Some people are blessed by the world and some people are fucked no matter what, there is no in between, if anyone asked I would say that I was the latter. I kept my eyes open as I saw my father's fist flying at me in slow motion.

Instinctively, I pulled up my hands to protect myself but it was too late, I felt his knuckles smash into the side of my face. Pain exploded in my head and all I saw was white when I collided into the floor but the thing that hurt worse was the drop I felt in my stomach and the bitter fear that paralyzed me. Yeah, my life was fucked. No matter which way you looked at it.

"You fucking bitch, you can't do one simple fucking thing," He growled while grabbing a handful of my black hair and brought my face close to his, so close I could feel his hot breath and the sickening smell of alcohol on it, "Get your stupid ass off the fucking floor, we're not done."

Pulling me up by my hair I bit back a cry of pain and somehow I managed to scramble up into standing position even though my entire body was trembling. Both my hands were holding onto the wrist of the hand that was gripping my hair.

Man, life fucking sucked.

"You stupid cunt, who said you could touch me," He tightened his grip on my hair and smashed my face into the side of the dirty countertop. I let out a strangled cry but he wrapped his other hand around my throat.

"Who said you could speak? Huh? You fucking talking back to me?"

I clenched my teeth while screwing my eyes shut and kept silent. His fingers around my throat started to tighten.

"LOOK AT ME."

Clenching my jaw even harder I opened my eyes just enough to look at his through slits. I knew what was coming next. The hand around my throat started squeezing even tighter, I could feel the panic that had previously been absent start seeping into my limbs.

I hated this part.

I started kicking my legs and grabbed the hand around my throat in attempt to tear it away from me but it was all useless. He set his knee against my chest and leaned all of his weight onto me, I felt the breath I had been holding forced out in one big whoosh. Gasping I tried to suck in air but his hand clasped down until I couldn't even make a sound.

I couldn't breathe.

He was going too far this time.

I clawed at his hand while he viciously laughed on top of me. Squirming and twisting as violently as I could but as black speckles started entering my vision I could feel my body slowing down. Pressure was building in my ears and behind my eyes. I opened my mouth to say stop but nothing came out and as the world faded away and the last thing I saw was my father's face twisting into a sneer.

Yeah, I'm definitely in the latter category.

I drifted in what can only be described as a void. It was filled with everything and nothing all at the same time. The only thing constant was the feeling of emptiness and darkness cascading around you, wrapping you in a cold embrace. I lost track of how long I was in there because time didn't seem to affect it or even exist where I was.

I should have been panicking or at least struggling in some way but the only thing I could muster up was a weak trickle of awareness that I clutched onto tightly. I had the feeling that if I let it go then something essential would shatter and what ever made me, ME, would disappear. So I held it close to myself refusing to let it go even when the void would try to tug it away or unravel it. It was trying to eliminate me which in turn only made me pull it further into my being.

Eventually, I think a compromise was made because no more attempts to unravel me were made, instead I myself was being pushed in a general direction but I wasn't quite sure. It was so slow that I wasn't even certain that I was moving at all.

As I was being pushed my momentum seemed to be gaining speed until it was almost painful. Then everything turned white and everything was burning. I hadn't realized the void had been so cold until I felt warmth, or rather a burning so hot that all I could do was paralyze myself and hope it would stop eventually.

Slowly, ever so slowly I grew accustomed to the heat, it seemed to be merging with the void's cold into a warmth that instead of burning it was a pleasant fever. It took way too long for my liking to settle into a slow steady glow that didn't hurt anymore.

I've been stuck here for awhile now, the heat it now a comforting warmth that reassures me when I feel the urge to start panicking needlessly. It's not completely dark in here either, I can make out a faded red that shifts from dark to light every once in awhile.

Soft sounds in the background weave their way to me and kind of sound like a language of sorts. It's so faint that sometimes I think that I'm imagining it until one time I felt this ache somewhere lower to stretch, I didn't understand it until I hit something soft and flexible but undeniable alive. If we are being honest it kind of freaked me the fuck out at first as I tried to recognize what the fuck is going on.

The touch seemed to trigger an awareness through my body. I figured out that my foot had touched a soft flexible wall? I'm still somewhat confused but it seemed to elicit a reaction all around. Everything around me shifted violently but quickly settled and the faint voices got louder and more excited.

This made me kind of excited myself as I pushed forward with my what I thought was my hand until it touched the wall again. Another round of excited voices were set off by my motion.

It made me giddy and I grew excited with this knew knowledge that I had a body and could feel sensations with it. That I wasn't alone anymore, that I had some sort of interaction that was absent before. I touched the wall again a few times before I felt somewhat exhausted and overwhelmed and decided to just let myself drift for awhile again.

