"Good to see you, man! We've been trying to track you down for an age; why aren't you answering your phone?"

Is Sammy talking? Why the hell is he talking, like everything's normal? Like Cas hadn't disappeared a day and a half ago, and we didn't just thought he was dead 15 minutes ago.

"I apologise, Sam, I have to admit that I didn't check my phone for some time, and then the battery died and I didn't bother to charge it again. I've been… busy."

Dean was tempted to start banging his head off the steering wheel, but he just stayed frozen with his forehead pressed against it and listened with disbelief to the conversation in the car.

"But your note, man, it sounded like…" Sam trailed off.

"Like what?"

"Like you weren't coming back. Like you were going to take care of this demon or whatever, and not come back."

"Oh. I didn't realise… I just meant to thank you for looking out for me earlier, Sam. And I knew that Dean would be back before me, so I wanted him to know I was going to fix my…mistake." Cas rumbled in the back seat, his voice soft, and a little bit nervous.

"Un-fucking-believable," Dean muttered.

"Dean?"

"I, uh, I'll just go and check over the bodies again, see if there's anything there that can help us track down whatever sent those demons after you, Cas," Sam opened the car door, clearly desperate to leave before whatever confrontation was coming actually happened.

"There is no need, Sam. I took care of all the demons, after I let them torture me until they gave away the name of their 'employer'."

At the mention of torture, Dean whipped his head up and around to look at Cas in the back seat, anxiously checking him over for signs of serious injury. He looked strange without his coat, but in one piece. Dean frowned.

"And the big boss…?"

"A former angel. One of my former brothers who was cast out of heaven a long time ago, and thought that since he had nothing left that I, who he saw as being more disobedient than he, should have nothing either. I took care of it."

"You, you took care of it?!" Dean finally exploded and Sam quickly got out of the car and hurried back into the old warehouse.

"I do not understand the problem, Dean. This angel, or ex-angel, was a danger to you, and to Sam, so I had to fix it. Your association with me is what endangered you, so I fixed it. It was much easier to get them to give the game away when I was on my own."

Dean's jaw dropped and he stared at Cas in astonishment.

"The problem?! The problem, Cas, is that we thought you were in trouble, we thought you were dead, for God's sake, and all the time you were just taking care of business?" he yelled.

"But, Dean, I had to…"

"You had to treat us like a team, Cas. We don't take off on our own, we don't let others think we have been fucking kidnapped and killed by demons, and we don't keep secrets."

Dean was breathing heavily as he glared at Cas, struggling to make sense of his emotions. He was aware of fury, at Cas for putting himself in danger, at himself for making Cas think he had to do this, and at yet another angelic dick for putting his angel in peril. Behind all of that was the most immense feeling of relief that Dean had ever experienced, and Dean was now stuck between desire to punch Cas between the eyes or clamber over into the back seat with him and press him down into the car seat as he kissed him senseless.

Cas cringed away from the hunter's anger. "I'm sorry, Dean, I messed this up too."

"Damn right you did, Cas," Dean sighed, calming down. But I'm just glad you're alive so that I can apologise to you for how I've been treating you, and explain exactly what's been going on in this stupid head of mine. This last sentence was what Dean intended to say next, but he didn't quite get the chance.

Cas had stiffened in his seat as Dean confirmed that he had messed up, and immediately interrupted the flow of Dean's rhetoric to apologise and promise to do better, before promptly vanishing from the Impala. Angry again, Dean swore and threw up a quick prayer.

Fine, you son of a bitch, disappear. Again. But your ass better be at the bunker when we get back, or I swear to your dad I'm gonna kick your ass. You need to stop this shit and stay with us, with me. You hear me? Get your butt home.

Then he sat, seething, and waited for Sam to get back to the car so that he could get back to the bunker as quickly as possible and kick the angel's ass, whether he was waiting for them or they had to call him down. He needed his ass kicked for this shit, and Dean was going to provide the service.

