Friends! Romans! Countrymen! And Weiss!

I come here today not to bury Caesar... I just came here to post a fanfiction.

But it is no ordinary fanfiction. It's hella edgy and actually my first foray into these waters. Yay, baby's first edgy fic. (I don't know what happened, it was originally supposed to be a K one, then a K+... Slippery slope, I guess? Alas.)

In any case, here it is, kiddies. Enjoy.

Thanks, Monty.

"Ren? When's food?"

Nora bounced gaily up and down on her bed, as the figure huddled below her stirred weakly and burrowed deeper into the mass of blankets, not very keen on being piston-powered to death this early in the morning.

"…Nora? I thought you weren't going to wake me until ten."

"It's twelve, silly!"

With a loud (and somewhat exaggerated) sigh, Ren emerged from the cocoon of covers, slowly rubbing the sleep from his eyes. To Nora, however, pancake hype had no bounds, as she promptly tackled her friend backwards onto the bed and jabbed her fingers into his sides, screaming "TASER!"

With Nora's gentle motivational prompt, Ren jerked suddenly up like a jack in the box, his eyes flying open with an uncharacteristically loud yelp. Massaging his sides, Ren glanced dolefully up at her partner as he attempted to stand up again. Luckily enough for him, his partner was content with beaming brightly at him rather than trying to tickle him in the sides again.

"Silly Ren! Maybe you shouldn't have stayed up all night!"

"…only because you kept the both of us up the whole night."

"I-uh-yeah…. True," Nora stammered. "Oh man, Ren, did Jaune and Pyrrha turn on the heat or something before they left?"

Ren shook his head with a wry smile. "They had to have been here last night to do so."

"Right… Where the heck are they anyway? Did they fall asleep after training on the roof again? That's weird. Buuuuuuut Ren! When's food? I haven't eaten since last night and a Huntress needs her nutrition!"

"Truly the most important meal of the day…" Ren stifled a yawn and shrugged the blankets off, basking in late morning apathy. If one could still call 12:27 PM a morning, that is.

"Well now you're up! Are you ready to make the super-duper Grimm-slaying breakfast of champions?"

"…Yes."

"Whee! I'm just gonna grab a shower and we can be on our way to food! And about time too, I was about to die from hunger… because SOMEONE couldn't be bothered to wake up to feed the unfortunate and hungry!" Nora fixed her partner with a mock accusatory glare, and with that, proceeded to skip merrily towards the bathroom, throwing the door closed behind her with enough force to rattle the room.

As soon as Ren heard the door slam behind her, he flopped backwards on the bed, closing his eyes and flipping a pillow onto his face.

"Mmmmmphzz…. Too early…"

"Pancakes!"

"Nora, we've had pancakes for breakfast for quite a while. Why not try something new?"

"Like what?" Nora cocked her head at him. "I'll try anything you make, well you are an excellent chef and all but I won't try that weird green stuff. Blech!"

"Nora," he sighed, "Like I said, algae contains numerous spectacular properties."

"Yeah… for fish I guess, Ren, there's a reason that stuff is at the bottom of lakes. Its food for fishies! No wonder I threw up when I drank that stuff!"

"Nora, that's not-"

"FISHY. FOOD."

Ren exhaled explosively, defeated. "All right. So we're having 'normal people food' now. But let the record show that vegetable juice truly works wonders."

"For fishies, maybe." Nora stuck out her tongue at the thought of Ren's vegetable blend. But at the notion of 'normal food,' she perked up instantly.

"Normal food? Oooh, like pancakes?"

"Wouldn't you like to try some new th-"

"Pancakes?"

It was truly hard to resist Nora's puppy eyes, Ren mused as he wandered up and down the aisles of Beacon's on-campus student shop. Sighing as he bent down to retrieve a bag of flour, Ren resigned himself to the fact that he, for the umpteenth time, had been condemned to pancake hell.

But hey, at least they made Nora happy, and gave Ren an opportunity to get her eating relatively healthy with things such as kale in the batter, or organic syrup, or potato flour instead of razorgrain flour-

Wait.

Potatoes.

An idea crossed his mind.

What if I tried potato pancakes?

Wouldn't they still technically be pancakes?

And it was the afternoon after all. Potato pancakes would be a refreshing change of pace for a late lunch.

And so, Ren began to make his way to the produce section, but not first without attempting to divert Nora from executing yet another raid on the candy aisle.