It went on like that for awhile, when I got too uncomfortable with the stillness I could just reach or kick out to make sure I was actually there. Not too long ago I had reached out to the wall and something pushed back. First off it shocked the hell out of me and second I was kind of upset.

I'm not entirely sure why but it made me extremely uncomfortable so I decided to stop making contact for awhile.

Drifting was nice in its own way except when things started to seriously fade away and I would jolt back into awareness again. It's frightening but extremely hard to avoid since there isn't much else to do but drift and I decided to not make contact for awhile.

I think this worried the voices because after some time (didn't seem all that long actually) concern started lacing into their distant muffled voices. I could feel when they pressed against the soft wall but I did not react back to it. It just made me more weary than anything. I guess it was a punishment of sorts which I know it was petty but, hey, I literally have nothing else to do.

I kept this up for while and the voices grew more urgent and slightly distressed. I felt pretty bad at this point and was about to reach out a hand when I suddenly felt an invading force. It was like creeping blanket slithering to me.

Needless to say I was incredibly shocked. The hell is that? I quickly shifted to get away but only succeeded in pushing and kicking against the wall. I heard one of the voices let out a surprised sound. Then some laughing from another voice that sounded deeper. Seriously, they think this is a joke? Scaring me to get a reaction, what assholes. Something pressed against the wall and in anger I pushed back.

The surprised voice started laughing along with the deeper one. Then it faded into a talking of a sort again.

Assholes.

Then it happened. Everything around was squeezing me and pushing me, it was painful and frightening. I tried squirming but I barely had any successful motor skills in this body, how the hell was I supposed to escape something that was converging on me from every angle.

It seemed to be pushing in a general direction and let me tell you, it was not pleasant in the least.

Nope, not one bit.

And then everything was way too bright, everything was so cold and then I sucked in a breathe of air and let out the loudest scream I could. Everything was painful to the touch and overly sensitive. I let out another scream before something started manhandling me and wrapping me in something.

Let me tell you. I was terrified.

Even whatever they wrapped me in felt overly harsh against me. Everything was unpleasant. Nothing made sense and everything was blurry and out of focus. My eyes ached along with my whole body and I couldn't help myself from wanting to sob but exhaustion won and I passed the fuck out.

When I opened my eyes the next time, I came to realize that I was out of all the things that could have happened to me…I was reincarnated. Into. An. Infant.

Seriously?

Are you fucking serious?

I could almost imagine the Shinigami in the back of my mind laughing hysterically at me. However, there was no denying the fuzzy giants around me or the fact that I was so small and that I couldn't move worth shit.

A strong foreign comfort brought to me was my mother who tried to hold me as much as possible. It was almost a constant besides the time where she needed to sleep. One thing that kind of put me out was how comforting and sweet she was to me. I had never been treated with such care and love in my life, I know that I cried more than once simply because she was so warm and I could feel her happiness pouring off of her.

I felt like a starved dog that suddenly was brought a feast.

I didn't know what to do with myself so I simply held desperately onto her with my tiny hands and wanted to force her to stay always. I believe she took great joy in my need for her and easily complied to my possessiveness.

The thing about being a new infant is that you are not prepared for the freedom it presents to you to create an entire new identity.

Most people don't realize that to make yourself into someone new you must have a certain picture in your mind that you strive towards. I did not have a goal to strive towards at the time besides the fact that I just wanted to erase everything about my past self. So funnily as it sounds I decided to embrace my baby side as some would say.

I allowed myself to entertain the idea's of what I could do with my baby abilities.

I could troll people so hardcore that I was crackling evilly in my head for awhile at the very thought.

I don't believe I talked about my new father all that much.

Now that I think about it, right now, I can't really say much besides the fact that he is very warm and affectionate towards me. He holds me as much as he can when he is home which isn't as often as I think he hoped since my birth.

My damned baby eyes still haven't developed enough to see things clearly. Still to weak to really do anything besides open my eyes occasionally, eat, and maybe shit every once in awhile. I laid there submerged in the future's possibilities and to my utter surprise I was feeling ridiculously happy and giddy. I never took myself to be an optimist or a happy person and this new found emotion was just heavenly.

I don't understand how I could have let myself be so depressed in my last life. Well, I guess I had a good damn reason why, but, I just feel upset on how much I had missed out on back then.

The unfairness of life can definitely be a bitter pill to swallow unless you are me. I swallowed that pill when I was too little to speak the first time around. Not about to forget that lesson I felt the urge to enjoy life as much as possible this time around, to not hold myself back and try my absolute best to be true to myself and those around me.

To know that I have an entire blank slate before me produced a foreign emotion.

How would I describe it?

Exhilaration.

Word Count: 2,250

This is my first story and I'm not quite in the groove of writing and am mostly just rambling so please excuse my naivety. Please leave comments to help me make the story more interesting. Perhaps things I can work more or emphasis into more depth. I know the story is still very very young so please stick with me for now.