Author's Notes:

Here's that little action/comedy story I've been promising for a while now.

This might be my last Miraculous Ladybug fic for a while, or at least the last big project. "Disastrous" is still in the works, but I've got other things I need to catch up on, and my little break from My Little Pony fanfics is just about over. Still, I've written over 60,000 words of Ladybug fanfiction in two and a half weeks...I'd say that's a good run.

Enjoy!

MIRACULOUS LADYBUG: "FAILED A SPOTS CHECK"

by Mythril Moth

Tikki woke up in a cramped place that smelled like armpits and old feet. She wrinkled her nose, shifting around to try to get a look.

It was abysmally dark. She tried to phase out to get a look around, but found she lacked the energy.

She felt a heavy thump, heard a sigh. "That was close," a boy's voice muttered.

A voice she recognized.

A voice that absolutely didn't belong to Marinette.

Plagg yawned, taking a deep breath.

He gagged on the stench of makeup and perfume.

"We almost blew it that time, huh Tikki?" a girl's voice asked.

Light flooded the stinky space.

Blue eyes blinked down at him.

He stared up at the girl staring down at him.

"Well, that solves that mystery," he muttered sleepily. "Three questions. One: Why am I in your flowery-smelling purse? Two: Where is Chat Noir? Three: Do you have any Camembert? Actually answer that last one first."

"Umm..." Marinette Dupain-Cheng said, mouth agape and pointing one finger at him. "You're...not Tikki."

Plagg rolled his eyes. "Obviously," he said. He stretched and rolled over. "Camembert first, Ladybug. I'm too hungry and too sleepy to deal with whatever else is going on here."

Tikki's personal space was invaded by the most horrific, noxious stench she had encountered in more than three thousand years. Gagging, she tumbled out into the dim light, bouncing across an unfamiliar floor. "GAH! What IS that?" she cried.

"What the—?!"

Tikki rolled over and looked up. Adrien Agreste was staring down at her, his green eyes full of confusion.

"Uh-oh," Tikki said, blinking rapidly as she assessed the situation. *Well, this is...unexpected.* A silly smile bloomed across her face as the full implications of what she'd just learned set in.

"Who are you and what happened to Plagg?" Adrien asked, eyes narrowing.

"Oh. Well. This..." She giggled. "Okay, this is...pretty funny, actually." She sat up, clutching her tiny tummy. "You're Chat Noir?"

"Yeah, but who are you, and where's Plagg?" Adrien repeated more insistently.

Tikki got control of herself. "I'm Tikki, Ladybug's Kwami. I'm...going out on a limb and guessing Plagg's with Ladybug." She frowned. "The question is how?"

Adrien sat down and grimaced, running a hand through his hair. "That battle in the Métro," he said tiredly. "Had to be..."

Ladybug and Chat Noir both sat slumped against opposite sides of a turnstile divider. After using their Lucky Charm and Cataclysm, respectively, it had taken almost the entire five minutes they had left to finish the battle, and there had been no time to escape before detransforming. They had barely managed to find a place to duck out of sight of each other; each crouched behind a different side of the turnstile just as their transformations broke. Two dazed Kwami tumbled out onto the floor. Two hands blindly groped around the end of the turnstile, each seeking their Kwami.

"You go first," Ladybug said through panting, exhausted breaths. "I'll wait five minutes then follow."

"Okay," Chat Noir replied, equally breathless. Ladybug heard his footsteps retreating, then silence. She waited five minutes, as promised, then stood, quickly patting herself down and straightening her clothes before leaving the Métro.

Marinette groaned. "I grabbed the wrong Kwami," she muttered. "STUPID, Mari—err, Ladybug..."

"Don't bother, I know who you are," Plagg said. "Chat Noir's met you as Marinette after all, right?"

"Oh...right," Marinette said. She eyed Plagg suspiciously. "That wouldn't be the only place he—no, you know, nevermind."

"You know, I don't get you two," Plagg complained. "He's desperate to know who you really are, but every time he's had a chance to find out, he chickened out. You really should just share your identities with each other. I mean, it'd make it a lot easier to be partners, right?"

Marinette tilted her head. "I hadn't thought of it like that before," she said. She shook her head. "But no...I need to talk to Tikki about it first. Which means..." She grimaced. "Which means I need to get Tikki back. And get you back to Chat Noir."

"Which we could accomplish in about ten minutes if you just knew who he is," Plagg muttered. "And I'd tell you, but Kwamis can't reveal the identities of Miraculous bearers." He yawned mightily. "Anyway. Camembert?"

Marinette's nose crinkled. "How about a croissant instead?"

Plagg rolled his eyes. "Alright. For you, I'll make an exception."

Adrien returned the piece of Camembert to its container. "Sorry for the stinky cheese," he said.

Tikki waved a paw in front of her nose. "Plagg actually eats that? It smells like sweaty gym socks!"

"Tell me about it," Adrien muttered with a roll of his eyes. "I hate having to carry that stupid stuff around. So, uhh...what do you eat?"

"Well, anything is fine, but I prefer cookies or sweets."

Adrien reached into a desk drawer and pulled out a wrapped candy bar. "Will this do?"

Tikki's eyes lit up. "Oh, yes please!"

Adrien leaned forward as Tikki ate. "So, uhh..." He coughed. "I guess if...if I'm gonna get you back to Ladybug, I'll need to know who she is."

