After Lee had left, Francine found Amanda at her desk in the bullpen typing furiously, grabbed her by the arm and pulled her from her seat, saying, "Come on, let's go."

"Francine, I have to get this report done," Amanda protested as she tried to return to her desk.

"The report will wait. It's not due until Monday and you need a break, not to mention a drink or two." When Amanda tried to argue again, Francine tightened her grip on her arm. "Don't even try it. We are getting out of here; I already told Billy we're leaving and called your house to tell your mother you're working late, so just grab your purse and let's go."

Amanda nodded and acquiesced, realizing that she really did need a break and someone to talk to. "Where are we going?" she asked as she and Francine exited the bullpen together.

"I thought we'd just walk down the street to Ned's, have a drink or two, let you blow off some steam and if you need to talk-"

"Thanks," Amanda replied as they stepped into the elevator.

Twenty minutes later, seated in a corner booth away from prying eyes each with a cocktail in front of them, Amanda let out a deep sigh as she took a swig of her drink and said falteringly, "I wish I knew where to go from here."

Francine in her "I-told-you-so" tone replied, "Don't you remember telling me not to get in the water if you don't know how to swim?"

Amanda responded testily, "I know how to swim, Francine." She rolled her eyes and slammed her glass down. "Trust me, Alan didn't have a single complaint."

Francine held her hands up in surrender. "Okay, that may be so; I'm just wondering now if you should have stayed out of the deep end of the pool."

A moment of silence passed between the pair as they quietly sipped at their drinks and Francine gestured to the waitress to keep them coming.

Licking her lips nervously, Amanda asked, "What do you do when you feel like you're drowning but there's no lifeguard on duty?"

Pondering her question seriously, Francine answered, "That's when you let yourself sink to the bottom of the pool-"

Amanda interrupted her in a miserable tone, "I'm already at the bottom..."

"Well, then, you've got it easy. Once you're at the bottom, there's no lower you can go..Now that you've got your feet firmly on the bottom, you use all the strength you've got to push yourself back up again."

Draining her glass and reaching for the second one that the waitress had just brought, Amanda nodded. "The problem is that I'm not the only one on the bottom. I'm being held down by someone else. Hard to push yourself up that way."

"This sounds like guilt. Maybe you should talk to Pfaff or somebody if you're not sure you can handle it."

"Oh, I can handle it fine, but...but I'm not sure Lee can. He was so...so angry."

Francine scoffed with a dismissive wave of her hand. "Please! it's not like he's never been there before."

"Did you see that way he looked at me?" Amanda swallowed hard and blinked back the tears in her eyes.

"Yeah, I did. I also saw the way he looked at Chamberlain before we ever got back to the agency, before he even knew you that you'd slept with him; like he wanted to rip him apart with his bare hands for daring to touch you. Let me tell you something, both of those looks are not the looks of a worried partner, those are the kind of looks you see from a jealous lover."

Amanda protested, "B-but- We're not lovers...we're not-not involved. I mean, not really."

Francine laughed. "Well, he doesn't seem to know that." She paused for a moment and then turned serious again. "If you really want my advice, go talk to him, clear the air between you, make it clear what you want from him; no beating around the bush. That's the only way to get anything through his thick head. Trust me, I know." She let out a deep sigh before continuing and then added, "If he can't give you what you want, walk away and stop wasting your time because with the way he was acting today, if he's not ready now, he never will be."

An hour and another pair of drinks later, Amanda stood outside Lee's apartment door trying to summon up the courage to knock. Just do it, she told herself. There was no other alternative since her car was still at the office and she'd taken a cab from the bar. Taking a deep breath, she rapped loudly on the door and waited, a knot forming in the pit of her stomach as she tried to anticipate what his reaction would be.

When the door was opened, Lee took in her appearance, her slightly unsteady stance and barked, "You didn't drive here in your condition, did you?"

Amanda nodded to the bottle of scotch in his hand. "Look who's talking!"

