Chapter 5: Soul Impressions

Ginger blinked in the darkness, his careful thoughts interrupted as he sensed some kind of change in his environment. It wasn't, he found, in the immobilization of his body. He was still unable to move much at all, except for the steady rise and fall of his chest. It wasn't a change in the passage of life-sustaining air. The coolness and soft hiss continued. There might have been a light change in the scent of it, but he couldn't be sure. It only became clear once he began to feel dizzy.

I understand.

They weren't getting their satisfaction out of just keeping me in here. I was strong enough not to start losing my mind, so they're going to tilt things in their favor.

He stiffened as a dark, fireshot image resonated in his hazy mind...a tall blonde man standing opposite him in the corridor of a huge ice palace.

"You have been fortunate to come so far, Kurosaki Ichigo, but here is where your good fortune will end and the scales will tip in our favor!"

Ginger sucked in a panicked breath.

"What was that?" he panted softly, "They're...making me hallucinate?"

He found himself suddenly standing on a dark street in Karakura Town, listening to the dull rumble of thunder that preceded the incoming storm. In the distance, Sakura stood, gazing at him warningly and holding the sliced off end of his sword in graceful fingertips. He heard a swish and the lovely man disappeared.

"Where did he...?"

He wasn't sure whether he was struck from the front or back, but slowly came to the stark realization that it was both, as he groaned and collapsed onto the pavement.

"You're slow," Sakura chided him, "even when you are falling."

"S-sakura!" Ginger gasped, his heart pounding, "No way! No way. I don't believe this!"

His chest tightened and anger swelled as more images of him fighting Sakura welled up from somewhere inside him.

I don't understand. Is this just the hallucinations they're making me have? Why is Sakura trying to hurt me?

He reeled as the images spun faster.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

We did fight...in that memory I had before. But I won and he said that he wouldn't pursue Rukia anymore! Maybe the things I'm seeing are real. And if they are, that means that whatever they're using to give me these hallucinations is making me remember things from before! And that makes me wonder, if I can remember things that scared me, can I remember things that I want to know?

It was growing harder to focus, and he heard himself scream mindlessly as the image of Sakura cutting him down rolled through his mind faster and more furiously.

Rukia, he thought desperately, Who are you, Rukia? Why did I want to protect you?

He screamed again as he felt as though Sakura's cruel steel blade was cutting through him from front and back, disappearing, then reappearing and cutting him again. And Sakura's smooth voice was filled with disdain as it assaulted him with icy words.

Rukia, who are you? he pleaded in his mind, Rukia!

He wasn't sure how he held onto his sanity as painful images seemed to come in from every direction. And not just Sakura, but other faces he knew he was familiar with also appeared. For a moment, he began to remember their names.

Dad? Karin? Yuzu? Byakuya? Tetsuya? Renji? Kenpachi?

A young woman appeared suddenly in front of him, a woman with black hair and large, violet eyes.

"Do you want to protect your family?" she asked him.

"You know I do," he answered her.

"Then..." she panted, placing a hand on a wound in her midsection, "the only way for you to do that now is for you to become a shinigami!"

Ginger panted hard and sweat poured down his quaking body as he strained to push away the frightening images and focus on the one he felt was the truth. He sucked in a deep, agonized breath and released it in a final ringing howl as he called out her name.

"RUKIA!"

Outside the containment box, the man controlling the flow of aerosol drugs into the box heard Ginger's scream of surrender and watched the readings change as he lost consciousness.

"You're stubborn," he sighed, adjusting the mix of drugs and sending the next mixture into the box to torment him, "But you'll soon see that no amount of willfulness will protect you...Ichigo."

The man flinched as Doctor Falk's smooth voice rose up behind him.

"How is he responding to the treatment, Shaefer?"

"He's a tough one," Schaefer answered, turning the dials to adjust the mix of drugs again, "but I haven't met the person yet whom I couldn't break."

Falk examined the man's notes and arched an eyebrow.

"Are you sure you should be using real images? If he realizes they are real, then it could break the seal on his memory, couldn't it?"

"Relax," Schaefer laughed easily, "He's so confused from the drugs, he won't be able to tell what's real. Give me a little longer and I'll have him as broken as that pretty little Kuchiki you gave me before. I almost regret shattering him, but he had mountains of pain in his past for me to use. He had nothing left to fight with once he didn't remember the cousin he so valued protecting. Ginger has his weaknesses too. And given some time, I'll find them."

Falk frowned and placed a staying hand on his.

"No," he said quietly, "not yet."

"Sir?" Schaefer inquired curiously.

"I think we need to weaken him physically first," Falk said, his eyes glinting, "Free him from the box and take him down below. I think it's time...he met the beast!"

XXXXXXXXXX

Kit peeked into Shadow's room and spotted the young man still curled up and sleeping in his bed. Frowning at the oddity, he slipped into the room on silent feet and made his way to the bed. He found Shadow curled around his pillow, facing away, little shivers going through him.

