Derek and I hadn't ever had a good relationship. I mean maybe at one time right after Dad died, before the sneaking out and partying and drugs.

Addison on the other hand was always like the nice big sister I had wanted. Nancy and Cathleen were to Mom like to enjoy the prom or my flings.

Right now I blamed her, for everything. And it wasn't her fault, she was just the one that told me my baby had no brain. It wasn't her fault, or mine, and it probably wasn't even the drugs. It just was.

I was, and still am so overwhelmed, me the brain surgeon couldn't help my brainless baby.

I wanted to so bad, I wanted to relapse; it would at least make the pain go away.

Instead I found myself in Seattle, home of the infamous Derek. The best and worst brother I could ever have.

Derek and I didn't catch up, we weren't like that. If we told each other things it was by email or text, and most weren't significant.

The last time I was here I was fresh out of rehab, it was just a few months ago.

Two trips to Seattle in one year? I had never done that.

I glided into the hospital trying to look more confident and smaller than I felt. I was already 5 and half months pregnant, but with my current wardrobe it wasn't obvious.

Derrick would know something was wrong the minute he saw me, I thought, looking down at my lounge clothing.

I sent an intern to find him. While waiting I saw Mark and Webber talking, but tried to make myself invisible because I was in no mood to chat.

They left with the turn of the corner so I thought I was in the clear.

"Amy?" Derrick spoke from behind me, I jumped.

"Nice way to scare people," I commented.

Then followed Derrick into a hallway on the left and he cut straight to the point, "Are you high?" Was his first pointed question.

I pursed my lips, "What would make you think that?"

He didn't look enthused, actually he looked kind of pissed. Like a little ball of flame without the actual fire, "Your a train wreck. If your coming to me with other case I don't know if your," I cut that off.

"How about anencephaly? Do you have a way to fix that?" I asked, cross.

"They don't just make fake brains to put in people,Amelia, although, I think if they did you might need one since it seems you have lost yours." I could see his patience deteriorating by the second, but mine was too.

Stop, now is no time to get emotional. But still tears pricked at my eyes. I knew that, I knew that they didn't make brains all to well. I grabbed Derek by his sleeve and pulled him into a storage room.

He stared at me confused. Why, why me? I laughed coldly tears still swimming down my face. " Now I'm sure you think I'm insane, crazy, belong in the nut house. But I have a brain," I said as I unbuttoned my peacoat, "It's... Its, my b-baby that doesn't." My blurred eyes that had been staring at my shoes as if they were a lifeline slowly creeped to Derek's face.

He just stared, finally I snapped my fingers at him, "I, I don't know why I'm here I didn't think you would actually care it's just that your the only," I was cut off by his arms wrapping around me.

The first time we had hugged in a very long time. For a minute it felt like when I was little, like my big brother was a super hero. Then I felt it sink in, this wasn't something big brother super heroes could fix. It wasn't like I was five or six and he was protecting me from the nightmares.

I was grown, and I'd already betrayed his trust multiple times. There was no way he would ever be my super hero again, and that only made my cries turn in sobs. Gross, painful sobs.

I half expected Derek to untangle my arms and walk away. It wouldn't be that bad considered I almost died on him. He didn't though, because he's Derek.