A/N –This is my first fanfic so please be kind :)

Also I have picked and chosen what story lines I follow from the show to fit my story. Sorry !

I welcome all suggestions and feedback. Enjoy

Chapter 1

Callie

As I watch the slow trickle of red and feel the electricity coursing through my veins I finally feel the relief I have been craving. I lean my head back against the cold porcelain tile and I slowly breathe out. I feel like I have been holding my breath and I was finally able to breath. This would be the last time I tell myself. I know it's a lie but I need to tell myself it I can only hope that maybe one day it will be the truth. Stef and Lena don't deserve this. One day they will realise that I am too much hassle and get rid of me. I hope they keep Jude…No, I will make them keep Jude. He deserves them. He deserves a family and everyone is right I ruin everything.

There was a knock at the door and I come out of my daze.

"Callie?"

"Uh Yea? " I call out hoping that whoever it will leave.

"You okay Sweets?" It was Stef I soon realised.

"Yea I'm fine I will be right out."

"Alright well breakfast is ready when you are"

"Thanks"

I take a deep breath as I hear her footsteps walking away from the door.

She means well. I know she worries so does Lena. But they don't understand. They never will and I'm not about to help them understand.

Today is Friday and last day of school before Saturday which is Group. I'll see Sarah. Which means I will most likely have to see him. Liam. Just thinking about him I get chills and the urge to vomit. I push the thoughts and feelings down and I sigh. Time to go out and face the day. I take one last look around to make sure I haven't left anything around. The last thing I need is Stef or Lena on my back.

"You can do this. For Jude" I mumble to myself. It gives me the strength to walk out to the kitchen.

I come out and take the last seat at the table which is near Jude.

I look around at everyone. Mariana and Jesus are arguing about some piece of gossip they heard at school yesterday. Brandon is sitting there doing his homework and Jude is laughing at something Lena had said to him. He looks so happy, I can tell he really loves these people and I am trying so hard not to screw this all up for him. I look to Stef and she is watching me carefully. I dart my eyes away from her instant but I still feel her gaze. Her gaze feels like it penetrates my soul sometimes. It's like she knows what I am feeling without even saying a word. It makes me nervous.

I stare at the eggs and bacon sitting on my plate for a minute before continuing to eating even though I am not hungry. If I ask to leave they will ask questions. Questions that require answers I cannot give them and I just can't handle that right now. I feel so close to the edge today. I am scared to lean in case I fall. I think of falling and for a moment I wonder if Stef and Lena would catch me. I dismiss the thought right away. They will just be like everyone else.

I am pulled out of my train of thought when I hear a clang and everyone goes silent. It takes me a moment to realise but they are looking at me. Damn. I had dropped my fork onto the plate.

"Sorry I must have gotten lost in my thoughts" I say to the room. Hoping that it will suffice.

"Are you okay Callie Girl?" Lena asks me.

"I'm fine" I reply.

"Okay sweets but we are here if you want to talk yes?" Stef says to me.

"I said I was Fine!" I say a bit louder. I really want to tell them I wasn't. "Can we leave now? I don't want to be late"

"In a minute love, just sit down. We didn't mean anything by it. We just worry about you." Stef says to me. I don't know whether to trust her. They will run a mile when they find things out.

"Alright everyone let's get going." Lena says after a few minutes saving me from having to answer. "I will be out in five minutes. I walk outside and wait by the front door. From where I am standing I can Stef and Lena.

"What was that?" Steph asked Lena.

"I'm not sure babe but I'm sure it will be fine. She is a teenager after all mood swings comes with the territory." Lena says.

"Yes but she is no ordinary teenager, she is Callie." Stef sighed. She knows something is wrong. It's only a matter of time now before I'm on my own again.

"I'll keep an eye at her at school. Have a good day at work" Lena walks out the door and catches me listening to their conversation. I pull my hoody up and my head down. I rush down to the car.

"Bye my Babies" Stef calls out from the front door in full uniform and a coffee in her hand.

When I get to the car I climb into the back and put my headphones in. This is going to be a long day.

I am sitting in English class with Timothy and giving a lesson on using emotions in writing.

"You need to make your characters relatable. Think about a time in which you felt what your character felt. Be specific, don't just write "he was happy", tell us why he was happy, or how happy he is. Use the setting. I don't mean you should make it rain when it's a sad scene, I'm saying people perceive what's around them differently when they're feeling a certain way. If they're happy, they may fail to notice their dull grey surroundings, or even find them beautiful. Use internal dialogue, tell us about what your character is thinking.

Merely telling us about your character's emotions will do nothing. Explain them to us, show them to us. "

I am trying to listen but all I can are the two girls behind me talking loudly about a party that is on Saturday. It was starting to annoy me so I politely turned around and asked them to be quiet. They looked at me like I nothing. They scoffed and went right back to what they were talking about. That was it I couldn't handle this anymore.

"Would you please shut the fuck up?" I yell at them.

"Callie sit down please and girls' one warning stop talking or take a walking to the principal's office." Timothy said. Crap he was going to ask me about this after class. I glance at the clock and watch the minutes and seconds fade away.

