Notes: This is entirely gratuitous. I only did it because I wanted to, and it probably doesn't make much sense.

Also, this is my 100th story on fanfiction dot net! *throws hands up happily in the air* *catches hands* *reattaches them* (I'm never doing that again.)

Long ago, two races ruled over Earth: Humans and Monsters.

One day, war broke out between the two races.

After a long battle, the humans were victorious.

They sealed the monsters underground with a magic spell.

…

Many years later:

MT EBOTT, 201X

Legends say that those who climb the mountain never return.

…

That doesn't stop Calvin from doing it anyway.

i.

The thing that made Calvin like Toriel was her cooking.

He wasn't especially fond of the way she fussed around him and protected him constantly (because that reminded him a bit too much of his mother, although Toriel gave by far better hugs) and she was a bit too overly fond of snails- eating them, not playing with them and searching them out like he and Hobbes usually did.

(Hobbes had instinctively liked her, but Hobbes seemed to like everyone.)

"This is amazing!" Calvin muttered through a mouthful of cinnamon-butterscotch pie.

"Swallow your food," she lightly reminded him. Calvin pulled a face, but did so.

"I'm going to stay with you forever if you cook like this," Hobbes commented, and Toriel nearly blushed.

"Well, I'm making snail pie tomorrow," she began.

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged slightly panicked glances.

In retrospect, maybe that was what had caused them to try to get out of the Ruins in the first place.

ii.

The thing that made Calvin like Sans was his sense of humor.

Anyone who started off a confrontation with a whoopee cushion and a cheesy joke was alright, in Calvin's opinion. Sans seemed like a laid back sort of guy, like a cool uncle or dad that didn't really care what you did as long as it had a good punchline.

"wow, you're a tiger, huh?" he said, tilting his head towards Hobbes. "that must be a real catastrophe when people see you in public."

"Nope," Calvin said, breaking out into a broad smile. "Whenever I tell anyone I have a tiger friend, they say, you've got to be kitten me. Talking tigers? That's im-paw-sible."

Somehow, the skeleton's grin seemed to increase even more. "shame. you seem like a pretty purr-surasive type to me."

"I can't believe you're exchanging bad cat puns with a talking skeleton," Hobbes groaned. "Only you could get us into this sort of situation."

"well, we're all fur-rends here," Sans said with an improbable wink.

"I like you," Calvin decided. "Hobbes, can I keep him?"

"heh, well, nothing purr-sonal," said the skeleton. "but i'm my own person. you can come over to my place whenever, i'd love the company."

"Awesome," said Calvin.

iii.

The thing that made Calvin like Papyrus was his enthusiasm.

The taller skeleton seemed to have an unquenchable love for life and boundless energy. Most of which was currently being put into making snowmen.

"WHAT IS THAT, MY DEAR HUMAN FRIEND?"

"It's a deranged mutant killer monster snow goon!" Calvin cheerfully informed him. "Watch out, or it'll come to life and kill us all!"

"AHA! AND WHY IS IT CHAINED TO THAT TREE?"

"So it doesn't come to life and kill us all."

Papyrus nodded, quite seriously. "IF IT DOES HAPPEN TO BREAK OUT OF ITS BONDS, DO NOT WORRY, HUMAN FRIEND! I SHALL PROTECT YOU AND YOUR TIGER."

"What are you making?" Hobbes asked.

Papyrus beamed. "WHY, IT IS A STATUE OF I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS! CAN'T YOU TELL?"

Calvin peered closely at the snow sculpture, and found that, yes, it did rather closely resemble their new friend. "You're good at this!"

"I'VE HAD PRACTICE," said the skeleton proudly. "SANS HELPED ME MAKE IT THE FIRST TIME. HE DIDN'T SEEM TOO KEEN ON MAKING HIS OWN, FOR SOME REASON!"

"Let's make one for him, then," suggested Hobbes, already beginning to roll a ball of snow. "We can show it to him later!"

"EXCELLENT IDEA! NYEH-HEH-HEH!"

Calvin started picking up sticks and small rocks to use as decorations. "I guess you could even call this," he said, having already got into the swing of cracking puns and not ready to stop quite yet, "a skullpture!"

Papyrus froze.

"OH MY GOD! MY BROTHER HAS CORRUPTED YOU ALREADY!" he screamed.

Calvin simply grinned.

iv.

The thing that made Calvin like Undyne was her anger.

It was an odd sort of thing to like a person for, but it was actually kind of impressive how angry the fish woman could get over the tiniest things. Calvin didn't really mind the fact that she had tried to kill him- pretty much everyone excluding Sans had attempted to murder him in the Underground so far, up to and including a small, innocent looking flower. He figured it was pretty much par for the course down here to try to kill newcomers. Hobbes seemed to agree- it was the rule of the jungle- kill or be killed.

However, once you get to know the angry fish monster who had attempted to skewer you, you end up having a lot of fun.

"STIR IT HARDER!" screamed Undyne, bouncing up and down.

"I'M TRYING AS HARD AS I CAN!" screamed back Calvin, who was really getting into this by now.

"WELL, TRY HARDERER!"

"THAT'S NOT A WORD!"

"I DON'T CARE!" she screeched, and grabbed the wooden spoon from Calvin's hand. "NGAAAAAHH! HERE WE GO!"

(Hobbes, not wanting to get involved, had retreated to the piano and was steadfastly ignoring both of the insane lunatics in the house, picking out a simple tune on the keys.)

"WE'RE GOING TO BE BESTIES IF IT KILLS ME!" she screamed enthusiastically. Calvin let out a wordless scream that conveyed mutual enthusiasm and delight.

"I think it might. The stove's on fire," said Hobbes quietly, still picking out a tune at the piano.

