Another silly fic one-shot from Obsidians.

Roll 'em

Happosai was so happy he was cackling with glee in his room as he had received the package he had been waiting for from China. "It's here, it's finally here" he cried in a happy tone of voice and he held up the vial and read through the instructions on it. "Peeping Tom's Paradise; In order to see lingerie through women's clothing. Add two drops to a beverage of your choice and drink it, for the x-ray vision to work for a period of twenty four hours and enjoy the show."

"Seems simple enough" he mused and happily went to breakfast. He was humming as he got his tea and used the eye dropper to add the green liquid to it."I should add a few more just in case" he mused and did so and set his tea down and was about to have a seat at the table when Ranma bolted onto the cushion and slurped it all down.

"Ah, there's nothing like a cup of hot tea after a workout" he declared.

"That was my tea!" Happosai protested.

"Finders, keepers" Ranma said, diving into his breakfast.

"Why you young punk...!" Happosai started and then realized he still had a lot left over to make Nerima his own private peepshow and thought he might use the lad as a guinea pig to make sure he hadn't been ripped off. "What do you think of Kasumi's new blouse?" he asked him.

Ranma looked at her and tried to determine if her blouse was new or not. "I looks just like the other ones she normally wears" he concluded.

"Oh those Chinese rip off artists" Happosai said in disgust. "I'm going to go write them a letter demanding my money back!"

Ranma didn't experience anything unusual until he got to school and then he was confronted by Kuno. "Ranma Saotome, you vile cur, I beseech thee to fight me for the hands of thy true loves; Akane Tendo and The Pigtailed Girl" he said burnishing his bokken at Ranma.

"Oh here we go again" Akane said with a sigh. "Kuno, you really need to get a life" she suggested to him.

"I would fight you anywhere and anytime..." Ranma said as he turned towards Kuno...and realized that he was naked. "Why are you naked?" he asked him.

Kuno looked down at himself to make sure that he was fully attired...and he was. "What kind of slander is this? I am adorned in my usual raiment" he said, giving Ranma an odd look.

"No you're naked; you have a tattoo of a smiley faced pink cupcake on your right hip" he said.

Kuno blushed when everyone laughed at this. "That is patently untrue, I have on my body, a tattoo of the ancient symbol of the Samurai branch of the Kuno family, I just couldn't find a picture of it and had to draw it myself and...I'm not an artist. But my tattoo is no secret and your means of distraction has not been effective. Fight me" he said leapt towards him and Ranma simply ran backwards to see all that bare male flesh hurling towards him.

"Yeesh Kuno, I will fight you as soon as you put some clothes on" Ranma said in disgust.

Kuno just froze in place at this odd declaration.

"Ranma. Kuno's wearing his uniform as ever" Akane said in a strange sounding voice and exchanged a glance of confusion with Kuno; a glance that said perhaps the squirrels forgot to gather a few nuts for the winter?

"Perhaps we should save this fight for another day and I should walk you to the nurse's office?" Kuno said in a patronizing tone of voice, approaching him cautiously as one might an escaped mental patient.

"You stay back" Ranma said in a threatening tone of voice, of course that is when water balloon containing ice cold water exploded over his head for no reason and he, became a she. Ranma could only watch in horror at the "growing effect" her new body had on the delusional older boy.

"Pigtailed Girl" he cried and then he glomped onto Ranma, but she would have none of that and punched him out.

"You feeling okay Ranma?" Akane asked and as she poured warm water over him and Ranma's mouth fell open when he saw she was naked too.

"Akane put some clothes on" he cried at her as he covered his eyes, but couldn't help peeking at the sight of her toned, curvy figure and her long legs; he could feel himself blushing uncontrollably.

"Ranma, Akane is completely clothed" Nabiki said and he opened his eyes to find out that the middle Tendo daughter was naked too and then he noticed he was able to see her clothes surrounding her body as they seemed to glow blue at the edges. He then noticed that everyone in schoolyard had the same thing going on. He looked around in horror, but at the same time the sight of all that toned female flesh on display was enough to get his hormones jumping up and down with glee...and he shut his eyes with a groan.

"Do you feel a headache coming on?" a voice asked him and he looked down to see Ukyo, also unclothed and wondered why her nipples were pierced.