Tikki gave him a shrewd look. "I can't tell you who she is," she said. "Kwamis can't reveal their heroes' identities. Besides, your secret identities are supposed to stay secret."

"Even from each other though?" Adrien asked. "I mean, we're partners! We've saved each other's lives more times than I can count! Don't you think that deserves a little trust?"

*Trust is one thing. If Adrien knew who Ladybug was, and she knew who Chat Noir was...* Tikki sighed. "Look...I'm really sorry, but I just can't do anything about it. I want to get back to Ladybug as badly as you want Plagg back, but it's not as simple as telling you who she is and going up to her to exchange Kwamis. We'll have to find some other way."

Adrien snorted. "What, do I take out an ad in the paper? Ask Alya to put it on Ladyblog?"

Tikki looked around Adrien's room. She spotted three huge screens set in between two trophy shelves. One had a browser open to Ladyblog's "Who Is Ladybug?" page. Another had a virtual "string theory" board connecting various locations and individuals to a large photo of Ladybug. The largest screen had several photographs and videos of Ladybug set in a grid of eight snapped tiles. "How about for now we talk about your massive crush on Ladybug and why she thinks Chat Noir is obnoxious. I mean, I can't tell you who she is, but I can at least help you out there."

Adrien's face fell. "She thinks I'm obnoxious?"

*Not when I'm through with you...* "Give me another of those candy bars and I'll tell you how to get Ladybug eating out of the palm of your hand..."

*You'll thank me for this one day, Marinette. I hope.*

"Hmm, this isn't too bad, I guess. It's no cheese, but it's tasty."

"My papa's the best baker in Paris," Marinette said a bit testily.

Plagg flew around the room, taking in everything. "Ah, quite a few pictures of the same boy," he said. He turned a sly grin to Marinette. "Somebody has a crush. An obsession, maybe?"

"Wah! No, I...it's just...!" Marinette groaned and slumped forward. "Okay, yeah, I have a major crush on Adrien. He's just so..." She let out a dreamy, lovestruck sigh.

"Bleh," Plagg said. He shook his head. "Human teenagers. You're always spraying hormones and pheromones and othermones around. Chat Noir is exactly the same way about you."

Marinette blinked. "What, that flirty, obnoxious alley cat? He just enjoys teasing—"

Plagg shot her a vaguely amused smirk. "'Oh, Ladybug, my Ladybug'," he orated, gesticulating dramatically with his half-eaten croissant. "'My lady with the gorgeous blue eyes and the shiny dark hair, I wonder who you are and what you're doing right now, I can't stop thinking about you, blah blah love blah blah eyes blah blah perfect'." He shuddered. "That's him. All the time."

Marinette blushed. "He...he really says stuff like that about me?" she asked quietly, playing with her hair.

"Mm-hmm." Plagg examined one of the many photographs of Adrien littering the room. "You know, it seems to me Chat Noir is just about your type, too. I mean, you're obviously into blond boys with green eyes."

"It-it's not like that!" Marinette cried. "I...I'm in love with Adrien for who he is, not for what he looks like even though he's gorgeous and perfect and—" She shook her head. "I am not talking about this with Chat Noir's Kwami!"

"Good, because it's a really gross subject," Plagg said, shrugging as he finished off the rest of the croissant.

"So Ladybug thinks I'm obnoxious? Really?"

Tikki finished off her second candy bar. "Well," she said thoughtfully, "it's more like...it depends on her mood. If she's in a good mood and you're not pushing too hard, she thinks you're kinda funny. If she's in a bad mood or you're really going overboard, you bug her." She giggled. "See what I did there?"

Adrien snickered. "Good one." He sighed, running his hands through his hair. "So my flirting with her annoys her?"

"If you weren't acting like a strutting rooster half the time, she might not get so aggravated," Tikki said. "Why not try just being yourself around her?"

Adrien frowned. "But Chat Noir is me being myself. I mean, the me I want to be."

"Chat Noir is you letting yourself run wild," Tikki corrected. "It's always been that way with every Chat Noir. Instead of acting all flirty and spouting corny lines at her, just be nice, kind, polite Adrien. I guarantee that's her type."

"Huh," Adrien said, stroking his chin thoughtfully. He frowned and peered at Tikki. "Wait a second," he drawled. "I never told you my name."

*Crap!* "Umm..." Tikki coughed. "I, uh, well...Ladybug's met you before, you know? When Jackady went after your father? Plus you're kinda famous."

Adrien eyed her skeptically. "Riiiight," he said. He shook his head. "Alright, so let's see if we can't figure out how to get you and Ladybug back together and get Plagg back. He's probably driving My Lady insane with his lazy attitude and his cheese obsession."

"So," Marinette said, leaning back in her computer chair and twiddling a pencil in her right hand, "I have a week to try to find Chat Noir and swap you for Tikki without revealing my identity to him...out of everybody in Paris..." She groaned, letting her pencil fall to the floor and burying her head in her hands.

"Why a week?" Plagg asked.

Marinette looked up. "Because spring holiday ends in a week?" She pointed at the calendar. "It's the 25th of April."

"Oh, right, that," Plagg said, nodding. "I sort of forgot that was a thing that was happening. Hmm."

