This takes place right after Hutch hinting at Belinda's dependence on drugs, and her angry rejoinder at him. Not betaed for lack of time, sorry.

-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-

"What would you know about it?"

She spits the sentence at the virtuous cop she thinks I am. That's what people think. What everyone thinks, and why shouldn't they?

Little does she know that I was talking out of personal experience. Little she knows that in the end I fell too, betraying my girlfriend and my soul.

She only sees us as righteous judges to whom speaking costs nothing, who know so well what is good or bad, who can never possibly happen to be on the wrong rail. She's right, too, for we've been like this, before. Well-meaning, understanding, but superior nonetheless. Before.

Now I smile at the poor thing that had become of me. Starsky doesn't.

He saw things I didn't have to look at. Starsky, my savior. My partner's will, my best friend's sacrifices granted me the right to still look like the man who's never been bent, and there's no one who would ever dream things could have gone anything but rightly. I've been protected and shielded all along, and I'll always be.

This woman has nobody to hold her up while she's falling, give her an alternative. It's okay for her to have everyone know about her brokenness, her need. It's okay that she's ignored and despised while I'm admired and complimented, even by her hurtful words. And yet, just some months ago, there would have been no difference between us. True, none of what happened to me has ever been my fault, but at the end of the day it wouldn't have mattered. I would've been cut out of my life just as well. It was Starsky to matter.

I know I'm privileged.

-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-

She's mostly in the same state of yesterday when she opens the door. I keep my flinch inside, realize she isn't going to let me in today.

"What do you want from me now?"

"Can I come in?" She's already stepping aside. Used to lose her battles. "I- I gave you some money, yesterday."

Her face turns into an angry mask. "What kind of person are ya? Just another who thinks this's gonna be any gain? Well, l I got news for you. I don't have your money and never will!"

"No, no." I swallow. "I don't want my money back. I just came to... apologize."

The slightest doubt in her eyes, a hint of hope she doesn't remember how to handle.

"What are you saying, cop?"

"Just what I said. I'm sorry. You deserve better than that."

For some reason, that's what brings tears to her eyes.

"How do you know?"

"I know. I could help you, if you let me."

She caresses my face, starts crying. "There's only one kind of help for people like me."

"That's not true. But you've got to want it."

"You have no idea what this is like!"

"Just trust me. Please."

She falls into my arms, weeping, and I hold onto her as if it were my soul I was holding together. I know I can't help everybody, but something I can do.

"You gonna help me?"

"I'm gonna help you."

And help I do.

-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-

Thank you for reading! Please review!