Disclaimer: this chapter was in no way altered by the events of TROS. Any similarities were a series of bizarre ass coincidences and me understanding how Star Wars plays out a little too well.

Thoughts on Rise of Skywalker at the end.

Just a head's up, Guys, this is going to be a very rough chapter with almost no comedy. I want to warn you that the chapter will deal with topics such as: sexual harassment, toxic relationships, infidelity, domestic abuse, questionable sexual consent, using sex as a weapon, using violence in a non-BDSM sexual setting, using physical/sexual actions with one party to emotionally harm another party, ignoring initial requests to cease sexual activity, intentionally harmful statements in the heat of a fight, and emotional abuse.

I also want to assure you that these issues will not be something that gets swept under a rug a few chapters from now. The events of this chapter will be a scar on Kylo and Sasa's relationship (however that may turn out) that they will carry for life.

Please use your own personal judgement when proceeding with this chapter, and take caution if you are potentially triggered by any of this content. As much as I adore getting a bunch of people to read my work, your personal mental health and safety is more important to me, hence the warning I've included.

…Or you could just watch the amazing argument scene between Scarlett Johansson and Adam Driver in Marriage Story and skip to the next chapter.

Also while I'm making movie recommendations, if you really want to get your claws into Felicity's perspective on Ben and what she thinks about Luke's relationship with him, please check out Felicity Jones' "Se la mia morte brami" scene from the movie True Story on YouTube. I draw incredibly heavy inspiration from it while writing the way she sees Ben.

Dirty version on AO3; and crack a window, because this first scene is steamy even in the censored version.

The Long Way Home

Chapter Sixty-Three

Love is War

It wasn't unusual for Sasa to have her wrist grabbed by a wordless Kylo and dragged off to his bedroom without asking. In fact, she rather enjoyed those moments; such impulsive acts of passion where a thrill shot through her body as she knew he needed her and only her in that moment. So when Kylo came up to her after he spoke to Marks, and just grabbed her away from discussing potential Knights of Ren with Wiln, Sasa was nothing more than overjoyed to follow.

Their pulses beat wildly as they raced down the halls, something exciting pumping through their blood. Whether it was adrenaline, a sense of victory, the Dark Side, or some combination of them, neither knew nor cared. All that mattered in that moment was to the quench the thirst that touched their tongues like salt water; always needing more and more, desperate for a satisfaction that would never come.

When the door to Kylo's room slid shut, he wasted no time in claiming his prize. Remembering the sight of Berd writhing on the floor and forcing FN-2187 to take the lightsaber, Kylo threw Sasa up against the door.

It wasn't a measured move of roughness and yet care for his partner. Sasa smacked her head against the metal with a good THUD, and before she could even say ow his lips had smothered hers. After far too long of forcing the kiss, Kylo broke off to let her gasp for air. Sasa barely had wheezed out before he bore his teeth down on her bottom lip hard enough to draw blood.

"Kylo," Sasa whimpered as he used one hand to yank open the ties of her bodice while the other held her hips against his body, grinding her pelvis against his obvious desire.

"God, the way you tortured Berd," his voice husky, trebling on the edge of control. "I need you so badly."

"Touch me Kylo," she threaded her fingers through his hair and pulled him against her neck. "Touch me and taste me. Feed on my Darkness, and let me taste yours like wine upon your lips."

Her ties had all been loosened so Kylo pulled her top off one shoulder and began kissing it. Ecstasy filled him as she heard her sensitive gasps and whimpers from his lips trailing down her skin, her nerves on fire. Those large lips, that skilled tongue, and those strong hands clutching at her hips.

Kylo held her and kissed her like he was claiming his territory and guarding her from all other potential mates. She was his. She wanted to be his. No other was allowed to have those hands on her body, or his mouth, or his seed. This feeling of his fingers tightening over her hips and his mouth trailing across her chest was a pleasure reserved for her alone.

She gave a breathless cry as he nuzzled down her bra and his mouth latched onto the most intimate place on her chest. She panted with pleasure as he kissed her there. The familiar duet of pain and pleasure made her surrender to him, lifting one leg to wrap it around his hip.

More. More. Her body craved it. More.

"His passion for you will be his undoing," that voice spoke to Sasa again. "He will come to you and then you will bring him before me."

Perhaps it was the Dark Side itself speaking to her; coaxing her towards her potential for Darkness. That raw power and energy that boiled in her blood.

Could this be where the path to the Dark Side led? This physical pleasure? This devotion and possession by the most powerful and desirable man in the Galaxy? This lifting of Sasa higher than everyone else, making her special and not just another face among the crowds? If this was Darkness, then she wanted all it could give her. It made her wonder why would anyone want to walk the path of the Light?

Balance was always what Snoke told her to have; her skill above all others. She was good at playing between Dark and Light, seeing all that both sides could give her… and that all it could take.

Well, fuck balance. Darkness gave her all she desired, and she never wanted to go back.

She wouldn't be Luke Skywalker writhing on the floor.

She was brought back to the action when Kylo returned his lips to her. She let out a small moan of disappointment as his lips left her chest, but that moan turned erotic when Kylo grabbed her free leg and hooked it over his other hip.

Finding herself airborne, Sasa instinctively locked her arms around his neck and ground her pelvis over his. Both of his hands wrapped around her body to grip her back and carry her over to the bed. Considering the man was built like a tree and Sasa could barely hold her legs around those just a little too broad hips, she was quite grateful that he was doing all the lifting.

She gave a small squeal as he threw her down on the mattress and she bounced a little on the cushion. Sasa smiled up at him standing at the foot of the bed and reached out her hand for Kylo. Though Darkness had flooded their senses, that little smile made Kylo's own lips raise not in a arrogant smirk but a genuine smile. He wasn't exactly the kind of man whose looks turned heads like Poe Dameron or Lando Calrissian, so to have a girl as beautiful (inside and out) as Sassa Anwir want him genuinely touched Ben Solo.

…He was also a little bit excited because he had just learned that Sasa's birth surname was Anwir. Wiln had told both of them as a bit of a sorry for not giving you a head's up that Tara, Cern, and I were coming to Nixrye and asking them more clarifying questions before setting out apology gift. As the caretaker of the Chosen, Wiln had exclusive access over the backgrounds of the girls, and almost full (Snoke had the right to veto) control over who was allowed to learn that information.

Kylo did find it weird that Wiln advised them to not look into Force Sensitives with the name, but didn't care to push it in that moment. Wiln refused to allow Kylo to know anything about the girls without them telling him in the first place – something about building honest relationships – so it wasn't out of the norm for Wiln to call it off limits.

The ego boost thrilling him, Kylo grabbed the hand she proffered and placed a kiss on the back of it. Their eyes met – deep brown losing its place in forest green – and mutual thought ran through them. Kylo released her hand, and he and Sasa pulled their shirts over their heads, tossing them aside without a thought.

He crawled over her, quite nimbly for his hulking build, much like a nexu stud performing the initial courtship steps for his chosen mate. Kylo bit her neck and she gave a great moan.

"Rake your nails down my back," his breath was hot and husky in her ear. "Make it bleed. Make it hurt."

"Yes, Master," she panted, earning a bite to her ear with earned him a clawing down the back.

"You were so hot back there," Kylo's hand found the zipper at the side of her skirt. "Making Berd scream and writhe in agony. Standing up to all of them and showing that what you're worth; what I see when I look at you."

"And what do you see?"

"My partner. My mate. The mother of my child. The daughter of a great dynasty. A Master of the Darkness. My own soul reflected in your eyes both martyr and monster. My… Empress of Darkness."

"Empress," Sasa laughed. "You speak blasphemy. To go against the Supreme Leader-"

"My Empress," Kylo repeated, his words strong and possessive. "You are mine. No one else can have you or take you from me. Not Hux. Not Fyrn. Not Berd."

"And you're mine." Her eyes burned as she laid on the mattress beneath his sturdy body. "With Tara forbidden to share your bed more than once a month, I can say it. You're mine. Only mine."

Something shifted in his stomach, but Kylo pushed it down and kissed her once more. Automatically her hands were buried in his hair and pulling him in again.

When he felt her hands tugging at the waist of his pants, he pulled back to let her unlace him. Kylo couldn't help but smirk as he watched the beautiful young girl so eager to undress him. And the thought that only he had ever touched and tasted this work of art made him all that more ready for their imminent coupling.

Kylo watched Sasa on the bed; her copper hair fanned out like a halo heralding her as the contradictory mess she was. Whether she was a demon who found her way into Heaven or an angel who had fallen into Hell, there was paradoxical about her nature that made Kylo yearn for her all that much more. Perhaps in another life she might have found her way to Rornian and grew up with him in the New Jedi Order, and maybe…

He didn't want to think about that maybe.

No, he was the Master of the Knights of Ren. That was the man that the Chosen named Sassa desired, the figure she craved to seed and root with.

He glanced back at the door where his mask lay abandoned on the floor, having been dropped there before pinning Sasa against the door.

It was that mask that Sassa desired… not the man beneath.

"Master Ren?" her voice was like her eyes, soft and questioning as he had ceased his attention.

Kylo considered his idea, then reached out a hand and summoned his helmet into his grip. Before Sasa could ask what was going on, he grabbed her hips, flipped her over, and dragged her back towards him, forcing her on all fours. He slammed down the mask in front of Sasa so the eyes were staring inches from her face.

"I want you to look at it," Kylo roughly yanked off her skirt and underwear. He causally tossed her bottom wear towards the head of the bed, and they landed next to the helmet. Kylo adjusted her stance a bit and guided her head to stare straight at his mask. "I want you to watch it. Stare into the gaze of the Master of the Knights of Ren and feel its power as that Master takes youand gives you the blessing of a child. I want you to watch it and know that it is Kylo Ren you belong to."

Sasa moaned, "Yes, Master."

Her skin buzzed with excitement as she heard the sounds of shifting and fabric as Kylo worked on stripping the last of his clothing – and considering he was in his full formal Knight of Ren gear, it was a lot. Sasa knelt there ready and excited to once more be claimed like his nexu bitch in heat. Thoughts of the expression on Kylo's face as she had tortured Berd, the sound of the lightsaber severing head from neck, and the soulless metallic gaze of the mask aroused Sasa more than she ever thought such images could.

Then her eyes caught on the undergarments lying in a forgotten pile next to the helmet… and the padding soaked from the blood of a miscarriage.

"You must abstain from sex for at least two weeks, Master Sasa," Max the droid had advised her. "You're in a delicate position. Your cervix is currently dilated, and ergo your uterus is at higher risk of developing an infection. I know Master Benjamin is a very libidinous man, but it could lead to a number of complications up to even barrenness."

Barrenness? Fear flooded Sasa's blood. No. She couldn't risk her reproductive system. Mothering a child was her sole purpose in the First Order. If she became barren, then Snoke would…

She had to stop this.

Sasa gasped as she felt Kylo shift behind her to get into position to get started In a second, she dropped her hips to the mattress, knocking Kylo off course.

He just chuckled and grabbed her hips, "Sasa, come on."

"No, Kylo," Sasa grunted, trying to wriggle free as he attempted to reposition them. "Come on, we can't."

Kylo laughed to himself and jerked her hands forcefully back towards him. Oh he loved when she did the coy pretend fight until the reluctant maiden gave into the pleasure of her Dark powerful Master. His ears were always primed for their safe word of Hux, and until then he was ready to play right along. He hooked an arm underneath one leg and forced her to spread for him.

"No, stop!" Sasa used all of her strength to free her leg, but Kylo was far stronger than her physically. "I'm serious. Stop it. I don't want to."

"Oh, I love it when you struggle," he kissed the back of her neck.

He was met with an elbow smashed into his nose.

"FUCK!" Kylo reeled back, clutching his face. The blow was hard enough that even though his nose wasn't bleeding, it damn well felt like it should be. "What the fuck was that for?"

"I told you to stop."

"Wait, you were serious?"

"Of course, I was serious," she used the Force to grab her clothing from scattered around the room. Sasa shot a glare at him as she began pulling on her undergarments. "Why wouldn't you think I was?"

"Why wouldn't you use the safe word?" Kylo shot. He sat back on his knees and watched Sasa in disbelief. "You were all eager and consensual two seconds ago, and then suddenly I get an elbow in the face? When you do the whole fake struggle and 'I don't want it' sex play as often as we do, you have to make it incredibly clear when you actually don't want to."

"Oh, so this is my fault that you weren't listening? Why is it so hard for you to understand that no means no?"

"Because I don't understand why!"

Sasa's jaw dropped, "Excuse me? I don't need a reason to withdraw consent. I have to right to choose when I will and will not fuck you."

"And I have to right to know you've suddenly cut things off after you work me up," Kylo snapped. "No, I'm not going to hold you down and force you, but I deserve to know why you're going to leave me blue."

"Why?" Sasa scoffed. She thought it not a good idea to mention she even had the potential of becoming barren in any way, or it might get back to Snoke who would order her pushed out of an airlock rather than risk it. "What part of miscarriage do you not understand? This is like the third time we've had this conversation. I promise you, I will fuck you on the fifteenth day, but for now just let me heal."

Kylo heaved a deep breath, and looking quite guilty, he lowered his head.

"Alright. I'm sorry. I was just frustrated emotionally and sexually." He made a small gesture to signal to her that he wanted to hold her.

Sasa hesitated for a moment, then allowed herself to crawl into his arms. By that time, she had been fully dressed, though Kylo was shirtless and his pants had been pulled back on. Her clothed back pressed against his bare chest, and she smiled as he wrapped those tree trunks he called his arms around her body.

"Well, the emotional part is nothing new," Sasa teased, feeling calmer in his arms. She wasn't relaxed – she wasn't even sure if she knew the emotion of relaxation beyond the concept – but she did feel safe and respected. Still, as they spoke of emotions, her mind couldn't help but go back to little Nix who would never be born. "This is just going to be very hard to get through."

"I know, but it doesn't have to be."

