Oh FUCK!

Bill didn't dare move as Mabel began to clean up the mess he made. It was already bad enough that he had to act cold and pitiful, but now this?

Okay, well, maybe the cold and pitiful part wasn't an act. Human puppets apparently got cold really fast. That was beside the point. The point was, Bill was startled by a human. A motherfucking human for Christ's sake! A disgusting pile of flesh and blood made him drop that colorful hard thing used to hold human beverages! (Speaking of human beverages, whatever Mabel made was extremely good...he would have to get her to make more for him some time).

The part that really pissed Bill off was not the fact that he was cold, or that he dropped his drink, or the fact that the contacts he was wearing were starting to get really really itchy. (Did contacts have any negative side effects if they were kept in for too long?) No, the reason Bill was so pissed off was because he was startled by (and lost his drink because of) none other than Stanley Pines, the failure of the Pines family.

Now, Bill had a perfectly reasonable explanation for being startled by the lowlife, two-faced crook. For a split second he thought Sixer was back earlier than planned. Damn humans and their damn unintentional clones. At least dipstick and...that other one that he would soon have to seduce (butlet'snottalkaboutthatrightnow) are different genders. Why couldn't this old crone and his six-fingered brother do something like that?

"Somethin' wrong kid?" Said the old man, collapsing onto a chair and cracking open a can of Pitt Cola. "Ya look like you've seen a ghost or somethin'."

"I'm fine," Bill snapped, a little harsher than he should have. Stan raised an eyebrow at him and he immediately looked away from the old man's gaze.

Mabel quickly came to the rescue. "This is Will, Grunkle Stan," she said, having just cleaned up the last of Bill's mess. "He got caught in the rain and came in here to warm up."

"I don't need to call his parents, do I?" Stan grumbled. Bill quickly shook his head.

"No," he said. "They uh...died," he blurted out. Bill glanced at his audience and saw that Stanley Pines was clearly not buying his story. Mabel, on the other hand, was already starting to tear up. Bill decided to ham up his act a bit. "A long time ago. I've been in a… a place… where they send human children without their temporary guardians…"

"An orphanage?" Mabel offered.

"Yeah! An orphanage! I've been there for years now and I-"

"You ran away because the caretakers were mean, didn't you?!" Mabel blurted out.

Bill nodded sadly and flashed Mabel some puppy-dog eyes for good measure.

"Oh, you poor baby!"

"Mabel, he looks about as old as you," Stanley grunted. Mabel ignored her Grunkle.

"You can live with us!" She declared.

"Now, hold on a second, you can't just-"

"Oh, please Grunkle Stan!" Mabel clutched her hands to her chest and quivered her lip at her Grunkle. Stanley sighed.

"Fine. Just as long as I don't have to do anything," he grunted.

"YAY! THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!" Mabel wrapped Stanley in a bone-crushing hug.

"Oof! Hey, kid, I need to breath."

Mabel released her Grunkle and grabbed Bill by the hand. "Come on, Will! Let's go upstairs! You can sleep in the room I share with Dipper! It'll be like a summer-long sleepover!"

"That sounds great!" Bill smiled. He tried to hide his malicious intent behind said smile, but was unable to do so completely. Still, Mabel payed no mind.

Too damn easy. Bill thought.