(There's a new Bleachers album out, and I had no idea. Anyway, I wrote this chapter to the new album, so 'Goodmorning' and 'Everybody Lost Somebody' are most definitely recommended listening for this chapter. They seemed particularly pertinent as this is the final chapter.)

Thank you all, so, so much.
I started writing this fic a long time ago (around January 2016, in fact!) because it had been buzzing around in my brain for ages.

It's been an awesome two years, and I've made so many friends during this process. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed this and messaged regularly - there are too many of you to list without fear of missing someone!
Particularly special thanks go to HereNowReady, Baileytron, you_cute_little_muffin, and Vausemaniac.

The sequel will be out soon; it's called Carry It In My Heart.
It's the same AU with the same characters, just a little later down the line.
I'll also be fulfilling some of the prompts I've been sent in the last few months.

Thanks again for all of your kind words.
Messages, prompts, reviews and tumblr stalks (the-sickener-hits) are all absolutely welcome.

Later, taters.

Nicky drummed her fingers on the steering wheel, and eyed the buzzing phone in Alex's lap.
Alex had been silent in the passenger seat for the entire journey from school, and now as they reached the long home stretch, Nicky decided to chance an enquiry.

"You gonna answer that, or what?"
Alex's answering laugh was hollow. "Probably not."

Her gaze was still averted, the scenery flickering past the car window like an old film reel. "Looks like Piper's moved on. Didn't take her long."
The final statement was a bitter addendum, something she hadn't considered until this moment.

Nicky shifted uncomfortably in her seat. She wasn't sure where to take the conversation from here.
"She tell you this herself?"
"Not with words."
"Huh."

Alex closed her eyes for a second, and revisited the unpleasantness of the earlier tableau: Stella's arm winding around Piper's waist, the space that was smothered between them, the way the Music teacher had glanced up from Piper's lips so possessively…

"So, you're not even gonna try?" Nicky broke through the clouds in her reverie, the smallest glimmer of sunshine fighting against the storm.
"I don't even know anymore. I was going to. I had grand plans. Now I can't even get past the swirling darkness in my brain long enough to land on anything." Alex exhaled.
"Melodrama much." Nicky tried teasing, but Alex simply returned her gaze to the passing scenery.

It was easy for her to spend the rest of the night in her own head.
She couldn't remember eating dinner but she knew she must have.
She was marking papers in her room before she knew where she was, the sun descending beneath the horizon, sinking like her hopes.
She coaxed herself away from the internal monologue that sounded like she'd read a few too many Romantic poems, and sighed.
Alex pushed her glasses onto the top of her head. She dropped her pile of marking onto the floor and slid down beneath the covers.

It would be very nice to try all of this from the beginning, a clean slate: tabula rasa.

The phone buzzed on the bedside cabinet again.
And again.
And again.

Alex snaked an arm out from beneath the duvet, patting around for her mobile.
She pulled it to her chest when she found it, the bright screen illuminating the darkness she found so comforting.

It was Piper. Another missed call.
That made eight now.

Text after text had filled the phone she'd abandoned upon her arrival home, and she scrolled through the last few out of curiosity.

Alex, please answer my calls.

I need to talk to you.

Where are you?

Alex!

The final exclamative, borne out of desperation or frustration, made her grin. She heard the noun in her head in the same way that Piper would begrudgingly mutter it when they teased one another, and for a moment it was easy to forget that somehow, so quickly, it had all gone to hell.
Her thumbs hovered over the illuminated keypad for a moment, as she pondered how - and if - to reply.

There was a knock at her door.

"Alex?" Nicky's enquiry was tentative.
Alex sat up. "What?"
"There's someone here to see you."
"What?" She was bemused.
She heard Nicky's audible sigh breeze through the wood towards her. "Just open the fuckin' door, will ya?"

Alex tossed the covers back and stood, slipping a little on the discarded papers by the bed.

She tugged the door open abruptly, unprepared for visitors, unwilling to mind her manners.

"Alex, please let me explain."

It was Piper.

Dishevelled and evidently tired, but unmistakably, irrefutably Piper.