"Oh?"

"Of course. There are many ways we can deal with this frustration. I've got a few ideas, but it's whatever you want to do."

"That's wonderful to hear," she gave a breath of relief. Living her sheltered life, the only time she had to deal with something as tragic as this was her chemical miscarriage, and that was far different than someone intentionally murdering her unborn child. Sasa could breathe easier knowing that Kylo would take care of them through the death of their child. "Honestly, I don't really have any ideas on what to do. How about you choose?"

"Alright," Kylo gave a dark chuckle. "I'm rather partial when you use your mouth."

Sasa's face crumpled in confusion, "Mouth? What do you mean use my-"

And then her jaw dropped.

"Are you asking me to give you a blowjob?"

"Well, I mean if you don't want to do that, there are other options. Hands, thighs, breasts-"

She slapped him and uttered an alien swear word that is far too vulgar for me to translate in good conscience.

"Are you kidding me?" she cried out as he once more clutched his face. "I'm sitting here, trying to open up to you about not knowing how to cope with the death of our unborn infant, and all you can think about is getting off?"

Ok, now Kylo was just getting pissed. Sasa had been all willing and eager to get down to business and let him work out all his frustrations with the world inside of her. Then she'd attacked him and lectured him about consent, damn near accusing him of trying to rape her when she herself chose not to use the safe word and signal withdrawal of consent. And now he got slapped when he couldn't follow the hairpin turns of their conversation when she apparently was now talking about her miscarriage and not how they were going to deal with working him up and getting him back down.

So it was that pissed off, impulsive state of mind that led to him blurting it out.

"Well, if you're not going to take care of it, how am I going to get off?"

He was genuinely surprised she didn't slam him face first into the bedpost.

But even more terrifying was that look in her eyes: the cold, broken, angry look she had given Berd before pumping more electricity into him than required for the shield generators on Starkiller Base.

"You know what?" She rose to her feet and smoothed down her skirt. "Go fuck someone else for all I care. I'm going to go back to my room and start piecing together Fyrn's wardrobe. I highly recommend for your own safety that you don't approach me until I request it."

Kylo clenched his jaw, brown eyes stormy as he glared up at Sasa.

"Sasa," he warned. "I would be very careful-"

"Good night, Master Kylo," she said sharply. "Have fun taking care of your little friend. Clearly you care more about it than me."

And she walked out the door.

The second it slid shut, Kylo grabbed his helmet and whipped it hard at the closed door. Not caring about the damage, he dropped back on the bed with a thud and stared up at the ceiling. His emotions were a mess; regret, guilt, and the urge to chase after her and apologize. But even stronger was the anger and resentment.

"There's no room in the Knights of Ren for a woman who denies you like that," Snoke warned. "Sasa may believe herself destined as the mother of your living heir, but has yet to prove it. She should not behave as such when there is an open position on the roster."

Snoke was right; Sasa had denied Kylo pleasure before, but this was different. This was a power move, and the actions of a woman who forgot her place. Yes, she was the one he wanted, but she had disregarded how precarious her position was. He was the Master of Ren. He was in charge. He was the one who got to choose the mother of his child.

And maybe it was time for a reminder.

Go fuck someone else for all I care.

Well, if she wouldn't give it to him, then he'd find it somewhere else. Yes, it was her he wanted in the moment – especially in that moment he wanted to grab her by the neck and fuck her so hard until she was screaming his name in pleasure and remembered her rightful place in this all – but that didn't mean he was out of options.

So he pulled on his clothing and helmet, and stalked out the door, ready to do exactly as she asked.

After all, if one girl didn't want him, he had a lineup of replacements a mile long.

He didn't notice Alyla Kene standing by the altar – having just appeared to finally touch base with Ben – watch him stalk out the door, bent on using some random girl sexually in order to hurt the one he loved.

And Alyla sighed.

Mya Shan was a new enough recruit to not know better when an oddly unmasked Kylo Ren asked to speak with her privately in the hallway. Still, she knew something was a little off when he willingly spoke to her with his mask off and appeared to try to… flirt with her?

Truth be told, he wasn't very good at it, but you don't really get to tell Kylo Ren, second-in-command of the First Order that you're just not into him.

Mya was a bit younger than Kylo's taste, clocking in at just barely eighteen. As in, he probably reasonably could have brought her a piece of birthday cake and it wouldn't be weird timing. He generally like to stay in the range of his own twenty-eight years of age (another mark against twenty-one-year-old Sasa in that moment) but he had to take what he could in that moment.

She was fairly tall for a woman, though by no means near of a height with Phasma. She had straight black hair pulled back into a tight bun, high cheekbones, and her fawn skin tone suggested she probably came from the same Star System as Obik Kenu. Mya was pretty enough, but he often found that any woman would pale in comparison to Sasa.

Kylo's mind kept going back to Sasa. It hadn't been long after he stormed out of his room that he realized what an idiotic plan this was. Why was he trying to hurt her? What was it he felt for Sasa truly if he was going to turn around and be with another woman just to hurt her? The literal mother of his child. Why? Because she had threatened his power?

"All those who gain power are afraid to lose it," a voice spoke to him. It sounded like Snoke on the surface but there was an undercurrent of a different vocal. It was one he had heard before but couldn't put his finger on. "And there are many forms of power, all with different ways to lose it. Love is just as strong a power as political authority."

The thought drew him back to Sasa. Sasa who had loved him, defied him, betrayed him, supported him, and thrown his world out of course from the moment she first walked into his life. A woman for whom he had developed such strong feelings, Kylo had let Poe Dameron walk away unharmed simply because she asked it.

And here he was trying to hurt her.

"You see, Solo," Tara's voice echoed in his memory, "once the girls hit their breaking point and stop putting up with your shit, then you lose interest in her."

No, he wasn't the one pushing Sasa away. Sasa was the one who didn't want him around. She didn't want him in her bed. She didn't want to make love to him. She didn't want to hurt the Resistance soldiers.

She didn't want to do her job.

Then his heart fell.

Was being with him nothing more than a job to her? A job she may no longer want?

"When I tell you that I love you… I do mean it. I want to be with you, have a family with you. Not because I was trained to, but because I choose you."

Kylo sighed. He knew what he had to do.

"Officer Shan, could you go find Captain Electra?" Kylo said. He couldn't help but notice that the girl looked very happy to have an excuse to go away. "I believe she was requesting someone show her niece to her quarters."

"Yes, Sir," Mya bowed her head. She turned and walked away at far too brisk a pace for it to not be making a break for it.

Kylo rubbed his face, "What am I doing?"

He had to calm down; find a way to release this excess anger and rage. His child was dead, Sasa had rejected him, Phasma was pissed about FN-2187, Tara was alive, his Knights had betrayed him, Snoke was disappointed, Alyla would be furious when she heard about Marks, he had to see his fucking father, and his mother was about to hear about the worst thing he had ever done.

"Hatred is a powerful tool," Snoke guided. "Harness it. Use it. Let your soul feed on its strength."

That was when he spotted Tara cross from a connecting corridor and headed in the direction of – if he knew her habits correctly – her private training room.

"Sasa… I'm not going to let Tara win. I promise you that. We will see justice."

"I trust you."

Kylo's eyes narrowed. Tara was the cause of all this suffering… and because of Snoke, he wasn't allowed to kill her.

"Don't let me down."

He clenched his fist and thought of the pain Tara had inflicted upon Sasa. No, he wouldn't let Sasa down anymore than he already had. He wouldn't fail her on this.

Yes, Snoke said Kylo couldn't kill Tara… but he never said he couldn't hurt her.

To make a bad day worse, Hux was waiting at the door when Sasa returned to her quarters.

"What do you want, Hux?" she snapped, having no patience whatsoever to deal with his bullshit today.

There was something wrong about his demeanor. He was a little too proud, a little too formal, a little too familiar as if he had the same status of friendship and thus would be as welcome at her door as Fyrn.

For once in their relationship, Hux knew not to push her, "I came to deliver the urn."

Sasa frowned, "Urn?"

"For… you know, Nix," he shifted awkwardly. His head was slightly lowered and his tone quite respectful. "I delivered it into the nursery."

She opened her mouth.

"I know," he held up a head. "You probably are about to yell at me for being your quarters in general, much less without your permission, but I actually came here with Wiln. He had to leave to start reviewing the files of the Blessed and the Chosen, but I had a feeling you would probably need someone by your side when you saw it. Even if it was someone you so clearly dislike as me. Consider it a kindness for the ways I have wronged you."

Sasa stared at him for a long time.

"You knew about it, didn't you?" she asked.

"Yes," was the simple answer.

Silence filled the hall as they just stood there staring at each other. There was something in his brown eyes that Sasa hadn't seen before: perhaps regret?

"I know what it's like to lose someone you care about. My mother passed not too long ago, and my heart still hurts for her," Hux said. He took a deep breath. "Sasa, I'm sorry. I didn't want this to happen. I didn't want you to get hurt. It's why I told Kylo about this mission, knowing he would insist on coming with you and protect you."

"You betrayed Tara and Cern?"

"In the safest way I could," Hux nodded. "Kylo wasn't even supposed to know about the Nixrye mission at all, going off to follow some lead on Luke Skywalker, but he chose you."

"There's a lead on Luke Skywalker?"

"Just some one armed drunk in a bar on Takodana telling a story about Luke Skywalker on Jakku that makes no sense. We've dealt with the man before, and while he's given a mixed bag of poor and magnificent results, he's not a reliable source of information."

"Is that why Kylo picked to go with me instead?" Sasa asked.

Hux just looked at her, "We both know why he chose you over Skywalker."

Sasa just stared at Hux, feeling numb. Nothing. She didn't know what to feel. Hux seemed genuine in the moment, but there was always an agenda with him. He had to be the best, the favorite, the most important.

The worst part was after the hell Sasa had been through that day and the callousness of Kylo's selfishness, she actually was preferring the presence of Hux over Kylo for once.

Hux hesitated, "Would you… would you like company as you view the urn?"

Sasa sighed, "I think I'm going to not look at it for a little while. Just de-stress by assembling Fyrn's wardrobe."

He scratched his neck, eyes raising to the ceiling as he made a loud throat clearing noise.

She sighed, "The Supreme Leader has commanded I look at it, has he?"

"For ten minutes to contemplate all that you have achieved… and where you have failed."

Sasa closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

And then she said words she never thought she'd say.

"You know what? …I could use your company, General Hux."

He smiled and offered her his arm. Sasa managed to find the hint of a grateful grin, took his arm, and allowed him to escort her in.

Kylo found Tara in her private training room, sparring with four Blessed. They were Juno, Aeon, Demi, and Tenc. All but Aeon had longer proper names, but in anticipation of becoming a Knight of Ren, the more serious Blessed would change their names to four letters as a signal of their desire to join the Knighthood.

Indeed, those four were high on the list of contenders, which was why Kylo knew them by name. In fact, Kylo and Wiln had actually seriously considered Demi the last time a spot opened, but at that time Kylo had been falling hard for Sasa and didn't want to have to throw another girl into the mix, and thus picked Doxl instead.

In hindsight, maybe Demi would have been a better decision. Of course, now the last thing Kylo wanted was another female Knight of Ren, but he had a feeling he had already played his hand in picking FN-2187.

It was because the four were top contenders that they were sparring with Tara. The Blessed had their duties, but they tended to spend a lot of time with the Knights of Ren as to make themselves be top of mind when a spot opened. In addition, every time a spot on the Knights wasn't immediately filled, there would be a grand melee of saber skills for the Blessed to show off their talents and try to win a spot. Such an event was actually how Berd had been picked, and combined with a recommendation from Wiln, the man had won his spot fairly.

Kylo got nervous at the thought of the upcoming melee. All of the Knights of Ren were instructed to observe, and the thought of Sasa and Tara forced to be civil in front of an audience – while armed with lightsabers no less – didn't sound like it was going to end well. Combine that with the fact that it was the first time the Chosen would take part, and thus Sasa would be forced to face the threat to her position… well, Kylo was already certain someone would end up electrocuted.

Hopefully not him.

His eyes narrowed as he watched Tara battle the quartet effortlessly. He smirked as he imagined Sasa coursing that unnatural voltage from her fingertips into Tara's writhing body. It would delight he and Sasa so much to make it a reality.

Sasa, who his body still ached for.

Kylo loudly cleared his throat.

Five heads turned as one, and a smug grin spread over Tara's face.

"Leave us," Kylo commanded.

The four Blessed looked among themselves confused and uncertain. They had all been informed of the moratorium on Tara's execution, and they weren't sure if leaving Kylo alone with Tara armed was a good idea.

"Should we stay?" Tenc whispered.

Demi shrugged, "Worse thing that happens, two spots end up free on the Knights of Ren."

"Three if the Supreme Leader punishes Master Kylo," Juno muttered.

Kylo's eyes darkened.

"NOW!" he snapped.

They didn't need to be asked a third time. They all headed to the main training room to return the practice sabers as after one too many incidents Tara wasn't allowed to keep extras in her personal training room. The quartet scurried towards the door, muttering gratitudes for the training to Tara and apologies for the disobedience to Kylo. Only Aeon was stupid enough to stop and try to engage Kylo in conversation.

"You know, Master Kylo," he said fawningly, "you are such an amazing warrior that I've always looked up to. It would be an honour to someday achieve the title of Ren. Perhaps if you don't have any plans, maybe we could have supper-"

Kylo's head snapped to the side, "I don't care!"

Aeon went white as a sheet, realizing what he had done. Meekly he opened his mouth a few times to find words, but embarrassment had robbed him of his vocabulary. He was quite thankful when Demi grabbed him by the arm, muttered an apology to Kylo, and dragged Aeon from the room.

That left Kylo and Tara just staring at each other; burning hatred meeting cold mirth.

"I told you I'd get out of it," Tara casually swung her lightsaber around in a mocking show.

He ignited his lightsaber, and with a great roar, charged at Tara. She knew it was coming and easily blocked the blade.