"Hey," Kit said reaching out to touch him, "What're you still doin' in bed? You waiting for me to...?"

He stiffened as his hand touched the back of Shadow's shoulder and the young man lurched away, throwing himself against the wall and making an exclamation of surprise and fear.

"Whoa! Hey, it's just me," Kit said, holding up his hands in a defensive position, "Sorry, I didn't mean to..."

He broke off again as he spotted the streams of tears running down Shadow's white face.

"K-kit!" he managed in a soft, broken voice.

"What is it?" the blue-haired man asked, moving closer, "Shadow, what's wrong? You still feeling sick?"

"Mmhmm," Shadow answered, sliding a hand down to rub his belly, "Kit, I don't know what's wrong with me! I threw up again...and I keep feeling dizzy. I don't want to tell him! I'm scared of what he'll do. Maybe something was already done to me! I don't know. I just..."

"It's okay," Kit assured him, "You know that we'll be going to the Underground tonight. We can ask someone there without the guards hearing."

"What if they don't let me go?" Shadow asked warily.

"Why wouldn't they let you go? You haven't been in trouble, have you?"

"L-last night," Shadow confessed shakily, "Kit, please don't get mad!"

"What happened?" Kit asked, his blue eyes narrowing, "Did someone mess with you?"

"I was...sick," Shadow explained, "I told you...I was coming back here to rest. But the guard, Arnell, followed me into my room and he...he tried to..."

"Mother...FUCKER!"

"Kit, don't get mad!"

"Don't get mad?" Kit hissed, "The bastard, did he...?"

"He was stopped," Shadow sniffed.

"By who?"

"G-ginger. He ran in and I called to him for help. He knocked Arnell off of me and started hitting and kicking him. He made him bleed."

"Damn," Kit said, looking impressed, "Maybe he's not such an asshole after all."

"Kit, they knocked him out and took him away!"

"And he isn't in his room or in the common room today," Kit mused.

"You know what that means!" Shadow sobbed, "They're doing something horrible to him! And it's all because he was trying to help me!"

"Shh, it's okay. It's not your fault," Kit said, curling an arm around him and kissing him into uneasy silence.

"B-but Arnell lied and said that G-ginger tried to rape me! And I was too afraid to say anything."

"You were right not to say anything."

"I tried to lie and say that I invited Ginger to touch me, but Doctor Falk wouldn't let me take any of the blame."

"Capital guy," Kit said sarcastically, "You do know you can't trust him, right."

"I know. But trusting him, not trusting him, it didn't matter. He...t-told me to relax, and he gave me a pill he said was for pain. But..."

"What did that freak do to you?" Kit growled.

"Kit, you can't do anything to him! He'll only have you hurt or killed too, and then I'll be alone here!"

Kit paused, noting his lover's devastated expression, then let out a frustrated breath.

"You just want me to let that son of a bitch rape you and get away with it?" Kit hissed furiously.

"Sometimes we don't have a choice if we want to survive. Please Kit. I don't want anything bad to happen to you. Don't do anything. Just..."

"Okay," Kit sighed resignedly, slipping his hand into Shadow's and coaxing him to his feet, "C'mon."

"Where are we going?"

Kit gave him a little, suggestive smirk.

"A walk in the gardens?" he suggested slyly, "so I can make you forget about them?"

Shadow gave him a sweet, helpless smile and nodded.

"You go on," Kit urged him, "I'll meet you behind the bushes on the far side."

Shadow walked into his bathroom and washed his face, then found a fresh yukata and walked out to the common room. He paused and watched for a moment as Buzzard and Tats started a game of strip poker, then he blushed and skittered away, heading out into the gardens and meandering slowly along the trail. The gentle warmth of the sun and the soft buzzing of bees and chirping of birds soothed his tattered nerves, and he was smiling as he reached the far end of the garden and moved out of the line of sight of the nearest guard. He slipped in behind the bushes and waited quietly, listening for the little sounds that would precede the arrival of his lover.

Even as closely as he listened, Kit pounced on him and took him by surprise. He quelled a little yelp and hugged the blue-haired man tightly, returning his kisses passionately. Kit opened their yukatas and backed the slighter man up against the stone wall, running his hands all over Shadow's pale flesh and making the painful memories melt away with each touch. He guided a slim, graceful hand to the odd hole in his midsection, looking down into Shadow's much happier eyes as he allowed him to touch and explore where no one else ever dared. Kit lowered himself onto his knees, pulling Shadow down onto his lap, kissing and cuddling as his fingers carefully prepared him for a sweet, forbidden joining.

"Why do you love me?" Shadow asked, looking into Kit's aggressive blue eyes through wider, gentler ones, "You're so strong...so beautiful...so powerful. Shouldn't you be with someone else like you? I couldn't stand up to them. I couldn't fight them. I can't even hate them like you do. I just wish they weren't so evil. You at least have the courage to put up a fight."

