Regrets

"I may have found a way to come back to the living" she simply announced with a deep sigh, throwing her furcoat on a chair without the usual care.

James's rush of joy for the content of the revelation suddenly turned into confusion for that strange behavior. Since her arrival in Underbrooke, she had done nothing but plotting an escape, but now that she was being offered – or more likely she had the chance to steal – a ticket for the real world, she didn't seem thrilled at all. How could that be possible? What was truly wrong with that enchanting and dangerous woman? Was she having some kind of second guessings? He highly doubted it, but yet in that moment she looked like he had never seen her before: gloomy.

"Didn't you bring something good to drink?" he chose to say then, trying to gently push her into saying more. "Isn't this exactly what you wanted?"

Cruella looked up just the time for a quick glance, but that was still enough to show more her discomfort about the subject. And actually just the single fact that she was taking some seconds to even think about an answer was an important proof of it. Absent-mindedly, she moved to the window in order to cast a look at the dark ghostly atmosphere outside; almost melancholically, she played for a short while with her long diamond earrings. In the end she just sighed once again and shrugged, still keeping her eyes away.

"I thought that too, darling. But maybe you were right, I do not belong there… I do not belong there, after all I was never truly satisfied living among the living…" she said then in a whisper, actually speaking more to herself.

That consideration out loud was just the reflection of an inner deeper one. In fact, which was really the reason why she wanted to return back to real life? Could fear of Hell be enough? There was nothing, no one waiting for her anyway. She had lost everything, maybe she never had it in the first place.

James allowed her only some more seconds before approaching her silently and slowly, but with full determination. Then, when she was close enough to touch her, he just pulled one of her arm to attract her to himself and let her literally fall into his arms. It was not a way to comfort her though, but more a way to seek comfort for himself: she wanted to leave but he didn't and wanted her to stay with him instead. The world was such a crazy place and he was only glad that she was finally fully embracing that truth as well… Of course the flames of Hell weren't better, but there weren't only three options for the people currently stuck in the limbo after all. There was a fourth: remaning stuck in that limbo forever and enjoing it the most they can.

It was with that desire in mind that he kissed her, soundly and hungrily. It wasn't love of course, it was possession, something that she was usually the one to claim in a relationship. Usually she was the only villain in the relationship, but now for the first time, she was finding someone whose demons could truly match hers.

"Then, stay here Cruella. Stay with me. I am the only one who can understand you and I also could provide you of the kind of company you need…" he said, not sweetly, but actually making his need of possession resonate clearly in his voice now.

The effect was meant to fail expectations though; because she just moved her face slightly away from him, in order to let out a sharp and bitterly amused laugh.

"Oh darling… There was only a man who could really love me and just a woman who truly accepted me"

And those two mentioned people were the ones costantly in her mind even now that she was dead, especially now that she was dead. James wanted to offer her company and understanding, but they were both just ghosts compared to love and full acceptance. On the other hand though, she knew that in life she had already had a chance at those noble and intense feelings and she had discovered that she wasn't made for feelings anyway. That was precisely where her dilemma stood: couldn't the kind of existence the dark sheriff was suggesting be enough? Passion, rule, darkness… Did she want something more? And if so, what exactly was that more?

"What happened to them?" he asked, awakening her from her thoughts.

"Well they are alive, darling. They both realized that there was something more important and valuable than me in the end… That's the drama of being with an artist, I guess"

The little melancholy in her voice reached its peak saying those words, but it was soon covered by an ironic chuckle. Isaac was committed to literature, Ursula preferred her own singing voice… But James, oh James darling, wasn't an artist, he was just a handsome evil partner in crime whose looks matched his wits – sometimes.

"Do you have some regrets?" he asked, eyeing her carefully.

There was still the hint of possessiveness lingering in his voice and that didn't escape her attention. It was actually the reason why her chuckle suddenly faded into a complicit smirk and she was the one to seek for a physical contact between them this time.

Regrets? Truth be told, the word sounded somehow foreign for her, for a woman without conscience, a woman who had emotionally lived day by day. But yet she was able to link her current sadness to the memory of things done badly, words not said and different paths she never chose to take. So yes, of course she had regrets; after all she was in Underbrooke and everyone there had unfinished business.

She didn't reply straight away though, choosing not to show her weakness, choosing not to make him more nervous than he already was. She just pressed her lips against his, without any kindness like he had done before himself, giving him a kiss that was long, passionate, powerful but yet tastless, at least in comparison with different lips and different kisses. They were distant but yet burning memories, they were the reason why she couldn't resolve for refusing the chance of returning to life once and for all.

"Oh I do only regret the gin"

And the kisses that tasted of it.

After the sneak peek this was simply something I had to do. I know it is not an actual story, it's a just a look at Cruella's thoughts in Underbrooke (with too much sentimentality actually) and a way to conciliate this new possible ship with my endless love for Authella (and also SeaDevil). Hope you liked it anyway!