They clashed and slashed, Tara fending off blow after blow without even breaking a sweat. In the Force she could sense his anger and hatred, fuelling his attacks furiously. However, she also felt the obedience to Snoke and knew that Kylo wouldn't kill her.

Their lightsabers locked together, the all too familiar sounds of electrical crackling and sizzling filling the room as both tried to overpower the other by muscling forward. True, Kylo was a hulk of a man, but Tara was no porcelain Dandoran doll.

"What's your play here?" Tara asked. "You know you can't hurt me."

"Just because I can't kill you doesn't mean I can't maim you." He growled, spun away and swung at her from the side.

Tara's blade caught his effortlessly. Before he could react, she thrust a knee into his exposed stomach, causing him to crumble.

"No, I mean that I'm better at saber than you," Tara paced back and forth as Kylo knelt on the ground trying to catch his breath. While Kylo may have been trained by Luke Skywalker, Tara had been taught fighting by Darth Maul's protégé. "True, you would be better than me if you didn't always try to be theatrical. But no. You just love your fucking flips and spins. I know you're a Skywalker male, but are you actually actively trying to get your hand cut off?"

He lashed out with the Force, sweeping her off her feet with an invisible hand and sending her back to smack against the hard ground. Before she could get up, Kylo was on his feet and he stepped on her wrist. She cried out, desperately trying to keep her grip on her saber but the pain won out and her fingers reflexively released it. Kylo summoned it to his hand, turned it off, and flung it out the still open door.

Out of nowhere, the rack of kettlebells smashed into Kylo's knees, flinging him to the ground next to Tara. She pounced on him, trying to wrestle his saber from him. He shoved his hand in her face, pushing her back hard to get off him and to obscure her vision.

Suddenly she ducked her head, and the sudden loss of counterforce lurched him forward. He screamed as Tara bit the hand holding his saber. It was a dirty move – and one that nearly blinded her with how close her face had to get to the electrified blade – but an effective one. Kylo released his saber, and Tara mirrored his actions, grabbing it and throwing it out the door.

Outside, General Pryde – who had been minding his own business as he strolled down the corridor – had to jump back when out of nowhere a lightsaber came hurtling out of a doorway and nearly took off his head. He saw the cross-guard blade land atop a rather opulently decorated lightsaber hilt made of metallic red material.

Pryde just shook his head, stepped over the lightsabers, and continued down the hall, muttering to himself about ridiculous Knights of Ren.

Back inside, Kylo ran toward the door, but Tara jumped on his back and locked her forearm tightly around his throat. Kylo gave a loud choke, and the combination of the choke and sudden weight of Tara knocked them both back to the ground with a thud.

Tara leapt up to run out the door, but Kylo grabbed her ankle and dragged her back. With the Force he activated the door lock, barring both of them from their sabers.

Letting out a fierce growl, Tara kicked him in the face. He cried out in pain and grabbed his face. Once more he wondered why Snoke let her walk around with cleated shoes.

Tara rolled over onto her back and reached out with the Force to bring more workout equipment to her as a weapon. Kylo knew the move and had to stop it. So he leapt his feet and grabbed her by her barely shoulder-length black hair. She screamed as he forced her up, hair follicles straining in pain at the root to hold on as they were threatened to be torn out by the literal handful.

He wanted her to look him in the eye, so he kept pulling her higher and higher. He was over half a foot taller than her, so Tara had to raise on her tiptoes just to maintain contact with the ground.

"You," he growled. His brown eyes were a furious storm, and for a moment, Tara could have sworn they flickered yellow. "You murdered my child."

But there was a similar hurricane raging in Tara's eyes.

"We've had this conversation before," Tara seethed. "I will not have it again."

She turned his head and bit his bicep. He yelped and involuntarily dropped her to the ground. She landed on her feet, but rolled her ankle in the process. It was a moment of weakness Kylo exploited, and he locked his arm around her neck. He yanked back and slammed her body back against his front, controlling her with the headlock.

"What is it with you and biting today?" Kylo struggled against her attempts to break free.

"What can I say? You leave a girl's bed cold long enough and you start to get lonely." Tara wiggled and squirmed, making small jerks to find a weak point to use as an escape. She heard Kylo's sharp breath as her body brushed against him in a particular spot that notified her of his desire. Tara's eyebrow raised. She could use this. "After all, unlike Sasa, I don't take anyone else into my bed."

His arm tightened around her neck, "Sasa has never been unfaithful."

"Unfaithful? Can you even consider that a component of your relationship when one half is running all over the place giving in to every set of legs that'll spread for him?"

"Shut up!" he growled. "It's not like that!"

"Isn't it? Two weeks is a long time to go without a release. Are you really telling me that you're going to abstain because Sasa can't have sex?"

Kylo was silent, but Tara smiled when his arm slackened a bit from her throat.

"Don't tell me you're not going to push your luck," Tara was even more aware of the way he body was pressing against her. True, he had her in a chokehold, but when she rolled her pelvis back, his hips surged forward instinctually. His mind hated her, but his body knew how it had been trained to interreact with her flesh. "Admit it. You're not going to wait the full fourteen days. You're going to try and pressure her into taking you sooner."

And with that enduring silence, the light flicked on.

"Or maybe… You've already tried," Tara smirked. Her hand reached back and drifted down his body. "That's why you're here and not with her… because she said no."

"I'm here to punish you," he snarled, trying so hard not to revel in the well-practiced motions of pleasure her hands caressed his body with. Hands that had touched him both gently and roughly, tempting and teaching. Every touch he had had with Sasa had only been a sequel to the symphony of lust Tara had played on his body for ten years.

Oh, how badly did he want Sasa's hands on his body.

"I'm sure you're here to punish," Tara leaned her head back against his throat, her hair stroking his electrified skin. So much lust was pent up inside of him that one brush against his neck sent him trembling. "But I don't think it's me you want to punish."

"Yes, I do," his voice was barely as he struggled for control. Her hand was on his thigh stroking up and down. "You betrayed me. I want to hurt. Make you scream. Make you cry. Make you hurt."

Her eyelashes fluttered heavily as his eyes met hers. Tara's eyes were so dark, her grey irises had nearly turned black.

"Then hurt me," she whispered.

Tara crushed her mouth to his, her mouth taking him in desperately, years they had danced this dance, Tara training him to deal with anger in two ways: fighting and fucking. And she knew exactly how to steer him towards the latter.

But suddenly Kylo grabbed her by the throat and pinned her to the wall. His eyes burned into hers as they stood there staring at each other, him in unrivaled anger, and Tara in unprecedented shock.

For a moment, Tara thought she had lost. Kylo stood there, panting as he choked her against the wall; lust and hatred burning in his blood.

And then his lips were on hers, and Tara knew she had won.

Ten years was a bond just too strong.

Hux and Sasa just stood there in silence, staring at the urn sitting in her future baby's crib as the time slowly ticked by. As Sasa stared at the vessel holding what would have been her baby, her mind was blank of all thought except that the Supreme Leader really went a bit too heavy on the irony sometimes. Her glazed eyes didn't move from the urn until she heard the beep of the timer from Hux's wrist communicator.

"Time's up," Hux said quietly. He had had the presence of mind to not say anything, just stand at her side for the full ten minutes and let Sasa mourn. "Do you want to continue?"

Sasa wiped a tear from her eye, "No. Let's get out of here."

He nodded and gestured for her to go forward. She gave him a grateful smile and returned to her main chambers, feeling relieved when Hux closed the door to the nursery.

"Thank you," she whispered.

He shook his head, "Think nothing of it."

"No, really. Thank you," Sasa managed a smile. "I needed someone here with me for that, and Kylo…"

For once, Hux was smart enough not to push it, though that might have just been he didn't want to deal with a crying woman.

"How are you?" Hux asked.

She gave a bitter laugh, "How do you think I am?"

"I meant physically. Do you need anything? You do have that," Hux touched his cheek, "you know."

Sasa frowned and reached up to the spot he mimed. It was the spot where her lightning had rebounded off Berd's shackle and hit her. The spot was small, but the skin was wrinkled and hard like plaster.

"Oh," she scowled. "I didn't know."

"Come," Hux offered his hand. "Let's see if there's something that can be done."

Kylo panted as he laid atop Tara, clothing tossed carelessly around the room, desire satiated as Tara stared up at the ceiling, chest heaving heavily.

In the moment, Kylo grinned having won. He had defeated her, dominated her, slammed her against the wall (and later the floor) rutting her so hard she had screamed his name until her throat was raw. And now there Tara was, underneath him, helpless and submissive as he basked in his glory.

And then she started to laugh.

Kylo frowned and open his mouth to speak, but she beat him to the punch.

"You dumbass," Tara chuckled. "I can't believe you actually did that. Fuck, what was the point to Nixrye if I could pull off something like this so easily? That was too easy to win."

"Win?" he snapped, sitting up. "I won. I dominated you. I bit you. Choked you. Put you in your place. Made you scream my name underneath me. Fucked you until you bled. I won that round."

Tara just smiled and grabbed her tunic, "You're right. You did… Now why didn't you go tell Sasa about your victory?"

The blood drained from Kylo's face as reality hit him like the ice cold waves of Kamino.

Her laughter turned raucous, and Tara shoved Kylo off of her. He didn't scramble for his clothing as Tara assumed he would. He just laid out on the floor of the training, sprawled and naked as horror and guilt flooded his every sense.

Sasa was in her room miscarrying Kylo's baby, and he had just fucked their baby's murderer. If he had a weaker stomach, he would have thrown up.

Tara just watched the silent Kylo as he processed the magnitude of his sins. Her laughter rang through the room as she leisurely redressed and enjoyed the sight.

"You know, I knew I'd be able to talk my way into a few things today, but this?" Tara shook her head, "This is a masterpiece. I think the only way this day could turn out better is if I got pregnant from this."

Kylo's eyes widened. Pregnant? Oh God, no. No, please do not let it be true. Don't let him have impregnated Tara. Not here. Not now. Not like this.

"No," he whispered. "My God, what have I done?"

Fully dressed, Tara knelt before him and grabbed his face by the chin.

"I warned you," she said coldly. "It's always the same five steps. You'll never be free."

She pulled him roughly forward and kissed his lips. Kylo did not kiss back, but his dumbfounded horror left him without the fight to pull back. All he could do was watch her stand, smooth down her outfit, and leave the room.

Then he dropped his head into his hands and struggled not to cry.

"Even when we fight, this is how it always ends. Usually we go scream and each other and kick each other's ass in my private training room… but it always ends with your lips on mine, facing it the only way you know how to: fighting and fucking. And when you screw me on the floor of my training after every fight we have – never actually resolving any problems – you do both and avoid facing the truth. I am your second-in-command, Kylo. And you… you're living a life that is the same five steps over and over again."

Tara was right. He was stuck in an unending cycle with no way out.

"For as much as you claim to want her and only her, you'll never be faithful."

It would destroy Sasa when she found out.

But did she have to find out? Maybe he could hide-

No.

No, he couldn't hide this from her. Yes, it would hurt, but she had to know. Besides, if he didn't tell her, Tara certainly would. At least then he could control-

Control? What control? He had no control. No free will. He was stuck in those same five steps with no hope of escape.

Except maybe…

"Does she know?"

"Know what?"

"About all the threesomes we have?"

"Yes, she knows about those."

"I'd bet not the exact number."

And there is was; the answer on how to escape the cycle. He couldn't ignore it, keep Sasa in the dark and pretend it didn't happen. Kylo had to tell her the truth, not just about Tara, but about everything. All the secrets. All the lies. Everything he held back, he needed to tell her or else be forever trapped in his own toxic habits.

He needed to do this for her… But even more so, he needed to do this for himself. He didn't want to be that scared little boy who begged Alyla not to die because he made a mistake. The path before him wasn't easy, but it was necessary to escape the shadows that had followed him since the day he forced his way into Felicity Rhiaon's mind. It was a necessary path, but a tragic one.

Because the only way to break free was to break Sasa's heart.

Thankfully for Sasa, Kylo had loaned her Max to take care of her throughout the recovery of her miscarriage. Slumped over in sleep mode, he was perched on a small table with a drawer, while a bag of medical supplies was stashed under the table. True, her medicine and sink cabinets were stored with medical supplies, but Kylo ensured Sasa had extras of the things she needed for this highly specific condition.

Of course, when Hux asked Sasa what was in the cabinet Max sat on, she waved him off with the answer of fertility testing and menstrual supplies. He didn't need to know about the vibro-blade she kept in it. Ever since Tara and Cern had painted a target on her back, Sasa was always in reach of a weapon. Considering the desperate measures Tara had gone to on Nixrye, Sasa would not put it past Tara to send an assassin to attack Sasa in the bathtub.

Unfortunately, Max explained to Sasa that when Force Lightning conjured by someone hit said conjuror, it would leave a mark. It was unfixable – hence why Palpatine walked around the way he did for 23 years after the attack on Mace Windu – but there was a cream she could use to help it become a little less notable.

"At least no one will forget what I did," Sasa said as Max went back into sleep mode on the table.

"A fearsome mark is not a terrible thing to have around these parts," Hux painted the cream onto her aberration. "Tell me, why is it that you don't have a mirror in here?"

Sasa shrugged, "I needed one place I could hide where I didn't have to worry about my looks."

"Image is everything. Why do you think I take so much care in my own appearance?"

"You do a good job. You look immaculate every single day," Sasa herself was surprised how genuine her words were. "Although to be honest you could probably ease up on the hair gel, but the cut of your sideburns are very good for your facial structure. They frame your cheekbones in the perfect way."

Hux laughed, "You're too kind. I'll consider reducing the hair gel. Though I don't know why anyone would put in an effort when they know they'll have to stand next to you. You've got that sort of inner beauty that just makes the already gorgeous outside shine that much brighter."

Sasa didn't know why she smiled.

"There," he lowered his hand from her cheek. That oh so soft cheek. "All done."

