Man's Favourite Sport

Set after season 3's ep „Jeannie, the hip hippie", as extended ending and AU. What if Tony had gone to Little Bear Lake and Jeannie with the Boyce and Hart Group to Chicago?

I know Tony requested in the episode's beginning pack mules, horses and a guide. But when he fiddled with the zipper of his sleeping bag and Mrs. Bellows came to his aid the hilarious movie „Man's Favourite Sport" starring Rock Hudson came instantly to my mind and suddenly there was the scenic layout of this little story.

This means thoughts.

CHAPTER ONE: TONY'S HAVING A BALL

„Jeannie, would you just..."

Of course, there was no answer and no one to clean up after him. Jeannie was in Milwaukee, Michigan, Maine or any other place other than Little Bear Lake.

Wearily Tony threw the empty beer cans and potato chips bags into the half filled trash bag. Again it was a too long, too lonely evening spent with his new best buddies. They were a weird bunch of men out in the great wide open, each trying to forget the traitorous women in their lives.

There was Hank, who had been married happily - in his opinion, but now looked at the ruins of of his life. With the children out of the house his wife Edna had begun to work as a part-time secretary. In Hank's world married women didn't work. They stayed at home and took care of their home and family. Even if said family was now reduced to him and Edna alone. Again and again he complained to his new found friends that for 25 years he had been the bread-winner. His entire life he had worked hard, done his duty in the Pacific during the war, married his high-school sweetheart, they had three children over the years and their ups and downs like every married couple, went to church every Sunday like all good Christians and put a tenner into the offering every time, and never, not once Edna had indicated that she was dissatisfied with their life. And now all of a sudden she dabbled in community politics, gave speeches about woman's liberation and the civil-rights movement, called the President disrespectfully LBJ and went to New York with her friends to see shows, visit art exhibitions, do some shopping in fancy department stores and the like. What was wrong with Reverend Claythorn's amateur dramatic society and Sam Silverstein's general store? Suddenly he and his work weren't enough any more. He looked at his wife for 25 years and saw a complete stranger he couldn't understand.

And then there was John, who had been stood up at the altar. His ex-fiancée had bought herself a Greyhound ticket to San Francisco to embark on a journey of self-discovery. 500 dollars, read five hundred!, invested in rings, church, food, morning suit, honeymoon trip to Little Bear Lake and what else not and nothing to show for! Life sure wasn't fair and women the most illogical and unreliable creatures. As far as he was concerned he was through with them! At least he got a small refund when he exchanged the spacey room at the Lodge for a campsite place. Still. Five hundred bucks! FIVE!

And third in their gang was George to whom women were a general mystery. For years now he tried to keep a woman interested in him for longer than three dates. Tony had quickly realised that his new friend was obsessed with fishing. He was editor of a special interest magazine on fishing. Every weekend he went on a fishing trip, every holiday was spent at a lake. His only topic, the only interesting topic to George, was fishes. No wonder women left as quickly as they came. But George was incorrigible that way and didn't listen to Tony's subtle hints to broaden his range of topics and interests.

And lastly, the fourth Musketeer was Tony: genie-less and abandoned by his girl in favour for four wanna-be-Monkees. Although to be fair, Jeannie had given him a choice. Either to accompany them to the various gigs Jeannie had organised for them or to go alone on vacation. So it hadn't been much of a choice, but still. And he had blown it. Overworked and overwhelmed he had driven them to the Cocoa Beach bus station and given Jeannie two fifty-dollar bills to buy them tickets for Chicago. He NEEDED his REST, badly, he had tried to explain to her once more and had given her a choice in return – either him or the boys, because he for sure wouldn't spend his evenings back-stage and listen to too loud music and screaming girls and spend his day driving them to the next gig on too little sleep. The only destination he would drive to was Little Bear Lake! The wound Jeannie had torn in his heart when she had got out and the bewildered boys climbed out of his car still wasn't healed. She had turned around and had quietly wished him restful days and then she had left him. Just left, blinked away the large wardrobe she usually kept in her bottle and then she had been gone. Just like that. Poof! For minutes he had stared shattered at the empty seat beside him. She really had made her choice and it hadn't been him! She had left him... as usually when she didn't get her own way or things got really tough between them, he thought uncharitably. Two thousand years old and still such an immature child sometimes! He was the master and he stood firm!