"But I'm not planning on going anywhere!" he retorted hotly. He looked her up and down. "So, where have you been, out trolling for your next mark?"

"We really should talk about this," she answered softly as she tried to ignore his cutting remark.

"I don't know what there is left to talk about. You made your choice."

Amanda snorted, "Well, You were the one who told me to get close to him."

"I never said THAT close. but like Francine said, it's all a part of the job, right? You did your job." He turned away from her for a moment, but then whipped around angrily. "Except that's not part of the job YOU should be involved in."

"Oh and I supposed you've never done it?"

"That's different-" He argued.

"Or never encouraged Francine to do it?"

"Also different."

"How? How is it different? I'm single."

"You're sin-? At her words, he got even angrier. How was she considering herself single when they were- He shook his head, not willing to let the hurt show and changed tactics. "You're a mother for God's sake! What kind of example are you setting for your children?"

"Yes, I AM a mother and the fact that I am should tell you that I'm not some dewy-eyed schoolgirl."

"I get it. I've been there. Now, are we done?" He started to close the door, but she stopped him, pushed her way into his apartment and slammed the door behind her.

"No, we are NOT done! It's like Francine said at the office, you're acting like a jealous lover!"

"Don't I have a right to! I mean, damn it, Amanda!" He slammed the bottle in his hand down on the coffee table as she approached him pushing him further into the living room. "I broke up with my girlfriend for you! I thought we were- You know what? Never mind! It doesn't matter!" Turning away from her, he picked the bottle up again and moved to put it back on the bar where it belonged. He was aching to pour himself another drink, but what good would that really do. All it would do is serve to let her see just how much she'd gotten under his skin.

After a long pause, Amanda nervously and in a softer tone asked, "What are you talking about?"

Lee laughed sardonically. Deciding he needed that drink after all, he quickly poured it, slammed the bottle down on the bar and turned around to face her. "You forget already? Leslie…I was supposed to go to the Soviet Embassy party with her and instead I went out with you!" He took a swig of his drink. "God, it's so funny. I was finally ready to date a real woman and there was Leslie, everything I should have wanted and I didn't want her. All I could think about was you! I even called her by your damn name! That's when I knew I couldn't be with anyone but you!" He took another drink. "But you…You obviously didn't feel the same way about me! Not if you can just jump into bed with another guy! Here I am, busting my ass to prove to you that you're the one I want and what do you do? You ditch me to sleep with him!"

"You know what I think this is? You're mad because it wasn't you I was with! But here's a news flash! I had no idea that you were even thinking of me in that way! Where was that kind of feeling BEFORE all this happened? You never said a word! If you had, I might never have wanted to sleep with anyone else!"

"Oh, so now you're blaming me for you being a-" He stopped himself before he could go too far. In his frustration, he flung the glass of scotch at the fireplace. At seeing her startled look when it shattered, he couldn't face her anymore and turned away from her, gripping the edge of the bar tightly.

"Being a what?" She challenged him once she got her bearings again.

"Nothing," he answered without turning to look at her.

"No, out with it," Amanda demanded.

"Being a-" As angry as he was, he couldn't say it. "B-b-being different than I thought you were...then turning around and blaming it on me."

"Look, I'm not blaming you, okay? I blame myself and from the moment it happened, I wished it hadn't. I have been killing myself with guilt over this!"

Finally pivoting to face her again, he replied with a nod, "Good, you should be."

At his last comment, her anger flared all over again. "WHY? Why should I feel guilty? I'm single. I don't owe YOU anything or anyone else for that matter! It's not like this is my first time at bat!"

"Big deal. So, you've slept with one guy before last night."

Amanda laughed dryly. "One?"

Lee gave her a confused look."More than one?" When she was silent and simply gaped at him with a mocking expression, he questioned in a state of utter befuddlement, "Who else have you slept with?"

Instead of answering, she fired back, "Why don't we talk about your resume' for a minute, Mr. Four-Black-Books?"

"Now hold on just a minute!" He responded as he edged closer to her.