"Thank you," Sasa's eyes drifted away contemplatively once more.

He sighed and set down the cream, watching as she no doubt thought of her dead Nix.

"You know, it's actually nice to see you so emotionally affected by the loss." Her sharp look made Hux quickly rephrase, "I mean, it's nice to see you care so much. There are many, many families I've seen out there where the parents weren't affectionate to their children. To be grieved is to demonstrate humanity."

"Humanity?" Sasa bitterly laughed. "I nearly electrocuted a man to death and you call me human?"

"You're not a monster," Hux's words were sincere. "I've met monsters. Monsters like Kylo Ren and Alecta Anthea. You're not one of them. You are meant for great things… things he holds you back from."

"Don't."

"Sorry," he bowed his head. "It'll happen again. You'll have another child. I promise."

"Thanks," the smile returned to her lips. Sasa paused to consider her next words, "Hux… do you think I'll be a good mother?"

"Of course. I've never seen someone so devoted to parenthood. How could you not be? Why do you ask?"

She hesitated, "Sometimes I get… flashes."

"Flashes?"

"Memories." She bit her lip, "I don't think my parents were good ones. Strong in the Force, yes, but… maybe not good people. Sometimes I get visions of myself crying or my cheek stings or the air smells like rancid fruit with a sharp kick to it. I can't put my finger on the smell, but it's something I know, and it's not good… But it doesn't make sense. I was a baby when I was taken in by the First Order. A treasured one from a great lineage. Why would they mishandle such an…"

"Asset?"

She winced.

Hux sighed, understanding that hurt, "Lineage has nothing to do with the quality of a parent. I come from a great lineage and yet, my father…"

He let the words dance on the edge of silence.

"What did he do to you?" Sasa dared to ask.

Hux took a deep breath, "He… was not shy about punishment, and quite diligent at doling it out. If I upset him at all, off went my shirt, off went his belt, and I'd count out five lashes."

"He belted you?"

"Still have the scars."

"…Can I see?"

It was hard to tell who looked more surprised at the request, Hux at hearing at or Sasa at realizing she made it. But she didn't take it back, and so Hux nodded and slowly unbuttoned his uniform.

She sucked in a breath as he turned around and his tunic hit the floor. The pallid skin of his back was riddled with long, straight red marks about two inches wide. Sasa lifted a hand, and then hesitated.

"It's okay," Hux couldn't see what she was doing, but knew nonetheless.

Cautiously she reached out and stroked one of the long scars.

Hux shuttered.

"I'm sorry this happened to you," Sasa whispered.

"Rarely a week went by without the sting of my father's belt. It was never enough. I was never enough. I sought perfection and my father saw nothing but the chips and cracks." Hux gritted his teeth, "And yet Ben Solo tries to tell me he had a terrible father. A terrible family. He doesn't know true pain. The shame of carrying the title of bastard, the ice cold hatred of a stepmother who thought me a roach if given the chance she would crush under her heel, and to go through life watching your mother be called whore because a superior officer intimidated a kitchen worker into perverse compliance. Brendol Hux abused his position of power to force an innocent woman into sexual favors, and she gets branded with the title of slut. It's absolutely despic-"

"Then why do it to me?"

Hux blinked.

The weight of the words huge heavily in the air like a thick fog had rolled into and settled thickly in their lungs. But Sasa just stared at Hux's surprised and nervous expression, waiting calmly for an answer.

He had none to give.

Sasa pushed back a strand of hair and looked down, "I guess in a place such as this it's all you ever learn."

"I'm sorry if I've hurt-"

"If?"

Hux sighed, "That I've hurt you. It just… I suppose there's no point to an excuse."

Sasa shifted her weight. Deep in the pit of stomach, a small monster resided. It was not fueled by the Dark Side but rather shame and anxiety. It twisted and gnawed at her stomach when faced with the stark reality of her position. Bleak moments such as this one.

"I know I'm chattel," she said. "Valuable, but chattel nonetheless. My sole purpose is to mother the Skywalker Heir. And yet I'm surrounded by people who shame and deride me for it. You're building essentially Death Star III with the intention to hurt billions of people, and do you see me calling you a monster?"

"I suppose not."

Sasa fidgeted with the bracelet on her wrist. Three black cords woven together that had apparently once held a kyber crystal but now bore three bone beads each carved with a Tatooine symbol that meant either luck, light, or life. It had been a present from Kylo that he claimed was something very special to him but he wouldn't elaborate on why.

"Hux, you've seen a few of these selections." Sasa asked, "How long does it usually take to pick a new Knight of Ren?"

"Not very long." He let out a breath as his eyes flicked towards the roof and he took a moment to think, "A couple weeks at most when they want to make a show of it – which they will do this time. Since today is the fourth of the month, I would say by the end we'll have a new Knight of Ren."

The monster in her gut twisted her stomach, "Great, I have thirty days to give pregnant or Snoke will try to replace me… and I'm out of commission for half of it."

Hux hesitated.

"Well, I'm sure you could find a way to make it happen," he said.

"How?" Sasa shook her head, "Look, I'm not an idiot. It may be blasphemy to say, but I know there's something wrong with Kylo's reproductive system. You don't go ten years trying and failing without there being issues. It was a miracle for me to get pregnant this time. How am I supposed to replicate it in fourteen days? Not to mention I'm really pissed off at him too, and really not in the mood to try."

"You're a clever woman, and there are options you're not considering."

"Like what?"

"Well, it's as you said: you're strong with the Force. Any child you have is certain to be Force Sensitive. It's a simple matter of making that child… and ensuring it looks the part."

Sasa suddenly realized that he was stroking her arm.

"What do you mean look the part?" Sasa frowned, deciding to wait a moment to see where he was going before pushing off his hand. "Of course, my child would look the part. They would be the child of myself and Kylo Ren."

"Right," Hux's hand slid up to her shoulder. "The child would be tall, have pale skin, a strong jaw, either your green eyes or perhaps a shade of brown."

Sasa didn't like the wanting look in Hux's eyes… Hux's brown eyes.

He chuckled and toyed with a lock of her coppery hair, "And of course the child would have red hair. That would be a 100% certainty if you understand my meaning."

She caught his hand, her grip too tight on his wrist.

"I hope for your sake that I am misunderstanding your meaning," her eyes burned at him. With a strength Hux didn't know she had, Sasa threw down his arm off her body nearly sending him to the ground with it.

"Just listen to me," Hux said. "I've seen what happens when the Supreme Leader replaces a female Knight of Ren. Those women get tossed away like garbage down the trash compactor. When Supreme Leader Snoke thought that Felicity Rhiaon – the wife of Luke Skywalker – no longer served a purpose, he had Solo do just that to her. What is he going to do when he decides you are no longer useful? But I can ensure you conceive a child that looks enough like you and Solo-"

She shoved him back, slamming him into the wall and knocking over a stack of towels neatly folded on a shelf in the corner.

"God, I'm such an idiot," Sasa growled. "Here I thought you were genuinely trying to turn over a leaf and comfort me as a friend, when you were just once again trying to manipulate me into sleeping with you."

"Sasa," he pulled himself back to his feet. "Listen to me. It'll be our secret. Once you announce your pregnancy, I won't say a word. I will let you raise it as a Skywalker, letting Ben Solo go around believing the child to be his."

"Until you find the best moment to throw it in his face. All while until then you walk around with a puffed chest and a smirk every time you see our child with Kylo. No. I will not do it. I either have a child with Kylo, or with no one."

"You're being a fool." His jaw tightened, "What other option do you have? Solo will fail you, but I can help you. I can save you!"

"I don't need you to save me! I am the Heir to a great Force Sensitive lineage! Chosen of the Chosen! Future mother of the Skywalker Heir!"

"And without a child you are worthless."

It was like his words had slapped her. She stood there stunned and silent, face pale and eyes wide. Had those words truly been uttered?

"How dare you?" Sasa whispered. "How dare you call me that? Do you have any idea how powerful-"

"God, enough of that party line!" Hux scoffed, shaking his head. As he regarded her, his lips curved like he had bitten a lemon, "You really are as stupid as Tara claims. Well, get this through your head: you have no power. Physically, positionally, and your skills in the Force are subpar at best. Your only asset is your lighting and how fast you get on your back for Solo. You're nothing more than a brood mare who can't get her stud to perform."

He took a strong step forward, forcing Sasa to match him with one back.

"You know what happens to a mating pair who ends up being unfruitful?" Hux growled, "They're put down, just like you're going to be if you don't get pregnant within thirty days. Chosen of the Chosen. Give me a break. Nera was the Chosen of the Chosen, and we know what happened to her."

Sasa bore her nails into her palms, "I'm not Nera."

"No, at least Nera was useful. But you? You're just a stupid little girl who thinks Kylo Ren of all people is going to be her Prince Charming. I bet you want him to turn back to the Light Side and have the two of you run off to join your Resistance friends. Word has it you were quite cozy with the Connix girl. Maybe you'll all work together to find Luke Skywalker and atone for the death of his own bitch and brat. You think because you can conjure Lighting like a Palpatine, that makes you special? Don't pretend you're anything but a foolish, airheaded whore who prides herself on what she does on her knees. The truth is: you are useless."

Words like that usually made her inner door rattle with the Dark Side, but there was something about those particular words that pushed it in another direction. Something from a memory she had long ago tried to forget.

"It's not like we were ever going to get any use out of her," a man sneered. "At least if she goes off to the First Order we all can pretend she's worth something."

Sasa's vision started to cloud with tears, "You can't speak to me like that, Hux."

"Why not?" Hux took another step forward, forcing her back. Sasa's ankle hit the tub, and her heart pounded as she realized he had her pinned. "You see, unlike you I actually hold power and position. And unlike you, I truly am from a great bloodline. And you? Do you have any idea how many children we've bought off terrible parents for less than ten credits?"

"I'm not one of them." Sasa wriggled uncomfortably as he stood too close, towering silently over her. As Hux usually consorted with overly the tall Kylo and Phasma, Sasa had never really noticed how tall Hux was until that moment. "I'm from a grand lineage that-"

"A nameless grand lineage?"

"No, Wiln just told me. I'm from the Anwir family!"

"Anwir?" Hux laughed far too loudly. "That's the name we give Stormtroopers when they require a surname for false documentation. It means Liar. He told you that to stop you from asking questions because he knows you're figuring out the truth."

"And what truth is that?"

"You're nothing!"

She was silent. Her face pale and terrified, though she struggled to stay strong as she tried to will back the tears in her eyes.

"You're worthless," he twisted the knife. "Go ahead, prance about claiming a great heritage and amazing destiny. You're nothing but a whore that we bought for a pittance. And if you don't get pregnant in the next thirty days, you're going to be a dead whore."

He grabbed her waist and roughly pulled Sasa against his body. She tried to push away, but with a surprising amount of strength, he kept her locked tight.

"So let me help you," Hux brought his face so close to hers she felt his breath tickle her lips. "I can help you."

He closed his eyes and leaned in to kiss her.

For a moment she hesitated… but only for a moment. You see, as tempting it was to ensure her place in life and prove to them all that she was worth something, there was an absolute zero chance she was going to have sex with Hux, and much less have his baby. As flawed as their relationship was, Sasa wanted only Kylo Ren to be the father of her child.

But even more importantly, there was absolutely no way in the Nine Corellian Hells she was about to fuck a man who called her a worthless whore.

"Hux," Sasa darted her head away to avoid the kiss. She had no room to escape his hold and she grunted in an obvious way to cue him into her discomfort, "I'm not going to-"

"Shh," he disengaged the kiss but nuzzled along the side of her jaw. Sasa shuddered – not in sensuality – when he pressed his lips tenderly to her neck. "Just remember."

Hux looked up to her burning green eyes and smirked. His arm squeezed her ribs tight, and free hand stroked across her collarbone, fingers trailing slowly down towards her breasts.

Sasa very much regretted how low cut her top was as his fingertips traced over the exposed skin.

"Remember," he leaned in once more for the kiss. "Without a man like Kylo or me to elevate you… you are nothing."

Sasa flung out her hand, and the vibro-blade flew from its drawer into Sasa's grasp. Without a second thought or hesitation, she slashed it across Hux's throat.

He gasped and fell to the ground. His hand gripped his throat automatically to quell the blood. Hux stared up at Sasa in absolute terror as he laid on the floor, rasping and struggling to hold on to life.

"And you're just pathetic," her voice was dead and broken. She tossed the blade back into the drawer – with the slight assistance of the Force – and called out, "Max!"

The droid blinked to life, "Yes, Mistress Sasa?"

She stepped over Hux, picked up his tunic from where he had draped it over the sink, and threw it at his head.

"Clean him up and fix his wound," she ordered. "Then get him out of my sight."

"Y- Yes… Ma'am," Max looked between the pair in confusion, but had been in the possession of Kylo Ren long enough to stop asking questions. The time Master Benjamin tried explaining Ghost Alyla Kene had nearly blew one of his circuits.

The droid was a hovering ball with many needle-like appendages, so he hopped off the table and floated down to Hux.

Sasa simply turned on the sink faucet and began washing her hands and face, not a care for the man bleeding out on the fresher floor. As she dabbed her face dry with a towel, she caught sight of Hux in the mirror and considered.

"Oh, and Max?"

"Yes, Mistress Sasa?"

"Make sure it leaves a scar."

Hux glowered at her in the mirror, and Sasa smiled. She touched her hard bump of Force Lightning damaged skin, then glanced down at the burns on her hand, and at the reflection of Hux with a slashed throat.

Maybe the scar would fit her just fine.

When Max was done, he was quick to bustle Hux from the fresher and out of Sasa's quarters entirely. By then Sasa had left the fresher and was sitting on her bed sketching an outfit for Fyrn. It was almost time for her friend to arrive, and she wanted to be ready for their makeover.

As the droid escorted Hux out, Sasa looked up and made sure he saw her proud smirk.

But he wasn't about to let her have the last word.