"Piper." Alex stated dumbly, eyebrow raised.
"Can I come in?"
Alex glanced over to Nicky, who shrugged. "Depends. Did you bring Stella with you this time?"

In the shadows of the hallway, Nicky threw her arms up in despair, mouthing over Piper's shoulder, what the fuck?

"What?" Piper seemed genuinely confused, and Alex pushed her hand through her hair in exasperation.

She needed to be an adult about this.
"I'm sorry. I'm pretty much the master of handling things completely wrong." Alex relented. She stepped aside, unblocking the doorway, and gestured into the room. "You can come in."

Nicky gave an approving thumbs up, and Alex swallowed a reluctant smile. Maybe it wasn't all lost after all.

"So."

Alex's opening gambit was a dead end, and Piper realised that the brunette seemed to be expecting her to start.

"Uh…" She floundered for a second, unsure of how to start or why she'd impulsively dragged herself across to Alex's house in the first place. "I came over here to clear a few things up."
"Okay." Alex remained taciturn in corner of the room, her back against the door.

Piper weighed her words for a second. She hadn't really planned this. She wanted to apologise for the earlier confusion, but she also wanted to understand what had happened with Boo.

"Can I - I mean, would you mind - can we turn a light on? It's kind of dark in here."
They had been sitting in the sepulchral darkness for several minutes by this point, and Piper wanted to be able to see Alex's face when they spoke.
"Sure."

Alex crossed from the door to the bed, flicking the bedside lamp on. She sat down on the mattress, looking tired.

"You know," Alex averted her eyes as she said it, as though she couldn't bear to let the words leave her lips as she said it anyway. "You don't get to do whatever you want to, just because it makes you feel good."

There was a stillness in the room as she looked up, frustration bubbling just beneath the brim of her temper as held Piper's gaze with piercing eyes.

"If you're suggesting I would behave like that to spite you, or make you jealous, you're out of line." Piper retorted, voice level in tone but rising a little in volume. "What you saw, in the classroom… Stella completely invaded my space without my consent, and if I'm honest, it made me uncomfortable."

Alex tugged at the bedsheets idly as she hesitated, trying to keep her nervous hands busy.
She wanted Piper back, but she was still so full of resentment.
She also desperately wanted to pull Piper close to her and kiss them back to the days before this had all taken place.
But that would have to wait.

"Stella likes you." Alex mumbled, her tone vaguely accusatory.

"I don't like Stella." The blonde replied gently, placing air quotes around the verb to emphasise her point. "Or at least, not in the way you mean."
"You don't?" Alex felt like a child seeking reassurance, but she couldn't help it. Piper was the best thing to happen to her in a long time. She had already fucked things up once. To have something - someone- upset the balance again so swiftly seemed downright unreasonable.
Piper laughed, taking a seat on the opposite side of the bed. "Would I date you if I liked her?"

Her smile was warm, and it took all of Alex's self-control to not mirror the affection.
They weren't out of the woods yet; she still had to account for her bet with Boo.

"I'm sorry Pipes." She blurted suddenly, and it was Piper's turn to express scepticism.
"Is this about the Boo thing?"
"I made a bad choice. I'm really fucking flawed." Alex shrugged, opting for the matter-of-fact approach, reeling back in her involuntary apology in spite of the uncertainty in her voice. "I'm a ruthless pragmatist who sold you out and then lied about it. Sort of. I didn't want you to get hurt."
Piper held up her hands in protest. "Wait, wait. Start at the beginning. Who was going to hurt me?"

Alex sighed.
The urge to defend herself and her choices was building inside her chest, and she desperately wanted to make it clear that she had behaved in Piper's best interests.

Or so she'd thought.

Perhaps it hadn't been her decision to make after all.

"Boo expressed an interest in you. And I didn't want you to feel threatened by her. So I intervened. She wanted someone to bet that you wouldn't sleep with a woman - I didn't like the idea that you'd become the focus of some bullshit wager."
"But I did become the focus of a bullshit wager." Piper crossed her arms over her chest, textbook defensive behaviour, and Alex opted for a long, steady sigh in place of the hands she wished to run through her own hair.
"And I'm sorry. Boo can be tenacious, predatory, and I was afraid that she'd keep pursuing you if someone didn't get there first."

