Notes: So, uh, better late than never right? Yikes…

Chapter 4: Into Each Life Some Rain Must Fall

I make my way to the Chantry, shoulders hunched and pretending like the crowds I have to pass through aren't actually whispering about me.

I don't understand. They hated you yesterday. That was yesterday, wasn't it? How long were you out?

I don't know. But it's because they think I'm the Herald of Andraste.

I heard that part, thanks. But why?

Well, in the game it was because they saw a woman when the Inquisitor stepped out of the Fade. But I didn't step out of the Fade. There was no woman.

Wait… woman? I think I saw a woman…

Probably. But it was the Divine, not Andraste.

Why can't I remember?

Your memories were taken, I think.

What?!

I've arrived at the Chantry by then, so I don't bother responding. The large wooden door creaks when I push it open. The inside of the Chantry is dim, lit only by candles, and at first it seems like no one is here. Then I hear a muffled yelling coming from behind the door on the other side.

Suddenly, I'm nervous. What am I even supposed to say? Should I tell them anything or just feign ignorance? I crawled out of a weird metal thing, though. How can I possibly explain that away?

Just stay quiet. Don't speak unless it's absolutely necessary. Even then, keep it vague.

… Thanks.

Yep.

As soon as I open the door, Roderick turns and points an accusing finger at me. "Chain her. I want her prepared for travel to the capital for trial."

Cassandra glares. "Disregard that, and leave us." The soldiers on either side of the door file out, closing it behind them. I suddenly feel trapped.

It's not locked.

The chancellor sneers. "You walk a dangerous line, Seeker."

"The Breach is stable, but it is still a threat," Cassandra retorts. "I will not ignore it."

"Someone was behind the explosion at the Conclave," Leliana adds, somewhat threateningly. "Someone Most Holy did not expect. Perhaps they died with the others… or have allies that yet live."

Roderick's eyes widen with indignation. "I am a suspect?"

"You," Leliana emphasizes, "and many others."

"But not the prisoner?" he guesses.

"I heard the voices in the temple," Cassandra tells him. "She was not the one responsible."

Chancellor Roderick scoffs. "So her survival, that thing on her hand – all a coincidence?"

"Providence," Cassandra replies. "The Maker sent her to us in our darkest hour." She looks at me with hope shining in her brown eyes.

Oh, Cassandra, no...

Someone's going to be disappointed.

Hush.

I can't stay silent at that. "I wasn't sent by the Maker."

"How can you know?" she asks rhetorically. "You were exactly what we needed when we needed it most."

I sigh quietly.

"The Breach remains," Leliana continues, speaking to me now, "and your mark is still our only hope of closing it."

"This is not for you to decide," the chancellor interrupts.

Cassandra, face set, drops a heavy tome on the table in front of him. "You know what this is, Chancellor. A writ from the Divine, granting us the authority to act. As of this moment, I declare the Inquisition reborn." She advances on the ruddy-faced man, jabbing a finger into his chest repeatedly. "We will close the Breach, we will find those responsible, and we will restore order. With or without your approval."

Roderick glares at her a moment longer before leaving.

Leliana starts talking to me again. "This is the Divine's directive: rebuild the Inquisition of old, find those who will stand against the chaos. We aren't ready. We have no leader, no numbers, and now no Chantry support."

"But we have no choice," Cassandra adds. "We must act now." She looks at me. "With you at our side."

Remember, keep it vague.

"You know I can't fight," I remind her.

"You can learn."

Do I really have a choice? It's stay here and help the Inquisition, or die alone in the woods. If any of this is real, that is.

You still doubt that?

More like hope that it's not.

"Okay," I finally say, resigned.

"Good," Leliana nods. "Now that that is settled, we have much to do."

Cassandra looks at me. "There are things we must discuss, but they will have to wait. You are dismissed. Stay close; we will send for you again soon."

I tip my chin down and quickly leave the room. With the door solidly closed behind me, I let out a sigh of relief.

You got lucky.

Making it through by the skin of my teeth. Story of my life, it seems.

Ew, what?

Don't worry about it.

I ignore Malikah's disgruntled noises and make my way out of the church. Chantry, I correct myself. But once outside, I find myself at a loss. What am I supposed to do now? Where am I supposed to go? I could go back to my room…

…but I don't want to be alone.

You're not really alone, though.

Oh, thank you ever so much for that reminder.

Malikah's chuckle is more like the memory of a laugh than an actual sound. So you do bite back! She sounds a little too pleased.

I push her aside and go back to my original line of thought. I don't want to be alone, but who could I go to? I don't know anyone here and nobody knows me.

Except that isn't really true.

She's right. I know a lot of people here. They just don't know me… not really. They see the Herald of Andraste, their savior and salvation, an object to be revered. They don't see Lena. There's only one person who has shown me any real amount of compassion.

Varric.

Varric Tethras?

Yes.

Yep, we should go see him.

Why do you sound so eager?

No reason. Then, in a mocking voice, Don't worry about it.

I outwardly roll my eyes, but head for the campfire I hope Varric will be standing by. The pressure in my chest releases a little when I see the dwarf standing there chatting with someone. I approach slowly, not wanting to interrupt. I also pretend not to notice how everyone else stares as I pass.

The woman talking to Varric notices me first, her eyes widening. "Good day, Herald," she hurries to greet me, giving a little bow. I cringe.

Oh my God please stop.

Varric turns, eyes darting between me and the woman. "It's been a pleasure chatting with you, Helane. Perhaps we could continue this some other time?" The woman nods, gives me a big smile, and walks away. I let out the breath I'd been holding. "Bit much, isn't it?" Varric asks, addressing me now.