"You'll never make it," Hux said, stopping in the doorframe. "Thirty days to fuck your way into a good position, and you're only going to let it happen for fourteen. But by day fourteen, Kylo will have already met the new Chosen and won't even give you a second thought."

"You're wrong," she set the sketchbook aside. "Kylo's an idiot, but he's my idiot and I'm keeping it that way."

Hux chuckled, "That's exactly what Leda said when I warned her."

"Who's Leda?"

"The last woman who was Kylo Ren's true love… or was it Irni? Perhaps Hali? There's been so many I can hardly keep them straight anymore."

Sasa's jaw tightened, "Get out."

Hux chuckled, "Face it, Sasa, if you don't spread your legs for him now, you're going to lose everything you care about… Because you're disposable. You are nothing, you come from nothing, and you will always be nothing."

She threw her sketchbook at him, but the door slid shut just in time for the book to smash against the door.

Sasa struggled to still hold back the tears as she got off the bed and across the room to collect her sketchbook. The attempts failed and she quietly wept to herself as her mind replayed the events of the day. She could nearly murder a man in front of the entire First Order and yet nothing changed. Even worse she let Hux trick her into letting him get half naked in her quarters with her.

But worse yet was the fact he was right. Not about her being worthless and not from a great lineage – what the hell did Hux even know about the Force anyway – but he was right about Kylo. She didn't know who Leda, Hali, or Irni were, but Sasa didn't sense Hux was lying when he spoke of them.

"There's no harm in a little friendly competition."

Snoke's words sent a chill down her spine. Could Kylo so easily set her aside? He had been furious at her when they parted, and in all their time together he never did return the words I love you to her.

Was she just another duty for him to attend to? A job she was about to lose? She couldn't let that happen.

And that's what Hux was right about: it didn't matter if it risked infection and infertility.

She had to get pregnant tonight.

When Sasa commed him and asked to see him in her room, Kylo was certain she had heard about his tryst with Tara. Indeed, he stomped through the hallways with a hung head and looking like he was heading off to the executioner's block. Three techs would be admitted to the medical wing tomorrow with lightsaber wounds when Kylo overheard them sharing with the other officers the sight of him bringing a bouquet of flowers to Sasa's room as an apology.

So Kylo was very confused when he opened the door to Sasa's quarters and she launched herself at him with a kiss.

She yanked him inside – her mouth never leaving his – closed the door, and pushed him up against the wall.

"I'm so sorry," Sasa barely broke the kiss for a moment to talk. One of her hands was gripping a handful of shirt, and the other was pulling his head down desperately against his mouth. "I was being stupid. Just kiss me, Kylo. Let me make it up to you."

He was only too eagerly and wrapped an arm around her waist to pull her tight.

Like a bucket of ice water thrown on his face, Kylo was hit with the realization that he had been doing this exact thing to Tara less than thirty minutes ago.

"Wait, stop," he broke off the kiss. "Stop for a second."

She obeyed, but he couldn't deny the terror in her eyes. Why was she terrified? He was the one who had cheated on a woman who could conjure Force Lighting. That wonderment he had earlier that day about whether or not Sasa would use it on him was about to be answered.

No. Kylo had to remind himself. It wasn't cheating. Yes, Tara may have been the absolute last person in the world who he should have fucked, but it was still has duty to do so.

…Somehow he knew that wasn't a good argument to bring up.

"Thank you." Kylo took a deep breath, readying himself for the fight. He didn't know why she was acting so wanton in the moment and thus had his guard up. "I, uh… I brought you some flowers as an apology."

Sasa smiled and accepted the bouquet with a wide grin. They were morning glories grown among the food for the crew in the ship's greenhouses.

As morning glories, they were indeed a taunt towards the murder of Alyla Kene – sometimes left at scenes of destruction as a calling card for the Resistance – but they only grew pink and purple ones. They had once grown blue ones, but they made the mistake of assigning greenhouse duty to the MK squad when the quartet were thirteen. It had been shortly after Marks read his first Calrissian Chronicle HoloNovel after learning his parentage.

Lando Calrissian and the Death of the Morning Glory to be exact.

Mysteriously all the blue morning glories disappeared, and all the blue seedpods had been destroyed. Any attempts to replant the blue variety would be met with the same "mysterious" disappearance, even after the MK squad had been barred from the greenhouses.

Seeing Marcus Kene's satisfied smirk as Kylo supervised his punishment – two months of sanitation duty on Starkiller Base – had been the first time Kylo wanted to punch the brat.

"They're beautiful," Sasa gratefully accepted the flowers. She made sure to project a happy mood in the Force as she could sense the guilt radiating off him. "Let me put these in some water."

Sasa produced a vase from a cupboard – lot of dignitaries had learned a good way to curry favor with Kylo was to give gifts such as flowers to Sasa, so she had come to keep a vase in her room – and rearranged the pink and purple blooms. As a climbing flower, they didn't make the most shapely bouquet, but Sasa loved them nonetheless.

"Thank you, Kylo," Sasa set them on the table next to her bed. "You didn't have to."

He scratched his neck, "Well, I had to apologize somehow. By no means do I think this makes up for what I did-"

"Shh," Sasa pressed her fingers to his lips. "Let's speak of it no more. Mistakes were made on both sides today. Let's forget everything. Wipe the slate clean."

Kylo stared at her for a very long time.

"Is this a trap?"

Sasa's smile fell, "Kylo!"

"You're serious?" He took a step back for good measure. "You really want to just… pretend this didn't happen?"

She let out a breath, "I'm not going to pretend it didn't hurt me, but we're both to blame. So let's move forward together. Take the wounds and let them strengthen us, build us into a better team."

He stared at her again.

"…Yeah, okay."

Sasa laughed as he pulled her into a passionate kiss.

She revelled in the touch and taste of Kylo, the strong yet gentle way his arms locked around her waist. Sasa sighed as his lips moved from hers to suckle at her jaw. Smiling, she guided his head down her neck to trace the path from it to her collarbone and breasts that Hux had traversed. Oh, they felt so much better, lips and tongue trailing, marking her as his own but with a tenderness Hux had never known.

"I love you," Sasa whispered. She thought of the way she had been so close to letting Hux touch her in the ways only familiar to Kylo, "I'm sorry about today."

"There's nothing to be sorry about." His hot breath brushed against her delicate skin as he brought his head back up to nibble at her earlobe, a hand going to palm her still clothed breast. "I've been no angel today."

"Kylo, please," she panted as his hands made her body ache with pleasure. "I need you so badly."

"But what about the waiting two weeks order?"

"What does Max know?" Sasa nuzzled her face against his. She pushed away the small part of her screaming at her to stop and not risk infection. "Please, Kylo. Make love to me."

It made him pause for a moment – she knew he had fucked Tara and her reaction was to, what, prove she was a better lover? – but libido won out and he picked her up bridal style.

"Dejarik table?" he asked.

She shook her head, "Bed."

"Bed? But I thought you wanted to wait until-"

"I don't want to wait any longer. Kylo, please, make love to me in my bed. Kiss me, and touch me, and give me your child once more. I am yours. Take what is yours."

He laid her down on the bed and kiss her forehead, "Sasa, I lo…"

Ben Solo couldn't bring himself to say those precious words; not after what he had done with Tara.

Sasa smiled and cradled her hand against his cheek, thumb stroking his strong jaw, "What am I worth to you?"

He blinked, "What?"

"To them I'm nothing. But to you?"

"To me… you are the world."

And she pulled him down for one of their most passionate kisses ever. Definitely top five material.

Sasa loved how he groaned and moaned as her touched his body masterfully. He gave a surprised grunt when she rolled him over onto his back.

"You said you preferred my mouth, right?" she gave him a mischievous grin.

Kylo have a delighted growl as she began unlacing his trousers and he roughly pushed her head down towards his hips.

But things didn't quite go according to plan.

"I'm sorry," Kylo said after a while of unsuccessful attempts. He tucked the unresponsive organ back into his pants and laced up. "I just don't think I can do this tonight."

"It's alright." The nervous frown on her face suggested a lie. "Was it something that I did?"

"No, you were incredible as usual," he sat up and kissed her forehead. Kylo loved the smile on her face as she straddled his lap and rested her hands on his biceps. Both parties fully clothed, Sasa did not press the sexuality of the positioning, just enjoyed the intimacy. "I'm just amazed how understanding you can be."

"Well, I did leave you wanting."

"Yeah, but if you pulled something like what I pulled, there was be blood and violence and death and screaming and a slew of things I know I'd regret the next day."

The smile froze on Sasa's face, "…What do you mean?"

Kylo eyed her cautiously, "What do you mean?"

Sasa narrowed her eyes, not dangerously, but fearfully, "Kylo… what did you pull?"

And that was when Kylo realized she didn't know what he had done.

"Sasa, I…" the words died on his lips as he struggled to find the courage to explained. "I don't know how to tell-"

"What did you do?"

Kylo just stared at her terrified expression. He watched the Darkness pooling in the pools of her irises; the cold fury boiling in her blood.

Then she grabbed his face and shoved his back onto the bed. The surprise robbed him of his defense and he couldn't throw up the barriers fast enough to stop her from pushing into his mind.

He had never experienced this end of a mind probe and truth be told it did make him second guess whether he wanted to use it again on others. It hurt. He didn't scream or shout – his mind not actively struggling against the intrusion – but he hated the pressure in his brain. It was like the worst headache he ever felt was a physical entity shoving at his skull to break free to the outside. Then it was like a snake had been let loose inside, slinking and slithering into his brain, scratching and digging through his memories with its venomous fangs.

Kylo couldn't stop her – wouldn't stop her – from seeing what he had done. His anger. His willingness to take her order to fuck someone else. His desire to hurt her. Trying to channel it into beating up Tara. How that violence turned to seduction. How he tried to bring pain to Tara in the only way he knew to get to her: sexual violence.

The biting. The screams. The scratches.

The pleasure.

Skin on skin; hot, hard and angry until he spilled his seed into his child's murderer.

And all at once, Sasa's grip was out of his mind.

Kylo looked up in fear. Sasa sat there frozen, pale, and horrified.

But above all… furious.

"I…" Kylo felt like the entire weight on the Death Star had been placed on his chest as he struggled for breath. His eyes shined wetly with regret, fear, and shame, pleading with Sasa for forgiveness and understanding. "I'm sorry."

Then the dam broke, and she sprung on him.

Kylo threw up his hands to protect his face, but she was quicker. Her nails bore down into his forehead deep enough to draw a tiny spring of blood. And she dragged them down his face.

He howled in pain, and lost control of his body. Survival mode kicked in, and when the nails threatened close enough proximity to gouge his eyes, he instinctively slapped his enemy and threw the attacker off the bed.

Her head hit the floor with a meaty SMACK!

In an instant, Kylo realized what he had done: he had slapped Sasa – the mother of his child – and threw her to the ground with the intent to do damage.

"Sasa, I'm so sorry," Kylo fumbled off the bed as he saw how slowly Sasa got to her hands and knees. He knelt down and helped her turn over into a sitting position. "I'm so sorry. You were attacking me, and it was a reflex. I didn't mean to-"

SMACK!

His face stung as his check slowly reddened with the shape of Sasa's handprint. Kylo felt nauseous as he felt the waves of anger, hatred, and disgust crashing off Sasa's Force Signature like waves against a rock. He felt it throb and bleed in the Force, the Cerise darkening until it was the shade of blood. And when he looked up at Sasa, her face was a pure nightmare.

"You selfish, fucking PRICK!" she roared. "How could you?"

"Sasa," he stood up and took a few steps back. As he retreated, he held up his hands defensively, waiting for her to pounce again. It was what Tara had taught him – an angry lover meant violence – and Sasa's past action of breaking his nose to suggest a threesome solidified that idea. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

"Yes, you fucking did!" she shot to her feet and advanced on him. Step by step, she backed him against the table holding the vase of flowers she now understood to apologize for this? "You went off with every intention of fucking someone else to hurt me! All because I said no!"

"Look, we were both mad and like you said we both said and did some things we didn't mean. Both of us made bad choices, and both of us contributed to this situation."

"Both of us?" Sasa whispered. The glint in her eyes suggested to Kylo was about to stab him in the windpipe with his damn god apology flowers. "YOU FUCKED OUR BABY'S MURDERER!"

Her words ringing in his ears, Kylo closed his eyes. He clenched his fists, bowed his head, and let the magnitude of what he had done wash over him.

"I'm sorry," the tears burned as his mind replayed the horrifying events over and over. "I'm so sorry."

And when Kylo's tears fell, so did Sasa's.

"Sorry's not going to cut it," she wept. Sasa crossed her arms and cradled herself having never felt this cold and empty before. "Not this time, Kylo. You hurt me. You hurt me more than you have ever hurt me before, and you did it on purpose!"

He bowed his head, struggling to control his voice, "Sasa, I didn't think-"

"That's the problem, Kylo!" Sasa exclaimed. "You didn't think! You never think about how your actions will affect others! It always has to be about you! How you feel! What you do! What others have done to you! You want to be this all powerful master and commander but you are nothing more than child!"

Kylo was silent. What could he even say in his defense? He had heard this speech so many times before. From his mother, from his father, from Uncle Luke, Alyla, Uncle Lando, Tara, Cern, Phasma, Snoke, Marks, Poe, and Rhiaon. How many times had Rhiaon thrown those words in his face?

"Don't do this, Sasa," Kylo warned. "Don't turn on me the way everyone else has."

"Turn on you?" Sasa spat back. "You fucked our child's murderer and accuse me of betrayal? You know what, Kylo? Maybe if everyone in your life turns against you, maybe – just maybe – the problem isn't them."

"You're saying I deserve everyone to abandon me? For everyone to decide I'm not good enough or fit in their tiny little role they've whittled out for my future?"

"And there you go again," Sasa threw up her hands and strolled away. She needed some space from him or she knew she would lunge again. Sasa came to a stop at her vanity but her head was still turned to Kylo. "All about you again. When bad things happen it's all to punish you. Never your fault, so you're always justified in partaking in whatever shitty behaviour you want."

