Warmth

By piperholmes

A/N a short add-on to Nationwide Manhunt. A followup to Carisi and Rollins' conversation had in front of the vending machine. Takes place at the hospital after they've found Rudnick.

Unbeta'd.

Amanda Rollins shivered, her clothes and hair still damp from the rain, wishing she were home in her warm pajamas and snuggled in bed, missing her baby girl.

But she had a job to do.

She had made a commitment to make the world a little safer and now, thanks to Jesse, that commitment meant more to her then ever.

Liv handed her phone back to her, Dodds having been informed he and Lindsay needed to head back, the search for Yates being focused on Wellesly Island.

"Rollins, you and Carisi grab some coffee, get warmed up, then meet us at the entrance of the hospital," Liv ordered. "It's up to Border Patrol and ATF now to find Yates but we need to be sure things are staying coordinated on our end before we head back."

The two young detectives nodded in acknowledgement before following their CO and the State Trooper out of Dr. Rudnick's hospital room. As the two couples veered apart Rollins glanced up at Carisi. His normally slicked back hair had gotten rumpled from the rain, drying wavy, his lips pressed tightly together, his eyes cold and angry.

"Hey, you okay?" she asked, mirroring his question from earlier in the day.

His only reply a brisk nod.

Amanda took the hint and they continued in silence as they made their way to the temporary area that had been set up in the hospital offering emergency workers warm drinks and some snacks. Her stomach grumbled at the sight of the sugary pastries that sat clumped together. She'd skipped lunch and dinner had passed hours ago. Normally she managed to survive off the coffee and adrenaline but she was still nursing, her body demanded the calories. It also demanded relief. Her breasts were full of milk and she wished she had remembered to grab her breast pump so she could sneak away for a few minutes, but in the panic of Yates and Rudnick's escape she'd forgotten it in her locker at the station.

So she ignored the pain in her chest, instead grabbed a plain glazed doughnut for herself and a chocolate iced one for Carisi, while he poured her a decaf coffee and a regular for himself. He slid it towards her, then got them both a few packs of creamer.

A stiffness had creeped between them, both preoccupied with the events of the day as they mindlessly ate.

Rollins was holding her cup between her two hands, savoring the heat that was seeping through into the skin of her chilled fingers when Carisi suddenly spoke.

"I'm sorry…about before."

He wasn't looking at her, his eyes on his coffee.

She frowned, unable to follow his line of thought.

"Before?"

"Yeah," he answered, looking up at her now. "I was outta line earlier. About you and Yates."

Amanda's eyebrows lifted slightly in surprise.

"You were right about me and Rudnick. I did let him charm me. I jus'…when I saw him in that boat, he was so afraid and so grateful that I had saved his life and it suddenly struck me that he never gave any of his victims that mercy. He murdered and tortured those women and then he wanted me to feel…I don't know…his appreciation, his desperation. He wanted comfort, comfort he thought he would get from me."

He pushed a few stray strands of hair out of his face and shrugged.

She knew the fatigue he was feeling.

"It's a dangerous game we have to play sometimes," she offered easily. "We have to play their friends to get what we want sometimes, and that's hard."

Sonny nodded. "Yeah, I know, and I shouldn'a been on your case earlier. I shoulda trusted that you knew what you were doin' better than I did."

She gave him a small, genuine smile, quietly pleased by the acknowledgement. "Thanks Carisi."

He shuffled his feet, looking like he had something more to say, but hesitating.

"Spit it out," she teased him.

"Well I was jus' wanted to say that it's not coddlin'…at least I don't mean it to be. I was jus' concerned and I know I can get a bit much, but I was raised in a family that is always in each others business and it can be hard to turn that off, especially when it comes to someone I care a lot about."

Amanda froze at his admission, unsure how to react or respond, but Sonny seemed unaware.

"But I meant what I said in the hospital that day, Amanda, you can handle anything, an' I'm sorry if I ever gave you the impression that I didn't think you could handle your job. It's on me, an' I promise to do better. An' I'm glad…I'm jus' really glad you believe in me enough to be straight with me."

He looked at her in such earnest that she nearly laughed, a needed sweet laugh free of the normal irony and sadness that plagued them. He could be the biggest goofball at times, but he was always sincere, and he always seemed to take her words to heart.

She felt a warmth spread through her. "I appreciate that."

And she did. She didn't know when it had happened, but she knew she couldn't deny that Carisi's opinion meant something to her.

"And I know I can be a bit…" she searched for the right word, "sensitive about certain things."

She pressed her lips together tightly at Carisi's emphatic nod, but chose not to comment, rather adding slowly, "And I have to admit it's nice to know you care so much."

She wavered, feeling suddenly very vulnerable and silly about her comment, waiting defensively for her words to be used to hurt her.

Carisi looked quite serious, however, as he said, "So I can show concern, but no coddling."

"No coddling," she reiterated.

"And if I start to cross the line from concern to coddle…"

"I'll let you know most emphatically," Amanda finished for him, her tone playful.

And he smiled at her, knowing he'd been forgiven.

Thanks for reading!