"You know," Marinette said slowly, "I could ask Alya to make a post on Ladyblog saying..." She tilted her head. "Found something belonging to Chat Noir, he'll need it back, contact—"

"That's not a good idea," Plagg said, his tone suddenly serious. "You might as well put a big flashing sign on the Eiffel Tower telling Hawk Moth it's a good time to attack."

"Hmm..." Marinette grimaced. "Yeah, you're right. It's a long shot anyway, right? I mean, does Chat Noir even read Ladyblog?"

"I'm telling you, Ladybug's too smart to do something as stupid as make a 'lost Kwami' post on Ladyblog!" Tikki said.

Adrien sighed as he scanned the blog. "Well, it was worth a shot," he said. "I don't suppose you have any ideas?"

"I do have one," Tikki said. "It's just..." She sighed. "I don't think he ever intended either of you to meet him. Or at least, not for a while yet."

"He?" Adrien repeated.

"The Great Guardian," Tikki clarified. "The keeper of the Miraculous. The one who entrusted you and Ladybug with your Miraculous."

Adrien frowned. "Entrusted...? I just found it on the table one day."

"And how do you think it got there, hmm?" Tikki said slyly.

"Huh." Adrien scratched his head. "Okay, so this Great Guardian, what do we do?"

"We go to him, explain the situation, you leave me with him, he'll take me to Ladybug and get Plagg back, then everything's good and you and Ladybug don't come any closer to revealing your identities to each other!" Tikki did a flip in midair. "Couldn't be easier!"

Marinette stared at Plagg, her jaw slack and her face pale. "Seriously?"

"He can't get to sleep without kissing your picture," Plagg said with a sly grin. "He has every picture and video from Ladyblog saved onto a flash drive he carries around with him all the time."

Marinette's hands shook as she got out of her chair and numbly walked over to her chaise, flumping down onto it. "Umm...wow." She glanced at Plagg. "You know, all I asked is whether or not he reads Ladyblog."

"Oh, I know," Plagg said mischievously. He yawned impressively. "Well, I'm going to sleep now. I'll leave figuring out how to give me back to Chat Noir in your hands." With that, he disappeared into a desk drawer.

"Wait—!" Marinette cried, holding out a hand. After a second, she let it fall limp. "Greeeat," she grumbled, eyes half-lidded as she propped her chin on one hand. "If this is what Chat Noir has to put up with, I really feel sorry for him..." Shaking her head in aggravation, she headed over to her work table, opting to distract herself with one of her backburner projects to clear her mind.

*Tikki...I hope you're having better luck with Chat Noir...*

Adrien stared at the sign on the door:

Away on personal business ~ returning 9 May ~ Sincerest apologies

"Well, so much for that idea," Adrien muttered.

"I don't understand," Tikki said with a frown. "The Great Guardian wouldn't just leave Paris with everything that's going on!" She paused, tilting her head. "Unless he's getting another healer to work on his back? It's been bothering him for years..."

"So now what?" Adrien asked.

Tikki sighed. "I don't know," she said.

A restless night passed.

The next morning, Marinette woke up grouchy, having gotten less than three hours of useful sleep, plagued with strange dreams about Chat Noir, Tikki, and her father deciding to change the bakery into a cheese shop. Groaning as she massaged a kink out of her neck, she padded downstairs to the family kitchen for breakfast.

"Marinette, are you alright? You look..." Sabine frowned, pressing a finger to her cheek.

"Gruhfuhbudduhruh," Marinette grumbled as she sat down.

"Umm...okay," Sabine said. "No, don't—I'll make you some breakfast. Just...here, how about some coffee? It's your papa's special roast..."

Marinette glanced blearily down at the cup her mother placed in front of her. It quickly filled with rich, dark brew, to which Sabine added fresh cream and sugar before bustling off to make breakfast. She slowly sipped the not-altogether-hot coffee. "Buh."

After the coffee, a couple of sweet rolls, and a bowl of hot cereal with strawberries, plus a glass of milk, Marinette was mostly human again.

"So, what's bothering you, dear?" Sabine asked.

Marinette shook her head. "I just didn't sleep well, Mama. I'll be alright."

"Okay, if you say so," Sabine said doubtfully. "Are you sure you don't want to go—"

"I'm fine with using my holiday to get work done on my design projects I don't have as much time for lately," Marinette said.

"Lately?" Sabine echoed, raising an eyebrow.

"Ah! Umm...well...you know..." Marinette started poking her fingertips together. "I just, school, and Alya and stuff, and...and Adrien! Yes, I spend a lot of time stalking—WAH! No, not stalking, TALKING! Yes, trying to talking to talk to try Adrien because—"

Sabine held up a hand to stall the flood of teenage babble. "I get it," she said, rubbing her forehead tiredly. "Why don't you get some more rest this morning? I don't want you making a habit of sleeping late, but you're obviously tired..."

"No, I think I need some fresh air," Marinette declared, turning and heading back up to her room. "Yeah, fresh air is what I need."

Sabine sighed. "That girl," she said as she cleaned the kitchen.

Adrien sipped his coffee and slowly ate a cream cheese filled croissant as he read the morning's study primer. Every so often, he would nudge a bite of croissant into his jacket pocket for Tikki. After he ate, he completed the required comprehension quiz that popped up on his tablet. A minute later, Nathalie emerged into the dining room, her heels clicking sharply on the cold floor. "You have free time until 10:15," she said. "You have a photo shoot at 10:45, scheduled for one hour. You have free time today from 12:00 to 14:15, but you're expected to study for at least thirty minutes of that. Then you have—"

"Fencing at 14:15, music at 15:30, Chinese at 16:45," Adrien recited in a bored tone.