"You can say that again…"

"Come sit with me?" He gestures toward a bench near the fire and I nod, following him. We sit side-by-side and I stretch my legs out toward the heat. "So, now that Cassandra's out of earshot… Are you holding up all right?"

I blink rapidly and stare down at my lap. "No," I admit quietly.

A beat of silence, then, "Anything I can do to help?"

I smile half-heartedly. "Thank you, Varric, but unless you can get this thing out of my hand and get me back home…" I pause, face scrunching in chagrin as I glance up at him worriedly. "I'm sorry, that was really rude."

Varric shakes his head and holds up his hands to stop me. "No, no, don't apologize. You've gone from being the most wanted criminal in Thedas to joining the armies of the faithful in the span of one day. That has to be more than a bit stressful."

"Yeah," I sigh, shoulders slumped.

Varric nudges me. "Hey, you hungry?" I nod. "Let's go see what they're serving."

He stands and waits for me to as well before leading us to the little tavern. It's not too crowded, but the few people inside stop what they're doing just to stare at me. I blush and look at my feet as they shuffle over the dirty floor.

Varric orders us some food and we sit at a table to wait.

"So, Lucky, where are you from?"

I freeze, wondering what I should say.

Just say Ferelden or something!

I start to, but close my mouth again. I can't do it. I can't lie to Varric, not when he's been so kind to me. So I settle with, "Nowhere you'd know of."

Now he's just going to be even more curious.

He chuckles. "I doubt that."

I clear my throat, feeling awkward. "I don't."

"That far away, huh?" He leans forward, eyes alight. "Past the Amaranthine Ocean?"

I avoid his gaze. "Uh… further."

Varric's eyebrows shoot upward and he opens his mouth, no doubt to ask more questions. I notice a woman coming over with a tray and sit up straighter. "Oh look!" I interrupt him. "Our food is here."

The dwarf studies me for a moment, but lets it go for now. I let myself relax only after we've started to eat.

"Tell me about yourself," Varric prompts.

Damn…

"Uh…" I look down at the table. I sound so stupid!

"What's your family like?"

Broken, I think bitterly. Out loud, I say, "Small. It's just my mother, me, and my sister. My sister's married, so it's really just my mom and I."

Varric hums thoughtfully. "You don't sound too happy about that."

I shrug and push a potato around my plate. "We don't exactly get along too well."

"Ah," he says, as if something just clicked into place.

We lapse into silence for a bit as we eat. I suddenly realize Malikah has been strangely quiet. My heart flutters a little in panic.

Malikah?!

I'm still here. Calm down.

I hadn't even realized I was freaking out. I take a second to just breathe and let my heart rate slow. I don't really want to think about why I reacted the way I did.

You've been quiet.

Just admiring the view. A sigh floats through my mind.

What…? I look around, confused. Then it hits me. There's only one thing she could really be talking about.

Varric?!

Oh yes! What, you don't find him handsome?

Well, I suppose he is, but… I don't know. How can you even be thinking about stuff like that right now?

He's right there! I can't help myself. If I still had my body, I would just climb right on that.

Oh my god! I blush bright red.

Oh, don't be a prude.

"Did that roll just tell you a lewd joke?" Varric asks with a smile.

My eyebrows scrunch together in confusion. "I'm sorry, what?"

"You're blushing at your food," he explains, chuckling.

"Oh." I blush harder. "It's, uh… it's nothing."

Malikah starts cackling. Well, aren't you precious?

Shut up!

Calm down, I'm just joking.

It's all too much suddenly. The room is too crowded, my clothes are too tight, I can't breathe, and everyone is laughing at me. I'm a joke.

Whoa, hey, just breathe okay?

"You okay, Lucky?" Varric looks worried. He's leaning forward and extending a hand.

"No! Don't touch me!" I practically scream, standing up so fast my chair falls over. The room falls silent as everyone turns to stare. Their eyes burn holes in my skin. I can't stand it! I turn and run, bursting through the door and nearly knocking a few people over. I want to stop and say sorry… I can't. I don't stop running until I'm back in my cabin with the door tightly shut. Panting, I slide down the wall and curl into a ball.

Oh god oh god ohgod…

Shhh, you're okay. Malikah actually sounds worried now. She says something else, I think, but it's lost in the chaos of my own thoughts.

Why is this happening? Why me why me why me

Why did I end up here? Is any of this even really happening? Why did the plane have to crash? Why did all those people have to die? I keep getting flashes of their faces, dead eyes staring accusingly at me. 'You shouldn't be alive,' they seem to say. I agree.

But I am alive and I'm in a god damn video game. I've got the Mark in my hand and the Inquisitor in my head and now everyone thinks I'm the fucking Herald of Andraste even though I'm just a nobody from a small town in Arizona!

Lena, listen to me. Breathe. It's going to be okay. We'll figure this out. Malikah's voice comes through stronger than ever. I latch onto it like a lifeline. Breathe. That's right… good.

I take deep, even breaths and she continues to encourage me. Slowly, the fog in my head recedes a little, enough for me to realize I'm rocking back and forth. I stop, letting my fingers relax and let go of the hair they'd been gripping.

I'm sorry, Lena, Malikah says, sounding regretful.

It's not your fault.

I was being a jerk. I'm sorry.

Thank you.

Hey, do you want to hear about the time I charmed this one rich snob out of all his gold?

Yeah. That sounds like a good story.

Oh, it is!

I settle against the wall to listen.