The stillness in the room continued, tension unabated, so Alex pressed on.

"I think she was floating the idea of sleeping with you to the room; she kept talking about it, like you were fair game or some fucked up prize to be won. I thought that maybe," Alex paused apprehensively. She glanced past Piper towards the windows, curtains still open, and saw her own mirror image reflected back at her, as the night sky offered nothing but a black backdrop for inspiration. "Maybe if I made it clear that you were off the market, and made it worth her while to stay away from you, then you might be safe. From her. Does that make any sense?"

"And what?"
Alex was bemused by Piper's response. "What?"
"I'm just supposed to believe that you're some white knight riding in to save me from the dragon? That you did all of this for my benefit?"

Piper's query was loaded, heavy with an unspoken weight that seemed ready to crush this fragile union the moment the string snapped.

"And… And I guess I had my own reasons for stepping in." Alex opted for nonchalance where compassion was probably needed, years of pretending she didn't care about those around her far overwhelming her desire to be open and honest.
"Do I get to know what they were? Or am I supposed to just accept your chivalry in place of the real reason for your decision to make a wager that completely disregarded my dignity?"

Any facade of normality that Piper may have been able to uphold until that point was swiftly crumbling around her, and she could hear her own voice trembling as she stumbled over each piece of involuntary alliteration.
She took a shaky breath in, hiccuping back sobs that she'd promised herself she wouldn't share here because Alex still didn't deserve them.
There were so many things still unsaid between them, and it frustrated her that it had taken Stella's impudence to force this farce.

She was surprised when she felt the mattress dip beside her, and Alex's warm hands covered those that in turn covered her face in embarrassment.
"Piper."
The blonde's shoulders heaved, and she was torn between moving away and leaning in.
"Piper, look at me. Please."
Alex gently tugged Piper's fingers away from her eyes, and held them firmly in her own.
"I really fucking like you. I wouldn't have been so happy to take Boo's bullet for you that night if I didn't like you so much." Alex lifted her index finger to Piper's cheek and brushed a solitary tear away. "And I'm sorry that you got caught in the crossfire. I should've just talked to you. I thought that after Boo saw we were an item, she'd just leave us be. But I fucked up along the way. And I'm sorry."

Piper sniffed forlornly. "You owe me fifty dollars."
Alex grinned. "I think I owe you a lot more than that, kid."

She reached out and wrapped her arm around Piper. The younger woman rested her head on Alex's shoulder.
"Can we start again?"
"I'd like that."
"Yeah?" Piper sat up, eyes bright as she looked at Alex with hopeful eyes.
"I think that when you have a connection with someone it never really goes away, you know?" Alex rested her hand on Piper's leg, the warmth from her palm threading through the fibres of Piper's jeans. "You snap back to being important to each other because you still are."

Piper sniffed again and brushed the back of her hand beneath her nose. "You are very important to me, Alex Vause."
"Likewise, Piper Chapman."
Alex leant in for a kiss, but Piper jerked back after the briefest connection. "It's not hot when my snot drips into your mouth like that."
Alex laughed, the unexpected crudeness of Piper's comment. "No? I thought you'd be into that."

A wry smile replaced the thin line her lips had been pressed into all day, and they finally collapsed into one another, the stress of their time apart crumbling like an old building.
Reduced to their foundations once again, they could start to reconstruct.

Lying back on the bed, Alex's arm draped across the curve of Piper's waist as their noses brushed.
"You wanna stay?" Alex's enquiry was murmured, soft, and Piper would've loved nothing more.
"No. I should go. I don't have anything here."
"You could have. A drawer or something." Alex suggested tentatively. She knew it was early, but hoped that Piper would be in her room often.
Piper suppressed a grin. "What, is this a U-haul? Are you every lesbian cliché now?"
Alex mimicked affront. "That's fine. I'll find someone else to fill my drawers."
"I don't know if that was supposed to be a double entendre, but it was gross either way." Despite Piper's disparaging tone, the mischievous glint in her eye told a different story.

