26/25 - Epilogue

Irrational, illogical; this sensation: the almost desperate urge to be close to her.

Shikamaru had always regarded himself as a logical person, reasonable and level-headed. It wasn't as if she had influenced him, forced him to be different to his past self or had even actively attempted to change him. It wasn't a tangible thing, it was just…

Just different.

"We should talk about this."

The shift was instantaneous. He doubted she even realized herself: the way her shoulders dropped, her expression grew weary. The way she avoided his eyes.

"About us? What is it?"

"Nothing."

Weren't those not able to talk about relationships supposed to be male?

"I am sorry."

From the way she kissed him back he was able to read more than she probably wanted to convey. Perhaps even more than she was willing to accept herself.

Shikamaru was nothing but patient.

The week passed, and the next. He spent the nights at her place. Tried to get her to stay at his place: after eight days, she conceded.

It marked the end, and the beginning that grew from it.

She was stubborn like that: once he left her to find her own pace, she caught up with him quickly.

"Shikamaru."

November Sunday afternoon, cold and wet.

"Hm-hmm."

"Are you sure?"

"Hmm?"

She looked at him, her blue eyes wide and haunted. The knowledge of the fact that she was in his place was utterly intoxicating. That she had surrendered. (Ever the hunter) That they were, somehow, tentatively: together.

It was unfathomable, this sensation.

Maybe simply pure stupidity. Maybe merely the temporal thrill of having broken down her defenses. Maybe the irrational thought that he wanted to spend his life with her. Maybe just the primal urge to possess her. Maybe, he thought, distinctly: maybe it was love.

"I won't ever be an easy person to love."

He could always pretend not to understand, but she would never believe him. He traced patterns onto her wrist: shapes, numbers, confessions. Her skin was warm and alive under his searching fingers. She did not draw back her hand. The vastness of that small, small victory made him dizzy.

"I don't think anyone ever is."

She bit her lip, her fingers curling into his despite the rigidness that remained poised through her entire body.

"I'm cruel. Those past weeks… I hurt you so much."

"I think you've hurt yourself most of all."

She met his gaze squarely, something like tears but not shining in her eyes.

"Maybe I won't ever be able to change."

He looked at her steadily.

"You don't have to."

And then, finally, she lowered her head, her hair falling into her face and obscuring her eyes. Shikamaru wiped away the tear with his thumb.

"I think I can take whatever you throw at me."

Silence first, and then she cracked a smile. Surprising, sudden, unexpected; all the more stunning.

"You really think so?"

"I do."

Her kiss left him breathless, yearning for more as she rose from the sofa to open up a window. Outside, the sun danced on rainy fall streets, making her hair shine.

The air carried the scent of winter, and her smile was blinding.

[Sometimes, we make love with our eyes.
Sometimes, we make love with our hands.
Sometimes, we make love with our bodies.
Always, we make love with our hearts.]

A/N: My heartfelt gratitude to LilyVampire, DAngel7, paosu and Shikaino-nejiten, who accompanied this story all the way. Who knows what would have happened without you! And thank you to all occasional reviewers, anonymous critics and silent readers. I'm grateful for your support and hope you enjoyed the ride!