Nathalie's lips thinned. "Yes," she said. "From 18:00 to 21:00, you are free to do as you please, but you are not to leave the house alone. You will be taking dinner with Monsieur Agreste at 21:00. I suggest you not be late."

Adrien blinked. "Father's having dinner with me?"

Nathalie checked her tablet. "I suggest you not waste your morning free time," she said. "Be ready to leave at 10:15." With that, she retreated to the far end of the room, the large door closing solidly behind her.

Tikki poked her head out of Adrien's jacket, giving him a sad expression. "It's like this even during a school holiday?"

"It's like this every day of my life," Adrien replied. "Actually, today's an easy day. I don't usually have this much free time."

"No wonder you act like a goofball when you're Chat Noir," Tikki said. "This is no way for a boy your age to live."

"It can't be helped," Adrien said with a sigh. "This is what it means to be the son of Gabriel Agreste..." He shook his head and stood up. "Enough. We need to make plans to find Ladybug and get you back to her. I have..." He checked his phone. "Two hours."

Tikki frowned. That wasn't a lot of time to work with. Even knowing Marinette as well as she did, the odds of figuring out exactly where she'd be in the morning—assuming she was even out of the house—were slim to none. Still...

"Adrien," she said suddenly, "where's your photo shoot scheduled for today?"

"Father's boutique on Champs-Élysées," Adrien said absently. "We're preparing the campaign for the summer line. Why?"

A slow smile spread across Tikki's face. "I think I have a plan," she said. "It's a little weird and maybe I've been watching too much television, but..." She ducked back into Adrien's jacket. "Get ready and grab your wallet. We're going out."

Still only just awake, Marinette stripped off her pajamas and gave herself a sniff. She frowned. "Eh," she decided. "It can wait until later." Shaking her head, she rounded up a bra and a fresh pair of panties from her dresser.

"Ah, this is a view Chat Noir would approve of."

Marinette SHRIEKED and scampered up to her bed, tearing the comforter off and wrapping it around herself. "PLAGG!"

Plagg floated innocently in the air three feet away. "What? Just saying you're a healthy specimen for a teenage girl."

Marinette's face turned furiously red. "Pervert!" she hissed.

The trap door flew open, and Sabine poked her head in. Plagg immediately dove under Marinette's pillow. "Marinette? Are you alright?"

"Y-yes, Mama! I just saw a big scary spider!" Marinette exclaimed. "I, um, it, uh, I threw a shoe at it and it's gone now!"

"Oh, okay. Well...if you see any more, let your papa know, okay?"

"I will!"

The trap door closed. Marinette felt her heart settle down, but her face was still furiously red. Keeping one hand on the comforter wrapped around her body, Marinette pulled Plagg out from under the pillow, dropping him on the bed and pointing at the trap door leading to the balcony. "Out," she said. "You can wait up there until I'm finished changing."

"What? You don't have anything I haven't seen before," Plagg protested.

"That's not the point!" Marinette hissed, pointing more insistently.

"Seriously, you think I haven't been partnered with girls before?"

"Plagg, GO!" Marinette said firmly.

Plagg rolled his eyes. "Teenagers," he said, shaking his head as he flew up and phased through the trap door.

With an aggravated groan, Marinette left her comforter on the bed, then headed back down to the main level of her bedroom to get ready for a day of walking around Paris. "I need to figure out how to find Chat Noir and switch our Kwamis back quickly," she muttered. Once she was dressed, she went up to the balcony and let Plagg back in.

"So where's breakfast?" Plagg asked.

Marinette smacked a hand against her face and dragged it slowly down. "We're leaving," she said.

"But I'm hungry," Plagg insisted.

"Catch a bug then, spider-pervert!" Marinette snapped as she crammed Plagg into her purse. "Tu me fais chier..."

"Touchy girl," Plagg's muffled voice said from inside the purse.

"You're kidding, right?" Adrien asked in a quiet voice. He stood in front of a mobile phone store not terribly far from home; he'd barely managed to shake his driver for the morning, saying he needed to take a walk and get some fresh air. "How does this help?"

"They sell prepaid disposable phones, right?" Tikki said. "I know you can afford one."

"Well, yeah," Adrien said. "But how..." His eyes widened. "You're gonna call Ladybug," he said. "Using a number that can't be—"

"Exactly," Tikki said. "If we can get her to be on the Champs-Élysées when you're there for your shoot, I can find her and send Plagg back to you. It couldn't be more simple!"

"Huh," Adrien said, shaking his head. "You're pretty clever."

"I've learned a few things," Tikki said in a faintly smug tone.

Marinette was wandering aimlessly around Trocadéro when her phone sounded a text alert. She pulled it out of her purse and glanced at the screen. She frowned; the text was from an unknown number. "What's this?"

She glanced at the message.

You need to be at Boutique Gabriel at Champs-Élysées between 11:00 and 12:00. - C.N. (Tikki is OK)

Her eyes widened. "Plagg!"

Plagg looked at the text. "Huh. I'm surprised Tikki went with something that direct."

"Doesn't giving me Chat Noir's number kinda...break the rules, though?"

"That's not his number," Plagg said. "He must be using a borrowed phone or something. Hmm."