"I would be careful if I were you," Kylo warned. "I've given you many liberties but don't test my patience."

"Or what?" Sasa challenged. "You'll yell at me? Threaten me? Restrict my privileges like I'm your personal property? Or better yet, how about you throw a temper tantrum? Oh, that's always so fun."

Sasa picked up her hand mirror and threw it at the floor.

"Oh, isn't this fun?" Sasa grabbed her jewelry box and threw it on top the shards of mirror glass. The ornate wooden box splintered from the force of the throw and jewelry scattered every which way. "Aren't I mature as I destroy my possessions and cause an inconvenience for myself and others when those items are needed?"

Sasa grabbed her vanity chair and threw it at the door to her sewing room. The chair snapped into three pieces and laid uselessly on the floor.

"Or maybe, just maybe I look like a fucking toddler having a temper tantrum!" Sasa snapped. "Maybe I just look pathetic and petulant that I didn't get my way! Because that's what it has to be about: getting your god damn way. So when I tell you no, I'm not going to have sex when you because I could develop an infection and render myself infertile you fuck off to find someone to have sex with you."

Kylo narrowed his eyes, "You never told me that was the reason you said no."

"I shouldn't have to! If I say no, then the answer is no!"

"You're a female Knight of Ren! You don't get to say NO!"

Both Sasa and Kylo's jaws dropped.

"No, Sasa," Kylo instantly backtracked. Where had that even come from? What part of him would even think such a horrifying thing. "I didn't mean it-"

"Oh, but I think you did," Sasa said coldly. "Because that's always what you've thought of the female Knights of Ren. Just vessels for your heir and to discarded when you get bored or angry. Do you understand how terrible our first night together was until you changed your tone? Do you understand what it feels like to be me? To have your entire worth and purpose be to fuck a man who half the time doesn't even want to? Everything I have been trained for, my life's work all to balance on the head of a pin. Do you understand what will happen to me if I don't get pregnant? And yet my fate is in the hands of a narcissist whose affections change directions with the winds."

Kylo clenched his fists.

She just slowly shook her head, "And the one time I decide to stand up for myself, declare to the world that I am worth more than just to warm your bed, you punish me for it. One time – only one time – I tell you no… and you turn around a fuck the woman who would hurt me the most. You make it so that when I decide to step up to that honorable duty you can't even get it up."

"I would have if you hadn't said no," Kylo snapped. "Don't stand there and pretend that this is the only time you've said no. You're right, you do have a duty. Your main job is to conceive and carry my heir, and yet you treat it with a grain of salt. You tell me no. You taunt me with opportunities and take them away. You withhold sex unless I behave in certain ways or perform actions of your choosing. You make me jealous. You intentionally seek out opportunities to tease other men with suggestive words and actions. You put yourself in compromising and inappropriate positions with men just to make my blood boil. Maybe you're right, maybe I did do this to hurt you. Or maybe I did this because despite her flaws, Tara has always been there for me. She's had my back, supported my decisions, never fraternized with Resistance soldiers."

Sasa swallowed. There was a darkness in Kylo's eyes she didn't like to be on the receiving end of.

"The fact of the matter is that I need a child. One you haven't given me."

"Haven't- Are you fucking kidding me? I just had a miscarriage because of Tara! And I had a chemical miscarriage before! I can give you children!"

"Cleary just not carry them to full term."

Her eyes burned, "And clearly you can't get women pregnant to begin with."

"Sasa-"

"No!" she snapped. "Ten years, dozens of partners and only three times have you managed to get a woman pregnant? Fuck off, I'm not the problem."

"You said no!" he took a step towards her, but the threat was negligible what with the bed between them. "She said yes! I don't care your reasons. You rejected me and told me to find someone else to fuck, so I did! If you don't want to say yes to me anymore, I can find someone who won't turn me down!"

"Someone like Leda?"

Kylo did a doubletake, "How do you know about Leda?"

Sasa just glared at him, "Or what about Hali? Or Irni?"

"What about them?"

"You never told me about them."

His eyes narrowed. He was getting really sick of this shit. Did she really think his bed was hers alone? Maybe Tara was right. Maybe it was time to give this little overstepping upstart a dose of reality.

"Of course I didn't tell you about them!" he snapped. "Why the fuck would I?"

Sasa rounded the bed, "How many have there been? How many women have you fucked?"

"How many?" He gave a humourless laugh, "You want to know how many?"

"I think I deserve that much."

"Oh, Sasa," he shook his head. His fingers tapped restlessly at his side, damn well ready to snap. "How many? Who the fuck knows? I lost count a long time ago."

She winced.

"What, is this news to you?" Kylo mocked. "Did you really think you were the one and only for me? The only one I've ever had? The only one who turned my head and made my heart flutter? The only who told me they loved me?"

Don't cry, Sasa told herself. Don't cry.

"You see, unlike you," he spat. "I have options."

Sasa just stared at him; her face was set strong, but her eyes shone out at him with the unspoken pleas to stop.

Kylo scoffed, "You think that I betrayed you tonight? Tara's not even the only girl I've fucked who isn't you this month. Get this into your head: if you're not willing and able to fuck me, I always find someone else. Not just female Knights of Ren, but Blessed, regular officers, and anyone who will turn my head. If you and Tara aren't available, then I pull the prettiest tech I can find into a storage closet and fuck her hard. Damn it, Sasa, half the female military officers under the age of thirty have at some point or another been blessed with my seed or whatever the fuck you call it!"

She just shook her head, "You're not going to hurt me with this. I won't let you."

"Hurt you?" he took a step forward. "Why the fuck would it hurt you? You've known from day one that you're not the first – and will not be the last – woman I fuck. Don't try to appeal to my sensitive side with that whole do you understand the danger I'm in bullshit. I've known for months now that Snoke has every intention to replace you."

"You lie. The Supreme Leader doesn't want to-"

"He's wanted to for six months and the only reason he hasn't is none of the Knights of Ren have been stupid enough to get themselves killed until now." Kylo shook his head, "You want me to be truthful tonight: then here it is. That visit I had with Snoke seven weeks ago? It was so that I could be more familiar with the Chosen."

Sasa felt like she had been slapped again, "What?"

"He had me spend an entire day with each one of the Chosen to see who I got along with the most. Who I had good chemistry with. Who would be a good mother and wife… Who would be best to replace you. And there were some good options."

She just stood there in stunned horror. It was this of all news – the most stark evidence of Snoke losing his faith in her – that hurt her in that moment. (Not including the Tara thing naturally.) But it wasn't the words Kylo had said, but rather the implications.

"The Supreme Leader said the next slot that opens is going to another Chosen. I think I have a shot. I hope he's as good as imagine."

Kylo had spent an entire day alone with Cleo getting to know her.

With Cleo… and five others whose entire goal in life was to become the mother of his child.

"How many?" Sasa whispered.

Kylo frowned, "What?"

"How many did you fuck?" Sasa snapped at him like a dog.

He paused, the guilt finally washing upon him, "Th… Three."

She winced, "Who?"

It was that moment Kylo finally understood how much his words had hurt her. The paleness to her skin, the tears in her eyes, her fists clenched so tightly, and the anger of her words.

He had broken her heart... and he didn't know if they could ever recover from it.

"Who?" she whispered.

Kylo swallowed hard, "Alix, Dido, and…"

Sasa could see it in his eyes.

"Not Cleo," Sasa begged. "Please tell me you didn't sleep with the one woman who has been the most vocal to me about how much she wants to take my position and fuck you. Please tell me you didn't fuck Cleo."

He bowed his head, "…I slept with Cleo."

The words were gone from Sasa. She let out a strangled cry like a mother Eopie who had found her babe torn apart by steelpeckers.

She reached for her lightsaber, and Kylo shut his eyes, hands automatically going up to shield his face. There was a zing, a crackle, and a great thud. When he realized he wasn't dead, he opened his eyes to find that Sasa had used her lightsaber to cleave the dejarik table in two.

"Ok, I have to admit," Sasa panted, turning off her lightsaber and clipping it back on her belt. "That was pretty fun. Now… Cleo, Dido, and Alix. Oh man. I can't believe it."

And she started to laugh. A very, unsettling laugh. The kind of laugh that his Uncle Luke used to make while telling him scary stories when he was younger. The kind of hysterical laugh that would get you thrown in a mental institution in a heartbeat. He couldn't tell if she was laughing crying, about to pull him into her arms to hold him or to strangle him. It was some twisted mass of insanity as that final thread in her mind just snapped.

"Oh, Ben Solo!" she cried out joyously in that laughing sob, "You truly are amazing. Your life is such a masterful series of intense fucks ups that it is truly nothing but short of a work of art. You applaud you, Good Sir. Only you could choose such a fucked up selection like Cleo, Dido, and Alix."

"And what's wrong with them?" he snapped. Kylo would not take his eyes off her for a moment, fearing her imminent strike.

"What's wrong?" Sasa smirked. "Oh, Master Kylo I can't tell you. Big secret."

"Tell me."

Letting out a dramatic sigh, she looked from side to side like she was searching for spies.

"Ok, I'll tell you, but you can't tell anyone I was the one who did. Big secret. Snoke said no one was allowed to tell you."

Kylo ground his teeth, "And what is he hiding?"

Sasa smiled, "Have you ever wondered what made Snoke choose the Chosen?"

He scowled, "Not really. Aren't you supposed to be the perfect mates for me based on certain attributes or abilities?"

"That's what he tells you, but that's not the real reason. No, you see, Snoke knows you're a narcissist, so he made the selection of your bride all about you. He based it on people he already knew you loved, and that you would want better versions of them. The truth is, each one is a proxy for a friend or family member."

His stomach dropped, "What?"

"Yeah, Snoke picked us because he knows you subliminally want to fuck adoring versions of your family. For example, I'm supposed to remind you of Padmé Amidala, hence the strong ties I have to Naboo. I was chosen above all because he knew that when you stepped into the role of a new Darth Vader, you would want an adoring supportive Mrs. Darth Vader by your side. Hence the picking of me. Snoke doesn't care if your emotions are regulated, and in fact prefers you unbalanced to control you better."

"Wait," Kylo struggled to wrap his head around the revelation, "so you're saying that in a weird way, I've been fucking my grandmother?"

"Grandmothers," Sasa smirked. "Because not only am I Padmé Amidala, but Dido – one of your three trysts you didn't have the balls to tell me about until you wanted to hurt me – is the stand in for Breha Organa, your adoptive grandmother. And it on gets better from here."

"No. God no."

"God yes. Because Cleo is meant to be Alyla Kene. I'm sure Marks and Lando Calrissian would be thrilled to hear you secretly want to fuck her. Not to mention Alyla herself."

"No!" Kylo insisted. "I don't want to have sex with Alyla. That's wrong. She's my friend. My mentor. The one person who has always been there for me no matter what."

And then Sasa laughed again.

"What?" he asked fearfully.

"Oh, I didn't get to the good part," Sasa chuckled. "You see, Alix? That's the worst of all. You know who she is?"

"Please tell me it's someone like Tyla Kinall or Reine Agim and not another relative."

Sasa's cold eyes locked his, "Leia Organa… Congratulations Ben Solo, you just subconsciously fucked your own mother."

Ben threw up in his mouth.

"No," he forced the vomit back down. It left a burning trail of stomach acid down his throat. "Oh God no."

"And I'm not done," her voice was way too god damn chipper. She sounded like the host of a children's HoloNet show with songs and puppets who taught the alphabet. "Because there was a reason I was not the first Chosen. You want to know who Nera was meant to remind you of?"

"Please Sasa. If you have any mercy, you will let me live my life without telling me."

"Mercy? Solo, you fucked the woman who murdered my child. Any mercy I had died back on Nixrye." Sasa leisurely strolled forward, but there was still quite a distance between the pair. "How about you guess? It's someone you've had a lot of anger and tension with."

"I'm not playing this game. If you're going to tell me, then just say it already."

"Alright," Sasa grinned way too widely. "Snoke picked Nera because he believed that deep down all the problems with your family, all the tension, all the confrontation and rebellion was because deep down, so secret that you yourself didn't consciously know it… you've actually always just wanted to fuck Felicity Rhiaon."

This time Ben couldn't hold back his vomit. He only just barely used the Force to summon over the garbage can by Sasa's vanity in time to hurl into it.

"No," Kylo set the can back onto the ground. "No! It's a lie! I've never wanted to- Oh God, he thought I wanted to… Rhiaon? Never!"

Sasa crossed her arms, "Yeah, he figured it out when you refused to sleep with Nera. Though you've clearly been more than willing and eager to engage the rest of them. Please tell me you're turned off by Nova. Not only will we have a pissed off Wiln on our hands, but she's the proxy for Rey Skywalker, and last time I checked, in this particular universe Reylo would just be weird and incestuous."

"Stop it!" Kylo snapped, though his stomach lurched with vomit again at the thought of kissing that grown version of his cousin that liked to torment him. "You're just angry and trying to hurt me. In fact, these words make me glad that I have options other than the parade of family proxies I've apparently been tempered with. You're just pissed I have those options and you only get to pick me."

"And what a piss poor option that's turned out to be." She shook her head, "And to think, I was going to be faithful to you when you had no intention of being faithful to me."

"What are you talking about?"

"While you were off fucking Tara, I had a visitor."

And so Sasa told Kylo everything that had happened with Hux: both good and bad. Yes, the manipulation and the horrid things he had called her, but also the comfort, the temptation, the intimacy. His fist clenched and jaw tightened as she recounted how she asked Hux to take off his shirt, how her fingers hand drifted over his decently muscled back, how his lips had kissed and suckled her neck.