Of course later he had tried to rationalise her betrayal when his disappointment and frustrated rage had calmed down. Because it surely felt like one. For more than two years he had been her centre of the universe and sole attachment figure. And he often wished that she would find outside interests like when she had written that blasted book on child rearing, which would lessen the pressure on him by being her master, her friend, her confidant, her love interest and generally the only man in her life, if you left Roger out of the equation. He wouldn't have to be her rock at any given moment and constantly be larger than life. Being apart for a couple of weeks would give them back some perspective and independence and be healthy for their undefined relationship.

Well, so far all the perfectly reasonable reasons had failed to convince him. Tony was lonely, miserable as sin and mentally kicked himself every time he called out for Jeannie for a little something, which felt like 20 times a day on average. He had a truly terrible time and two more weeks to go! Why, oh why had his pride and his dammed stubbornness raised their heads at the bus station? Surely it wouldn't have been sooo bad to spend three weeks on the road? Really, what had he been thinking! Three weeks without Jeannie? By the end of them he'd be insane from longing and worry! While she had adjusted well enough to modern life that Tony could leave her alone to go shopping by now, Jeannie was in no way fit to spend entire weeks alone in strange cities, where she met strange people every day. His girl was lost without him to guide and protect her! Surely he couldn't trust four young men she had randomly picked up at street corners in Cocoa Beach to look out for her! He must have been utterly and totally mad, when he had let her go!

And here he was sitting in a tent in a mosquito infested hell-hole spending his evenings with three other men with whom he had really nothing in common just to keep himself from thinking of and missing Jeannie and spending his days trying unsuccessfully to catch some fish and listening to George's condescending advice on fishing and valiantly trying NOT to think of and miss Jeannie and worry ceaselessly.

He bet she was having a ball meeting all kinds of handsome and rich men and they all would flock around her as usually when they went out and he let her out of his sight for even one minute – just like last time they went down to Miami for some dinner and dancing and he excused himself for a short trip to the restroom only to come back to find her at the bar, sipping champagne and six eager men were crowding in on the stunning blonde with that charming mix of old woman's wisdom and young girl's naiveté that put a spell on every man who met her. What if she met a real man this time who would pay her the attention she craved and she so deserved? Who would be more of a romantic? Who would be better mentally equipped to handle her disasters? Who could be a tender lover to her? Who had the guts to put her before his career?

And what was he doing in the meanwhile?! Pining over Jeannie! It was pathetic. He was pathetic! Frustrated Tony threw his trash bag onto the ground. He resolved to clean up the rest of their poker game tomorrow. And in the evening he would shave and clean himself up and put on his dinner suit Jeannie had packed for him and then he would get into his car and drive up to the main lodge a couple of miles away on the other side of the lake and have dinner and perhaps he wouldn't have to dine alone and perhaps he would do some slow dancing afterwards with a beautiful girl in his arms with long, blonde hair and an enticing cleavage and inviting hips that swayed just the right way when she moved. No. No, no, NO! She would be brunette! He used to go for brunettes before Jeannie. Maybe it was time he took one or two old habits down the shelf and dust them off. Exactly that was what he was going to do! Tomorrow evening and every evening after that! From now on he was through with moping! He was a free agent, a bachelor who had no one but himself to answer to. It was high time that he remembered that. Really, it was such a relief to be away from Jeannie, who couldn't ruin his dates, because she didn't know about them because she was too busy having a good time on her own! Yes, sir, that's what the doctor prescribed! Girls, get your prettiest dresses out, Tony 'Wolf' Nelson is on the prowl again!

tbc