After a few moments of quiet, their fingers intertwining slowly, Alex sighed.
"Are you leaving or what?"
"Rude. Parting is such sweet sorrow."
"Now who's the cliché?"
"I'm pretty sure it's still you." Piper planted a small kiss on the end of Alex's nose, and sat up.

She pushed her feet into shoes that she couldn't remember removing, and rose to her feet.
Alex stayed on the bed, begrudging Piper's decision to leave, but unable to stop her.
"I'll miss you."
"You'll see me tomorrow."

Piper's smile made Alex's face warm, and she couldn't remember feeling a greater sense of relief in her life.

Heading down to the front door, hand in hand, Alex pulled Piper closer as she reached for the exit.
"Come see me this weekend?"
"I have so much marking, Al."
"That's not a no."

Piper relented. "Why don't you come over to mine?"
Alex was taken aback. "Holly will literally kill me."
"Polly."
"Her too. I don't want to die yet, I'm too young and hot." Alex smirked.
"I don't know about young," Piper goaded. "But it would be nice for you to see where I lived at least before you die prematurely."
Alex sighed. "Okay."
"Okay?"
"Deal. Fine. Whatever." They were both grinning now, and Alex wrapped her arms around Piper, seeking one last kiss before she left.

Piper managed to at least get the door open before Alex tugged her back one final time.
"Pipes?"
"Oh my god, what?" Despite her frustration, Piper was smiling, the light of the brightest night's sky Alex had ever seen glinting in her eyes.
Alex was starstruck - almost literally - for a moment, but collected her thoughts before they were lost to the cosmos in her girlfriend's gaze. "Want to bring some stuff tomorrow to put in your drawer?"
Piper blushed a little. "I'd like that."
"And then we can ring for a moving van next month."
Piper's fist caught Alex's bicep gently, joshing. "I know that you're joking, but I'd like that too."
The brunette's face lit up. "You would?"
"Eventually. Not next month; I'm not in any rush. Plus, Polly would kill me if I moved out right now. She thinks I went to the laundromat, she has no idea I'm here."
"Oh, shit." Alex chuckled mirthlessly, fearing the fallout of their imminent interaction.
"And instead I'm planning my future with the most beautiful woman I've ever met."
"I know you're complimenting me, but really it sounds like you're vying for a whole chest of drawers rather than just the one." Alex smirked, feeling the heat rising up the back of her neck a she took in Piper's words. She was terrible with compliments, but couldn't ignore what Piper had said.

Rising onto her toes, the younger woman gave Alex a soft kiss. "I'll see you tomorrow?"
"And every day after that."
"Stalker." Piper laughed. "Goodnight Alex."
"Night, kid."

Alex watched Piper's retreating form disappear into the ever-diminishing summer evening.

Gazing out over the land that lay before her, she followed the line of the trees that reached out to the main road, the tarmac drive leading up to the front door from the public highway, the once-perfect meridian of the grass verges, now tufted and rough from lack of attention.

Who knew what the future would bring.
Longer grass and shorter nights, without question.

She knuckled somnolence from her eyes, and climbed the mountain of stairs that eventually lead to her bedroom.

Ushering aside the pile of half-marked papers, she clambered under the covers again.
She reached out to place her glasses onto the bedside cabinet, but something rustled beneath her hand as she did, and she slid her glasses back into place to better see what she'd accidentally discovered.
It was Piper's list of her favourite books, still creased from folding and refolding each time Alex had returned it to wherever she chose to hide it week after week.
She skimmed the page - although she knew it almost by heart now - and grinned with each work of literature she found: The Line of Beauty, Brave New World, Under The Skin…

On and on the items went, until finally Alex's eyes landed on the final piece chosen, scribbled hastily at the bottom of the page, the twenty-fifth text that Piper had selected: Our Numbered Days. Sleep creeping over her, Alex grasped at the only line from the book she could recall, hazily scrambling for some semblance of syntax as she placed the paper back into it's place:

"I'm so lucky we lived through who we were to become who we are."

Alex sat her glasses carefully on the bedside cabinet, forcing her eyes closed:the sooner she slept, the sooner she could see Piper again.
On her back, arms crooked to forty-five degrees beneath her head, she thought of benevolent debutantes beside her, and awoke smiling.