"Okay class for this week's assessment I want you to write a story about a family and I want to feel the emotions in your writing. It can be as long or as short as you want as long as it makes me feel something." Timothy announced as the bell rand and everyone stood up. I grab my bag and find my way in the middle of the group of students and manage to make my out of class unnoticed by Timothy.

The rest of the day goes by uneventful and as I walk out my last class I catch up with Wyatt.

"Want to come to mine and chill out. Maybe watch some TV?" Wyatt askes me and after a moment of though I think it will at least put of the interrogation tonight from Stef and Lena.

"Alright, l will just text Lena and tell her" I say as I am picking up my phone to text Lena.

"Cool, let's do this." Wyatt says as we drive off.

Lena

I am sitting at my desk doing some work when I hear someone knock at the door.

"Come in" I call out. I look up and see Timothy walk through the door.

"Everything okay?" I ask him.

"Is everything okay with Callie?" Timothy asked me.

"I believe so. Why? What happened?"

"Well the last few week she has been fairly distant and quiet but I let it go, you know how teenagers are. Well today she was downright rude to some of the other students. She used a few choice words I know you would not like very much. As soon as the bell rang she left before I had a chance to speak with her." Timothy tells me.

I was beginning to worry about our Callie girl.

"She was a bit odd this morning and has been a bit quieter than usual but we have asked and she has always said she was fine. "

"Well I better get back to my class now. I hope everything is okay Lena."

"Thanks Timothy" I say as I close the door.

The rest of the day went by fairly uneventful. I had to break up a fight between two friends after one had apparently stolen the other girl's boyfriend but it was nothing major.

As the bell rings I clean up my desk and file the last few forms I had filled out. I head out to the car to wait for the kids to appear. Jude was first.

"Hey buddie how was school today?" I asked him.

"It was good" he said quietly. "We had a math test today". The last part was so quiet I barely heard him.

"Oh? How did you go?" I ask hoping that he did okay.

"I think it went okay but not great" He tells me honestly.

"I'm sure you did well" I encourage him. He had picked up a lot since he first started at Anchor Beach. He has worked super hard and we were so proud of him.

"Oh look here comes Mariana and Jesus." I observe. Jesus has his arm around Mariana and they were laughing. It really was a sight to behold.

"Hey Mamma" They both chimed as they jumped into the car.

"Hello loves. How was school?" I say smiling to them. They answer with a mix of good, great and okay. I get distracted as they are speaking as my phone sounded.

Wyatt asked me over to his house for a few hours and said he would drop me home afterwards.

It was from Callie. I sighed I wanted to speak to her but I guess it would have to wait. It was a Friday after all and they had a later curfew.

That's fine Love. Home for dinner though please. Be Safe.

I texted her back. As I look up Brandon is jumping into the car.

"Hey everyone" He says.

"Alright guys lets head home." I say.

"Where's Callie?" Jude asked.

"She is headed over to Wyatt's for a few hours but she will be back for dinner Bud" I tell him.

We get home and everyone piles out of the car and heads inside.

"Homework before dinner "I call out them. Jude however is waiting for me by the door.

"I didn't get any homework today" He tells me.

"Okay well how about you go get changed them you can help me start dinner. Meet you in the kitchen in 10 minutes?"

"Okay great!" He exclaims as he runs up the stairs. I have learnt that he loves to help in the kitchen. It is one of the times he seems really happy.

We spend the next hour cutting vegetables and making small chit chat about lots of things. How he was going at school and also about Conner. The way he lights up when he talks about Conner. It was so adorable.

"Okay bud how about you go upstairs and play some video games for a while until Mom comes home. "

"Okay Mamma" He smiles wide at me. I know the smile on my face matches his. It's the first time he has called me mamma and in this moment all I can think about is how much I love this boy. He may have only been in our lives for 6 months but he is my son and I would do anything to keep him safe. I cannot wait to tell Stef about this.

I have a beaming smile on my face for the rest of the afternoon and it still there as Stef walks through the door.

A few minutes later I smile as I feel Stef wrap her arms around my waist an put her chin on my shoulder.

"Hey babe" I say as I turn around and kiss her.

"Mm you seem happy tonight" Stef has and I just beam at her.

"Jude called me mamma tonight" I say to her.

"Oh that is wonderful sweetheart." Stef say as she hugs me tighter and lifts me off the ground and spins us around and I laugh. I feel so loved and cherished in this moment.

"I will go change. I will be back down in 10 minutes" She calls as she walks up the stairs. She knows that her uniform and gun makes me uncomfortable.

I hear Stef walking back into the kitchen after a few minutes. I feel her watch me for a minute before speaking.

"Where is everyone?" She asks.

"Well Jude is upstairs playing video games I assume. Jesus went to the skate park with his friends and will be back in a few minutes and Mariana is upstairs skyping with Lexi." I tell her.

"It never ceases to amaze me that you manage to keep track of us all. Where is Callie?"

"She went over to Wyatt's but said she would be back for dinner" I say but I frown when I remember what happened today.

"What's wrong Love?" Stef asks me.