"Even though he was just trying to use me, I have to admit it felt nice," Sasa loved how angry she made Kylo. She felt the Darkness growing stronger and stronger in the Force as he imagined Hux going through with his plan to help Sasa father an heir they would pass off as Kylo's. "His hands and his lips… he knows what to do to a girl. And despite what he called me, when he offered to give me a child, to make love to me and give me what you cannot… I was tempted. I shuddered at his lips on my neck, his teeth nibbling my collarbone. I liked the feeling of his bare skin under my fingertips. For a moment, I even imagined what it would be like to rake my nails down his back in the way that makes you moan… I wonder how he moans. Maybe I should go find out."

The image of Sasa and Hux made Kylo's fury hit his limit. He grabbed the vase of morning glories from the table and threw them as hard as he could at Sasa. She ducked, and it smashed against the other wall, hitting the control panel to Sasa's beloved sound system. A loud bang accompanied many crackles and sizzles as tiny shocks of electricity fizzed out of the wiring. There was an ear-piercing screech of static, and then with a crackling pop, the sound system died.

They both stared at the control panel in horror, not at the destruction but from one simple thought.

If Sasa hadn't ducked…

Kylo felt like he was going to throw up again. He had just tried to physically harm Sasa for baiting him. He had done some shitty things to her, but he had never intentionally tried to harm her.

Oh God, what had he done?

Slowly, Sasa turned to face him, and she bore an expression he had never seen, nor wanted to see in his life on her face.

Utter terror.

She stood there with a timid posture, pale skin, eyes wide, and hands trembling.

"Sasa," Kylo choked, "I'm sorry. I-"

"Get out," she whispered.

"Please, Sasa-"

"Get! Out!"

He just stood there.

"Sasa," he swallowed hard. What had he become? "I'm sorry."

She closed her eyes and then shook her head, "I don't forgive you."

"Sasa-"

"Fine, Kylo. If you want to stay, stay. I'll leave." She turned on her heel and stalked out the door.

He huffed and then was after her in heartbeat.

"Sasa, wait!" Kylo called as he rushed after her down the hall. "Please, can we just talk about this?"

"I'm done talking to you. Leave me alone."

"Sasa, please!"

"Sasa!" another voice called.

She stopped in her tracks and Kylo skidded to a halt next to her. The pair stared dumbfounded down the hall as FN-2187 carried a box of his possession towards Sasa's room, to start picking out his wardrobe as per their instructions what felt like a lifetime ago.

"Hey Sasa," Finn had a huge grin for her as he came to a stop in front of them and set down his box. "Sorry that I'm a little early, but I didn't have much to pack and I was actually kind of excited to do this because you know I love to spend one on one time with you whenever I-"

That was when Finn noticed the tears, blood, anger, guilt, and fear on the pair.

"Uh…" Finn clued in to the fact he clearly walked in on something he shouldn't have. "I can come back later if you want."

Sasa's eyes flickered between FN-2187 and Kylo.

"You're just pissed I have those options and you only get to pick me."

Fire flamed in her blood as the terrible idea hit her. Well, two could play that game. Her eyes were ice cold and empty but held a flicker of pure wickedness beneath the green as they turned on Kylo.

"You think you're the only one with options?" her dispassionate voice was as icy as her gaze.

Head as high as a show quality Vulptex, Sasa grabbed Finn's face and pulled him down into a passionate kiss.

It was long; oh, so long. Sasa crushed Finn's lips to hers holding him with both hands like a succubus trying to suck out his very soul. Finn just stood there frozen, unable to understand what was happening, but the look on Sasa's face suggested the girl had an agenda.

She had to make it last, relish in the moment, hold Finn – a rival for affection – close to her as Kylo watched in burning anger. She had to make sure Kylo felt the hurt the way he had wounded her.

Feeling proud, smug, and victorious, Sasa pulled back from the absolutely stunned Finn. She then turned and smirked at Kylo.

The ice-cold fury on his face knocked Sasa back to reality.

The reality where she was forbidden from touching any man other than Kylo upon pain of death… and where she had just kissed another man in front of him.

In an instant, pride turned to fear, and when she looked back at Finn, stunned silence had turned to absolute terror.

The hallway was deathly silent as the three of them stood there just staring at each other. That hallway was a vacuum of noise, and their heavy breathing echoed off the walls like thunder.

They couldn't move, say, or do anything. Sasa and Finn just stared at the especially pale Kylo – even more pale than usual – as the fury of Darth Vader burned in his eyes. His jaw was clenched, his posture rigid, and his fists clenched into tight balls at his sides.

The man in that moment was the monster the Galaxy feared when they whispered the name of Kylo Ren. This was the monster who tortured and maimed Diego Nalto. This was the monster who attempted to murder his five-year-old cousin. This was the monster who had thrust a lightsaber into his mentor and then forced her to be a shade between life and death because he wasn't willing to let her go. This was the monster who scarred and murdered Reine Agim for trying to stop his actions. This was the monster who threw Felicity Rhiaon in the trash compactor and kept her ashes on the altar of Darth Vader.

This was the monster who sanctioned the murder of Knights of Ren who he disliked and felt had betrayed him.

And Sasa Ren had just kissed another man to make him jealous.

With one action, Sasa had not only put her life on the line, but Fyrn's as well. By the rules of the Knights of Ren and laws of the First Order, Kylo had every right to demand their deaths to Snoke.

And from the way Kylo was looking at her… The anger, the betrayal, the fury, and above all, the hurt.

Kylo was not an easy man to love, and sometimes it was dangerous to be around him. He hurt his underlings; destroyed equipment and the possessions belong to himself and others; he yelled; he threw things; he violently attacked people; he called them stupid, worthless, and inferior in the heat of the moment; and used them as his pawns. Sasa knew it was putting herself in danger to be around him.

But that was the first time Sasa thought he might actually try to hurt her. Not a moment of rage where she got caught in the crossfire, but legitimate harm inflicted intentionally upon her person.

And she was scared.

He stared at her for a very long time, his brown eyes pouring into the depths of her forest green eyes and the mirror Signature of his in the Force. What was he capable of? What was he willing to do? And what could he live his life knowing what he had done?

Then, he took a step forward.

Sasa took a step back and Finn's arm automatically went up in front of her, shielding the girl from her dangerous lover.

Kylo stopped and looked between the two of them. Anger and pain raged in his eyes as they drifted over the pair, weighing his decision as he observed FN-2187 protecting Sasa from harm.

…From Kylo.

He took a deep breath, his face as furious but calm as his father had looked at Lando Calrissian upon the revelation of his betrayal.

"Grief," he said slowly. He took long looks at both of them, lording his power and authority over the pair. "Makes you do strange things."

Sasa reached for Fyrn's arm to clutch in a gesture of comfort, but Kylo's gaze met hers and she thought better of it.

Kylo narrowed his eyes at her, "As far as I'm concerned, this never happened."

Relief flooded through their veins, but their nerves still danced on edge as they dumbly nodded at him.

He didn't say another word, nothing to quell their fears or take them off edge. Kylo just straightened his shoulders, turned on his heel, and walked away. For a moment, Sasa wished he would turn back with one final look, perhaps to wish her goodnight.

All she got was cold silence as he disappeared from view.

"Well, that was…" Finn let the words escape before he knew where he was going with it. "Yeah."

Sasa burst into tears.

"Hey, it's okay," he touched her arm, but stopped himself from pulling her into his embrace.

"No, it's not," she wept, the horror of the day replaying in her mind. "Nothing's okay. My child is dead, I'm scared of what's happening between myself and Kylo, I could be dead in thirty days if I don't get pregnant again, and I don't even know who I am or my place or worth in all this."

"I know how you feel," Finn looked down at his feet. "I never asked for any of this. To be a Knight of Ren or to get between you and Kylo-"

"You didn't get between us. There are many things between us, but you're not one of them. Oh, Fyrn, I'm despicable. I know you have feelings for me – ones I've never been shy about asserting that I don't return – and I used that to make Kylo jealous and endanger your life. I'm really sorry for that. You're probably the person I call my best friend, and you've been wonderful about respecting my non-romantic feelings. To turn around and use you like that-"

"It's okay," Finn promised her, a strained grin on his face. "I know you weren't in the right mind. He's right about the way grief makes you act and it looks like the two of you had a pretty big blowout. I doubt that you kissing me is the only thing the pair of you will regret tonight."

Sasa gave him a watery smile, "Can we just maybe forget this ever happened?"

He hesitated, "I don't know if I can."

"Why not?"

"Well… isn't it hard to forget your first kiss?"

Realizing just how much Sasa had wronged him, she broke down into sobs.

Ever her friend, the strength of his love for her – whether it be that of romance or simply friendship – gave Finn the urge to comfort her. But he hesitated. How desperately had he wished to hold her close to him, kiss her hair as she buried her face in his neck, and protect her from this cruel world? His heart would shatter if he held her so close and yet know he couldn't call her his.

But Sasa needed a shoulder to cry on.

Finn knew that it would hurt to do it, but that it would hurt Sasa more if he didn't. So, he set all of his romantic feelings for Sasa aside, pulled her into his arms, and held her as she cried.

Breaking things didn't heal the hurt for Kylo Ren. They never did, but slashing machinery and equipment always released that pent-up rage, much like taking a deep breath to collect oneself. Yet as his lightsaber went through the mechanics of the machines unfortunate enough to line the hallway towards his quarters, Kylo Ren found no relief.

It wasn't Sasa's words that had gotten him. It wasn't the story of Hux or the kiss of FN-2187. It was the way she had looked at him in fear.

That look, the same look that Alyla Kene had given him – of terror, horror, disbelief, and like she didn't at least know the boy standing in front of her that she once thought she could read like a book – the last moment of her life when she stopped him from giving her Reine's Force Essence.

He never wanted Sasa to look at him like that again.

Kylo sighed and opened the door to his quarters.

He wasn't also particularly fond of the look Alyla was giving him now as she stood in front of his bed with arms crossed and a storm in her grey eyes. The same storm that had brewed in Marks' eyes when he gave the boy his new assignment.

"How could you?" Alyla whispered.

"Honestly?" Kylo walked over to the altar and put his helmet down with a thud causing some of Felicity Rhiaon's ashes to puff up into the air. "At this point, fucking up my life has become almost an artform. Truly if I put this much effort into hunting down Luke Skywalker, I would have killed him by now."

Alyla chose not to rise to the bait of the mention of Luke, "I don't know which I'm more mad about: what you've done to Sasa – a woman you're supposed to be in love with-"

"I've never said that."

"Maybe not with your mouth, but I see it your eyes, your smile, your Force Signature. You can't hide the truth. You love her and yet you hurt her. Just like how you claim to love me and yet what you've done to my son-"

Kylo have a humorless chuckle but refused to turn around and face her, "And here I thought Marks wanted to leave that for me to tell you. If it makes you feel better, I take no sick pleasure in it."

"I don't think that's true at all. I think you did it to hurt me. I know what's happened. I know about Nix, and I'm sorry I haven't been here for you."

"You're not sorry," Kylo scoffed. "You're never sorry."

"That's not true. I do care about you, regards of the position you put me in. But the position you've put Marks in? Made him the master to slaves? How could you?"

"Same way I hurt Sasa. With a lot of anger and a lot of regret."

"You're better than this, Ben," Alyla gently put a hand on his shoulder.

"Don't call me that," he pushed her off and turned his back. "Ben Solo died the moment you did."

"Except I didn't die."

"You're right! You didn't!" he snapped. "And you should be thanking me for that instead of this pissing around, passive aggressive, holier than thou moping you do."

Alyla just watched him, as calm and (according to him) passively aggressively peaceful as ever.

"It's hard to be around you when you're like this, Ben," her voice was gentle.

"Well, if it's too hard to be around me, Alyla, then DON'T!" he spun around.

She was gone.

He closed his eyes and whispered, "Just like everyone else."

Kylo sighed and caught sight of his helmet lying abandoned on the floor. He picked it up, sat on his bed, and stared at it.

Then he began to cry.

"Kylo Ren!" the door slid open and the Captain Phasma strode in like she owned the place. "Solo, you and I have a bone to pick!"

She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Kylo Ren crying on his bed.

"Uh…" Phasma awkwardly reconsidered her plan of action. "Hi."

"Hello Captain," Kylo set down his mask on the bed and rubbed his face. "If you've come to yell at me about FN-2187, I'm sorry to tell you that you're not going to get a lot of mileage out of it. I've had a shitty day and can't possibility feel any worse about myself. So if you want to get the optimum value out of said yelling, I suggest we do this some other time."

Phasma stared at his teary, broken form for a long time.

"I've got some free time around two tomorrow," Phasma suggested.

He gave her a wry smile, "Pencil me in."

Phasma nodded and turned back to the door.

"Captain?" Kylo's voice stopped her at the door. "Can I ask you a question?"

Usually she would tell him to fuck off, but there was something about his voice: quiet and scared.

Phasma turned to face him and nodded.

Kylo bit his lip, fiddling with his helmet, "Do you ever… fear what you've become?"

Phasma just stared at him, completely unreadable.

He sighed, "Do you ever look in the mirror and not recognize the person staring back at you? Do you fear that you've gone too far that there's return? That you push people away because deep down you know you don't deserve to be loved? Do you ever wonder if maybe you're not a man wearing the mask of a monster but are rather just simply a monster in a mask?"

There was a long silence.

"Yes."

He looked up in surprised.

Phasma gave a smile nod, her voice holding a sincere and vulnerable quality he had never heard before.

"Yes," she repeated. "All of it, yes."

Kylo looked down at his mask, "I just feel like I've gone past the point of no return. Does that exist? A point where you just can't be forgiven?"

"Yes."

He bit his lip and sniffed, "Well, I'm there. At that point of no return, all alone. No family, no friends, no nothing."

Kylo didn't care that Phasma was staring at him. He set his helmet down, put his head in both hands, and sobbed.

Phasma just watched him for a moment, and then turned to the door to make a silent exit. She was about to step out the door when she stopped and looked back.

He was just sitting there and crying.

She sighed, and closed her eyes. There was a long silence as the decision was made. Phasma stepped back through the door, closed it behind her, sat on the bed, and pulled him into her arms.

