Well. This little piece of wonder has been stewing in my OneNote for a good month, and I've decided to publish it. Review are much appreciated.

~YOMICO~

The situation was awkward, to say the least.

"The original plan was for Lisanna to be part of the team, and since she came back we want to go with the plan." The pink-haired man in front of me shuffled his feet.

"What are you saying?" I spoke without emotion, careful to keep neutral. I was going to make this as hard as I could for them. He drew a hesitant breath.

"We want you off the team, Luce." Natsu refused to look me in the eye.

"Why?" I would not break, I would survive this.

"Because you hold us back with your vulnerability." Erza spoke up. I nodded, encouraging them to keep going, but I didn't know why.

"You're weak and we always end up saving you. The team would be more successful without you." Gray finished it off for them. I found myself nodding again.

"Okay. Have fun on your next mission." I smiled and walked to the bar, leaving my stunned ex-teammates behind. Had they been expecting tears, disbelieving stutters? Lisanna was chatting with Mira, and ignoring the hurt in my chest I decided to join them.

"Lucy! I got your milkshake ready!" Mira noticed me almost immediately and shot me her sweet smile. I grinned in return and took a long sip, sighing in content as the cold, sweet taste slipped down my throat.

"What's your next mission?" Lisanna leaned against the bar, her bright blue eyes focused on my face. I turned to face her, carefully searching for a hint of triumph or boasting. Nothing.

"Oh, I'm not part of the team anymore." I replied easily.

"Huh? Why not?" Lisanna and Mira both looked at me with concern. Did they really not know?

"They want you to go with them instead." I told Lisanna. She stared at me in speechless shock, confusion and hurt fluttering around in her eyes.

"I don't want to, not if it hurts you." She said. My gut told me she was sincere.

"It's okay, it doesn't hurt. I kind of figured from the start that I was your placeholder. Honestly," I lifted my hand to keep her from protesting. "I'm not mad, I promise. You'd fit their team better anyways."

"No! Lucy, I won't do this to you!" She shook her head as if she was trying to wake up from a nightmare.

"Fine. Then go for me." I said gently. Mira had tears in her eyes, just a few small specks in the corners.

"Are you sure?" Lisanna whispered. I nodded enthusiastically, a smile bright on my face.

"Of course. Now, off you go! Keep the hotheads in check, will you?" I sent her on her way with a gentle shove and she hesitantly walked over to her waiting team. They greeted her with open arms and pulled her along on their mission, the white-haired woman shooting me one last glance before the door shut behind her. I made sure that she could see my smile.

"Lucy, how… how can you be so…" Mira struggled with her words. I shrugged.

"I don't know, but I like the idea of Lisanna with them." I did, didn't I? Right?

"I'm sorry, Lucy." She said quietly and I smiled.

"It's fine, really, Mira. Don't work yourself up over it."

I stored away the pain for later. One day I would let it out and feel the hurt, but that wasn't today. I was Lucy, the bright celestial mage of Fairy Tail, always happy, always cheerful. I was accepting and forgiving, and my smile was always there.

But pain doesn't just go away. It stays in the little corner you stuff it into, waiting patiently and biding its time better than any predator. Then, when you are at your weakest, it tackles you in a flying leap that you can't stop and you drown in it, the pain and hurt and betrayal eating away at you. That's just what pain is, what it does. Who am I to stop it?

It's been a week. I have to say, I'm pretty proud of myself. I took on simple solo missions, once in a while going on a job with Lisanna as my partner. I really enjoyed having her around when the team wasn't there. She was kind, smart, funny, and strong. I admired her like I would an older sister. I felt no hate towards her, no dark feelings. What happened was not her fault.

The team refused to look me in the eyes. They would find ways to avoid me, to get around answering my greetings and requests. They make every encounter terribly awkward and humiliating for all of us.

Lisanna skipped all that crap like the trash it was. She hung out with me, talked to me, we went shopping together and had a sleepover. She never sulked on the topic, never avoided me. She knew how to handle it and she did it well.

My pain was stored in a little black box, buried deep within my being.

Then my stability broke into shards, and I couldn't keep up. I took a simple job, something about dealing with a problematic pervert terrorizing village girls. I went in and found a dark mage. He looked me over like I was a particularly tasty treat.