The drive home was long, and quiet. Sam was clearly dying to ask Dean what had happened, but since he arrived back at the Impala to find only Dean inside, and the man in question glaring out of his windscreen, the only sound he'd made was a sigh as he climbed into the passenger seat. He hadn't even bothered to ask if they were driving straight back. He figured Dean would have to stop at one point, and he would eat then. They certainly wouldn't be stopping to sleep; no matter how tired Sam knew his brother must be feeling. The guy was too wound up to do anything but drive single-mindedly. Instead, Sam counted his blessings when Dean did decide to stop at a gas station before Sam needed to ask him to. He just got out the car, used the facilities, and stocked up on enough snacks to keep them both going for the rest of the journey. Dean didn't ask for so much as a chip.

When the Impala finally pulled to a stop at the bunker, Sam couldn't keep it in any more.

"Dean-"

"Don't!" Dean snapped, shooting his brother a withering glare.

Sam just rolled his eyes. "I've just sat in this car with you in silence for eight and half hours, Dean. I'm going to say what I want to fucking say, and you're going to listen, got it?"

Dean just raised an eyebrow, looking absolutely furious.

"I don't even want to know what happened, or how you managed to fuck it up, again. I just wanted to remind you to think about everything you felt since Cas disappeared, especially that feeling you had when you thought he was lying dead in front of us. Think about that, and get him back here. Then talk to him. Properly; without being a chicken shit about telling him what you feel, and without saying something stupid and hurting both of you again. I can't take any more angry you or moping Cas, and as much as I dread the thought of the pair of you acting like a pair of lovesick puppies around the place, I'll settle for the googly eyes and the unexpected PDA over you both acting like a pair of morons. Alright?"

Everything said, Sam pushed open the door of the car and stepped out. He heard Dean follow him, but didn't dare look round. The fact that he hadn't responded to Sam's outburst was most likely down to an uncomfortable mix of shock and anger, and Sam was hoping to be firmly ensconced in his room when that particular dam burst. Walking inside, he headed down the stairs, Dean still following him. Listening to his brother's heavy breathing for signs of an emotional explosion, he almost missed the figure that moved out of the shadows to stand at the bottom of the stairs. Sam grinned and bounded down the last few steps.

"Hey, Cas. You're here!" He clasped his friend on the shoulder.

"Yes, Sam. I'm here."

Dean appeared at Sam's side, and seemed to be suddenly struggling to speak until Cas did it for him.

"I believe you wanted to continue our discussion, Dean."

"Fine," he grunted, before walking past both of them and heading down the corridor that would take him to his room. Cas looked up at Sam, his expression showing that he perhaps felt a little helpless. Sam just grinned at him.

"It'll be fine, Cas. Go get him, tiger!" Cas just squinted at him in confusion, until Sam laughed. "Never mind. Just, don't worry about it, ok? It'll be fine."

He watched for a moment as the angel turned and walked slowly after his older brother, who had disappeared.

"Cas?" he called after him.

"Yes, Sam?"

"Tell him to remember what I said."

With a grin, Sam decided bed could wait and headed to the kitchen to grab himself a sandwich.

Dean rolled his eyes when he heard a knock on his door less than half a minute after he entered his room. Squaring his shoulders, he moved to open to the door and let Cas inside. Sam's words were twisting in his mind, and although his frustration with Cas was still churning, he was reliving that hideous moment when he had thought Cas was dead, over and over. It wasn't really helping him rein himself in.

"Get in here, then, if you're coming in," he winced at the sharpness of the tone.

Slowly, Cas stepped inside and closed the door behind him, standing sedately in front of it and looking imploringly at Dean. Quickly, the hunter realised that he was expected to speak, and he didn't have a clue how to start.

"What? You don't have anything else to say, Cas? What the hell are you doing here then?"

"You said home, Dean."

Dean's frustration melted and his stomach dropped at the aching sadness in the angel's quiet voice. He realised all too quickly what he meant. "But, Cas, of course it's your home, man."

Cas' shoulders moved in a tiny little shrug, and his luminous eyes dropped from Dean's face. "You never said so before."

"What? Of course I..."

"No. You didn't. You talked of it as your home, of yours and Sam's, but never mine. I don't belong anywhere."