"Well, whatever," Marinette said, shaking her head as she typed a reply. "It's obviously him, so that's where we need to be."

"Good, I hope he has some Camembert for me."

"Well, that should do it," Tikki said. "Now, lose the phone."

"Huh? But—"

Tikki gave him a hard look. "I don't want you copying down that number," she said. "Lose. The phone."

Adrien sighed. "Alright." With a sad pout, he snapped the phone in half and tossed it in the nearest receptacle, then strolled away, whistling tunelessly. After rounding a corner, he asked, "Are you sure she'll come?"

"Of course!" Tikki said brightly.

"I am sorry, Mademoiselle, your card was declined."

An American tourist wearing gaudy, clashing, eye-searing colors, tacky platform heels, and oversized sunglasses with zebra-stripe frames gasped, pressing a fake-nailed hand to her chest. "What?" she asked, aghast. "But that's a gold card!"

The clerk gave her a thin-eyed stare. "The card has been reported stolen," he said, glancing at his screen. "I am afraid you'll have to—"

"NO!" she screeched. "That is my daddy's gold card! It has a limit higher than you can COUNT!" She stomped a foot. "I demand you give me the things I bought!"

"Mademoiselle, you have bought nothing," the clerk said. "You cannot buy items from this store with a stolen credit card. Now, if you would be so kind as to remain where you are, I am afraid I must summon the police..."

The tourist grabbed everything from the counter she could carry in both arms, snatched the gold card from the clerk, and ran out the door, ignoring the yells from behind her. One of her heels broke, and she tripped, faceplanting on the hard pavement. Passersby gathered around her in interest; the clerk came crashing out of the store behind her. In the distance, she heard whistles.

The clerk scooped up all the stolen merchandise she had carried out of the store. "Americans," he spat.

"But...but it's my daddy's gold card," she whined pitifully.

A dark place...

Mechanical shutters irised open, allowing bright sunlight to spill through a round window into a room where white butterflies swarmed. At the center of the room stood a man in a purple suit, his head covered with a skintight silver cowl.

"Ahh, the frustration and confusion of a spoiled brat whose credit line has been cut off," Hawk Moth said. "One so petty and shallow should make for an amusing diversion." A butterfly landed in his open palm; he covered it with his other hand. Darkness gathered, staining the butterfly black with purple splotches. He released it, and it fluttered away, flying through the small center gap in the window's wrought iron floral motif.

"Fly away, my evil little Akuma, and darken her heart!"

The tourist refused to let go of the gold card as the police cuffed her. She struggled, complaining loudly and crying about unfair treatment. "But it's my daddy's gold card!" she squealed. "He lets me buy things all the time! Let me go, I'm innocent! I haven't done anything wrong!"

As she struggled against two officers, a black butterfly landed on her gold card. She seized up as a dark butterfly mark spread over her face, followed by a pink hologram of a butterfly surrounding her eyes.

Shopaholic. I am Hawk Moth. I will give you an unlimited credit line to clear out every store in Paris. In return, I ask that you pick up some special accessories for me. Ladybug's earrings. Chat Noir's ring. Bring me their Miraculous!

The tourist's distraught face twisted into a grim smile.

"It'll be the biggest shopping spree Paris has ever seen!"

Purple and black mist boiled over her body, throwing the police officers back as her handcuffs melted...

Marinette frowned down at herself as she strolled down the Champs-Élysées, seeking out Boutique Gabriel. "I should've gone home and changed," she muttered. "I look so tacky today..."

"You're here on business, not shopping," Plagg said. "Besides, I see lots of girls dressed worse than you running around."

"Yeah, and they're getting looks," Marinette said sourly. "I don't want to be lumped in with—"

"Focus, Ladybug," Plagg said. "You've got twenty minutes to get to where Chat Noir wants you, no?"

"Ah! Right." Marinette pulled out her phone and checked her map against her current location. "Okay. Boutique Gabriel is five hundred meters...that way, on the other side of the avenue. Let's go!"

Adrien forced himself to stay still as the makeup artist worked on him. Inside, he was burning with anticipation.

Ladybug was going to be nearby. Unmasked. Somewhere among the crowds milling up and down the Champs-Élysées. Looking for him.

If he played his cards right, he could—

"Alright, you look perfect," the makeup artist said with a smile. "Now, the photographer is running just a few minutes late, so just sit there and be pretty."

"Sure," Adrien muttered distractedly.

*Ladybug, where are you?*

After what had to have been the longest wait for the crosswalk ever, Marinette walked up the road toward the boutique. "I wonder why he wanted to meet there of all places?"

"I couldn't say, but I'm sure Tikki will sense me and come looking for you long before we—"

Something exploded. The sound of shattering glass filled the air, coupled with screaming and high-pitched laughter. Marinette jumped, diving behind one of the tall hedges. "What the—?" Her face drained of color. "Oh no...!"

An orange-skinned woman in tiger-print tights, ten-centimeter pink platform shoes, a flaring velvet skirt, a lime green tube top, a pink denim vest, and a butterfly-shaped zebra-striped pair of sunglasses strolled out of the front of a completely wrecked store. She had a giant shopping back strapped to her back, into which she was cramming dozens of stolen items. In her right hand, she held a gold card, which fired destructive energy blasts at whatever she pointed it at.

"Ugh!" Marinette said, making a disgusted face. "What a fashion disaster!"