"Oh, the pain dripping from your heart! Such pain, such exquisite pain! Tell me, who was it? Your lover? Your family? Someone terribly special? I must know where the pain comes from! Tell me, tell me!" He kept muttering those words, drooling like a rabid dog. I took care of him with pathetic ease, but he did manage to grab my wrist. The small contact was enough to destroy my life.

That same night I lost my mind. Sheer agony ripped through me in waves and brought me to my knees. I couldn't let it out, I couldn't stop it. As much as it was trying to rip me apart, I recognized the pain as my own and fought to hold it down. The pain of losing mama, papa, Michelle. The hurt from every taunt that I had ever received. The hurt of being stabbed in the back by my former team. I never realized just how much pain I had been holding back. The agony ended sharply on its highest note and I collapsed, shaking and exhausted. Forcing myself to get up, I finished the walk to my apartment and fell face-first onto my bed. At least Natsu never came by anymore. Flipping over and fixing my position, I ran my hand through my hair and pulled out the ponytail.

See, Natsu? I'm strong, stronger than you'll ever be, but it's not the strength you can appreciate.

I knocked on the door, three sharp hits. Master answered and I pushed it open, stepping into his disaster of an office.

"What can I do for you, Lucy?" The tiny man glanced up from a stack of paperwork.

"I need to leave the guild." I wasn't rushed. I could stay here all day, but the final outcome would not change. I had to leave before I hurt anyone.

Another spasm had hit last night, and it hit hard. I wanted to rip out people's throats, run around and wreak carnage on the people who hurt me. I needed something, anything that would make it stop. I pushed it down again, but barely. No, I had to leave before I couldn't hold myself together anymore.

"Why?" Makarov's eyes were filled to the brim with confusion and sorrow. Right then I knew that I had the upper hand. He would listen, and he would accept. He would let me go.

"I would like to train, become stronger. Some… recent developments have come to my attention, and this is a matter I must deal with alone." I kept it as vague as possible. He merely nodded and I held out my hand so he could erase the mark. A single brush was all it took. I was no longer Fairy Tail.

"Promise me one thing, Lucy." His voice was gravelly, and I felt bad for hurting the old man. "Promise that you will return."

"Of course I will, Master." I replied with a small smile. "I promise."

He knew that a celestial mage never breaks their promises.

I wrote them all letters. Every single one of them. Some were longer than others. None took up much time. I think Lisanna's was the longest, but there was a lot I needed to say. I slipped my arms through the straps on my backpack and walked through the town, stopping by the post office to drop off the mound of envelopes. The clerk was annoyed, to say the least, but she still managed a smile. Kind of like me. I picked out the cheapest train to Hanuri, a little town on the edge of a massive forest, and settled into an empty compartment. I was joined by two men and a woman, all strangers. The woman struck up a conversation with me and we passed the time with mindless chatter about the latest trends, weather, news and meaningless stuff like that. When I felt the pain creep up on me, I politely excused myself and slipped out into the hallway, making my way through cabins until I emerged at the end of the chain. Gripping the railing for support, I focused on the wind whipping around my face and rode through the pain with clenched teeth and closed eyes. When the moment was over I stayed on the little bridge, watching the horizon disappear with every mile the train conquered.

"You know, running away won't help you." I didn't turn around, recognizing the voice as that of the woman from my compartment. She walked over and stood next to me.

"I know," I said softly, "but it's better than staying and waiting for myself to break. I wanted to hurt them." I didn't know why I was telling her about my problem.

"How much hurt do you have?" She asked, her voice awed. I finally turned to face her.

"A bunch, apparently." I forced a small smile onto my face and she immediately backhanded me. "The hell—"

"Don't you dare do that to yourself." She hissed. I looked at her, stunned. Her emerald eyes were brimming with fury, the rough wind tumbling through her russet hair. "Don't you dare force that smile onto your face."

"Why not?"

"Because you never did anything to deserve that much pain. I know what's going on, and I can't believe you would hurt yourself like that." She was still fuming and I let out a tiny giggle. She looked ready to pulverize me on the spot.

"Tell me, then." I turned so that my back was to the railing. Her eyes became questioning. "What's wrong with me?"

"Nothing's wrong." She spat, then sharply relaxed. "I'll tell you if you come with me."

"Come where?"

"I don't know. Wherever we feel like it." Her voice became slightly sad.

"Sure. I'm Lucy, by the way." I offered my hand and she took it, her handshake firm and her palm calloused.

"Brenna." She replied and I smiled for real.

"Nice to meet you."