"You're not weak," Kit chided him, "You just know there's nothing you can do right now. Your best move is to be obedient until they give you that one, unexpected opportunity. Then, you're gonna take that and you're gonna get away from them. You be quiet, stay outta trouble and just wait for that moment."

"And how do you know that moment will come? How do you know, Kit?" Shadow asked sadly.

"You'll feel it," Kit answered, beginning a slow, gentle entry, "You know how you were telling me that when I climax inside you, you feel like my strength is pouring into your body?"

"Mmhmm," Shadow answered, closing his eyes and moving with his lover.

"The moment will come," Kit whispered into his ear, "when you feel that strength pour into you because you'll see there is something you can do, something you can affect with your actions. You'll take that chance and change your fate. You will, Shadow. And when you're out of here, that power you have? It's gonna come back. And you'll never, ever let yourself become a prisoner again."

"You say that like you really know."

"Yeah? Well, I do know. I know you have a strength in you that it's just not time to use. Keep it safe and choose your moment."

Kit closed his eyes and held onto Shadow's bottom, licking and nibbling at the slighter man's slender throat and naked shoulder as they made love. They made sure they were kissing when their pleasure overtook them and carefully stifled their sounds of completion. They collapsed onto the blanket of plum and sakura blossoms that littered the ground, panting heatedly and exchanging a flurry of finishing kisses, then calmed and laid, looking up into the darkening sky.

"I love you, Kit," Shadow whispered, "I hope that when we get away, you always stay with me."

"Are you kidding? Where the hell am I gonna go? Neither one of us knows who we really are or where we came from. Of course we'll stay together."

He stole a final kiss, then left Shadow resting quietly under the tree and stole back into the brush. Shadow waited until darkness had fallen completely, then slipped out of the bushes and back onto the trail, just as a guard came out of the common room, looking around for him.

"There you are," the guard chided him, "Get inside. You never know what trouble you'll get into, out in the dark."

Shadow walked back into the common room, pretending not to see Kit sitting with Buzzard and Tats, and deeply involved in a game involving dice. He curled up on the sofa, near where Brains sat, watching television and muttering softly.

"Only way out's to disappear. Gotta disappear to get outta here," Brains mumbled.

Shadow stole a glance at him, then picked up a magazine and pretended to read.

"I used to be able to disappear," he whispered, just loud enough for Brains to hear, "That's what Kit told me. Do you think I can make that power work again? I have tried, but I just feel pain when I try. Maybe I just don't know how...or maybe I can't do it anymore."

Shadow continued to feign reading, and after a moment, Brains bowed his head lower and spoke more softly.

"A seal unsealed, appeal repealed. It's all from the core. Let it go."

"The core," Shadow repeated, closing his eyes and thinking carefully.

He considered quietly as Brains went back to his musings, barely hearing the call to the evening meal.

"Would you like to sit with me?" Sakura said from behind him.

Shadow turned and gave the grey-eyed man a pleased smile.

"You look much better, Sakura, and I'd be glad to sit with you."

The two left the common room and entered the dining room together, parting for a short time to pass through the line and fill their food trays. They reconvened at a little table in the corner of the room, while Buzzard and Tats snapped at each other and sat in different places and Kit stalked off to sit by himself as well.

"Everyone is so friendly tonight," Sakura said, looking amused, "They are doing a good job of looking like they don't like each other."

"I just wonder what good it will do," Shadow sighed, "It's not good that Ginger still hasn't been brought back. I worry about what they are doing to him."

"It will be all right," Sakura assured him, "Ginger is strong and smart. He will be fine. I really believe that."

"I just want him to come back safely," Shadow said sadly, "He got in trouble saving me."

"He was very reckless," Sakura noted, "but his heart was in the right place."

"I hope they don't hurt him too badly."

Sakura gave him a long, measured look, then took his hand.

"I've just heard he has been moved to the Underground," he said finally.

"The Underground?" Shadow repeated, looking alarmed, "Sakura!"

"Shh," Sakura soothed him, "I know it isn't good, but they won't let him be killed. They just want to wear him down. We will be here to help him when he comes back. Like he said, we'll all help each other...until we are freed."

XXXXXXXXXX

Ginger woke with a start and found he was no longer in the box, but had been moved to what appeared to be a small chamber within a huge cave, with rock walls on three sides and bars on the other. He heard odd clanks, deep growls and snarls, mingled with low, gruff voices.

"What the hell..." he mused, sitting up and scratching the back of his neck, "Where am I?"

The other confining caves were slightly staggered, and some had strong, steel doors that were heavily locked.

"Let me guess," he whispered, shivering, "This must be the underground."

There's only one reason I know of that they would send me here.

He moved to the bars and peered out to the left and right, seeing nothing in the adjacent cave on one side and studying the sturdy steel door on the other. His eye moved on and focused on a name written in what appeared to be blood on the area beside the door.

"The Beast," he whispered, staring and feeling a sinking feeling inside, "Damn..."