Envy

Authors Note: I do NOT own Once Upon A Time. All credit goes to the writers.

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Summary: She envied him because he had what she wanted, her mother.

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One Shot.

Envy

Envy. Anger. Sorrow. Sadness.

The four emotions Snow White couldn't shake from her body as she sat under the apple tree in the courtyard watching Regina and Roland as they played with a ball on the grass. Being back in the enchanted forest had caused old memories to surface, old feelings that she had tried so hard to push away.
With a new threat towering over them, the wicked witch, Snow knew how important it was that Emma and Henry were safe in New York away from the danger. But the feelings wouldn't disappear, the sadness she felt of losing her daughter yet again, the sorrow and anger.

Hearing Roland's squeal of joy just made her flinch instead of smile as it once would have but all it did now was remind her that it should have been her with Emma on that grass instead she missed all those chances to play games and hear Emma squeal with laughter.
Regina got to experience it all with Henry and now again with Roland. The unfairness was turning Snow bitter with envy. She was bitter because her step-mother got to experience the joy of watching children grow, she had been a mother to Henry and was becoming one to Roland. When all Snow White wanted was to witness it all with Emma. She wanted to be a mother to Emma but now Emma was older and it was more of a friend relationship, it completely shattered Snow to know that she would never have the kind of relationship with Emma that Regina would have with Roland and Henry.

"Gina. Gina. Look at me"

Snow watched as Roland kicked the ball straight through the stone benches that they had been using as goals and she felt her heart clench as Regina smiled proudly at the four year old, scooping him up in her arms and planting kisses all over his cheeks. She felt the familiar feeling of envy and sadness follow through her again, but it wasn't over Regina this time, it was over Roland. He had everything she wanted and had wanted since Regina had saved her.

"Snow, are you alright?"

Snow let her gaze wander from Regina and Roland to her husband. "I'm fine"

Charming could see the tears in his wife's eyes. "Snow, that is a lie. What is wrong?"

"I miss Emma. I miss Henry" Snow blinked. "I miss Regina"

David frowned, he understood that she missed Emma and Henry but Regina was right before their eyes, he didn't understand. "Snow, Regina is just across the courtyard"

Snow shook her head. "That isn't what I mean. Look at her, she is playing with Roland, she is becoming his new mother" She sighed, blinking back the tears that had formed in her eyes. "I miss the woman that saved me from the horse. I miss the woman that had once loved me"

"She is becoming the woman that saved you from the horse. She has given up her revenge. We all live here in the castle"

Snow leaned against him as he sat beside her. "I can't help but envy him"

"Roland?"

Snow hummed. "Yes. She loves him already"

Charming sighed; he finally understood what she was talking about. "You miss your mother" He remembered a time when he had first met Snow, she had never chosen to refer to her stepmother as the evil queen; she was adamant that there was still good in Regina and had only ever referred to her as mother. That was until Regina had threatened their kingdom at the wedding that Snow had stopped referring to her that way.

"I do" Snow confessed. "I try so hard to push those feelings away, David, I do" Snow looked back over at Regina and Roland. "I want that Charming; I want the woman who taught me how to ride a horse, who taught me how to braid my hair. I want that woman back in my life"

"Snow! 'Gina is chasing me"

Snow heard Roland and even though she knew it was rude, she stood up from beside Charming and walked away back towards the palace. She couldn't bear to interact with them right now. Not when she was hurting.

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Regina frowned as she watched Snow White walk back towards the palace without acknowledging Roland. It was unlike the princess to be so rude, especially to a child. She rubbed Roland's back when she noticed his hurt expression. "Roland, can you go and find your daddy for me?" She asked the young boy, she needed to speak to Charming, she could see the look on concern in his features as his gaze followed after his wife.

"Okay 'Gina"

"Good boy" Regina smiled fondly as she watched the four year old skip off to find his father. "What is the matter with her?" The words escaped her lips as she approached David.

"Envy" Was the only words that David allowed to pass his lips.

Regina frowned. "You have to be more specific, David"

Charming looked up at his step-mother in-law. "She envies the relationship you have with Roland"

Regina raised her eyebrow; they had spoken about this a few times. What they had done for Emma and Henry had been necessary. Did Snow think that she didn't hurt knowing Henry was growing up without her. "We did what was best for Emma and Henry. Does she think having Roland makes it easier? I can assure you it doesn't make me miss Henry any less"

David shook his head. "That's not what I meant" He paused unsure if he should reveal what Snow had told him.

"What did you mean?" Regina looked at him suspiciously.

David exhaled. "I meant it in a different context. Snow misses, well she misses her mother, she misses you Regina"

Not much could stun the evil queen but she was almost certain her jaw had dropped. That was not something she had ever expected to hear. "She…" Regina sat down on the stone bench, her heart beating fast. "Why?"

David could see the look in Regina's eyes. It was a mix between confusion and sadness. "Regina…"

"I don't understand why. After all that's happened she misses me? I don't understand, she should hate me"

"She's never hated you" He confessed to her. "Snow has never been able to hate you. You've always been her mother. Family"

Regina looked down at her hands; she couldn't remember the last time she had been referred to as Snow's mother. "She calls me that?"