"WHAT?"

"I said, the stove's on-" he began, but then sighed as flames started to engulf the house. "Never mind, work it out for yourself."

Ten minutes later, they were all standing outside staring at the flaming wreckage of Undyne's house.

Calvin beamed, and began to bounce up and down. "That was awesome!" he cheered, and he and Undyne exchanged a gleeful high five. "You're the coolest girl I've ever met!"

"Besties!" Undyne agreed, initiating a violent fist-bump, which Calvin accepted happily.

Hobbes looked like he was seriously worrying about the fate of the Underground, but chose not to say anything.

v.

The thing that made Calvin like Alphys was her taste in anime.

"S-so," she said, biting her lip. "You met, um, Undyne, I g-guess?"

"Yep!" Calvin cheerfully, popping the 'p'. "We got along like a house on fire! We even managed to set fire to her house!"

Alphys looked worried and slightly disturbed. "Oh my god! You did what?"

"Don't worry, they're besties now," Hobbes informed her dryly, wandering over to look at her workbench. He poked at a device in the middle of a nest of wires and electronics. "Hey, what's this?"

"O-oh!" squeaked the lizard woman, and rushed over to pick it up. "T-that's a- a p-project I was working on… it's n-not that good yet, but, if I do this-" she pressed in a button on the side, and held it out as the entire device expanded into a massive, glowing blue sword. "S-see?"

Calvin's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. "That's so cool!"

Alphys blushed at the praise, and smiled a bit. "I m-made it for Undyne's birthday. She- um, she watches this anime with me s-sometimes, and she really l-likes some bits of it, so-"

"Mew Mew Kissie Cutie!" Calvin exclaimed, snapping his fingers. "I thought I recognized it!"

Alphys nearly dropped the sword, and she hurried to put it down on her desk. "W-wait, you know Mew Mew Kissie Cutie?"

"Of course I do!" Calvin exclaimed. "It's really good, there's friendship and some really great characters. My favorite's Saburo, that's his sword, right?"

"Y-yeah! He's one of my favorites too," Alphys beamed, hands flapping around happily at her sides. "Oh gosh, I didn't know anyone else liked it! I thought I was the only one!"

"Wait, what's a character with a sword doing in a Japanese romance anime?" Hobbes asked, who had only seen a couple of plot summaries online.

"It's not just romance!" both Calvin and Alphys snapped together.

"There's some really cool fighting scenes-" Calvin explained.

"-and there's magic as well-" Alphys chimed in.

"-and the sequel's not as good, but Saburo gets the best character development in that one-"

"Oh my god?!" Alphys squealed, practically bouncing now. "You think so too?"

"Absolutely," confirmed Calvin. "Mew Mew Kissy Cutie 2 is neither kissy nor cutie."

"It's trash," agreed Alphys, and the two of them nodded solemnly together.

vi.

The thing that made Calvin like Mettaton was his dramatic flair.

It was a quality that they both shared- a tendency to make the tiniest things into what could potentially be the plot for a seven-series, highly acclaimed, TV show.

So once they had got over the customary murdering attempt, they got along quite well together.

"So how does a robot get to be a rock star?" Hobbes frowned.

"Well, he's literally been living under a rock for the last few centuries," Calvin deadpanned.

"It's all because of my overwhelming , brilliant personality, darling~," Mettaton smiled. "and my legs. My legs are fabulous."

"They are indeed," Calvin agreed warily. "Alphys did a good job making them."

"Legs," Hobbes said.

"I like you two," Mettaton said. "How would you like a position on my show?"

"We'd love to, but we've got to save the Underground first," Hobbes said. "How about when we're all out of here, we can co-star with you on your first show in the human world?"

Mettaton beamed. "That sounds wonderful, darling!"

vii.

The thing that made Calvin like Asgore was his reluctance.

Most of the monsters that he had fought before then were fully enthusiastic about it (not counting Toriel and Papyrus). It was quite refreshing to find someone who didn't want to kill him.

Of course, that didn't mean that Asgore didn't try.

(Although a cup of tea did sound quite nice at this point, and Calvin really hoped that he could take the king up on that offer sometime when they weren't attempting to murder each other with big pointy sticks.)

viii.

Calvin wasn't quite sure why he liked Asriel. It could have been anything. It definitely wasn't the fact that the small goat child had attempted to kill him. That was nothing special.

"You're not Chara… are you?"

"Not really," Calvin admitted. "I would have thought the hair would be a clue; I look nothing like them- I've seen the photos."

"It's kind of hard to see properly through all the flashy attacks I was doing," Asriel admitted, biting down a rueful smile. Now that he was back to how he should look, he didn't look that dangerous any more. He was just a kid, like Calvin. He held out a hand. "It's nice to meet you, I guess, Calvin. And your friend."

"Hobbes," introduced the tiger.

Asriel smiled again, but it was a bit strained. "I… wasn't very nice to you, I think. I'm sorry."

"It's fine," Calvin said cheerfully. "Pretty much everyone's tried to kill me so far. Only fair that you should have a turn, right?"

"I guess," Asriel muttered, but he didn't sound convinced. "I just- I wish I had used my chance better. I've got to turn back into a flower soon, and- I just don't want to let go of this. I like being me. I don't want to lose all feeling again."

Calvin stepped forwards, and wrapped Asriel into a tight hug.

The sunset had never been more beautiful.

"So what now?" Toriel asked.

"Now?" Calvin looked over at Hobbes, and grinned. "Now we go exploring. There's a huge world out there, and I can't believe you guys haven't tasted the wonders of Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs yet. Sans, you really need to get onto Tumblr, I think you'll like it there. And if you like anime, Alphys, just wait 'till you get a load of Doctor Who-"

The End