"You're not too far gone yet, Solo," she whispered, holding him tight. She couldn't believe the scene as Ben Solo of all people relaxed in her arms and hugged her for comfort as he wept. "And you're not alone."

"But I've pushed everyone away. My mother. My father. Sasa. Alyla. Uncle Luke."

"But you've still got your bitchy Aunt Phasma, and really Kid, what more could you need?"

And the woman who called herself Phasma held her bratty nephew Kylo as he cried.

Coming Up Next Chapter…

Without Words

Han and Leia struggle to deal with their feelings on their son when Kes reveals what Ben did to Felicity. Poe pisses off a Prince. Jessika discovers why Tallie won't go public with their relationship, and Evan decides the best way to deal with his problems is to run from them… Literally.

So fun fact before we get into my thoughts on TROS, and FYI it's a microscopic spoiler for the Mandalorian show. Full disclosure, I've only watched half of the first episode before turning it off because I was bored (westerns are not my cup of tea and I have no interest in the Mandalorian culture or bounty hunters at all,) but I've also watched this little clip I'm about to talk about.

I think I've mentioned this before but my facecast for Brendan Rhiaon is the actor of Matt Lanter. Matt is the voice of Anakin Skywalker in the Clone Wars cartoon, which is why when Felicity every now and then brings up the fact she finds something familiar about Anakin but she can't figure out why, it's because in my head Brendan is "played by" the same actor as Anakin.

Well, low and behold, who shows up in a cameo scene as a soldier in the New Republic but Matt Lanter. That's right, Davan is our beloved voice of Anakin, and the face of Brendan Rhiaon… which made me laugh so hard to see what Brendan probably would have had as his job in the future but a little less of a nervous dude in the face of bounty hunters. So I guess the truth is Brendan has never been dead; he faked his death and became a New Republic officer, only to get killed 5 years after the war ended.

Fuck it, I'm going to make him Felicity's cousin. Probably just a side mention whenever Garvan Rhiaon shows up, but yes, officially in my story that solider was named Davan Rhiaon, and is Felicity's cousin.

And no, like Star Wars Rebels, that's really as far as I'm going to go into weaving that story into mine. FYI, after TROS I have decided that Ezra Bridger and Kanan Jarrus did exist and all that, but I'm not going to bend over to explain how they fit in my canon. Just whatever doesn't contradict my story, accept as canon and whatever doesn't, I'll explain if it becomes relevant.

As for Ahsoka, I'm actually waiting to see what Lucasfilm does with her character before I decide what happened to her in mine. I know that she survived the war, but I want to see what happens next before my Luke reveals what happened.

Alright, let's get into Rise of Skywalker.

SPOILERS FOR RISE OF SKYWALKER BELOW.

I freaking loved it! I think it was the right way to end the story for the way that the trilogy and entire saga unfolded. If you were going to make it the end of the Skywalker Saga, it makes sense that it ends with the extinction of the Skywalker family. Now, I'm always going to be sore that Rey wasn't a biological Skywalker, I'm always going to pretend that Reylo kiss never happened, and I'm always going to hate that Luke – a character for whom family is his paramount value – never sought to have one of his one. But I accept what happened in that film, and I like what they have done.

…With the exception of three things.

First, they fucked over my Kira's Council girls. Holy shit, they done my girls wrong. I love the idea of Kira's Council because it's a celebration that Star Wars finally has a diverse and plentiful cast of women in it. Women that work together, care for each other, affect the story, and interact with each other heavily.

Well, fuck that, said TROS.

Rose gets sidelined like Kelly Marie Tran was responsible for the hatred and racism she endured, as well as the shitty story and characterization Rian Johnson saddled her with. God, there's so many articles out there getting bitter over the retconning JJ did, but I loved it with the exception of basically locking Rose in a closet and hoping we forgot about her. And yes, I have heard about the reason she got sidelined (her stuff was supposed to be with Leia, but the visual effects weren't working properly) but come on, you could have done something else. (And yes, I'm aware of the executive meddling, which is also why the Reylo kiss happened.)

Also according to the visual dictionary, she is 23 in TLJ – the same age as Finn, while Kaydel is 20 – to which I say hell to the no. Yes, I know Kelly is older than Billie, but I don't care. Rose is the baby of Kira's Council in this universe.

Oh, and Kaydel. My baby got shafted. She's got nothing to do, and everything she should have done was given to D'Arcy and Dominic Monaghan's – don't get me wrong, love the actor, but why does the character get a two page spread in one visual dictionary, and Kaydel's collective entries across the three movies' dictionaries don't even a make up one – characters. Seriously, it shouldn't have been D'Arcy who told Poe that Leia had died, it should have been Kaydel.

Power to my lesbian commander, though.

And of course Paige is dead, Jessika's nowhere to be found, and they treat Aletha like she's an original character I made up myself and is in no way canon and totally did not originate as going to be a one off character from a tiny section of Rey's life on Jakku when that originally was going to be five chapters max.

The nerve of some people.

Issue number two. The thing I am actually most angry about. WHEN THE ACTUAL FUCK DID POE RUN SPICE? I'm not even talking in my canon; I mean actual canon. In the novel Before the Awakening it establishes that Poe went directly from the New Republic Defense Fleet to the Resistance. There was no time to run spice.

Oh, but there is, says the visual dictionary. Apparently, Poe ran away from home when he was sixteen and spent six fucking years running spice because he was bored and rebellious. Are you fucking kidding me? Poe Dameron ran away from home? He ran away from Kes? Has anyone in Lucasfilm actually read the material depicting Kes Dameron? Poe Dameron: Flight Log, Shattered Empire, and the new Marvel comic where Shara and Kes helped build Echo Base and recorded a beautiful "if I die, this is why, so you can have a future" message to their son while looking at a Holo of baby Poe.

Yes, it's actually canon that Shara died when Poe was eight (not from First Order) but Kes Dameron is a canonic BAMF, who is still alive, and that Poe dearly loves. He's not running away from home when you have this dude as your dad. This is Poe's personal entry about his feelings towards his father from Poe Dameron: Flight Log.

BB-8: Beep bree?

POE: What's my dad like? He's the toughest – and kindest – soldier I've ever known.

He made me into the man I am today.

- Poe Dameron's Flight Log

Does that sound like a Dad you dislike enough to run away from home? No. As someone who has a shitty father, I tell you that no, it fucking does not, and believe you me, I'm reworking that whole storyline. Namely, not sure yet who it will be, but Zorii will be connected to someone else. Probably Dacken, Hena Narden, or possibly even Kyra Connix – Kaydel's sister.

Seriously, who do I have to go beat up at Skywalker Ranch for this affront to my Kes?

And the last thing that annoyed me in TROS: I bet you all can guess it.

Rey Palpatine.

…What the actual fuck? Is that JJ deciding that Rian fucked him over too much to make her a Skywalker that he couldn't course correct? Fuck, make her a Kenobi if that's the case. (That hurts me to say as someone who has derided the Rey Kenobi theory.) But no, Palpatine had a normal ass good guy kid around the same time as Anakin did.

Who the hell was fucking the Emperor?

Look, I don't like it. I've been trying so hard to wrap my head around it, and I'm not sure I ever will fully accept that decision. However, what they ended up doing with it – the whole you get to choose your own destiny thing – and the story they told as a result of her being a Palpatine was beautiful, and that is why I do like this movie. It will never change the fact that at the revelation, I literally shouted out in the theatre OH, fuck off! but at the end of the day, it worked.

Plus Rey's Wookieepedia page is officially labeled "Rey Skywalker" and I have a clip of her calling herself as such, so I win.

Now that said, this fan fiction is a story about Rey being a biological Skywalker, so that's not changing in this story. But the great thing about TROS is I pretty much have to tweak the Zorii thing, fix up a little bit around Leia, add a couple elements from the Clone Wars to give a more solid foundation to the dyad (I'm going to be tying it in to and expanding on the mythos of the Father, Son, and Daughter figures of Mortis), and redirect the Palpatine thing to another character, but I virtually don't have to change the story of TROS for my fic.

That said, I set up a bunch of shit I was hoping I could pay off in TROS, but then found no opportunity, so I'm going to have to come up with stories for things like me setting up a bunch of clone stuff and then having nothing for said clones to do, as well as something I like to call World War Connix in which slowly the whole Connix family will break down into factions and turn on each other.

When did the Connix family become more complicated than the Skywalkers?

As such – as well as because of a few other elements I've been planning – the timeline of this story and the sequel trilogy will be different. Haven't decided yet, but the time between TFA and TLJ will be either two or three years, and then between TLJ and TROS will be five years.

I guess I'm going to have to come up with some sort of Resistance daycare center as a result, because in the span of ten years, there's definitely going to be a few weddings and kids in the mix. Sure, there will be kids after the war too, but if you think Poe Dameron can make it to age 39/40 without knocking up Kaydel, you've got another thing coming.

So yeah, I'm going to do something along those lines to fix TROS, but Rey Palpatine is not a thing here and the dyad between Rey and Kylo will have a solid explanation that is non-romantic.

Now let's move on to the section I like to call Holy Shit, I Didn't Think I Was Doing So, But I Called That Fucking Twist.

First of all, transferring life force between people… yeah. I firmly established that many a chapter back with the story of Ghost Alyla and how Padmé actually died. Like, the Alyla thing has more story behind it because the attempt went wrong and that's the lingering mystery behind her. But yeah, I fucking called that power, and I'm happy I set up the mechanics and was working on a story that now gives me the ability to possibly avoid a few deaths.

Yeah, be aware that my roster of who lives and dies is not the same. I will save characters who die (Luke Skywalker will live to see his grandchildren, God Dammit), and I will murder Original Trilogy characters you love. (On that note, hello Wedge, didn't expect them to ever bring you back for TROS. This is awkward… Also I feel really bad about cutting off Snap's leg now that I know he dies in TROS.)

Next on the list: What the fuck? I pulled that Marks idea out of my ass to cover my tracks when I changed my mind about Lando adopting Temiri aka Broom Boy. What do you mean the concept of Lando having a child who was a First Order Stormtrooper is canon?

Yeah, they hint at it in the movie, but the visual dictionary pretty much confirms that Jannah is Lando's daughter. I kid you not, here are a few quotes from Lando's entry in the dictionary:

When peace reigned, he attempted to start a family, but tragedy struck and his infant daughter vanished. It was only later that it became clear who the culprits behind the abduction were: the First Order, building their fighting forces but also specifically striking at the old Alliance leadership.

And…

"The First Order went after us – leaders from the old wars. They took our kids." – deleted Lando Calrissian line from TROS.

And…

The desert sands of Pasaana bury many a painful past, or so thought the Hermit when he began his solitude there. Personal tragedy, and the failure to find answers on an arduous quest, led him to reside on the arid world.

So yeah, Jannah is Lando's daughter. Who would have ever thought the concept of Lando having a First Order Stormtrooper as his child who rebelled and broke free and eventually found him, would have been canon? I had not even heard rumours about this.

Oh… I can work with this. Maybe Lando has more than one secret Stormtrooper kid. Full disclosure, I was playing around with the idea of a clone Miri Kene (Zena and Gavyn's daughter) because I wanted Marks to go running around kicking butt with his cousin, but maybe a sister would be more fun…

Also, the visual dictionary says that Lando never finished The Calrissian Chronicles but once more, fuck that noise.

And the last thing I totally didn't realise I was calling. Um… I guess that Sasa's going to have to be Palpatine's granddaughter. Like, the story requires a granddaughter, and I set her up way too perfectly to step into that role. When Rey used the Force Lightning on the ship, I just sat back in my seat and went "Ah, fuck. Sorry Sasa, but you're a Palpatine."

Seriously, the Palpatine reaching out to her moments, the fact that she can use Force lighting, her getting hit the in face and scarred like Palpatine (literally nothing in this chapter was altered after I saw TROS, I just hadn't finished a few things in it to publish it in time), I used the dark side leads to unnatural stuff line in the last chapter, everyone touting she was from a noble Force wielding family that no one could figure out – yeah Sasa 100% was actually going to be a nobody – Sasa being the first real pick of all the Chosen (we will find out more about Nera Ren in the future and why she was picked before Sasa), her being pushed into indulging in Naboo culture, her having strong mental abilities, her being very charming and making individuals feel more special because she turned her attention to them, and the fact that Snoke has been deriding her and Ben until they break, turn on him, and as a result would be drawn to Palpatine.

Holy crap, I set it up way too much, and I can even keep who her parents are, and when you find out who they are, I accidentally also made it really work with that too. Like I really wanted to go with this whole idea that Sasa genuinely believed she was somebody, then when she found out she was just lied to and manipulated her whole life and she was literally worth nothing to Snoke, that would be her turning point. But, the Palpatine thing works so well that he would put her through hell at the actions of "Snoke" and seduce her towards the Dark Side and himself as a result, bringing the Heir of Skywalker to him to ultimately destroy and get revenge on Anakin. So, a Palpatine she will be, but don't worry, there's plenty of mystery left for the story of how she ended up in the First Order and who her parents are.

So yeah, Ben Solo has a love triangle between the daughter of Han Solo's ex-girlfriend and Palpatine's granddaughter. He never was meant for a normal love life, was he?

Also I called that Poe is a total horn dog when he locks on a target. Canon Poe Dameron and Kaydel Ko Connix probably actually fucked on Holdo's desk during TLJ. Good lord, somebody needed to throw some water on that boy when he was around Zorii.

Note to self: write scene where Poe has too much PDA with Kaydel while he's supposed to be working so Kes squirts him with a spray bottle.

So yeah, I really can go forward with the things TROS gave me. In fact, I'm bringing back the cave on Jakku in order to explain a few things, plus as you saw, I'm bringing General Pryde into the story because I really like his character and I've come up with a good history for him.

I'm just extremely happy that none of the movies managed to screw me enough to force me to change the huge twist.

So buckle in, we're going to have a fun ride.