Chapter 2: Red gets a delivery

"Alright, so what happens next? I want to see more Church." Inumuta asked while taking a bite of his popcorn, Uzu was busy biting into a new hotdog with a mouth covered in ketchup and mustard.

"Mnghaghwohcres…" The Samurai's muffled talking only had the blue haired teen look even more aggravated than before.

Ryūko bite into a pile of popcorn, while Satsuki for her part had taken a shine to a box of candy, Sukuyo cheerfully humming as she made croquettes for Mako and Gamagōri, her closed eyes somehow seeing everything on the big screen that was happening.

Without further ado, Inumuta hit play on the remote, then tossed it back to Satsuki.

With that, the movie began/

Pan out on Grif and Simmons, who are approaching another Red soldier (Sarge) clad in red armor.

Sarge: Hurry up, ladies. This ain't no ice cream social.

Simmons: Ice cream social?

Uzu drank a large gulp of his soda and cracked off a loud burp, much to the chagrin of the others, especially Jakuzure. "Damn, did you get any on you?" The musical genius snapped at him.

"No, but I got some on you." He chuckled, further enraging her.

Nonon jumped up from her seat, about to smack Uzu for his crude behavior. Satsuki, with her typical lightning speed, stepped in between them and grabbed Nonon's arm. "Settle down, children." Satsuki huffed, annoyed.

Simmons and Grif exchange looks.

Cut to Sarge.

Sarge: Stop the pillow talk, you two. Anyone want to guess why I gathered you here today?

Grif: Uh, is it because the war's over and you're sending us home?

Sarge: (mockingly) That's exactly it, Private. War's over. We won. Turns out you're the big hero and we're gonna hold a parade in your honor. I get to drive the float, and Simmons here IS IN CHARGE OF CONFETTI!

Grif: I'm no stranger to sarcasm, sir.

Sarge: Goddamn it, Private! Shut your mouth or else I'll have Simmons slit your throat while you're asleep!

Simmons: Oh I'd do it, too.

Nonon and Uzu both poked their tongues out at each other, prompting Satsuki to grab them both by the tongue. "I said ENOUGH."

Sarge: I know you would, Simmons. Good man. (Brief pause) Couple of things today, ladies. Command has seen fit to increase our ranks here at Blood Gulch Outpost Number One.

Grif: Crap. We're getting a rookie.

Sarge: That's right, dead man. Our new recruit will be here within the week, but today we received the first part of our shipment from Command.

Grif and Simmons exchange looks again.

Sarge turns towards a hill behind them.

Sarge: Lopez, bring up the vehicle.

A large, armour-plated, jeep-like vehicle comes over the rise with Lopez in the drivers seat, who pulls up along side the Reds.

Simmons: Shotgun!

Grif: Shotgun! (realizes he is too late) Fuck.

Sarge: May I introduce our new, light reconnaissance vehicle.

Camera closes in on the front of the vehicle and starts to move left, circling it.

"HHmm, that looks an awful lot like a Puma." Inumuta said, staring intently at the screen.

Sarge: It has four inch armour plating, mag bumper suspension, a mounted machine gunner position, and total seating for three. Gentlemen, this is the M12 LRV! I like to call it the Warthog.

Cut to Grif and Simmons.

Simmons: Why Warthog, sir?

Cut to Sarge.

Sarge: Because M12 LRV is too hard to say in conversation. son.

Cut to Grif.

Grif: I know, but why Warthog? I mean, it doesn't really look like a pig.

Gamagori cocked his left eyebrow at Grif's questioning of his superior officer. "He should respect his Sergeant's words."

Satsuki thought about it and came back with "Calm down, Gamagori. He wasn't questioning his word as it was issued. Besides, asking about the name of the vehicle won't get anyone hurt or killed."

Sarge: (after a brief pause) Say that again.

Grif: I think it looks more like a puma.

Sarge: What in Sam Hell is a puma?

Inumuta clapped and chuckled giddily upon hearing the characters say what he thought a moment ago. Nonon looked over at him and chuckled. "Damn, where'd you learn to laugh like that?" She said, arousing Satsuki's ire again.

Simmons: Uh, you mean like the shoe company?

Grif: No, like a puma. It's a big cat, like a lion.

Sarge: You're making that up.

Grif: I'm telling you, it's a real animal!

Sarge: Simmons, I want you to poison Grif's next meal.

Simmons: Yes, sir!

Ryuko and Mako both started looking uneasy after hearing the mention of poisoned food. Satsuki put a hand on Ryuko's shoulder. "I would never let anyone poison your anything." Satsuki told her, bringing about a smile from her younger sis.

Gamagori put his arm around Mako to comfort her. "Miss Mankanshoku, if anyone tried to poison you, I'd crush them like this grape." He told her, crushing what turned out to be a plum that splattered onto Jakuzure.

"That's not a grape, you ape." Jakuzure spat out.

"Apologies, Miss Jakuzure. I guess I don't know my own strength."

"Or your size." Jakuzure quickly added.

"Oh, he's plenty good on size." Mako blurted out, unknowingly setting up a pun that made everyone else blush.

Sarge: (pointing at the front of the Warthog) Look, see these two tow hooks? They look like tusks, and what kind of animal has tusks?

Cut to Grif.

Grif: A walrus.

Sarge: Didn't I just tell you to stop making up animals?!

Cut to a view of the Reds through the sniper rifle scope.

Cut to Church, wielding the rifle and Tucker, wielding a M6D pistol.

Tucker: What is that thing?

Church lowers the rifle.

Church: I don't know, man. Looks like uh... looks like they've got some sorta car down there. We'd better get back to base and report it.

Tucker: (taken aback) A car? How come they get a car?!

Church: What are you complaining about, man? We're about to get a tank in the very next drop.

Tucker: (disappointed) You can't pick up chicks in a tank.

Church: Oh, you know what? You could bitch about anything couldn't you? We're going to get a tank, and you're worried about chicks. What chicks are we gonna pick up, man? And secondly, how are you gonna pick up chicks in a car that looks like that?

Inumuta pondered the thought of courting from the armored module of a tank. "I guess it wouldn't be very easy to get a date while driving a tank."

"You couldn't get a date with a rag and chloroform." Jakuzure quipped.

"I wish I HAD a rag and chloroform, so I could get you to stop talking for a little while." He snapped back.

Tucker: (sighs) What kind of car is it?

Church: (looking through the scope of the sniper rifle) I dunno, I've never seen a car like that before. It looks like a... uh... like a big cat of some kind.

Tucker: ...What, like a puma?

Church: Yeah, man, there you go.

"Glad I'm not the only one who thought of it." Inumuta chuckled smugly.

Cut to Red Team.

Sarge: So unless anybody has anymore mythical creatures to suggest as a name for the new vehicle, we're going to stick with the Warthog. How about it, Grif?

Grif: No, sir. No more suggestions.

Sarge: Are you sure? How 'bout Bigfoot?

Grif: It's okay.

Sarge: Unicorn?

Grif: No really. Uh, I'm cool.

Sarge: Sasquatch?

Simmons: Leprechaun?

Grif: Hey, he doesn't need any help, man.

Sarge: Phoenix?

Grif: (sighs) Christ.

Satsuki smiled. "Yes, call the armored vehicle that kills people Christ. That'll work out swimmingly."

Sarge: Hey Simmons, what's the name of that Mexican lizard? Eats all the goats.

Simmons: Uh, that would be the chupacabra, sir.

Sarge: Hey Grif, Chupathingy! How about that? I like it. Gotta ring to it.