"And you were worried about your outfit," Plagg quipped. "Come on, we need to hurry and find Chat Noir."

"Right," Marinette agreed, nodding.

Then the sidewalk exploded in front of her.

Adrien stood up from the makeup chair, heart pounding in his chest as he heard the screams and explosions. "Oh my god," he breathed. "What—?"

A herd of people came racing up the walk, screaming their heads off. Nathalie looked up, frowned, and nodded to Adrien's bodyguard. Grunting, he scooped Adrien up and manhandled him inside the boutique.

"HEY!" Adrien protested, struggling free and turning around. "What's the big idea—"

The bodyguard pointed at the back of the store, where Adrien knew there were stairs leading to the second floor office. He frowned, then nodded. "Fine." Without another word, he went upstairs. There was nobody around, so he headed for the window and opened it. "Come on, Tikki, we need to find Ladybug now," he said. "Tell me who she is, and—"

"You know I can't do that, Adrien," Tikki said sorrowfully. "As badly as I want to, I'm magically bound not to. And, well...maybe until I can sense Plagg, you should sit tight and not go out there. We don't know what kind of Akuma we're dealing with. I'd hate to see you get hurt..."

Adrien clenched his jaw. "Tch...!"

Marinette peered around the hedge, heart racing. Reacting on instinct, she brushed her hair away from her ear. "Tikki, spots on!"

Nothing happened.

Two heartbeats passed before Marinette remembered her current predicament. "GAH! This is the worst POSSIBLE time for Hawk Moth to release an Akuma!"

"Can't argue with you there," Plagg said, peering up out of her purse. "We definitely have a problem here. You can't transform without Tikki, Chat Noir can't transform without me..."

Marinette slumped against the wall. "Great," she muttered. "So now what? A Miraculous is no good without a...Kwami..." Her mouth slowly opened, and her gaze fell upon her open purse.

Plagg looked up at her. He narrowed his eyes. "You'd better not be thinking what I think you're thinking," he said.

"Would it work?" Marinette asked.

Plagg shrugged. "Couldn't say. I've never tried it before. The Miraculous are designed to merge with specific Kwami, after all."

"Yeah, but in case you hadn't noticed, we have an emergency here!" Marinette hissed as screams erupted from the street.

"Well what do you want me to do about it?" Plagg asked. "I know exactly who has Tikki, but I'm magically bound to not say!"

"This is ridiculous!" Adrien snarled, pacing back and forth restlessly while the panic in the street grew exponentially. Loud explosions and lots of screaming filled the air. "So some magical code of honor is all that stands between me and Ladybug getting our Kwamis sorted out so we can deal with this Akuma."

"I'm sorry," Tikki said plaintively. "I don't even know where Ladybug is right now, or I'd risk trying to find her on my own. And that wouldn't solve your problem at all!"

Adrien frowned, running his hands through his hair. "There's gotta be something I can do!"

Tikki grimaced. "I'm really sorry, Adrien, but unless you do something really insane like trying to use me to transform, it's kind of a hopeless situation."

Adrien whipped his head around. "I can do that?"

"I didn't say that!" Tikki said hastily. "I don't even think it'd work! I'm just saying there aren't any solutions here—"

Adrien thrust his right hand out, clenched into a fist. "Tikki, do something to make this stupid ring work!"

Marinette flinched as an explosion shattered a window less than three meters away. "I don't think I have a choice," she said. "Plagg, transform me!"

Shopaholic laughed as she shoved pair after pair of designer shoes in her bag. "Everything is on sale, and the price is free—FOR ME!" she cackled. Pointing her gold card at another storefront, she fired a blast that exploded the windows and doors. "Time to hit another store!"

A silver yo-yo with glowing green paw pads on the sides and a red baton covered in black spots flew out of nowhere, followed by two teenage superheroes cross-kicking Shopaholic from opposite directions.

A very confused crowd began whispering and murmuring, phones out and recording what was anything but a normal Ladybug and Chat Noir sighting.

The two heroes stared at each other, jaws dropping.

Ladybug's skintight bodysuit was solid black, with green paw pads on her earrings. She wore a black choker with a cat bell, as well as black cat ears and a long leather faux cat tail.

Chat Noir wore a red pleather version of his usual outfit which was covered in round black spots; he lacked the usual ears, bell, and tail. His ring was shiny red with five black spots on it.

Ladybug burst out laughing. "You. Look. RIDICULOUS!" she howled, doubling over.

Chat Noir's face turned red. "You look...way hotter than usual. And that's already pretty hot. Wow." He shook his head. "Anyway, we've got a problem here."

"No, really, you think?" Ladybug answered cattily.

"Where did you get those outfits?! I NEED THEM!" Shopaholic interrupted, swiping her card at them. Her godawful mish-mash of disastrous fashion don'ts changed, becoming a ladybug-spotted red tube top and tights with a black leather vest, skirt, and ankle boots. She reached into her bag and pulled out a zebra-striped baton with a tiger-print yo-yo attached and started swinging it like a flail.

"Man, if there's one thing I hate, it's a copycat," Chat Noir said. Glancing at Ladybug, he added, "Present company excepted, of course."

"Hey, I hate wearing knock-offs as much as the next girl," Ladybug said. "I can't wait to put this tacky cat suit back on the rack." Shopaholic's flail launched out at them, and they jumped high into the air, readying their weapons.