"Timothy came by my office today"

"Oh? What did he have to say?" Stef says trying to keep her tone neutral. Before I have a chance to reply the front door opens and then slams shut. We walk out of the kitchen to see Callie halfway up the stairs already.

"Whoa hold it sweets" Stef says to her.

"What?" Callie practically yells, the attitude oozing from her.

"Watch you attitude please sweets" Stef says sternly and Callie just stares at her. This could become a huge thing if I don't step in.

"Babes why don't you go upstairs and get changed and wash up for dinner. It will be ready in half an hour" I tell her and watch her walk up the stairs not saying anything but giving Stef another glance.

"Lena you can't give her an out every time" Stef says to me.

"Stef you two are as stubborn as each other I didn't want it to become an argument. If I didn't know better I would say she was your daughter you are so much alike" I grin.

"I know love. But something is wrong. I have had this feeling all day and I cannot shake it. I wish she trusted us to tell us what is bothering her." Stef sighs.

"We just have to keep assuring her that we are here to talk to if she needs it. She will come to us when she is ready." I try and reassure her.

"We can only hope Love. How about we go sit on the porch till dinner is ready" Stef says and waits for me to head outside before following me.

"You are so beautiful" Stef whispers into my ear before taking a seat next to me.

"So what did Timothy have to say today?" Stef asks me after a minute.

"Apparently Callie has been withdrawn in class lately but today she got into it with another student and before he had a chance to talk to her after the bell rang she ran out of class."

"Something must have happened. It's not like Callie to lose it over nothing. Well actually it's not like Callie to lose it over anything."

Stef is right Callie doesn't usually show any emotion. Let alone losing her temper. Maybe something is going on.

"Well we will speak to her tonight after dinner. Speaking of which I better go get it out of the oven before it burns". I say standing.

"I guess I'll go get the heathens" Stef laughs.

Everyone comes down and takes a seat. Callie comes in last and sits as far from Stef and I as she can. She has her hoodie pulled over her as if to hide.

"Sweets hoodie off as the table please" Stef says to her and to my relief she does as Stef says. She seems to have calmed down since coming home.

"How was everyone's day?" Stef asks everyone and the table lights up with stories and laughter. Stef has a proud smile and I smile as I watch her talking with our babies. Dinner is nearly over and Callie hasn't gotten involved in any of the table banter. I look at Stef she has noticed as well.

"Callie how was your day?" I ask her

"Uh it was fine" She says back to me keeping her head down. I notice she hasn't eaten much and has spent most of her time pushing the food around on her plate.

"How was Wyatt?"

"He is good, May I be excused please?" She asks me.

"You have hardly eaten anything Love" I say.

"Sorry I guess I'm not really hungry"

"Okay Love just this once." I tell her.

"Can I be excused as well please? I want to go practice for this gig we have next weekend" Brandon says.

"Off you go" Stef tells him with a smile. "Everyone is excused. Momma and I will get the dishes tonight" Stef tells the rest of the kids and they all head off to their evening activities.

Later that night Stef and I make our rounds saying goodnight to the kids. Brandon is practising his keyboard with headphones in. Jesus and Jude are in a big Mario Kart battle.

We head into the girls room.

"What's happening ladies?" I ask.

"I'm just trying to write this code that we have for STEM class" Mariana says only briefly looking up from her laptop.

"We are so proud of you baby" Stef say giving her a hug.

"Mhm Thanks Moms"

We both look at each other and head over to Callie. She has her headphones in writing in her journal at the desk with her back to us.

I lightly touch her arm and my heart breaks as she instantly pulls her arm away and spins towards us. For a second I see a scared little girl before her face and eyes goes blank and she takes her headphones out.

"What's up?" She asks us.

"Take a seat over here next to me sweets" Stef says to her and sits on the bed and pats the space next to her. It takes Callie a moment to decide but walks over and sits next to Stef and I sit on the chair in front of her and take her hands in hers."

"Is everything okay sweetheart? " Stef askes her.

"Uh yea. Why wouldn't it be?" Callie askes carefully.

"Timothy came to see me today about what happening in class. What to tell me what happened?" I ask her. It doesn't go unnoticed by me or Stef that she stiffens and puts her head down.

"Come on Love we can't help if we don't know what is happening." I coax her.

"Nothing is happening it was just a disagreement. " Callie mumbles.

"Disagreement?" Stef questions and Callie just sighs.

"Some girls in my class wouldn't stop talking behind me even after I asked her to be quiet. I know I shouldn't have exploded. I'm sorry it won't happen again." Callie said clearly getting agitated.

"Hey calm down its okay. Next time we just need to stay calm and speak to the teacher Okay love?" I tell her.

"Okay" Callie replied.

"Alright sweets. Not too late to bed okay" Stef says as we all stand up, she tries to give Callie a hug but releases the girl as she realises the hug just makes Callie more uncomfortable.

"Goodnight girls" We both say walking out of the room closing the door.

We both get ready for bed silently and lay down. I turn off the light and lay down as Stef puts her arm around me and I lay my head on her chest and allow myself to relax.

"I love you" I whisper into the darkness.

"I love you too Lena" Stef tells me. I lean up and kiss her before laying my head back on her chest closing my eyes allow sleep to overcome me.