"That's the whole problem here, isn't it? You...me...we've been in a holding pattern...without any holding..." She gave him a challenging look.

Unable to resist any longer with the bold, daring look she was giving him, he reached for her and in one, smooth move, pulled her roughly to him and captured her mouth with his own and in a fiery melding of tongues and lips, they gripped one another tightly. Grinding his hips against her, he pressed her into the back of the sofa and delighted in the low moans of pleasure coming from her. He moved to rain kisses along her cheek and her jaw and moved to her neck, pulling her collar aside, but stopped abruptly.

"I...uh...I can't do this." He nodded to the spot on her neck where the other man had left his brand on her. He felt as if a bucket of ice water had been thrown on him. "I just can't."

Amanda knowing what has stopped him, tugged at her collar and sputtered, "I-I should go."

Lee let out a sigh. "NO."

"No?" She questioned hopefully

"You can't let your kids see you like this. You should stay here."

"Stay here?" She eyed him warily.

"To sleep, I mean; sleep it off," he added quickly. "I'll just go find you something to sleep in."

As he walked away, he muttered, "The boring art historian gets all the way home and I can't get off first."

"I was giving you the sign to try to steal second, but you were to chicken to go for it. You're just as stubborn as some of my Little Leaguers."

Lee turned on her in surprise. "You heard that?"

Amanda grinned. "I'm a mother. I hear everything." Lee started to walk away again and she added, "If you ever hope to get past second, you'd just better not come back with that 'she' robe."

Lee laughed, but as he walked away, that thought combined with the crack she'd made about four black books had really struck a nerve. What right did he have to make judgments on her given the state of his reputation; his past. It was his own fault after all for seeing her through rose-colored glasses; putting her on a pedestal that she didn't belong on. Was it her fault that the false image he'd created of her had shattered? These thoughts plagued him as he rummaged through his dresser to find a tee and sweatpants for her to sleep in and he couldn't help wondering if they'd be able to get past this; if a time would come when he wouldn't have to find something for her to sleep in because she'd be prepared to spend the night with him. But was it something he could handle? Did he still even want that with her now? Only time would tell.

He returned to the living room to find she was not there. "Amanda?" he called and a wave of relief flooded through him when he saw her emerge from the kitchen.

"I was just making a pot of coffee for us," she explained. "I figured we could both use it. It should be ready in a few minutes."

Lee nodded. "Smart thinking." He handed her the clothes he'd brought for her. "So, why don't you go change and I'll finish it up?"

"Smart thinking," she echoed his words.

A short while later, the pair sat on the couch side by side sipping at their coffee in silence both afraid to break the tenuous truce that had formed.

"Amanda," Lee began needing to get his thoughts out.

"Yes?"

"With...um...us...you and me. Was it really not clear what my intentions were; that I was trying to romance you?"

"No, Lee, it really wasn't. Like that night you were supposed to go to the embassy with Leslie, you never said you broke up with her or in any way implied that our dinner was a date. And in the dinners we've had since then, there's never been a good night kiss or a plan for another date, it's always something spur-of-the-moment at the office, what-are-you-doing-tonight kind of stuff."

"I-I...Um...I was doing that stuff to make you feel comfortable. I know you know my reputation and I didn't want you to think that I was just being an animal. I wanted you to know that I was willing to take things slow for you."

Amanda laughed. "If you weren't too afraid of getting hit by the ball to take a good swing at it, you could have made it home by now."

"Then what about Chamberlain?"

"He wasn't afraid."

"Amanda, come on!" Lee's voice took on a pleading, desperate quality. He needed to know where he'd gone wrong and Chamberlain hadn't.

Amanda explained very simply, "Look, the thing is, I can't take it back, but I'm not really sure that I want to. I liked him and he liked me, but more importantly, he showed me that he liked me and I..." She let out a deep sigh. "I was lonely."

Lee was silent for a moment as he contemplated her words, looked straight at her for the first time that night and really saw her, then replied softly, "Well, I guess I'll just have to make sure that you're never lonely again."