"Hey, is this an indirect kiss?" Chat Noir asked lightly.

Ladybug glared at him. "How would you like a very direct foot up your—AAAHH!" Shopaholic snagged her around the ankle and pulled her roughly down.

"LADYBUG!" Chat Noir shot his baton out, knocking the flail out of Shopaholic's hand, then dropped down and unwound its wire from Ladybug's ankle. "Careful with the threads, they're one of a kind!"

"Then you should take better care of them so they don't smell like a litterbox!" Ladybug retorted as she spun her yo-yo in a tight circle.

"Ouch," Chat Noir said. "You're in a catty mood this morning."

"Then maybe you should try not to bug me!" Ladybug charged forward, wrapping her yo-yo around Shopaholic's wrist. Shopaholic let out a shriek and fired off a blast from her gold card which threw Ladybug down the street. Chat Noir yelled and separated his baton into two, extending the halves and leaping high into the air. He wailed on Shopaholic with his batons, but she pulled a kayak out of her bag and slammed it over his head, stunning him.

Ladybug rushed back up. "Are you okay? She asked.

Chat Noir rubbed his head. "Seriously? A kayak?"

"I can charge ANYTHING on Daddy Hawk Moth's Akumacard!" Shopaholic bragged, loosing peals of whooping laughter before blowing out another storefront, spraying glass all over the sidewalk.

"Great, Hawk Moth's gone into banking," Ladybug muttered. "Let's hope he doesn't crash the stock exchange."

"At least this one's stupid enough to tell us where her Akuma is," Chat Noir said, recombining his baton and spinning it. "If we can get that credit card away from her, we can put a stop to her shopping spree!"

"Sounds good to me," Ladybug agreed. "There's just one little problem."

Chat Noir frowned. "What problem? We're here, we managed to transform...more or less..." He shrugged. "Other than the palette swap, it's business as usual."

Ladybug shook her head. "I don't think so," she said. "The powers of our Miraculous come from our Kwamis, remember? Watch." She threw her yo-yo high into the air. "LUCKY CHARM!"

The yo-yo dropped back down and conked her on the head. "Ow."

Chat Noir scratched his head. "Huh." He tapped his chin. "Well, maybe this time I can LOOK OUT!"

An energy blast tore through the space between them, blasting a shrub to smoldering pieces. Shopaholic stormed out of her latest looted store, fanning herself with a huge, feathered fan. "Ah, what fun shopping is in Paris! But now, I think I'm in the mood for some jewelry." She grinned dangerously. "Some very rare jewelry. Your Miraculous, if you please."

Ladybug slammed her yo-yo into Shopaholic's glasses, then launched it at a roof, pulling herself up. Chat Noir bounced up behind her. He crouched at the edge of the roof, staring down at the chaos below. "Alright, let's see..." He threw his baton into the air. "LUCKY CHARM!"

The baton dropped back down, falling onto the sidewalk below and sticking into the pavement at an angle. Ladybug quickly snagged it before Shopaholic could pick it up, reeled it in, and handed it back to him.

"Well...that's a problem," Chat Noir said, scratching his head.

"We need to get away from here, detransform, and swap Kwamis back!" Ladybug said. "And no, I'm not detransforming in front of you," she added. "Not yet," she continued in a softer tone. "I..." She looked down at her yo-yo. "I do think we should...should trust each other enough to share our secret identities. But I'm...I'm just not ready right now. I want...I want to think about it first, and talk to Tikki about it, alright?"

Chat Noir grimaced. "That little bug is a hundred percent against us knowing each other's identities," he said. "Which, well...it's a shame, because..." He sighed. "I really want to know who you are. Not just because of how I fe—" He coughed. "I think we should be able to talk to each other, you know, when we're not fighting evil together. Since we have this secret only the two of us know about."

Ladybug studied him, a soft smile on her face. "Chaton..."

Another storefront exploded.

Ladybug shook her head. "We can talk about this later. Right now, we need to get our little problem sorted out!"

"I know just the place," Chat Noir said firmly. "Follow me!" He took off down the street, hopping from roof to roof. Ladybug followed him. In short order, they arrived at Boutique Gabriel, charging in through the front door.

Nathalie Sancoeur looked up sharply. "Ladybug? Chat Noir?" A faint furrow creased her brow, her lips thinning in confusion. "Or...Ladychat and Bug Noir?"

"We need to use your fitting rooms!" Chat Noir said.

"To...swap costumes?" Nathalie asked. "Do you really have time for that right now?"

"Our powers don't work like this," Ladybug explained. "We can't stop that walking fashion disaster out there until we get our little fashion disaster under control."

Nathalie nodded, adjusting her glasses. "Alright. Back there."

"Thanks," Chat Noir said with a grin. He led Ladybug into the back, then ducked into a fitting room on the left. Ladybug ducked into the one on the right.

Two flashes of light emerged from the fitting rooms. Tikki and Plagg phased through the doors.

Plagg grinned at Tikki. "I know a secret," he said.

Tikki rolled her eyes. "I know one too," she said. She giggled. "Do you think they'll tell each other who they are?"

"I know mine wants to," Plagg said. "If he does, yours is going to explode."

"You're not kidding," Tikki laughed. "Well, I'd love to chat, but duty calls!" With that, they returned to their proper partners.

"CATACLYSM!" Shopaholic's shopping bag disintegrated under Chat Noir's destructive touch.