Dean grabbed the angel's shoulders before tilting Cas' face up to look at him. He was startled to see the beginnings of tears in his eyes. Instinctively, he wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close, crushing him tightly to his chest and dropping his head so that his nose and mouth were buried in Cas' shoulders. Castiel's shoulders were shaking slightly in his sadness, but Dean was unsurprised to feel that the lump that had been present in his throat for some time had now dissolved into blurry eyes of his own.

"I'm so sorry, Cas. I'm so sorry. You belong here, with us. This is your home, and we are your family. I'm so sorry, buddy. I'm sorry."

They stood like that for a few moments, Cas saying nothing but clinging tightly to the back of Dean's shirt as if he would never let him go. Dean found himself quite happy with the thought.

Suddenly, the angel released his grip and pushed himself out of Dean's grasp. His face was quite blank, which made Dean cringe. The walls were back up.

"You don't have to say that, Dean. I find myself quite accepting of my lack of home, my lack of family. I am aware of my limitations; of the mistakes I have made. I would not expect you to provide me with a home when I have wronged you and Sam so often, when I have endangered you both. I will continue to come when you need me, but do not think or feel that you have to pity me, Dean. It is not an angel's place, after all, to have such a bond, or such a family. It's fine. Don't pity me. Please."

Dean's heart broke when Cas' composure and voice did on his last word, coming out only as a broken whisper.

"Cas..." Dean couldn't even finish his sentence. he had no idea what to say to Cas, to his friend, who was trying so hard to hide how broken he had been by Dean's careless dismissal of him. What could he possibly say?

For a moment it looked like Cas was going to take off, and Dean found himself thrusting out an arm to catch hold of his hand. "Don't! Don't go, Cas. I meant it, I meant all of it. Don't you dare leave again, damnit."

"But, Dean..."

"No, Cas," Dean took a deep breath and twisted his hand in Cas' so that their fingers laced together. "It's not pity, ok? I was trying to tell you, before you got all pissy and flew off again. I need you. I need you here, with me and Sam, in the bunker, out on hunts. I need you, with me."

Cas was looking at him blankly, his eyes twitching down to their clinging hands.

"Do you get it, Cas?"

The angel's eyes just widened as he shook his head slightly. Dean sighed. Of course he didn't. The hunter stepped forward, using his free hand to cup the side of Cas' face and stroked his cheek gently with his thumb. The angel's eyes locked onto his and widened impossibly so that Dean almost chuckled. Instead, he just smiled and squeezed his hand. "I need you. With me, Cas. Here, always. Do you get it, angel? I'm not sure I can say it any other way."

Always that same damn fear holding him back, but this time the light in Cas' brightening eyes told Dean that at last the angel was getting it. That he was getting that he wasn't useful, or helpful, or convenient. He would never be those things, because he was wanted. There was a hesitant nod, and Dean breathed a heavy sigh of relief.

"Good," was all he said before he pulled Cas' face to his own and smashed their lips together.

The feeling of uneasiness was brief. A flash of 'ohmygodi'mkissingagoddamdude' zipped through Dean's head, but was chased out immediately by the warmth of Cas' lips against his, the way the angel's breath hitched as the kiss began, and the feeling of two strong hands grasping him firmly by the hips. The fluttering in Dean's stomach and chest had a lot to do with how amazing he suddenly felt, too.

The kiss started softly, just Dean's lips pressed softly to Cas', the hand that was cupping his angel's cheek stroked softly downwards then along his jawline. Cas took all of a second to kiss him back, his lips pressing more firmly into Dean's at the same time he took hold of the hunter. Surprisingly, it was Cas who deepened the kiss, nipping Dean's bottom lip gently and pressing his tongue inside the resulting gasp to meet Dean's which enthusiastically reciprocated. Dean heard moaning, but realised quickly that it was coming from him, and then he lost his mind. Fuck it. This was Cas, and it was fucking everything he wanted.

"Cas," he whispered briefly as he pulled back, flashing a quick grin at the stunned look on the other man's face before he pulled him back in to resume their kiss. This time, his hands moved; one slid into Cas too-damn-sexy hair while the other pressed tightly into his back, pulling Cas' willing body closer to him until they were pressed together completely. Dean groaned as Cas' hands slid from his hips to slide round his body, both of them sliding up his back until one was clutching his shoulder while the other was scratching lightly at the soft hair at Dean's neck. Dean groaned as the kiss deepened further, pouring everything he possibly could into this moment.