Ren smiled, satisfied, as the heavenly aroma of potato pancakes spiraled upwards. Perfect, he thought, relishing the thought of the pancakes speckled with bits of onion and pepper and beef. With that, he slid the two freshly made delicacies onto a serving plate, filled a side dish with ketchup, and emerged from the kitchenette, watching as Nora turned towards him, the grin on her face widening to almost maniacal proportions.

Hmm. Ren said the pancakes were supposed to be different today? He did get a lot more stuff from the store than usual… At least he didn't get a bunch of vegetables like he did that one time. Blech, who even tries putting vegetables in pancakes? The queen of the castle needs her pancakes, Ren, not rabbit food! But ooh these smell good, different, but good, and I wonder what he put into them and how it's gonna turn out and nowI'mjustreallyexcitedforpancaketimeagainandallthesyrupIcaneat-

Nora's internal monologue was broken as Ren emerged theatrically from the kitchenette in their room, steam spiraling around him as he stood tall like the god of pancakes and deliciousness. With a battle cry of "SYRUUUUUUUUUUUUP!" Nora raced over to the table where Ren had set down the tray, seized the gravy boat of syrup, and eagerly drained its contents in one gulp. Only…

Nora's eyes shot open.

It wasn't syrup.

It was… ketchup!?

Ren ducked in time to avoid Nora's ketchup-spray barrage, and only peeked his head up above the table when he was sure the onslaught of forcibly expelled condiments had ceased.

"Yeeeeeech! Ren! Who eats pancakes with ketchup!? KETCHUP!" Nora simply looked scandalized (and not to mention decently green in the face).

Barely containing his laughter, Ren passed a napkin to Nora, who proceeded to violently scrub her tongue with it. "That's because these aren't normal pancakes."

If Nora had looked agitated before, it was nothing compared to the look of abject horror on her face now.

Sensing the coming storm, Ren was quick to appease his partner. "Well I partly lied, they're not actual pancakes, but technically they are. They're potato pancakes."

With that, Ren breathed a sigh of relief as Nora's expression of revulsion changed into one of confusion and yet intrigue.

"Potato…pancakes?" Nora jabbed experimentally at the enormous crunchy delight with a fork and eyed it suspiciously. "Potato…pancakes… um… Ren?" She looked quizzically at him.

"They're sorta like normal pancakes, but they're salty, not sweet, and they're more for lunch and dinner. Come on, try it, it's good." When Nora's expression didn't change, he spoke up again. "No Nora, they don't have any… fish food… or anything weird."

Nora leaned in close to her plate, and carefully cut off a small piece, popping it into her mouth. She then cut off another piece and devoured it too, a smile slowly building on her face.

That is, until she attempted to grab the entire thing and wolf it down. And it was at that moment that she learned that crunchy potato pancakes were not as… flexible as normal pancakes.

With a flip of the wrist, Nora attempted to toss the pancake into the air, but instead, the pancake took that opportunity to break in half, with one end flopping through the air and sticking to the wall, and the other slowly crumbling in her hand.

The grin slid from her face faster than the pancake down the wall.

"R-Ren?"

Her partner was currently covering his mouth with his hand, bent over in silent laughter.

"Ren! Why? This isn't 'like a normal pancake!' It's all weird and not flappy and now it's bouncing off the walls now because it broke!"

To this, Ren had no reply, as he had currently dispensed with stifling his laughter and was currently laughing heartily. "Sorry, it- it was just-" he managed to stammer as his composure steadily returned to him.

Nora, undeterred, continued on. She was on her feet now, waving the sorry remains of her pancake accusingly at Ren, salty bits flying all over with each shake. "You LIED to me! This isn't like a normal pancake at all! It's- It's"

"It's making a big mess right now, that's what."

"Your fault, Mister Liar Chef," Nora groused, ripping off a bit of potato pancake and playfully flicking it at Ren, who swiftly caught it out of the air with his mouth.

"Without 'Mister Liar Chef', I think you'd be rather hungry. So what will it be," Ren asked her, standing up and backing away with a smirk on his face. "Mister Liar Chef or Mister Nonexistent Chef?"

"Whichever one makes the food so I pick Mister Liar Chef!"

But Ren was already backing into the kitchen again, beaming slyly. "Mister Nonexistent Chef? Ok. I can do that."