"Snow used to call you mother. When you threatened our kingdom, our friends and family, well she stopped calling you that but it wasn't because she hated you, it was because it hurt too much to think about you and what she was missing out on"

"Why hasn't she said anything?"

David shook his head. "She doesn't know how to bring this up to you, Regina. She thinks you would dismiss any thought on that particular topic"

"I…" Regina couldn't form the words. Snow White was missing her, that was not something she had ever expected to hear. After everything that had happened the princess couldn't still see her as a mother figure could she? "David, I am not sure Snow is thinking clearly" Those were the only words that would leave her mouth.

"Regina, Snow had always felt like this. Please talk to her. We are putting the past behind us; maybe a fresh start is what you both need"

/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/

Regina stood outside the princess's chambers, she wasn't sure about this. During the walk from the courtyard to the chamber David had told her this was for the best, he was convinced they needed to speak about things. And then he had left her standing in front of the door but Regina couldn't bring herself to knock.
When she had adopted Henry during the curse, one of her first thoughts had been of Snow White, looking back on how she was during that time made the Queen shutter. She had felt like a true mother then but in reality she had already been a mother to the stepdaughter she had set out to destroy.

Regina couldn't do it; she turned away from the door. Snow White deserved a better mother then she could ever be.

"Regina"

Regina froze, hearing the door open and Snow White's voice calling out her name. She was busted, and that overwhelming fear came rushing into her. Snow White deserved a better mother but that didn't mean Regina wanted her to have one.

"Regina, is there something you needed?"

Regina exhaled, she didn't know what to say, how to start the conversation. "You were rude in the courtyard, dear; you walked away while Roland was speaking to you"

Snow White rolled her eyes, the boy, was that all Regina could think about. "I didn't feel like talking" She turned away and walked back into the chamber, she left the door open half wishing Regina would follow her into the room, the other half wishing she wouldn't.

"You are a Princess; Princess's do not walk away"

Snow plopped down onto the bed. "If you are here to lecture me Regina then you can leave, I do not wish to hear it"

"I am not here to lecture you" Regina told her honestly, looking around the room, she couldn't let her eyes fall onto Snow White.

"Then why are you here"

"David" Regina supplied.

Snow felt her heart stop, David would never tell Regina, he wouldn't betray her trust like that, at least she didn't think he would. He was her husband though and he cared for her wellbeing, she there was the potential that he would talk to her stepmother. "What did he say?"

"Why were you rude to Roland, Snow?" Regina still didn't look at the woman; instead she crossed to the window, looking out onto the forest.

"I was not rude" Snow retorted, she sounded bitter and she couldn't help it.

Regina tutted. "You're jealous"

"Jealous of what? Roland?" Snow scoffed, she didn't want to admit it but she was, she was jealous of the little boy.

"I do not understand you Snow White. After everything we have been through. After all the hurt. How can you still want me to be your mother?" Regina turned to face the princess. "You are not jealous, you are envious. I don't understand why. I was never good to you Snow"

Snow looked down at the bed. She couldn't believe what David had done, Regina knew. "I…" Snow paused, gathering her thoughts. "You were good to me. Not always but you were. I loved that woman, the one that saved me from the horse and I could never let you go. I am selfish. I have always wanted you to be my mother; I have needed you to be my mother. I just didn't understand how much until I saw you with Roland. First with Henry and now with him, why can you love them and not me?" Snow couldn't stop the tears from rolling down her cheeks; she didn't understand what had made her so unlovable to the queen. She hadn't meant to spill the secret, she was only a child.

Regina felt her heart ache at the sight of Snow's tears, it was one thing she hated, she couldn't stand to see a child cry especially her child. Regina's eyes widened at the thought, had she just called Snow her child.
She knew now that Snow hadn't meant to tell the secret, she thought she had been doing the right thing, she didn't know that it would lead to Daniel's death. She had forgiven Snow now, since everything in Storybrooke, the new curse. They were starting over; they were trying to make a family. "Snow…"

"I understand Regina. You hate me for everything that happened. I understand. I just, I can't help but miss you" Snow White was sobbing, her hands covering her face.

Regina moved around the bed, sitting down beside her stepdaughter. "I do not hate you Snow"

"You should" Snow whispered. "I would hate me if I were you"

Regina lifted her hands and brushed them through Snow's long dark hair. "I do not hate you my dear. Let me look at you"

"You don't want to"

Regina tugged Snow's hands away from her face gently. "I do not hate you Snow, I love you"

Snow stared at her, not quiet understanding what the queen was staying. "I…"

"You are my daughter; you never need to feel envious of Henry or Roland. They are my sons but you; you are my only daughter Snow. No matter what we have gone though, I do not hate you. We are back in the enchanted forest, we can start fresh, you and I" She reached up and tucked a lock of dark hair behind Snow's ear. "Can you forgive me for all the heart ache I have caused?"

Snow reached out and hugged Regina, it surprised the queen. "I forgive you. I will always forgive you. I only hope that you forgive me" Snow let the tears roll down her cheeks. "I love you mother"

Regina ran her fingertips through Snow's hair. "I love you too, my dear"

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