"Fuck, Cas. How the hell did you get so good at this?" he gaped at him when he pulled back, resolutely ignoring the niggling jealousy that told him Cas had learned this from someone who wasn't him. What right did he have to expect Cas to wait for him while he trailed through a number of one night stands?

Cas just grinned at him. "I have been watching humanity for a long time, Dean. And imagining this moment for a long time, also."

"That so?" Dean answered with a grin of his own, pleased to finally see happiness on his angel's face. He stepped in closer, an almost impossible feat, and pressed their foreheads together. "Any other moments you've imagined?"

"Wouldn't you like to know."

Dean lifted his head for a moment at Cas' snarky comment and barked out a laugh. The guy was teasing him! He dropped his head down and winked at Cas. "You bet I would."

Cas bit his lip and pushed Dean's face away from his by pressing his forehead forward. "Dean, are you sure this is what you want?"

The hunter wished he could be astonished at the doubt he could hear, and the fear he could see, but he couldn't kid himself that he wasn't to blame for every time Cas was going to find it difficult to believe that Dean cared. Sighing, he cupped Cas' face in both hands and leaned in to press a soft, delicate kiss to his lips. As he pulled away, he realised that Cas had closed his eyes.

"Hey," he whispered, waiting until Castiel was looking at him before he continued. "I am here, and I want this, ok? I'm not going anywhere, and neither are you."

"Ok, Dean," Cas smiled at him, and Dean watched for a few seconds as acceptance filtered through his features until he was relaxed in his arms once again.

"But, uh, about the other stuff..." Dean struggled to explain to Cas that while he most definitely wanted him, and everything that entailed, he wasn't necessarily ready to move anything on any further just a day after he'd finally realised how he felt.

"Dean," Cas' hands came up to cradle his face as he dropped his own to his sides. "There is time, for everything. I just want to be with you for now, if you will let me."

"That sounds grea…" Dean was abruptly cut off by a sizable yawn. He smiled sheepishly through watering eyes when it was over. "Sorry."

"You haven't slept for some time. I should leave you to sleep."

Dean opened his mouth to protest, but realised that the angel hadn't moved. He raised an eyebrow at Cas. The angel smirked.

"Just because I should leave doesn't mean that I will. But I do believe that you need to sleep."

Relieved that he didn't have to ask Cas to stay, Dean pulled him in for a quick, firm kiss. "Come on, angel. Let's get ready for bed."

Within two minutes, both men were stripped down to boxers and wearing clean t-shirts from Dean's dresser. Dean climbed into bed quickly, lying on his side and facing the empty half before lifting the covers to invite Cas in. He was trying not to look at him too closely, having completely underestimated how hot his angel would look wearing his clothes. Within seconds, Cas was lying down beside him, though, and Dean was manhandling him onto his side so that he could spoon up behind him and wrap them tightly together. He heard a contented sigh from in front of him when they finally settled in place, and found himself smiling happily and vowing to hold onto this. Whatever it turned out to be.

There would be no more careless words. Anger, sure; when were he and Cas not pissing each other off? But he was going to be careful; he was going to never hurt the angel again with stupid words, and with not being able to say what he was actually thinking. He was shit scared, no denying it, but he had to be honest - to both of them.

He tightened his hold on Cas and pressed a soft kiss into the back of his neck.

"I love you, Cas," he murmured.

The angel just squeezed the hands that were wrapped tightly around him.

"I love you, too."

There. Easy. Dean sighed and let himself drift slowly off. Tomorrow he would awaken and everything would change; but that was fine.

Tomorrow he would awaken, and for once he would be happy to do so. Tomorrow, he would wake up with Cas, and from then on, he would have a life.

A/N And that's it, I think!

Thank you all for reading, and for all your encouragement! All reviews gratefully received – it's always scary writing for a new fandom for the first time!

Thanks.

B xx