"Oh NO you don't mister!" Nora launched herself off the chair, propelling it violently backwards as she shot forward into the kitchen in pursuit of her elusive partner.

Hmmm, where are you? Can't hide from me forever! Especially not in my castle!

There was no trace of Ren, not in the small space between the side of the fridge and the wall, nor was he hiding behind the door to surprise her….

BUT HE'S IN THE PANTRY!

Nora slammed open the pantry door, revealing Ren, grinning stupidly.

"Booo. What a pathetic hiding place!"

"Didn't you say you want Mister Nonexistent Chef?" Ren smiled teasingly at Nora and attempted to slide the pantry door closed again, only to be blocked by Nora jamming her foot in the door and dragging it back open.

"Y'know, Ren," Nora giggled, it's not nice to keep a lady waiting. It's like 5 after all and it's only now that you started making the pancakes of utter disappointment."

"Nora, I had to drag you out of the candy aisle."

Nora looked up at Ren with the most scandalized expression. "Ex-cuse me! I needed my energy boost! That comes separately from my nutrition boost that you oh-so-cruelly withheld for so long!"

"This coming from the girl that thought six bars of Snik-Snaks counts as a meal."

"Well it is! Well, more of a meal then those 'energy shakes,' those didn't even have sugar in them!"

"Sugar interferes with the maturation of the nutritive algae blooms and-"

"Blah blah blah blah it's all fish food," Nora scoffed, poking Ren on the nose playfully. "If I didn't know better I'd think you were trying to kill me! Now I know you're just crazy!"

"Crazy for you," Ren shot back, poking Nora back. "Boop."

"Hey!" Nora laughed, jokingly pushing Ren backwards into the pantry again. "'Boop' is my thing!"

"Was your thing," Ren chuckled, earning him another shove.

"Just like that potato pancake you had out there was yours! I call dibs, since you made mine pathetic and crumbly!" She poked Ren on the nose one final time, closed the pantry door with a giggle, and skipped off towards the table of pancakes.

Extricating himself from the confines of the pantry, Ren made it out only in time to watch a horrified Nora scream a scream of utter despair.

"Nora, what-"

"Ren," she whimpered, "look."

In her haste to chase him into the kitchen, she had unknowingly slammed into the table, knocking the remains of her own pancake and Ren's to the floor, where they lay, shattered and forlorn.

"Ren, I broke the food."

"That's fine Nora, I'll make some more in a bit."

"But I'm hungry."

With a conciliatory sigh, Ren grabbed his Scroll from his pocket, and keyed in several numbers, pressing the device to his ear.

"Hello, Benny's? I'd like to place an order for twelve stacks of pancakes. Yes? Yes, I meant twelve. I have a coupon as well."

It wasn't the healthiest of options, but considering he was too lazy to make pancakes and that the majority of his ingredients had gone into making two oversized (and now obliterated) potato pancakes, it was better than bars upon bars of Snik-Snaks.

He could never find her stash of them anyway.

"Nora, I just ordered a bunch of pancakes-"

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Ren only made it through two stacks.

Nora, however…

Nora had taken two stacks, no problem. Then another two stacks, and another, and another, until at long last the final two had fallen victim to her voracious appetite.

And she was still hungry.

"Renny! You suck!"

He cocked an eyebrow at her. "How do I suck? Is it because I only ate two stacks?"

"No silly! You didn't buy more pancakes!"

"Nora, I'm not made of Lien."

"Technically you are." She looked at the ceiling with a thoughtful expression, ideas brewing and throwing off whiffs of devilish ingenuity like steam from a coffee pot. "We could sell one of your kidneys and make a boatload of cash from it."

"Nora, no."

"Nora, YES."

"Should I start hiding now?

"Up to you," Nora chortled, advancing menacingly on Ren, hands outstretched, smiling devilishly.

Ren shrugged. "Your ideas are extreme, to say the least. But to dismember me? You have to be kidn-ey."

"Boooooooooo." Nora stopped mid-stride, lowing her hands, disheartened by Ren's awful pun. She reconsidered, then continued her march forward, arms outstretched, poking her fingers into Ren's sides, again causing him to nearly blast off again with another loud yelp.

"You deserved it. That sucked."

"I guess. Maybe we've all been around Yang too much." Ren grimaced, wrapping his arms around himself to further protect himself from Nora's retribution. "I should probably go and hide now." He turned around and started towards the kitchen and the relative safety of the pantry, making it three steps before a hand grasped onto his shoulder and spun him around.