"NO!" Shopaholic cried as Ladybug snagged her credit card and cut it in half with a pair of ladybug-spotted red scissors. The Akuma floated out; Ladybug opened her yo-yo and swung it back and forth like a pendulum. "That's enough evildoing for you, little Akuma!" She swung the yo-yo out, swooping the Akuma out of the air and reeling it in. "Gotcha!" Ladybug opened the yo-yo again, releasing a snow white butterfly. "Bye-bye, little butterfly!" Throwing the scissors into the air, she yelled:

"MIRACULOUS LADYBUG!"

Swarms of glowing magical ladybugs swept up and down the Champs-Élysées, repairing all the damage Shopaholic had done. Shopaholic herself turned back into a gaudily-dressed American tourist in handcuffs with a broken heel, a gold card lying on the ground beside her.

Chat Noir landed at Ladybug's side, and they shared a fist-bump. Chat Noir's ring beeped; Ladybug's earrings beeped a moment later.

"Well, I hate to cut and run," Ladybug said, "but Tikki and I have some talking to do." She gave Chat Noir a stern glare. "No trying to tease my secret identity out of Plagg, now!" Her eyes softened. "I'll tell you one day. When I'm ready."

Chat Noir smiled at her. "I look forward to it," he said. He took her hand and kissed it. "Until later, My Lady." He jumped up onto a roof and bounced out of sight.

Ladybug watched him go with a sigh. "Chaton..." Shaking her head, she flung her yo-yo at the tallest building she could find and swung over the city, angling in the direction of home.

"Well, that was an interesting little adventure!" Tikki said brightly.

Marinette sat at her desk, her diary open in front of her and a pen in hand. Tikki sat nearby, enjoying a fresh-baked chocolate chip cookie from a plate of treats. "Hey, Tikki?"

"Yes?"

Marinette frowned. "Chat Noir...what's he like? When he isn't Chat Noir?"

Tikki nibbled her cookie idly. "He's a nice boy," she said. "Actually, I'm pretty sure he's exactly your type."

Marinette sighed. "Plagg said the same thing. I just...I dunno. I wish he hadn't been so creepy about describing Chat Noir's crush on me."

Tikki giggled. "Well, he is pretty hung up on you," she said. "But he isn't creepy at all...well, no more than you are with your whole stalking-Adrien thing. And, well...he really wants to know who you are."

Marinette twirled her pen. "Yeah, so I heard," she said.

"Are you gonna tell him?" Tikki asked.

Marinette glanced at her. "You're not gonna tell me it's forbidden?"

Tikki shrugged. "I think we can make an exception for Chat Noir," she said. "I mean, you're both in the same situation. It's entirely up to you."

Marinette sighed again. "I just need to think about it," she said. "I mean, if he's really all that crazy about me, I...I don't want to hurt his feelings." She glanced over at her framed picture of Adrien. "I just don't...I don't want to get his hopes up and then have to tell him I..." She slumped forward onto her desk. "Aaaargh."

Tikki eyed her sadly. *This would be so much easier if I could just tell her...* "Marinette? I think...I think he'll understand how you feel. Have faith in him. After all, he's your friend and your partner, right?"

Marinette looked up. "I guess you're right," she said. She shook her head. "One day. One day I'll tell him. When I'm ready."

"So what was she like?" Adrien asked eagerly.

Plagg shrugged. "She's a girl. Smells like a girl. Didn't give me any cheese. Looks better than average naked."

Adrien's eyes bugged out. "You saw her na—"

"Why is that such a big deal? She screamed at me and sent me outside. You humans, seriously. I'm always naked, you don't see me making a cheese over it."

Adrien sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Great. No wonder she was in such a bad mood today."

"It was nice to have a second to talk to Tikki though," Plagg said. "When we were switching back, I mean." He tossed a huge chunk of Camembert into his mouth. "Anyway, Ladybug has a crush on somebody, but if you can get her to accept your feelings and tell her who you really are, I don't think it'll be a problem."

"Yeah, if Tikki will let her tell me anything," Adrien said. "She wouldn't even let me keep Ladybug's phone number."

"I'm amazed she even gave it to you in the first place," Plagg said. "For such a cheerful Kwami, Tikki is really uptight."

Adrien spun his chair around to study his string theory board. "Well, she may be uptight and obsessed with protecting Ladybug's secret, but she's not as clever as she thinks she is."

"Oh?"

"Tikki thought she was careful not to give anything away, but she slipped up," Adrien said with a smile.

"That's not like her," Plagg said with interest.

Adrien looked over his shoulder. "Some of the things she said gave me an important clue," he said, his eyes glittering. "Whoever Ladybug is..."

He spun back to the monitor full of images and videos of Ladybug.

"...she's somebody very close to me, who knows me well."

Plagg yawned. "If you say so," he said. "Well, I'm going to sleep now. Don't wake me up until morning unless it's an emergency."

"Sure thing." Adrien paused, then added, "Plagg?"

"Yeah?"

"Good to have you back, buddy."

Plagg smiled. "It's good to be back," he said.

FIN.

Miraculous Ladybug is the intellectual property of Zagtoon, Method Animation, Toei Animation, and Thomas ASTRUC. This intellectual property is used without permission with no intent to profit from said use. The unique content contained on this page is the property of Mythril Moth, and redistribution of this content without express permission is strongly discouraged.