lifted her head up to kiss him finding that he returned her affection. "I have to go now."
"Wait…what about the children?"
"They are in a secret underground tunnel just north of here at the crater wall. You'll see an old abandoned statue of a dragon. It's hard to miss." She looked in the direction of where her hideout had been "They're all safe and happy. I made sure that they were treated well. I promised them that their parents would come for them tonight. Now I can keep that promise."
She went to walk away when he grabbed her arm, holding her there. "Will I see you again?" His voice was filled with worry "Are you going to come with us?"
"It may be best for my group to go in hiding for a while until this storm calms down. I need to talk with them. Those who want to stay can. All those who don't…well, they're free to go. If they dare try to lay a finger on you…let's just say that they won't like the consequences very much" She smirked ruthlessly "As far as you and I go…" She turned back to him placing her hand on his cheek, leaning in to kiss him "You'll see me again. I have to return home sometime right?"
I still have to make amends with my mother…
"Of course" He smiled warmly down at her "I wouldn't expect anything less. I'll always wait for you" Before letting her go he kissed her deeply, leaving her begging for more when he broke contact "Come home safely."
"If I have more of that to look forward to then you won't have to worry." With one last look at her brother, her hand lingering in his, she turned away running through the shadows, eventually making her way to the rooftops above where the moonlight shown down on her beautiful face. Her amber eyes glistened with determination and a fire that couldn't be matched. With on quick flick of her wrist she sent a bolt of lightning to the sky: A sign to those who knew her. Together they flocked to her side, a good six of them silently moving in time with her agility.
Azula felt warmth spread through her body, a feeling of excitement and quiet anticipation wrapped around her. She couldn't wait to get her plans in motion, to start this new journey ahead of her. It was one thing she could now look forward too. This is what she was meant to do. It took her running away in order to finally find her destiny. It took her brother not giving up on her humanity that turned her into the right direction. Now she had someone to look forward to when she came home. Zuko would always love her and that was all she needed.
With her group by her side they disappeared into the distance, the Prodigy leading them, leaving the mask she always wore in the shadows she no longer walked in.