"Yes, I do" he said in a faint sounding voice, averting his eyes.

"Oh, let me give you some water" Nabiki said, reaching into her book bag and Ranma was learning better then to ask why she had a tattoo that read "Property of Kuno" on her butt.

"I think I should just go home" he said as he tried not to look as unclothed seeming students walked innocently by him.

"What's this? Are you trying to duck out of school, Ranma?" Miss Hinako asked him. Now considering the effect that unclothed teenaged girls was having on Ranma, the sight of a fully grown woman naked in her prime, as blessed from top to bottom as Miss Hinako was, was too much for Ranma and he got a nosebleed and fainted.

Ranma woke up in the Nurse's office and realized that the person sitting beside him was Kuno. "What are you doing here, Kuno?" he asked him, really getting sick of the sight of seeing him naked.

"I have come, as it is time to consummate our love" he said, leaning closer to Ranma to show him his sword...and there was no bokken in sight.

"I'm not interested; I'm a guy" he protested as Kuno got into bed with him.

"The mirror of life shows you woman or man, but in the heart of the soul you are neither. This is why love is blind" he said as he looked at him in an amourous way and started to fondle him and suddenly Nabiki showed up too and started fondling them both...and Ranma screamed.

"Why were you saying my name?" Kuno asked him, wondering why Ranma was moaning his name while he was unconscious and Ranma looked up to see Kuno, Akane and Ukyo bent over him and realized he was still in the schoolyard and groaned as they helped him up.

"I don't want to have sex with you" he said to Kuno in a panicked tone of voice.

"Um, I don't want to have sex with you either" he assured him, wondering if Ranma was finally losing it. "Do you want me to walk you home? Just in case you faint again" Kuno offered, seeming too perplexed at Ranma's odd behaviour to spout his usual BS.

Ranma was careful to keep his vision eye level with everyone. "No, no. I'm fine" he assured them. "I didn't sleep well last night and I think I need a nap; a long, long one" he stammered and bolted.

"Well that was weird" Kuno commented.

"For once I agree with Kuno" Akane concurred.

Ranma ran as fast as he could, so that the flesh toned people became a blur as he saw things he had never wanted to.

He was almost home safe, when he ran into Cologne and stopped in his tracks in horror at what supposedly three hundred years could do to a previously attractive woman, he averted his eyes, only to find out the hard way that Shampoo's carpet matched her drapes.

"Ni Hoa, Shampoo got new dress. You like?" she asked as she pirouetted around him and the gyrations of her healthy nubile body sent signals to his groin that he had been hoping to avoid.

"It's very nice" he stammered at how she wiggled with the ease of a belly dancer before him.

"You take Shampoo on date?" she asked him.

"I don't think..." he started.

"You stay away from Shampoo!" Mousse screamed at him and thankfully, the sight of the unclothed male Amazon was enough to ''dampen" Ranma spirits and he was able to duck out as the two teenagers began squabbling.

Happosai was writing an angry letter to Chinese seller when he heard the door open and Ranma crept in. He was just writing, "this is an utter crock of shit, I dumped your snake oil down the toilet where it deserves to be and am mailing the vial back and I encourage you to stick it where the sun doesn't shine..." when he put his pen down, wondering why Ranma had come home from school so soon and went to check if he was sick. Happosai may have been a panty-stealing pervert, but he also had a heart of gold.

"Ranma, are you okay?" Happosai asked him, noticing he was already putting out his futon and when Ranma glanced at him, he shuddered and looked like he was going to be sick.

"No I'm not" he said in a desperate sounding voice. "Something weird is going on with me. I have to tell someone. If I tell you, promise not to think I'm nuts?" he pleaded him.

"I promise" Happosai agreed.

"Everywhere I've gone today. I've see naked people" he frantically whispered.

"Naked?" he questioned.

"They have the outlines of their clothes on them, but I can see everything" Ranma admitted, going pale.

"You-you don't say?" Happosai said feeling faint when he realized what adding extra drops did.

"It's true. I swear on my honour as a martial artist" Ranma solemnly swore and looked questioningly at Happosai when he had a full out tantrum when he realized he had dumped out the rest of the concoction that had taken months to arrive from China.

THE END