"No you're not mister! I'm still hungry!"

"Nora? Even for you that's quite a lot of pancakes." Ren was actually quite surprised, he had never seen Nora down more than seven stacks of them. To say nothing of the ten she had devoured earlier…

"Enough? Maaaaaaaaaaybe," she twittered, reaching up and taking hold of Ren's other shoulder with her free hand.

"Well maybe I'm thinking if you eat more than ten stacks of pancakes on a daily basis we might have to sell your kidneys to pay for them."

"Nope."

"Magnhild?"

"Nope!"

"The collection of sloth plushies you have in the closet?"

"Now you're just being silly, Ren! I'm not hungry hungry anymore!"

Ren looked down with her with a look of surprise. "You're actually not hungry for pancakes?"

"Nope." She beamed up at him, slowly swaying back and forth, taking him along for the ride.

"Hmm… I'm guessing Snik-Snak bars then."

Her grin faded, to be replaced with a smirk as she slid her hands back behind Ren's neck, pulling him closer ever so slowly. "Still no," she whispered as she sprung upwards suddenly, kissing him gingerly on the cheek and leaving it burning bright red, along with the rest of his face.

"I-um- Nora? What-"

"Do you know what I want now, Renny?"

"Nora, I- uhhhh-"

"Would you like to know?"

"Er. Yes? I'd love t- OH."

If he had been blushing hard before….

Nora's satisfied smirk told all. "And you've said Jaune can be dense at times. Y'know, I'm kinda sad you figured out so soon, I was beginning to enjoy watching you get flustered like that. You're really cute when you're all nervous aren't you?

He hadn't really noticed that.

But there were other things he had noticed…

Currently, Nora had drawn in close to him, backing him slowly back against the wall with that mischievous grin so typical of her, but yet, so different…. So much more… wicked.

This was new…

Leaning forward further, Nora had let her hands slip from Ren's shoulders, sliding down his sides and settling on his hips as turquoise eyes met pink.

As usual, Ren leaned down to kiss his partner, intending to start off with his usual gentle kiss on the forehead. She had always liked that, giggling madly whenever he tried. But now…

Ren was quite blown away as Nora abruptly took hold of his wrists, pinning them to the wall. He didn't see the kiss come out of nowhere.

But then again, he didn't need to. Nor did he want to.

This was nice…

It wasn't like Nora, not the Nora at the dance that leaned forward nervously, stopping a couple times until she brushed her lips shyly against his cheek, nor was it the Nora who had later grown to surprising Ren with little kisses as 'good mornings' or 'good nights'. It wasn't even last night's Nora, who had pulled Ren close to her, kissing him into oblivion until his teakettle exploded in the kitchen from being neglected for so long.

This Nora was… different. Hungrier, wanting more than she should, ready to detonate like his teakettle last night as she forced him backwards, holding him to the wall as she threw herself at him, pulling out all the stops as Ren managed naught but a strangled gasp before once again, nothing existed, nothing at all, save for the girl before him who was so content on introducing her lips to his yet again.

Until Nora decided that she wanted a little more than just exploring his mouth.

Her hands left Ren's to dangle freely as she seized him, yanking him close, digging her nails into his back as she pulled. He wrapped her in a tight embrace in turn as the kisses grew more frantic, more desperate, longing for more of him. Nora drew her fingers down Ren's back, maneuvering one hand down across his side and pausing at his hip, before-

"Ahhhh, Nora?"

"Yes, Renny?" She twittered playfully, beaming at him with that lazy, impish smile."

"I don't think your hand's supposed to be there."

"Maaaaaaaaaaaybe."

"Nora? That's quite bad of you to do something like th-AAAT!"

Not gonna lie, even though I had fun writing a lot of this, it's been kicking my arse on and off for the last however long trying to write certain parts, to say nothing of school and everything else going on... It still is in all actuality. I'm gonna release a chapter 2 to this once my brain drags itself into overdrive once again. Hopefully.

But alas, chapter 2 is on its way, kiddies. You sinful sinful kiddies. (Not that I have any room to talk...)

Hoping y'all's enjoyed,

i-Pie.

PS: I'm still gonna be cranking out lots of wholesome good fanfics. Stuff like this? Here and there.

Obligatory something something about not owning Rooster Teeth or its holdings such as RWBY.