Chapter one

The sound of tapping on the window wakes me out of a light sleep as I fumble for the light and turn it on, a yellow glow filling the room. I get up and go to the window, and find Tommy crouching on the other side,soaking wet. I slide the window open and help him in, "Tommy what's going on"I ask him gently as I see a darkening bruise start to appear on his cheek. "It's nothing Ollie, dad and I fought and he hit me, then kinda kicked me out and I had nowhere to go"he says shakily, "It's ok you know your always welcome here, we should get you showered and cleaned up"I say gently grabbing his arm. He pulls away and I know what's happened is not good, Tommy trusts me normally, and this tells me his father has harmed him a lot worse this time, and there are things i'm not seeing underneath his facade of being ok all the time, and his mentality of what happens behind closed doors stays behind closed doors. I grab his arm again and he doesn't pull away this time, and I lead him to the bathroom,and once we're there he lets me sit him on the floor against the wall. I start the water and I help him undress and it's not good,really not good. There's a few bruises on his stomach and back, but the main thing I notice are the scars,and some fresh cuts on his wrists. The fresh cuts tell me that he's recently started cutting again, I know that that's not a good thing, he started cutting last year and we got him help but now things are going south again and after tonight I know I need to keep an eye on him, I know what he looks like and behaves like when he's depressed, and I need to get him help before he tries again.

I help him get into the shower and go back into my room and grab him some pjs, then open the door a crack to put them on the counter, and then go to go get mom. This is more than i've ever handled before with him,and i'm not sure what to do, and I know she'll be able to help somehow. I open the door and slip inside and go to her side of the bed, "Mom,mom"I say quietly as she stirs and tosits up, "shh Ollie what is it"she asks gently, "mom,Tommy's here and I think he's suicidal, he had a fight with his dad and when I went to help him into the shower I noticed cut's on his wrists and he seems off in general"I say shakily, "shh alright, let me go talk to him ok, go get in bed and i'll bring him shortly ok"she says gently, "ok"I say. I let her guide me back to bed, and she tucks me in,then goes to the bathroom,where I hear the door open and close. I lay there for awhile then hear them come out and she brings him back to my room, he looks slightly better,a little worse for wear but better, as she pulls the covers down on the otherside and he gets in, as she wipes a tear off of his cheek, "shh it'll be alright sweetheart, get some sleep ok, we're going to get you some help in the morning ok"she says gently kissing him on the forehead and pulling the blanket up, "shh guys get some sleep ok, i'll see you in the morning, it'll be ok"she says kissing me on the forehead then turning off the lamp, and leaving the room. After she leaves I feel tommy get closer to me, as I roll over to face him, and he looks down away from me,like he's ashamed of everything that has happened in the last year, the hole of depression he fell into after his mom's death, then barely surviving it, now to fall back into that hole, I can see the sadness in his brown eyes and know he's never been this far gone,this far into the hole that he feels he can't get back out.

"Hey look at me, I know it's not ok,but it will be, you have nothing to be ashamed of, you've fallen back,it's going to get worse before it get's better but you'll make it,i know you Tommy your a fighter"I say, "I can't,I can't do it, it's too much Ol, I tried tonight after the fight,to kill myself but I had enough wits about me to get here,to get somewhere safe, unlike last time,but i'm scared,what will happen to me"he says shakily, "shh come here,it'll work out somehow, and you know thea and I are always here for you, so are mom and dad we'll win this battle,it'll take a lot on all our parts but we'll win"I say as he curls against my side and falls asleep tears staining his cheeks as I stroke his cheek and start to remember the night of his first suicide attempt and how scary it as I fall asleep.

Flashback.

Red blood soaks the bandages on his wrists as the mellow beeping of the machine assures us he's still alive. I sit there by the bed taking him in and realzie I feel so incredibly guilty, I should have known the signs,should've known he was falling, but I didn't and now we're here, and it hurts to realize I could've lost my best friend tonight, if I had been a minute too late,i can't think that way. It doens't look like Tommy in that bed, he's pale,weak, they have him sedated at the moment because he fought them when we got here, but I start to hear him stir as mom comes into the room. "shh,hey guys,how is he,how are you"she asks gently sitting on the edge of the bed, "he's ok I guess, I feel guilty, I should've known he was going to take it this far, i'm honestly scared too,for him,mostly"I say as she comes over and hugs me, "shh Ollie I know, shh Tommy, how about you go home and go be with Thea, she doesn't really know what's happening, and you need some sleep,i'll call if there is any changes"she says gently, "ok mom"I say holding it together as I go up and squeze his hand as mom gets on the bed and holds him as he cries,and I leave. I go out to the car and realize i'm shaking,it's been a rough night for everyone,i got a call about 10 from Tommy sayinvg he did something bad, that he didn't want to die, and that he needed me, so I called 911 and then went over to his house, leaving a note for my mom so she knew what was happening and I left.

When I got there the door was locked and no one was there,but Tommy,and I found the key and went inside,heading straight to the bathroom,where I found him bleeding, knife on the floor,and I grabbed a towel wrapping it around his wrists. We sat there for awhile and I hear sirens come up the driveway and they opened the door,coming to checked him out and then he unwillingly went with them,putting up a fight because he was scared and broken, a side of Tommy i've never seen before.

They managed to get him on a gunrey and into the ambulace,where he finally wore out,and went still but he was still crying as a medic wiped the tears off of his cheek. "Shh sweetheart,i'm going to give you something alright,just a little sedative,it'll help calm you down ok, have you taken anything"she asks gently, "no,i haven't"he sayas she sticks a needle in his arm, "ok good,breathe,it's out,get some sleep ok"she sas gently as I watch him fall asleep as he grabs my hand,and then he's out.